Rejoin Graham C. Schofield, Mikey Rotella and Ed Twilley as they delve further than anyone asked into the Shindig sub-category nobody likes: MONSTER RAPS!
Covering the span from 1988 to 2011, they touch on everything from rappin’ peck Warwick Davis to Monster Rap juggernaut Ghostbusters 2 on an odyssey of poor rhymes, questionable beats and rampant commercialism.
But they don’t want to hurt anyone, they just like to have…fun.
For 2018’s 3rd belated official-induction of a Shindig All-Star, direct from Motor-City, it’s Halloween Metallers Acid Witch. They’re coming correct with the calendar date on which this whole holiday has always taken place.
Posting this song on any other day seemed, well, it seemed pretty stupid. So, we’re kicking off a heavy metal Halloween double-header with this tune, sure to make your Halloween a little more rockin’.
We’ve led it in with a sample from Halloween 2, where Loomis explains the meaning of that strange word they just found graffitied on the school chalk board to Haddonfield’s finest.
Of course, Donald Pleasence pronounces “Samhain” phonetically, but we can forgive him that transgression because, as always, he just sells the fuck out of this dialogue.
He may just be using the whole Frankenstein motif as a metaphor for teenage alienation, but Alice Cooper crams enough monster imagery in this cut to make that mostly irrelevant.
Add to that the songs inclusion within Jason Livesand you’ve got a double-decker monster song sandwich of Shindigging proportions.
Particularly considering the scene, which is one of the more badass moments from Friday 6.
Jason has stowed away on an RV and proceeds to cause a straight up ruckus, imprinting Nikki’s face through a wall and stabbing Cort in the neck. He then allows the motor home to completely upend itself before blasting out of the top in straight Boss Voorhees fashion.
All of this of course is set to Cooper’s Teenage Frankenstein, where Cort emphatically cranks the volume on the fiddle and shouts like an idiot while his motor-Rome burns all to hell.
Here’s Alice Cooper, reinforcing his All-Star status with Teenage Frankenstein.
Dokken may be best known around these parts for their Elm Street power ballad Dream Warriors, but not only was this “B-Side” cut first, it appears first in Dream Warriors (during the opening credit sequence) and it reached a slot higher on the modern rock charts. That technically makes this their more popular hit. B-Side my ass.
For Freddy nerds however, the plot thickens.
When it came time to release the film on VHS, producer and New Line exec Bob Shaye didn’t really feel like paying royalties on Into the Fire, with which the theatrical prints of the film were screened.
Perhaps being a standing hit unrelated to the film it had a different deal than the Title Track did. Maybe it was just gonna cost too much to keep it in the film. I’m not sure exactly.
What I do know is that Bob had it replaced with an instrumental version of the Joe Lamont (a shindigger himself) track Quiet Cool (a title track even!) from the film Quiet Cool, which New Line also owned. Problem solved, right?
That is until Digital Video Discs became a thing and everyone scrambled to re-release everything everyone already owned. When it came time for The Elm Street franchise to get the digital treatment, New Line opted to keep it real and release the theatrical version of the film, Into The Fire and all.
By then however, a generation of Freddy fans, who may not have ever seen the theatrical version (much less remember it) had now grown up watching their worn out VHS copies of Dream Warriors not hearing Into The Fire during the credits at all.
They were a little upset.
A glance through some Elm Street message boards or even YouTube comments will greet you with plenty of fans that actually prefer the Quiet Cool version. Some fans even think they replaced the original song withInto the Fire just for the DVD, not knowing that was the original track. Those fans tend to be even more upset.
That’s what familiarity and nostalgia will get you, because anyone who thinks the Quiet Cool version is superior is outta their mind, you ask me. I can see that making you miss the VHS version, but that’s where I’ll have to draw the line, because Into the Fire rules. Yeah, maybe it’s a little on the intense side for a sequence where Patricia Arquette is just mocking up 1428 Elm in paper mache, but when her mom busts in and tells her she’ll wake up the neighborhood, it seems a bit strange that she’s referring to a mellow instrumental.
Whichever version of Dream Warriorsyou prefer, there’s no denying that Dokken’sInto the Fire is a certified Shindigger.
So grab a spoonful of Maxwell house instant coffee, chase that shit with a shot of Diet Coke and crank this tune, cause Freddy’s waiting for you on the other side of that pillow, and he’s still pretty pissed about that whole “your parents burnt him alive” thing.
A Nightmare On My Street (Extended Mix)by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
I think it’s a testament to Freddy’s legacy and iconography that this Monster Rap is more well known than the Referentially Inclusive (and wildly superior) song by The Fat Boys. Seems more people are familiar with Freddy as a pop culture window cling than they are with the films themselves.
That’s not to say I don’t enjoy A Nightmare On My Street. Quite the contrary! I think it’s a great Monster Rap, and all the more so that the song is its own entity outside of the films. But when comparing the 2, I feel it is the clear also-ran, and i wish Are You Ready For Freddy was the more popular cut.
