Oct. 20th: A Halloween Puppy (2012)

Ho-ly shit.

Listen, I understand I’m not the intended audience here, but I put this on the list back in September and I’m sticking to it, goddammit. Besides, I enjoy a lot of kid’s movies that aren’t intended for me, particularly Halloween related offerings.

But seeing as how I’m not the target demographic, does that inherently prevent me from being able to enjoy it or mean that I should avoid analyzing it? Probably, but I’m doing it anyway. I believe a good kid’s movie shouldn’t be something that only children can enjoy, and if you have kids, you’re gonna have to sit there and at least sort of watch it too. So let’s try look at this thing as objectively as possible.

Let’s start with what’s going on. A dorky horror nerd loves Halloween and his lonely Mom has Eric Roberts as her aloof CPA boyfriend. Yeah, Best of the Best Eric Roberts.

This kid has a girl best-friend that’s kind of into witchcraft, I guess. These 2 accidentally turn Eric Roberts into a bulldog on Halloween. Now they have to drive to a forest retreat for the weekend with the dog and wait for Eric Roberts to show up. But where is he? Why he’s right there and all kind of mishaps  ensue, right?

Well, in theory, but actually nothing really happens. What a drag. The dog doesn’t even ruin anything. Nothing about this dog is even remotely Halloweeny. No witch hat, no spooky barking, no skeleton onesie, no candy eating, no nothing. What gives, gang?

The check-cashing Eric Roberts looks and sounds more bored with this nonsense than I am, but he might just be the best thing about this movie. In fact, he’s definitely that.

Everyone else is serviceable in their underwritten roles as placeholders for puppy interaction. No one is great, but no one is so bad it hurts. Except maybe the older witch lady that lives in the other cabin. She’s pretty awful.

How entertaining is it? Well, that depends.

If you’re a 7 year old that’s really into watching recycled footage on a bulldog eating grass, being pet and stomping around, then it’s probably awesome. I am not that, so this was a bit tiring.

But how Halloweeny is it? Honestly, barely. All of the above could be totally forgivable if the movie oozed a silly-spooky festive Halloween vibe. Taking place and being shot in Southern California isn’t doing its Halloween quotient any favors. People talk about Halloween a bunch, but it’s really nowhere to be found. There’s a lot of cheeseball Halloween transitions that are fun, but when it comes to festive atmosphere, A Halloween Puppy‘s got next to none.

I can’t really heap a bunch of criticism on this one, because for what it is, it’s fine. It’s harmless enough family fare that goes by pretty quickly that I’m sure would keep little kids entertained with its upbeat and silly soundtrack atop it’s, puppy shenanigans.

But I can not recommend you just watch A Halloween Puppy though. I can’t even recommend you have your kids watch A Halloween Puppy, not when there are such festive options at your fingertips as Ernest Scared Stupid, Hocus Pocus, Monster House, Frankenweenie, The Worst Witch, Spaced Invaders and a whole host of awesome Halloween cartoon specials.

This one’s just not bringing the entertainment, even any unintentional shrapnel joy. But more criminally, it’s not even coming through on the Halloween. I should have just watched Spooky Buddies instead. In fact, I just might do that. I have hole next week with no movie to fill.

2 pumpkin wipes down.

Designation: Trick!

 

Oct. 19th: The WNUF Halloween Special (2014)

Tailor made for presentation at a Halloween party with music, chatter and maybe nobody paying too close attention to the flickering images on your TV screen, The WNUF Halloween Special is a mock time-capsule of 80’s Halloween nostalgia that’ll have your guest asking “Where did you dig up that old fossil?”

Truth is, you didn’t. It came out 2 years ago, but you’d swear it was quite literally taped on Halloween night in 1987, so effectively is that aesthetic recreated. This is particularly true if no one is really listening to the acting taking place between its wonderfully crafted commercial interludes.

Essentially a riff on 1992’s proto-paranormal investigation horror Ghostwatch (and The Tales from the Crypt episode “Television Terror” to boot) The WNUF Halloween Special is a unique found footage flick that posits itself as a taped airing of the “real” 1987 WNUF Halloween night broadcast featuring a special news investigation of an actual haunted house…with spooky results. So spooky it never aired again. Thus making the “tape” a sort of rare, taboo relic.

