The Ramones (b) + Horror Title Track (htt) = Shinding Gold (sg).
And I don’t care what hardcore Ramones fans thought or what The Golden Raspberry Committee had to say on the matter, my equation is airtight.
And just like any good equation you could substitute a lot of bands for that b variable and still get the same value or greater.
Dokken? Check.
45 Grave? Check Plus.
J Geils Band? Double Plus Good.
It’s math. It just works. Numbers don’t lie. And when Joey, Dee Dee, Johnny and Marky set their sights on Stephen King, the result was a horror hit for the ages. Haters be damned!
Stephen King likes to name drop songs in his novels, particularly Ramones songs and Pet Sematary is no different, as Blitzkreg Bop plays heavily into the story.
I believe the story goes that the boys were approached by the producers for the inclusion of Sheena Is A Punk Rocker in the movie. Such fans of the novel were they that The Ramones simply offered to cut an original track just for the film. And not only that, but a Title Track to boot. Don’t know where I heard that, can’t confirm it but it’s in my head and why would I just make that up? Gotta be at least a partly true, right?
It’s one of the greatest Horror Title Tracks of all time performed by one of the greatest Rock ‘N Roll bands ever. The simplicity and raw power of The Ramones lends itself to perhaps the most cartoonishly straight forward song to ever accompany a horror film, or maybe any film for that matter. Though, there is Hard Ticket To Hawaii and The Stabilizer and thems some ridiculous ass Title Tracks.
So blow a raspberry at those Golden Raspberry farts and follow Victor to the sacred place.
So what do hot rods, racing, surfing and zombies all have in common?
Beats the hell outta me but they all come together in one helluva hammer droppin’, high-rev haulin’, outta sight asphalt eater from Ohio creepsters and Shindig All-Stars The Cramps.
Perhaps their most gracious addition to horror-rockdom, The Surfin’ Dead is prominently featured in Dan O’Bannon’s awesome 80’s zombie send-up The Return of The Living Dead.
While no slouch in the soundtrack department, I have to admit this is easily my favorite track off the album, no question. But I love me some Cramps so maybe I’m just a tad bit biased. Or maybe it’s just a great song.
Either way, it belongs on a Halloween playlist. Even a short one.
And just for good measure, Lux tosses in 2 shout outs to Cleveland’s pride and Cramps hoedad, Ghoulardi.
Cause your A-bone’s busted and you’re through the door, so do the dead
Great Pumpkins are few and far between, so to stick two so close together is indicative of the kind of block where in here toward the center of our hallowed playlist.
At last count there were four total; two tried and true Halloween Pumpkins, one Monster Song Pumpkin and another by way of Devilish Track. That’s the bases covered, doubly so in that The Monster Squad is also a Monster Rap.
This one though, this one is the gold standard. This is the one which inspired the category. This is the one by which all the others are measured, and even they fall short of the Shindiggery on display here. If the playlist had its own theme, it would probably be this song.
It’s not necessarily may favorite song on the Shindig (though it would definitely be up there), nor do I mean to suggest it is the best, but it’s so exemplary of what this playlist is all about that it beggars belief. Horror Movies, the music from them, the referential Rock ‘N Roll about them and of course Halloween, all succinctly served in a 4 minute sonic stew.
Is it any surprise that such a song should come from 45 Grave? Not to this guy it doesn’t, and when I first heard it back in 2010 my jaw dropped and I immediately shouted “Holy shit does this song need to be on the playlist.”
But because nothing could be that perfect, naturally, there’s a catch. In this case (and it’s perhaps a bit of my own prejudice rising to the surface) it is the caveat that the song is that comes from the the Night of the Demonsremake. Which is a solid soundtrack, to be sure, but a terrible remake. Moreover, it was a terrible movie in its own right. However, as a remake to one of my favorite Halloween movies of all time, it’s even worse.
So, to balance out that factor, I’ve book-ended it with samples from the original, because, how could I not? This song could have been on the original soundtrack. It should have been on the original soundtrack . So let’s just pretend it was.
And with that, 45 Grave and I invite you to drink, get stoned and party all night, for the demons come alive on Halloween.