But here we have the DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince detailing an evening in which they take to the cinema with Ready Rock 3 and some honeys. There, they enjoy a new (and generic) Elm Street film, only to find themselves tormented by Freddy in the real world once the film ends. Shades of New Nightmare, or simply imagery from the original? Only Wes Craven knows for sure.
Though recorded in ’87, this single was released in August of ’88, right when Elm Street 4: The Dream Master was about to hit theaters. And while it’s more probable the the trio was seeing Dream Warriorsat that time, the song seems similar in tone and even references Freddy’s Revenge. So who knows which Elm Street they did in fact see that night. Either way, it was def.
Speaking of The Dream Master, the producers actually considered including this song on the soundtrack, but ultimately could not come to an agreement with Misters Jazzy & Fresh. New Line decided instead to just sue Jive/RCA Records for copyright infringement. How’s that for a 180? Apparently there was a music video that was pulled from MTV as a result. Bet that was pretty def too. Unfortunately, that video seems to be lost forever, as it has yet to resurface on the Internet. It’ll be a pretty def day when someone find some forgotten copy and posts it.
Adding more intrigue to the mix, there’s even a handful of different versions of this track. The original LP and cassette version ran over 6 minutes long and contained some different lyrics. Now, a 6 minute rap song about a popular horror icon just won’t do for radio play, and the song was not simply trimmed, but altered somewhat. For reals?
Yep, that version we’ve all been listening to for the last 30 years ain’t the original. But, since the Shindig rolls hard on such matters, it has included the original 6 minute LP version for your enjoyment.
What revelations are to be found in this uncut version? Well for one, The Fresh Prince mentions Nancy, and while that could also refer to Dream Warriors, in context It seems more referential to the original. And while the extended lyric of “something about Elm Street was the movie we saw” is more ambiguous than him stating simply (but also a bit ambiguously) “we saw Elm Street,” I think it suggests they indeed done rushed a screening of Wes Craven’s 1984 classic.
What else is revealed? Welp, perhaps most strangely is that a rather innocuous original line about grabbing something cool to quench his thirst was replaced by a completely unnecessary product drop for Coke.
Now, I’ve read about fans being upset about this, but I’m not convinced its the nefarious product placement it may seem.
I guess if you need to shorten the song, the whole bit about coming downstairs, being alone but seeing the TV on is a little expository, so its a good spot for some revision. Moreover, the replacement of “remote” with “coke” actually alleviates the initial false rhyme with choked. It’s not great, but its an improvement.
Is it the marketing arm of Jive records stepping in and forcing a commercial? Naw, probably not, but I will admit, it is a little suspect. But mostly the omitted lyrics just add a little color, honestly. Just some more depth of descriptions to the events.
Because I couldn’t find one online (read: because no sane person really gives a shit or wastes their time on such nonsense) I’ve composed a comparison of the 2 versions for other dorks to look at and find interesting for a half a second.
Lyrics featured in both verisons will be in normal text color.
Lyrics specific to the Single version will be in green.
Lyrics specific to original Extended Mix will be in orange.
Now I have a story that I’d like to tell
About this guy you all know him, he had me scared as hell!
He comes to me at night after I crawl into bed
He’s burnt up like a weenie and his name is Fred!
He wears the same hat and sweater every single day
And even if it’s hot, outside he wears it anyway!
He’s gone when I’m awake but he shows up when I’m asleep
I can’t believe that there’s a nightmare – on my street!
It was a Saturday evening if I remember it right
And we had just gotten back off tour last night
So the gang and I thought that it would be groovy
If we summoned up the posse and done rushed the movies
I got Angie, Jeff got Tina
Ready Rock got some girl I’d never seen in my life
That was all right because the lady was chill
Then we dipped to the theater set to ill
[Fresh Prince single:]
We saw Elm Street and man it was def
And man, it was def!
Buggin! Cold havin a ball
And somethin bout Elm Street was the movie we saw
The way it started was decent, ya know nothing real fancy
Bout this homeboy named Fred and this girl named Nancy
But word, when it was over, I said, “Yo! That was def!”
And everything seemed all right when we left
But when I got home and laid down to sleep
That began the nightmare, on my street!
It was burnin in my room like an oven
My bed soaked with sweat, and man, I was buggin
I checked the clock and it stopped at 12:30
It had melted it was so darn hot, and I was thirsty
I went downstairs to grab some juice or a coke
Flipped the TV off, and then I almost choked
I wanted something cool, to quench my thirst
I thought to myself, “Yo, this heat is the worst!”
But when I got downstairs, I noticed something was wrong
I was home all alone but the TV was on!
I thought nothin of it as I grabbed the remote
I pushed the power button, and
then I almost choked
When I heard this awful voice comin from behind
It said, “You cut off ‘Heavy Metal’ and now you must die!”
Man, I ain’t even wait to see who it was
Broke outside in my drawers and screamed, “So long, cuz!”
Got halfway up the block I calmed down and stopped screamin
Then thought, “Oh, I get it, I must be dreamin”
I strolled back home with a grin on my grill
I figured since this is a dream I might as well get ill
I walked in the house, the Big Bad Fresh Prince
But Freddy killed all that noise real quick
He grabbed me by my neck and said, “Here’s what we’ll do.