It’s ludicrous, and anyone looking for a genuine horror film should probably look elsewhere. It’s increasingly frequent commercial interruptions are sure to make anyone invested in the actual story the film is crafting increasingly irritated. However, if you approach it as the comedy it’s meant to be, the meticulous attention to the period details of VHS era television and local commercials is so fun and spot-on that you’ll likely only be irritated when that actual story resumes.

The fast forwarding gag and some of the acting give the film away early as a put-on. Thankfully though, WNUF mostly plays toward the humorous side of the field and is much better for it. Plus, it’s jammed packed with so many small moments of Halloween goodness that it’s hard to resist. I mean, a pumpkin patch at High Pike (sic) Farms on Mundhra Road? C’mon gang, you’re killing me.

Just understand this isn’t a horror movie and isn’t meant to be, and you’ll be fine.

I give this one a full-on Carve-O-Lantern kit up!

Designation: Treat!

 

Oct. 18th: Night of the Demons 2 (1994)

One of my favorite Halloween movies of all time is easily Kevin Tenney’s Night of the Demons. However, as with most sequels, my love for Night of the Demons 2 is decidedly less than.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Brian Trenchard-Smith’s follow-up. It has a some great Halloween atmosphere and a feeling somewhat similar to its predecessor, but in comparison it falls dramatically short.

Kids from a catholic boarding school want to rebel on Halloween. So they hook up with some local burnouts to go party down at notorious Hull House, where apparently Angela still resides.

Since Hull House is never a good idea on Halloween, things go berserk. This time however, the terror stretches out from the funeral home and toward the Catholic school.

There’s a lot of callbacks. There’s a tit gag (which is a great effect) a lipstick gag, Angela dancing, and lots of possession. So this is pretty worn ground for the most part, but this isn’t a horrible sequel. There’s some fun, new characters, an ambitious snake transformation and a Halloween dance party.

If you have to watch 1 Night of the Demons movie this Halloween, The Shindig recommends the original Night of the Demons. But if you have to watch 2 Night of the Demons movies, you might as well watch just Night of the Demons 2 too.

I give it 2 stretchy titty-hands up.

Designation: Treat

Oct. 17th: Wacko (1982)

The Slasher craze of the late 70’s was like any phase in Hollywood; so saturated it was ripe for mockery.

At its peak in 1981, the great Slasher parody Student Bodies was released. As you can imagine, more followed.

1982 saw the release of 3 different parodies: National Lampoon’s Class Reunion, Pandemonium and our selection for the evening, Wacko.

While none of them were as good as Student Bodies, I think Wacko comes the closest. There’s a lot of gags here that don’t work, or comedy that feels horribly dated, but there’s a good amount of funny moments in Wacko, which is more than I can say for the absolutely dreadful Pandemonium, a film in which Paul Reuben’s was the only one who actually had me cracking a smile.

There are 3 distinct things that set Wacko immediately above the pack:

1.) It has E.G. Daily

2.) The killer is a becaped, pumpkin-headed mumbler

and

3.) It takes place on Halloween.

Also, you’ll get George Kennedy playing a leering perv named Doctor, Joe Don Baker slobbing it up as the detective hot on the murderer’s trail, and a very young Andrew Dice Clay perfecting his comic timing with some great moments.

I have a soft spot in my heart for parodies, and one with Halloween imagery and themes will definitely get a pass from me for its various faults. It also has a fun Airplane-styled 80’s vibe that makes it easier viewing.

I can’t help but compare it to the far inferior Pandemonium, which I also watched recently. If it helps, watch that one first, if only to appreciate Wacko more for not being that fucking movie.

It’s not all treats with Wacko, but there’s enough here to satisfy fans hungry for goofy 80’s parody nonsense with a little Halloween spirit.

I give 1 lawnmower up.

Designation: Treat

 

Oct. 16th: Mr. Halloween (2006)

Take a pinch of Carpenter’s Halloween, add a dash of A Bucket of Blood, a quarter cup Hauntedween and then mix that with every movie you’ve seen made by high schoolers for approximately 112 minutes and you’ll get Mr. Halloween.

Wait, hold on. 112 minutes?

Yeah.

