Audio

Take the Time to Dream

TRACK #156:

Take the Time to Dream by FM

A lot of people dislike Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood. I’m not one of them, but they exist and  I can’t say I don’t blame them.

Its heavily censored kills feel like highway robbery, it has one most disappointing endings in the series, the teenage fodder on display isn’t particularly interesting and the film just feels tired. Psychic girl unwittingly resurrects Jason? C’mon…

However, 7 has a lot going for it. I think of it as Jason’s last hoorah, for it’s the last time he’s in his element doing what he does best, before he takes off to Manhattan, other peoples bodies, Hell, Space, Elm Street, and ultimately Remakewood. Say what you want about 7, it never gets this good (or as true to itself) again.

But it is stretching its limits, as the whole thing finally succumbs to the Elm Street Effect and goes full-on supernatural.

The psychic angle, while a bit much, offers some interest though. Mainly, it puts a new spin on a formula that had already well worn out its welcome, having seen probably it’s best reworking in Jason Lives. It also finally gives Jason a formidable opponent, something really unseen up to this point in the series, silly as that opponent might be.

However, New Blood’s biggest plus come in the form of Jason himself, namely the addition of literal new blood, Kane Hodder, and the make-up work of John Bulcher. 

Jason never looked this good before, or after. This is it. This is the most badass Jason around. With his spine-exposed and masked destroyed, he’s constantly dripping water and stalking around with a menace unmatched. And lets face it, that’s what we’re all here to see.

The soundtrack is coming up pretty short here too, in my opinion. Mostly just handed over to prog-wavers FM out of what feel like laziness, the songs never play much prominence, or hit any high notes. Even the score here feels wrong.

However, I’ve chosen one of those FM tracks for the Shindig, mostly so I can rant a little about 7 and post some gifs. Besides, that opening narration is too cool not too use somewhere.

And as if the psychic wasn’t Elm Street enough for you, this song’s all about dreaming. Sure, it’s a more figurative kind of dreaming, but I still I think it’s safe to say that by 1987, Freddy was winning the fight.

Happy Friday The 13th!

Audio

Nightmare

TRACK #155:

Nightmare by 213

Freddy Krueger: What can be said about the quintessential 80’s man-specter that hasn’t been said a thousands different times by a thousand different nerds? Who am I to pretend like I’ve got some groundbreaking shit to drop on you? I’m no one, and I don’t, so I won’t. I’m simply another nerd with a foolishly myopic blog, so I’ll just stick to the script.

Freddy (whether I’ve said this before or not I can’t recall) is the reigning champ of horror tunes. He owns the 80’s pop-music-via-monster-icon scene. The guy even cut his own album. He’s all over it.

Jason comes close, but the Friday people didn’t fully climb aboard this particular train until part 6, and they never really bought a ticket. Freddy was shoveling coal in it’s boiler room.

And from jump too, as even his first outing got its own little referentially inclusive tune in the form of 213’s Nightmare.

Well, who the fuck is 213? Apparently they’re no ones, as no one seems to have any information on these guys. Well, aside from the painfully obviously “they were some local LA band that provided this track” or the goofier and obviously nonsensical “they were Johnny Deep’s band” theory.

Whoever they were, they’ll go down in the Shindig’s book as they guys who churned out that thoroughly apropos end credit song from the original Nightmare On Elm Street, and baby, that’s enough.

So, up yours with a twirling lawnmower,…whatever the hell that even means.

 

 

Audio

Aerobicide/Woman on Fire

TRACK #152:

Aerobicide/Woman On Fire by Mary Hylan/Jill Colucci

For a certain type of 80’s horror junkie, Aerobicide might be a wet dream come true.

There’s a formulaic and totally telegraphed whodunit plot. There’s an impractical and ridiculously oversized safety pin for a murder weapon. There’s an awesome hard-boiled detective. There’s even awesomer private investigator played by 80’s cheeseball-badass Ted Prior. There’s cheap karate, a rake fight, nudity and no shortage of 80’s babes in workout gear getting physical.