What can be said of this classic and perfectly executed Title Track?
If you’ve ever seen Killer Klowns From Outer Spacethen you know first hand how nicely this clown-car 80’s tune from The Dickies bookends this awesome creature feature of camp from monster mavens The Chiodo Brothers.
Cheesy, gory, funny and at times even downright creepy (using a dead sheriff as a ventriloquist’s dummy or the sight of a Klown summoning a small girl from a burger joint come to mind) Killer Klowns was a movie I couldn’t get enough of in my youth. It frightened me, amazed me, made me laugh and held my full, undivided attention every time HBO decided to play it.
The Klowns are a marvel of animatronic suit work, the story is bonkers, and the music has got the tone to match. No Halloween playlist should be lacking Killer Klowns from Outer Space by The Dickies.
Good evening, horror fans. Did you know that all Title Tracks were not created equal?
The J. Geils Band did.
Let’s face it, while all Title Tracks are great, some (Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, Don’t Go Into The Woods…Alone) are less awesome than others (The Devil’s Men,Leatherface.)
Hell, there’s even a hierarchy of applicability. The Maniac Cop Rap is less a Title Track than say Scream and Scream Again. Shocker is a truer Title Track than a by-liner like Dream Warriors. And then some Title Tracks simply define the category. Fright Night is just that type of Title Track.
A popular band of the time, almost inexplicably tapped by the producers to cut a song so unlike the rest of their catalog you wonder just how the hell it even works. But work it does. Fuck, it works a 70 hour week…taxed…with no overtime.
It works on Labor Day.
Or more appropriately, and perhaps more criminally,…
It works on Halloween.
And thank God for that, cause your Halloween playlist needs it. You’re Halloween needs in. Hell, your life needs It. Listen to it now, and then go watch Fright Night. I just did. It was a great decision.
From that 80’s realm of self-aware horror (somewhere between The Monster Squad and The Lost Boys) where characters versed in fictionalized horror find themselves face to face with that horror in the real world, Fright Night follows horror nerd Charlie Brewster as he attempts to prove his new next door neighbor is actually a terrifying creature of the night.
You got Chris (Prince Humperdink) Sarandon creepin’ up the joint as 80’s vampire benchmark Jerry Dandrige, Steven Geoffreys being his typical spazzy self as (you’re so cool) Brewster’s pal Evil, and Roddy McDowell just knocking it outta the park as the Cushing-modeled celluloid vampire hunter/ TV horror host, Peter Vincent.
Add to that a fantastic script which balances tone so effortlessly, plus some truly memorable visuals from The Entertainment Effects Group. Fresh off their stint on Ghostbusters, these guys provide another barrage of makeup and creature FX wizardry, not the least of which is one hell of a harrowing reverse werewolf transformation.
It all adds up to a genuine high point in 80’s horror that no fan should miss. A loving nod to the horror of yesteryear and that old Hammer feeling right in the midst of the 80’s slasher onslaught. Whats more? It resonated, made a shit ton of money and has endured immensely to this very day.
And the kicker? This awesome Title Track. So perfectly 80’s, so perfectly referential and so perfectly fitting. You can not fuck with this song.
Vampire Hookers; honestly I could have used a little more nudity.
Nathan “Unpainted” Arizona and I guy I thought was Michael Rooker for the about the first 20 minutes play a pair of bumbling greenhorn sailors on shore leave in the Philippines. At the local cemetery, they run afoul the pimp-hatted head vampire John Carradine and his titular hoes. Late 70’s porn music and goofball shenanigans ensue.
They’re trying, I’ll give ’em that.
It’s filled to the brim with silly slapstick and toilet humor that’ll probably set both of your eyes on a pivot, but it’s rarely boring, and at 78 minutes it feels pretty brisk and good natured.
Poor John Carradine though stumbles around waiting for a check, spouting Shakespeare and poetry, which could either be interesting or irritating depending on your temperament.
There’s also a fat Filipino familiar who farts a lot for comedic effect. Whether you laugh at his flatulence will also depend on your temperament.