While not an unvaliant effort for a couple of kids armed with their family and friends and a budget that might score you a used 2006 Toyota Corolla, Mr. Halloween still well overstays his welcome. You could trim a metric ton of nougat off of this treat and probably have something resembling kind of edible.

Nothing this low-budget should be anywhere near 2 hours long. 90 minutes is pushing it, but 80 is probably your sweet spot, with a brisk 70-75 giving you just enough time to get in, show your stuff and get out before leaving a bad taste in the audience’s mouth.

I want Mr. Halloween to be that. There’s a lot of good here for some amateur fans making a go at a full length feature. Part of me wants to re-edit Mr. Halloween to be just that.

As it stands though, you have to chew through a lot nonsense to find just a small caramel center. People walking, unnecessary conversations with tedious dialogue, precious seconds of run-time just blown on the empty spaces between things. Spaces where tension could be created with the right kind of editing.

Essentially Bill Loomis is an upstate New York weirdo who runs a local garage haunt, a haunt rumored to use real bodies in its displays. Everyone in town calls this goofball “Mr. Halloween.” So why do so few genuinely suspect this guy for the disappearances of all the local high-school kids? Good question. It’ll take you about 10 minutes to figure it out and about and hour and a half for the movie to confirm your suspicions.

The Wolf brothers are clearly fans of horror and there’s some ideas and scenes here that rise above their surroundings. Particularly the early sequences in the haunt itself, which are pretty fun. I think the movie could have used more of that spirit.

It’s a genuine effort though, totally earnest in its presentation. I applaud these kids for making it and then (even more impressively) getting it picked up by a distribution company and getting it out there. Those are feats unto themselves at all stages.

In my heart I want to recommend Mr. Halloween, but I really can’t. It’s too serious to have much fun with, its shortcomings aren’t of the laughable variety and it’s simply just too long.

This one gets 1 guillotine down but a smiling jack-o-lantern up for effort.

Designation: Trick

Oct. 15th: Murder Party (2007)

Before this year’s Green Room and 2013’s Blue Ruin, Jeremy Saulnier whipped out his own Reservoir Dogs-styled debut with 2007’s Murder Party.

Lonely loser Christopher S. Hawley planned to spend a quiet Halloween at home with a few VHS tapes and his cat. That was until he stumbled upon a random Halloween invitation: “Murder Party…come alone.”

Yeah, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not taking any piece of card stock up on that offer.

But Christopher S. Hawley is a lonely idiot and and he does just that, but not before making the most low-rent knight costume he can out of cardboard and baking a pumpkin loaf.

What he finds at the party is a bunch of goofy art students dressed in some fun costumes awaiting him at a warehouse, where they will then murder him for their art.

It also turns out Christopher S. Hawley is much cooler and smarter than any of the pretentious fartists at the warehouse. I love Christopher S. Hawely, and I wish we got a little more from him on the character side.

Murder Party is fun and mostly humorous with some moments of gore to delight. Macon Blair’s devilish wolf mask mishap being a highlight. There’s a good amount of Halloween ambiance as well, culminating in a pumpkin filled slaughter-installation.

It definitely feels like a film-school styled debut, but it’s a debut that shows lots of promise, promise the Saulnier has made pretty good on. I didn’t love Murder Party and it does drag a bit, but this is a pretty entertaining horror-lite Halloween comedy treat with a lot of fun scenes to offer.

Plus, if you’ve ever attended art school, or know a bunch of dildos who did/do, you may find their skewering of art school crowd here pretty spot-on.

This one gets a Baseball Fury and a Pumpkin Loaf up.

Designation: Treat

 

Video

Oct. 14th: Pumpkin Man (1998)

What in the hell is Pumpkin Man? Where the hell did it come from? Why was it even made? What exactly is going on here?

I’m not sure, but apparently this isn’t an easy one to find, unless you happen to be randomly browsing the dusty shelves at Eddie Brandt’s in North Hollywood back in 2000 whatever and there are multiple copies just sitting there on a rack.

Being me, I didn’t even look at it twice, and I doubt I looked at it for very long. I’d never heard of it and was most certainly leaving with it, whatever the hell it was.