But above all, there’s absolutely relentless 80’s synth-pop soundtrack.

However, there’s a couple injustices besetting this soundtrack. Namely, it was never officially released. Why? This thing is great. And why hasn’t anyone resurrected  it yet? Where’s Death Waltz Records on this forgotten gem of a soundtrack?

There are rumors of promotional copies floating around that were release in ’84. It’s also said that all of the songs were released separately on 7″ vinyls by their various artists. Good luck finding any of those.

Secondly, and most unfortunately, the greatest of all these tracks is featured so briefly in the film it beggars belief. Worst of all, it’s the film’s Title Track. What? This isn’t the song played over the credits? This is the song that gets barely a minute of screen time so as we can’t even steal it properly? What cruel rouse is this?

Perhaps it can be explained by the inexplicable decision to retitle the film Killer Workout. Why would someone do such a thing? Is Aerobicide too high-concept? Too confusing? Similar to Land of the Minotaur, it’s not a bad title on its own. But when you compare it to Aerobicide, it’s no contest.

And because of that, this song should be all over this movie, or at the very least played during the credits. As a people, we need this whole song.

But, beggars can’t be choosers, so well provide what’s available of that track and just lead it into the aptly titled Woman on Fire by Jill Colucci, cause what else can we do?

On a side note, if you happen to find the voice of Jill Colucci sounds a bit familiar to you, it may be because she’s responsible for the theme to America’s Funniest Home Videos. Ok, that’s pretty weird.

For now, take what you can get and try to grab a copy of Aerobicide for yourself, which was finally made a whole lot easier last year when Slasher//Video released both a DVD and Blu-Ray of a video transfer.

Oh, and keep and eye out for this spray paint, which predates the film Death Spa by about 3 years. Coincidence? I dunno, but these 2 would make for one heaving, sweaty double-feature.

There’s an 80’s horror fan reading this right now. Aerobicide is their favorite movie, they just don’t know it yet.

Is that reader you?

Audio

Fall Break

TRACK #151: 

Fall Break by Peter Yellen and The Breakers

If there’s one thing The Shindig hates, it’s when foolish producers try to bench a perfectly good Title Track. The Shindig lives for Title Tracks and finds this practice to be an affront to both the movies and their visionary creators.

A great example is our next digger, a song we absolutely love, Fall Break.

Now this is a Title Track; tailor made, vaguely referential, tonally incongruous and totally bizarre. It sounds like an 80’s sitcom theme and it’s awesome.

But somebody with a suit and a wallet thought no one would watch a movie called Fall Break. He was probably right. It’s a strange title. Is Fall Break even a thing? I’ve never heard of it outside of this movie. We certainly never got one growing up. Fuck, the school year just started, they need a break already? It sounds like some lame version of Spring Break in New Hampshire with no bikinis. Who’s getting jazzed for Fall Break?

Nobody, that’s who, and the money guys know it. They want rentals at the local Video Stop, and that same nobody is renting Fall Fucking Break.

Enter: The Mutilator.

People wanna see The Mutilator. Hell,  I wanna see The Mutilator, it sounds tough as shit. It’s direct, violet, unambiguous, and a hell of the lot more intriguing then whatever stupid shit is happening in, what did you say that title was again? Fall Break? Yeah, that’s gotta go. 

”But the movies already been made, cut and released as Fall Break. We even have a song called Fall Break playing during the opening credits and everything!”

Yeah, whatever to that bullshit, it’s The Mutilator now.

And a Title Track died.

Except, technically the film was released as Fall Break, so here on The Shindig we’re keepin it real; resurrecting all Title Tracks and returning them to their rightful seats on the throne!

Fall Break, like its title, is a strange song. It’s a great fit for the playlist, inspiring autumnal images perfectly befitting our night of All Hallows. As a Title Track to the film however, it feels a little out of place.

As mentioned above, it seriously sounds like a sitcom theme, with a tone straight off the Silent Night, Deadly Night soundtrack. There’s nothing ominous here. In fact, it’s a rather nice love song of sorts, ringing with the hopeful promise of an Autumn getaway; beer, football, leaves, skinny dipping and fun at a beach house. In a way, I guess it’s like the beginning of a slasher movie. No fear, just fun. Maybe it’s not so out of place after all.