We gotta lotta work here, me and you.
The souls of your friends you and I will claim.
You’ve got the body, and I’ve got the brain.”
I said, “Yo Fred, I think you’ve got me all wrong.
I ain’t partners with nobody with nails that long!
Look, I’ll be honest man, this team won’t work.
The girls won’t be on you, Fred your face is all burnt!”
Fred got mad and his head started steamin
But I thought what the hell, I’m only dreamin
I said, “Please leave Fred, so I can get some sleep;
Or gimme a call, and maybe we’ll hang out next week.”
I patted him on the shoulder said, “Thanks for stopping by.”
Then I opened up the door and said, “Take care guy!”
He got mad, drew back his arm, and slashed my shirt
I laughed at first, then thought, “Hold up, that hurt!”
It wasn’t a dream, man, this guy was for real
I said, “Freddy, uh, pal, there’s been an awful mistake here.”
No further words and then I darted upstairs
Crashed through my door then jumped on my bed
Pulled the covers up over my head
And said, “Oh please do somethin with Fred!”
He jumped on my bed, went through the covers with his claws
Tried to get me, but my alarm went off
And then silence! It was a whole new day
I thought, “Huh, I wasn’t scared of him anyway.”
Until I noticed those rips in my sheets
And that was proof that there had been a nightmare, on my street
Oh man, I gotta call Jeff, I gotta call Jeff
Come on, come on
Come on Jeff, answer
Come on, man
[Jazzy Jeff] Hello?
[Fresh Prince] Jeff, this is Prince, man
Jeff, wake up,
Jeff, wake up
[Jazzy Jeff:] What do you want?
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff, wake up, man, listen to me, Jeff
[Jazzy Jeff:] It’s three o’clock in the mornin, what do you want?
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff, Jeff, would you listen to me?
Listen, whatever you do, don’t fall asleep
[Jazzy Jeff:] Man!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff, listen to me, don’t go to sleep, Jeff
[JJ:] Look, look, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I’m going to bed
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff! Jeff!
[Freddy:] Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
[Jazzy Jeff:] Ahhhhhh!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff! Answer me, Jeff!
[Freddy:] I’m your D.J. now, Princey!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!
So there you have it. Far too much copy regarding a silly novelty song about Freddy Krueger. But, I’m not sure The Shindig would have it any other way. Enjoy the extended version of A Nightmare On My Street.
Here’s some certified, all-American, 80-proof ridiculous bullshit from the incomprehensibly titled Freddy’s Greatest Hits.
Greatest Hits? Why, that suggests a larger body of work cultivated and condensed into only “the tracks you wanna hear,” no?
First of all, Freddy doesn’t have any other albums. This is it, folks.
Secondly, even if there were several albums, are these the choice cuts? Are these just the “tracks you wanna hear?” Probably not. They’re the tracks I wanna hear, no doubt, but I don’t speak for anyone else, much less everyone else.
Perhaps there were other Freddy songs. Maybe they had 3 albums worth and just decided these were the best, and released it as a Greatest Hits to spare everyone. If that’s the case, then fuck gang, what did those other songs sound like?
These greatest of hits encompass mostly cheese-ball covers of songs that feature the word “Dream” while Freddy cackles randomly around the melody. However, there are a few original cuts, like this number – perhaps the collection’s most unfathomable offering.
The “Do The Freddy” sticker from my toolbox at work. It’s pretty great.
What is this shit? Do the Freddy? He’s got a fucking dance now? Are you kidding me? This shit is out of control.
Nowadays, whenever I hear that people find it impossible to be scared of this character, I completely understand, and it’s because of shit like this.
Once a master of fear in the hearts of children the world over, Freddy is here reduced to a few dance moves. And not even good ones! Behold…
Pick your feet up
swing your arms up too
Move you head both ways
like you see him do
Then jump 3 feet to the swinging beat
Of The Freddy
What? What kind of fucking dance is this? I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be doing really. And the weirdest part (as you may have thought to yourself) is clearly the “move you head” instruction.
What, exactly, does moving your head both ways actually look like? Is it just shaking your head? Turning and looking in either direction like your crossing a street? It’s too vague.
Moreover, is this Freddy’s signature move? Not “claw at the air” or “scrape your blades on the wall.” Nope, it’s moving your head both ways. Ya know, that thing everyone probably does several times a day. That’s it. That’s Freddy’s big move. You could have written a more appropriate, or hell, even a slightly less vague line with roughly 2 minutes worth of thought.
Also, I think it’s important to note that no one listening to this song has a 3 foot vertical. Fuck, Michael Jordan had a 46 incher, and he’s one of the greatest dunkers of all time.
To put a more comparative and current prospective on it, Russell Westbrook has a 36.5 inch vertical. He can barely compete this dance. And Kevin Durant, at a paltry 33.5″, can’t Do The Freddy at all.
I’d ask “Just who the hell is this for, exactly,” but as you’ll soon hear Mr. Robert England proclaim straight away – “this is for you.”
So, there’s that. Enjoy this song, because it’s for you.