Seeing as how it’s a rare oddity and it’s only about 30 minutes, here is Pumpkin Man in all its glory for all you Halloweeners to enjoy,…or be confounded by…or to hate every sappy second of.

Me? This shit is just weird enough, and wholesome enough and Halloweeny enough for my recommendation.

I give this 1 winking pumpkin man and 2 pumpkinoid alien people up!

Designation: Treat!

Enjoy!

 

I won’t say much, seeing as how it’s just up there for you to make heads or tails of yourself, but I will ask a few questions:

1. Why is there a short television special where a pumpkin helps a kid deal with divorce on Halloween?

2. What the hell is the Pumpkin Man exactly, and why does he bother turning all Jason’s friend into dope looking pumpkin heads?

3. Is he just some expression of Jason’s psychosis? If so, why can Jason’s friends see him?

4. Given his annoyance at all the kids ding-dong-ditching his house every year on Halloween, why wouldn’t Sammy Hain just sit outside one time and put the whole thing to rest?

5. Who the fuck are those pumpkinoid creatures in the beginning? Am I to understand that’s Jason and his dad on Halloween the previous year?

6. If so, where did they get sick ass prosthetic creature makeups from?

7. Are they goblins? I was convinced by a friend they were alien pumpkin people. I was incredibly high at the time and this scared me quite a bit. Even still, I like that drug addled read more.

8. Why does this exist?

Oct. 13th: The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane (1976)

It’s Halloween, but the little girl who lives down the lane is celebrating her birthday, so we might forgive her for being a bit distracted. She’s also from England, which as we know is not as keen on the Eve of All Hallows’ as we are across the pound.

However, a young Martin Sheen is going to try an teach her (an even younger Jodie Foster) just what Halloween is all about. Namely treats…and tricks.

While not quite a horror movie, nor quite a Halloween movie, The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane feels almost like a stage play and has the distinction of being perhaps the best film featured on this year’s countdown.

It’s a strangely engaging little parlor mystery featuring a eerie and impressive performance from the 13 year old Foster that belies her age. It also features equally intriguing supporting performances from Emilio’s dad and Bad Ronald. How’s that for ya?

It’s an off-beat character study of sorts which pits nature vs. nurture. It’s not The Bad Seed by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s an interesting companion piece that takes a gander from the seed’s point of view.

The less said about this one the better, and the less you know about its plot going in is likewise true. I watched this one as cold as they come. All I knew was that it featured Halloween and I was pleasantly surprised.

I will say that the Halloween is brief, though not entirely unfestive, and takes place at the very start of the film. From there it’s mostly up to the autumnal trappings of rural Maine to provide the seasonal atmosphere. But perhaps like me, you’ll find yourself hooked by the time All Saints Day rolls around.

This one gets a green skeleton and a Frankenstein’s Monster up!

Designation: Treat!

 

Oct. 12th: Winterbeast (1991)

winterbeast-tempe1-vhscollector-com

I’m not sure if Winterbeast qualifies as a “Halloween” movie. I’m not even sure if Winterbeast qualifies as an actual movie, for that matter. It’s probably because 70% of the time I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on in Winterbeast.

What I do know is that Winterbeast rules.

Despite the word “winter” appearing in the title, you’ll be treated to a “Fall Foliage Festival,” a small pumpkin patch and a few plastic jack-o-lanterns here and there for no apparent reason. Halloween is never directly mentioned, and there’s definitely nothing particularly festive about the film, but the Foliage Festival banner claims it’s somewhere between October 11th and 12th and that’s pretty close. Besides, when you have this many awesome stop motion, B-grade-Harryhausen monsters running amuck, a couple plastic jacks and a sign work just fine for The Shindig.

As far as I can tell, Winterbeast revolves around a couple mountain rangers, a haunted totem pole, some demonic Indian mumbojumbo and a gateway to hell.

What you’ll get feels like a half-finished cavalcade of kitchen sink nonsense, awesome over-acting, a script that seems to suffer from Alzheimer’s and more plaid than you can shake a walking stick at.

Ranger Whitman’s hero-mustache game is on lock-down and his New England accent could scrape ice off a frozen windsheild. Mr. Sheldon makes for a formidable opponent in the “who can yell louder in this same argument we’ve been having for the last 40 minutes” showdown that is this movie’s plot.