Speaking of the beach house, here’s a warning to all would-be college kids seeking a weekend getaway at a similar beach front condo…

If the man who owns the house has a framed picture of a guy he “accidentally” murdered with his ski boat – leave. That’s it. Just take off. Politely excuse yourself, and say “Nope. Not stayin’ here. I hope you understand, but that photo is just too much” and leave. I don’t care if dude’s there or not. Doesn’t matter. Just terminate your presence immediately.

Because this is not just any picture of the guy, mind you, it’s a photo of his actual corpseNot the guy hanging out during better times, ya know, as a nice reminder of their friendship – it’s his dead fucking body, gore strewn, presumably only minutes after the incident.


This photo is crazy. Why does Big Ed have this picture, and framed no less!? Why aren’t any of Ed Jr.’s friends the least bit perturbed by this photo? It’s absolute madness.

As far as the movie is concerned, I’d say apart from a couple of pretty interesting murders staged by Anthony Show and Mark Shostrum (who would later go on to produce FX for Dream Warriors and Evil Dead 2 amongst other things) Fall Break is a rather throwaway mid-era slasher devoid of any laughs, intentional or otherwise.

There’s barely any skin and all the tension of an untied shoe, kind of like the prospect of a Fall Break. Essentially, this is a who-dun-it where you already know who-dun-it before they’ve even dun-it. What’s the point? I dunno, some cool gore scenes, I guess. Oh yeah, and an awesome title track.

Speaking of which, here it is, the best thing about Fall Break, its Peter Yellen and The Breakers with Fall Break!

 

Audio

Ghost Fever

ghostfever

TRACK #149:

Ghost Fever by Sherman Hemsley

Ok, so Ghost Fever‘s a pretty shitty movie, right? Oh, not sure you believe me? Go see for yourself. I’ll meet you back here in 92 minutes.

Alright, so now that we’re all on the same page, we can hash this thing out.

I’m not sure how much Ghost Fever you actually came down with but chances are it wasn’t enough that you’ll be requiring any antibiotics.

That being said, I love Ghost Fever. It has the distinction of being the only movie where Sherman Hemsley plays corner man to Luis Ávalos as he boxes Smoking Joe Fraizer with the assistance of Southern ghosts. Well, the only one that I’ve seen anyway.

It’s also the only movie I’ve ever seen with a break-dancing mummy.

gf_mummydance3Now, that’s pretty awesome.

All of this however does not make Ghost Fever a good movie, it just makes Ghost Fever a movie I enjoy watching. Admittedly, it is a little more than hard to sit through but if you can get behind a poor idea executed in the poorest possible fashion with the more eye-rolling bafoonery this side of Pandemonium, it’s a certain kind of treat.

James Ross at Badmovienite.com probably puts it best in his humorous review:

“At times it’s like a live action episode of Scooby-Doo meets the Harlem Globetrotters. Except it’s not really fun, or funny, and there are no talking dogs.”

Well, there’s definitely no talking dogs, I’ll give him that. But I’m laughing (kind of), particularly when it decides to get all batshit crazy toward the end. It’s not always the kind of laugh Alan Smithee is intending, but a laughs a laugh, right?

Oh yeah, did I mention Ghost Fever is an Alan Smithee film? That oughta give you an idea of what’s going on here.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Smithee, he’s a pseudonym the Director’s Guild of America allows a filmmaker to use if he feels too embarrassed with the final product and can demonstrate a lack of artistic control.

Yeah, so even the director Lee Madden disavowed this pile. I’m not quite sure it’s exactly so bad it’s good material but it’s definitely bad, that much I can say with confidence. But, dear Weeners, it’s not without its moments and with the right amount of intoxicants and the right amount of friends with the right sensibilities, it could be the right movie.