Seen also is a ladyboy pissing at a urinal, which apparently doesn’t tip off old Nathan Arizona, who proceeds to engage in a sexual transaction. Later Michael Rooker yells “Oh God! Balls!” which is always funny to hear someone shout after grabbing a lady’s crotch.
A few silly fistfights later and where onto the cemetery and our plot.
Though severely deficient in the generalized sleaziness and nudity you’d expect for a film called Vampire Hookers, you’re eventually treated to a 7 minute slow-mo vampire 4-way between Michael Rooker and the 3 sex-starved immortals. Thankfully, John Carradine bows out of that one, but the fat familiar watches and farts a bit. Probably jerks off too, couldn’t really tell and thank god for cinematic ambiguity. It’s pretty awesome though, complete with its numerous and repetitious cutaways to the lascivious murals painted around the room of beasts and Devils fornicating. Who’s turn is it?
And that’s not even the best part of the movie.
That would be our next Shindigger at #105, the Title Track Vampire Hookers, played to rousing appreciation during the picture credits at the end of the films. I love picture credits! And Title Tracks! And hookers! What an ending. If only we knew who the hell was performing this tune.
It’s a Shindig first; an Unknown Artist! I searched endlessly to no avail, as I could not track down the culprits. If anyone happens to know who performed this tune, we’ll gladly update the entry.
“Blood is not all they suck,” informs our unnamed composer. The Skinemax orgy sequence tells a different tale, I’m afraid. However, I think it’s safe to assume some sucking has taken place regardless, one way or the other.
While never terribly funny, it is somewhat fun, particularly in a group setting and there’s plenty of worse ways to spend 78 minutes. Plus, those will typically end up sucking an extra 20 minutes from your life and still not have the goddamn common decency to give you the reach around of an awesome Title Track.
So, as far as The Shindig is concerned, Vampire Hookers, you’re all right. As Lord Summerilse might say “you will sit with the Saints, among the elect,” here in our Title Track-heavy center block.
He’s Back (The Man Behind The Mask)by Alice Cooper
In 1984, Paramount Pictutres made way too much money on Friday The 13th Part 4: The Final Chapterto let that truly be Jason’s final chapter. So they set upon quickly churning out a part 5. Only Jason was dead now,…for good,…right?
What’s a greedy production company to do?
So in 1985, Paramount quickly proceed to fuck right up. They essentially took the exact same model, delivered a by the numbers Friday installment, with Jason in a hockey mask and called it A New Beginning. Only they pulled the old Kansas City Shuffle. It wasn’t actually Jason. Fans were pissed.
Roy? Who the fuck is Roy? Seriously? This dude’s name is Roy?
Here’s Roy.
Fans didn’t cotton to old Roy here.
“But why?” You may ask.
“There’s a guy in a hockey mask brutally murdering teenagers at a summer camp. Isn’t that the point? Fuck, Roy kills 18 people for Christ’s sake! Jason ain’t puttin’ up those kinda numbers yet. Who cares who’s under the mask? It’s been a different actor, sometimes in the same damn movie, since part 2. Is it that important it be Jason Voorhees?”
Apparently so.
I’d say it’s a least somewhat important, if only to keep Friday the 13th from turning into a running Scooby-Doo gag. “Why it’s old man Burns, the guy who run’s that haunted ambulance!”
Plus, we always get a peak at Jason, and it’s usually fucking horrifying. Observe…
Maybe it’s a little important. No?
So, Paramount quickly swung in on a jungle vine for some damage control. In 1986 they unleashed Jason Lives and changed the entire franchise forever.
No more is Jason a mere mortal stalking the woods of Crystal Lake. He’s now a full fledged supernatural, unstoppable zombie killing machine.
No longer is the series a straight faced stalk-n-slash either. Tinges of satire, self parody and silliness have entered the Friday landscape.
Additionally this installment, while producing a sizable body count, is suspiciously lacking in the gore department. It’s also the only entry to feature no nudity. Fo reals?
But more importantly pop icons appear.
Enter Alice Cooper and his single He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask) blatantly reassuring all the Friday Freaks that yes, he’s back. Yes, the man behind the mask, Jason. Don’t worry, we even put his name first in the title to placate all the jaded fans that may not come to suckle from our money cow’s teat.