The ridiculous Sheldon shows up early and takes this production to new heights, before summarily walking away with the picture entirely by the climax. Especially bizarre is his impromptu dance number to the creepiest version of “Oh Dear, What Can the Matter Be” that’s ever been committed to vinyl.  I love this dude and he’s everything that’s weird and insane and awesome about this movie.

I can’t recommend this to everyone, or even a lot of people. But there’s a certain kind of film fan out there who’s bread and butter consists of exactly the kind of low-budget, amateur madness that is the heart and soul of Winterbeast

But don’t take my word for it, you can just go ahead watch it yourself!

Winterbeast (1991) from Bo Ransdell on Vimeo.

I give it 2 plastic jack-o-lanterns and 4 stop motion monsters up!

Designation: Treat!

 

Oct. 11th: Ghostwatch (1992)

Back before The Blair Witch Project, Ghost Hunters or Paranormal Activity, the BBC televised this one-time event on Halloween Night in 1992. Much like Orson Welles’ 1938 Broadcast of The War of the Worlds, viewers became alarmed and then inundated the network with phone calls, unaware that what they were seeing was a pure, prerecorded fiction. One family even went on to blame their son’s suicide on the program. As such, the BBC placed a ban on ever airing it again. The power of the mind…now that’s pretty spooky.

Is Ghostwatch that believable? Well, I don’t know. I’m not British so it’s tricky for me to assess just how realistic this all feels. As an American who maybe doesn’t pick up on all the small inconsistencies, I think it comes off fairly convincingly. It’s certainly more believable than any Paranormal Activity or found footage horror film I’ve seen, but it still has moments where it falters.

I think the more appropriate question may be, is it that scary? To that I would answer “no.” Much like Paranormal Activity, the bulk of Ghostwatch’s runtime is devoted to setup. It’s interesting, but it’s not that exciting (or all that engaging) and it takes a good 40 minutes for anything beyond that setup to emerge.

Ultimately, not a whole lot happens, and what does occur is of the ghostly presence variety; loud noises, lights flickering, pictures flying off the wall, scary voices, and maybe a shadowy ghost face or two.

But like most fictions of this variety, it’s not so much what they show you as it is what they imply and what your mind does with that. How susceptible are you to this type of trickery, and how well can you detach yourself from the knowledge that it is not real will determined how much it gets to you.

I’m sure seeing this thing cold, broadcast by the BBC back on Halloween Night in 1992 would have gone a fair distance in selling that fear. Particularly if you had missed the opening and happened upon it randomly amidst the airing.

It’s gets a little eerie in spots no doubt, but your experience with Ghostwatch depends almost 100% on how much that kind of thing scares you. I couldn’t have been more unmoved by Paranormal Activity. It gave me no chills during its presentation and caused no lasting effects after. Ghostwatch left me feeling similarly.

I do think Ghostwatch is more effective, if only because it appears (at least to me) to be more believable. The trick when you’re trying to convince someone that what they are witnessing is real is perhaps that hardest to pull off in fiction, and rarely (if ever) is it accomplished. The whole illusion rests on every small moment and the minute there’s a crack in the facade, the whole trick is exposed.

This is also from 1992, so it’s gets a bit of a nod for treading these waters well before the footage gamers of the last several years. Though not presented in a typical “found footage” manner, the gimmick of a real live broadcast is maintained throughout.

It reminded me somewhat of the Tales from the Crypt episode “Television Terror” starring Morton Downey Jr., which predates Ghostwatch by about 2 years. The payoff is more like Paranormal Activity’s than the Crypt Keeper’s yarn though, that much I will say.

Ghostwatch does have the added bonus of taking place on Halloween Night. It’s not overloaded with festivities, but there’s a few reminders every now and again and it’s a nice touch.

I can’t say I enjoyed it all that much and I doubt I’ll ever watch it again, but as a horror artifact of wide acknowledgment and acclaim, I think its interesting and worthwhile and I’m glad I gave it a view. I can see why people are so found of it, particularly if they had caught its original airing.

As such, I will say that this could make for some spooky Halloween viewing for the right audience, namely people really creeped out by real life ghosts and haunted houses.

So, I’ll I give it a crawl space full of crying cats up and a

Designation: Treat