Of course, here on The Shindig, we don’t talk about this kind of nonsense without merit or a cause célèbre and Ghost Fever (as you might imagine) has a fucking doozy.

Submitted for your Halloween enjoyment, here’s George Jefferson himself spiriting his way through a disco title track of supernatural proportions.

Cause I got Ghost Fever!

 

Audio

The Haunted House of Rock

TRACK #148:

The Haunted House Of Rock by Whodini

Trick Or Treat what more can you possibly give The Shindig? Haven’t you given enough already? Surely there are no more Halloween delights under your thin candy shell.

Oh, but there is – a thick nougat center of Monster Rap awesomeness.

In between all the Fastway rocking of the Trick Or Treat soundtrack, tucked away so’s you might not even notice, is this curveball of horrific proportions.

From 80’s Hip-Hop maestro’s Whodini comes one of the finest Monster Raps featured on The Shindig, The Haunted House of Rock.

Played during the Halloween Dance sequence, just before Roger turns the speakers over to Sammy Curr’s backwards metallic cassette, Whodini rocks a rhyme about the monsters and mayhem taking place at the titular haunted abode.

What is this song doing on this soundtrack? What is this song even doing in existence? I don’t have an answer to either question, but in both cases I’m sure glad it is.

Succeeding in just about every way Lovebug Starski’s Amityville fails, The Haunted House of Rock features an actual Haunted House propagated by a multitude of real ghouls with no sign of any Starship Enterprise crew members in sight.

Amityville only outshines it for a brief moment when Dracula raps. That’s pretty huge and should not be ignored. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Amityville and it’s ridiculously unhaunted tale, but Whodini delivers the goods in way Starski only aspires to and remain the champs of the Haunted Monster Party Rap game.

Haunted House of Rock may even be the champ of the Monster Rap game in its entirety. But it does have some stiff competition.

If you Iike your Monster Raps a bit more specific, Are You Ready For Freddy might be your speed. If you like them a bit more ridiculous, then maybe The Maniac Cop Rap is the winner. Or if you like your Monster Rappin a bit more whack, then The Monster Squad is just what the doctor ordered.

But for my money, when it comes to legitimacy, Whodini is holding it down with this old-school hip-hop horror hit and its inclusion in Trick Or Treat just ups the ante.

I saw everybody there, except you. Let’s change that this year.

 

Audio

Amityville

TRACK #143:

Amityville by Lovebug Starski

In 1985, this guy named Lovebug Starski (best known for, well this song) decided it’d be a good idea if he just recorded some random track about Amityville. Not for any Amityville movie mind you, but rather during a 5 year lull in the franchise (3D having been released in ‘83, and Curse not for another 4 years.)

Hell, he didn’t even make it in reference to the movies really, but just cause he thought it’d be fun I guess and maybe even a hit.

And he was right!  This sucker broke the Billboard Top 20 in ‘86, which means that, for a period of time in America, people were legitimately rocking out to this song. Which is totally understandable. This song is awesome and weird as shit.

Starski uses the real Amityville legend (I guess?) as a sort of jumping off point for some crazy ass song about a vaguely Haunted House where nothing much happens, but everyone goes.

A Karloff-esque butler greats Starski upon his arrival, then later Dracula shows up for no good reason and raps. Now, that alone is enough to have Amityville make the cut for every Halloween party playlist ever created.

As if that wasn’t bizarre enough though, just for the hell of it, Captain Kirk, Scotty and Spock arrive at one point to talk about Starski over the spooky beat. I’m sorry, what? Why? This song is fucking nuts.

Apparently, looking at the 45 sleeve above, you’ll note the record came complete with a “Free Black Hole,” ya know, for all the “time-shift special appearances.” I guess at least they tried to justify this nonsense with some kind of acknowledgement. Not sure if that makes it more or less weird, though.

So take a drive out to Amityville. You know, the house on the hill. You just make a left, then you make a right and……Amityville!

 

Audio

Halloween

TRACK #140:

Halloween by Dead Kennedys

Halloween needn’t always be about ghost and goblins, right? Well, at least not according to Dead Kennedys front man Jello Biafra, who uses the holiday as a jumping off point to throw some criticism at the socially repressed who use Halloween as an excuse to dress up like an idiot and get drunk.