Jason goes for a full blown team-up. Music videos, multiple songs, Fangoria spreads which give us such awesome images as this.
Thankfully, Jason didn’t take too many cues from Freddy, and remained silent. I don’t know if I could have handled a wisecracking Voorhees.
Despite its lighter tone and generalized Skynet-like self-awareness, Jason Lives is still a fine entry. Jason is still menacing, and there are some good kills, however neutered they may feel. It’s certainly not the poorest entry and it has a lot of style. It may just be one of the more entertaining of The Fridays, but that’s all up for debate, as that assessment depends largely on your temperament and what kind of Friday you prefer.
It remains perhaps my favorite of the post-zombie half of the series. It’s all downhill from 6, by degrees. I gotta lotta love for 7 though, so there’s some wiggle room with that declaration.
Pulling Jason Voorhees clear into the the mid-80’s, here’s Alice Cooper’s He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask).
With perhaps the exception of Ray Parker Jr.’s Ghostbusters, no Title Track has as much standing as a legitimate hit than Dokken’sDream Warriors.
And why not? It was a great tune featured in a popular franchise hitting the height of its popularity, played by a popular band at the height of their popularity. Sounds like a formula for a hit to me.
It isn’t so overly explicit as to put-off non-Freddy fans or become regulated only to annual Halloween airplay. By that same token, it isn’t so vague as to be completely unrelated to the action onscreen. Perfect pop balance? Marketing genius? Lucky strike? Either way, whoever’s idea it was probably got a raise.
It’s also from arguably one of Freddy’s finest outting. While I’m inclined to side with original in almost every case (including the Nightmare series), many fans cite Part 3 as the best Elm Street installment, or at least their favorite. I’ll agree so far as to say this is Freddy’s best sequel, without question. I may love me some Freddy’s Revenge but I think Dream Warriorsis legitimately his best numbered go-round.
Cooler than 4, livelier than 5, more coherent than 2 and less stupid than 6, Dream Warriorshits the right wave of scary and goofy Freddy. He’s not quite the running joke he becomes from The Dream Master on. You see it brewing here, but he still has some shred of his former menacing self.
Also, with more ambitious effects, wilder sets and more imaginative dreams sequences than the previous installments, Dream Warriors is where the Freddy becomes Freddy; not just the horror icon, but the cultural icon. And Dokken has its hand in that too, no doubt.
After this, all bets are off; Late Night appearances, hit songs, window clings, his own television series, his own album – Freddymania is on.
Initially, Craven (back on board after his complete absence from the completely absentFreddy’s Revenge) intended this film to wrap up the entire saga. However, New Line made way too much bank on this outing to let Freddy rest quietly in his junkyard grave and proceeded to milk every last drop out of blood from the dream demon.
Interestingly enough, for this installment Craven also pitched the idea of Freddy coming out of the screen to torment the Elm Street actors in real life. New Line rejected that nonsense altogether. At least for another 6 years or so, until Craven got the go ahead to realize this plot in his true return to the series in the form of New Nightmare.
While it may have been interesting to see all of that played out earlier, Dream Warriors stands up just fine in its presented form.
So, come Weeners, we are bound together by our love of Halloween, Horror and Horrific Halloween Music. The Shindig is waiting for you. Listen now, cause maybe tonight you’ll be gone.
Here’s Dokken’s power ballad battle cry for the children on Elm Street.
There’s no shortage of music for 80’s horror icons, no matter how popular or obscure. From Matt Cordell to Horace Pinker, no psycho is too small for a Title Track. Hell, even Bud the C.H.U.D. has his own song, and he ain’t even a real C.H.U.D.
However, when it comes to The Big 5, there’s a lot of representation from some pretty heavy hitters.
And though Freddy may have Dokken (and The Fat Boys), and Jason may hang out with Alice Cooper, and Pinhead might be backed up by Motörhead and Michael Myers may just have greatest theme in horror history, Leatherface gets the baddest song of the bunch, in my opinion. It may be from rock’s forgotten sons Lääz Rockit, but this song is tough as shit.
