Wait, Charley Band made a Halloween movie?!

Well, despite being from 2011, which almost immediately guaranteed it’s awfulness, I decided to give it a shot anyway.

Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt, aka Meta Eye: Revenge of the Full Moon Props in a Witchy Lady’s Shitty Home Haunt, aka Annoying White Chicks Watch The Original Killer Eye Then Experience Various State of Undress is about as awful as all those titles sound and about as Halloweeny as the seasonal aisle at a CVS on November 2nd.

To be fair, there’s some genuine moments of humor when the girls are goofing on the original film, which they’ve decided to watch while “setting up” the “haunted house” of the title. This is not a haunted house, it’s just the main girl’s mom’s house. It’s not even a legit home haunt. It’s just her house and it’s not cool. It has some newish, cheeseball decorations around and a lot of Full Moon props, but that’s about it.

This all leads to a horny and perverted Eyeball prop coming to life and hypnotizing the girls to take off their clothes and pretend to make-out with each other.

Which is pretty much every 14 year old horror fan’s dream, assuming of course it’s still 1992 and the only way you can see a breast in motion is by staring intently at scrambled Spice channel feed or happening upon a Skin-a-max Emmaulle tale. Unfortunately it’s 2011 and I’m not sure who this thing is directed at. Why make this type of horror movie anymore?

When just about any innocuous Google search has the possibility of returning results that would make a harlot blush, what draw does any of this nonsense have? Beats the hell out of me. It’s certainly not the story (of which there is barely one) or the effects (which are cheap and unimpressive) or the acting (which is serviceable at its utmost best.) So it has to be the nudity, right?

This won’t even amuse lovers of bad cinema the way the original Killer Eye might. It’s too aware for all that. It’s not good, but when the product isn’t in earnest, that trick just doesn’t treat.

With the exception of clips from the original, there aren’t any dudes in this movie, so there’s that. And for what it’s worth, it passes the Bechdel Test several times over. Granted, none of those conversations are worth hearing anyway, but they qualify none the less.

As I mentioned above, this movie isn’t even bringing the Halloween. No fun atmosphere, no seasonal feel, just some shitty, non-vintage decorations scattered about.

I give this 4 tits and a shitty Full Moon prop down.

Designation: Trick!