Your business suit and tie are your costumes, insists Biafra, satirically jabbing

But why not everyday?

Well, I somehow doubt your boss is gonna be too jazzed about you showing up to work everyday and getting hammered in a Batman costume.

Nor is that sexy cashier from the Jamba Juice gonna be too excited to go have dinner with some jackass dressed up like The Wolfman.

Well, what will they say?

Probably “You’re fired,” and “don’t ever call me again,” respectively.

Maybe that’s the right reaction. Maybe it just means you need a new job and a better girlfriend. Or maybe you’re the asshole. Maybe leave the crepe hair and capes at home like a normal person, idiot.

But I get Jello’s point,…to an extent.

It’s metaphorical, in its way and we could all stand to live less reserved lives and quit reserving Halloween as the one night to break out of our social conformity.

But is that what’s really happening on Halloween? Is that what it’s really all about? Are these people to whom Mr. Biafra speaks seriously stuffing themselves into a costume for work? Is Halloween really the night they’re their truest selves?  Should it really just be all the time? I doubt that, but maybe that’s the problem he sees.

Maybe we’re all so programmed into that 9 to 5 lifestyle that it’s no longer just a costume, but who we all really are now. Maybe that’s his gripe. Maybe he’s right.

I can’t say for certain, but that’s no reason to exclude it from a Halloween playlist. However, it can’t be included out of context just for saying “Halloween” a bunch of times either. A frank discussion should be had.

One thing I am certain he’s right about is that you better plan all week, all month and all year, cause some of you are really phoning it in with these costumes. But that’s a conversation for another song.

For now, let’s just enjoy the Dead Kennedys’ Halloween.

Happy Halloween, Weeners!

 

Audio

Tonight

TRACK #139:

Tonight by SSQ

There’s a lot of reasons why everyone loves Return Of The Living Dead. There’s its great special FX, its endlessly quotable script, its moments of genuine fright, its fantastic soundtrack…

and then there’s Trash.

In the role that turned Linnea Quigley into a horror icon, Trash is the terminally insouciant, death obsessed, gutter punk exhibitionist who just can’t seem to keep her clothes on.

She also can’t seem to talk about anything but death, but I doubt there was one straight male horror fan in 1985 between the ages of 12 to 34 who gave one damn.

I love Linnea Quigley. She stars in one of my favorite Halloween movies of all time and appears in my favorite Christmas movie of all time. I love to see her in anything and I’ve sat through quite a bit of garbage (Deadly Embrace, I’m looking in your direction) simply because she makes an appearance.

You may not always get a Trash or a Suzanne (Night of the Demons) or a Spider (Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama) but you’ll always get Linnea. And whether she’s being cute and bubbly, or morose and sassy, she will always be refreshing compared to her surroundings.

This track from SSQ will forever remind me (and I’m sure countless others) of both Trash and Linnea and my first experience with the horror vixen, who takes almost as close a place in my heart as The Mistress of the Dark herself.

So, let’s get some light over here, Trash is taking off her clothes again.

X’s and O’s,

Halloween Shindig

 

Audio

No One Lives Forever

TRACK #138:

No One Lives Forever by Oingo Boingo

Delivering back to back jammers from 2 Shindig Allstars in your film and a great way to get that double-shot of hot rock ‘n roll represented directly onto the playlist. It’s just too perfect.

Oingo Boingo, who were no stranger to 80’s soundtracks themselves, found their music webbed up in this Sawyer family fiasco and it adds a lot of chaos to the intense opening chase sequence from Texas Chainsaw 2.

Rick the Prick wants to hear “Bright Lights, Big Titties,” or rather, he’d like to see them.

Unfortunately, all he’s gonna see is the bright lights of a truck carrying a corpse and a big fucking chainsaw.

Here’s Danny Elfman and Oingo Boingo, with a track that might have just made the cut without even being featured in a movie, No One Lives Forever.