The whole Leatherface soundtrack is pretty rock solid, but this Title Track is everything you want for everyone’s favorite chainsaw-wielding, cross-dressing, skin-wearing, Texas-fried lunatic; some kick-ass shredding, some disgruntled vocals and some highly referential lyrical content. Handled.
I’ve lead the track in with Tobe Hopper’s iconic introduction (as read by Night Court’s John Larroquette’s) because let’s face it, that intro from part 3 sucks balls.
From another mostly forgettable retread in the under-capitalized Texas Chainsaw franchise, it’s Lääz Rockit, headin’ for the crossroad with Leatherface.
If you were following last year and caught Halloween Shindig’s 31 days of Halloween Horror, then you’re no doubt familiar with the bit of Samhain Horror goodness called Hack-O-Lantern(aka Halloween Night aka The Damning aka Death Mask aka The Most Awesomely Titled Movie With This Many Awesome Alternate Titles)
Unlike some other Rock ‘N Roll Horror outings claiming association with then Eve of All Saints, this one actually delivers the goods, and then some.
A perfect selection for an October night of drinking and buffoonery, Hack-O-Lantern is an absolutely ridiculous mess of low-rent satanism, Halloween madness and Rock ‘N Roll attitude.
What more do you want?
Skin? Got it.
Weird murders? Got that too.
Someone in a mask doing the murdering? Yup. Be Something’s Hooded Fear
Pumpkins? By the truckload.
Halloween decorations? Indeed.
A Halloween party? Totally.
Graveyard goings-ons?Oh, just murder, sex. kids trick or treating.
A Rock ‘N Roll video posing as a dream sequence?You know it.
Eye lasers which produce shrunken heads from drum equipment? Check that shit out ==>
More eyes laser that turn guitars into tridents? Only here.
Completely impromptu, unfunny and non-sequitor stand-up routines? Yeah, that’s there too for some reason.
Nonsensical theatrics and bizarre scripting? Boy howdy.
Easily accessible on YouTube, this one should not go unwatched by anyone this Halloween. And if your buddy pops over with Rocktober Blood, up the ante with this actual Halloween horror gem.
So here’s Tommy, pretending to know how to use a guitar with D.C. Lacroix, performing the certified Shindigger The Devil’s Son.
The first 2 minutes of this 1989 Rock ‘N Roll Horror opus is literally a girl screaming. Now I know 2 minutes might not sound like a long time, but when it’s one chick screaming over and over, almost identically each time, it feels like some godforsaken pit of eternity. It’s one of the most excruciating openings to any film I’ve ever seen.
Yeah, she’s half naked, and a chainsaw eventually rips through her crotch, but that doesn’t change the fundamental essence of what this scene asks of its audience: can you ignore every instinct you have to cancel this shit and endure?
At first it just seems like a really long scream, and you imagine it can’t possibly keep going. Then you can’t believe it’s still happening. About 20 seconds in, it becomes humorous. This quickly fades. Seriously? She’s still screaming?
You still have another minute and a half.
Each second is another dare: how long will you just sit there and watch this?
It becomes almost suspenseful in its annoyance. How long will this persist?
Then, self reflection sets in: Why am I doing this? What’s wrong me? Are these the choices of my life?
Then the questions: How ever did someone endeavor to shoot this? To edit this?! Watch this repeatedly to tighten it up? Holy shit, this might have been longer…
What mad sadist would subject himself, his crew and his audience to this?
Then the screaming stops.
As the memory of that horror throbs in your eardrum like a stubbed toe, the words “written and directed by Donald Farmer” appear. The architect of your pain has a name. If you know this name, you’re fully aware of what’s to come. If you don’t, by the time it’s over, you will.
It’s a ballsy move, and for those with the fortitude, the subsequent 60 minutes are pure gold.
When I watch garbage, I want something akin to Scream Dream; shoestring relentlessness that’s unapologetic, mind boggling and approaching unwatchablity, while still somehow being entertaining. It’s not best in show, but it delivers enough to satisfy, and certainly more than most of the scrubs on this list.
When I watch a Rock ‘N Roll Horror flick, I also want something akin to Scream Dream; bad rock and lots of it. Whether it’s just the music, tons of footage of the bands playing it, or generalized Rock ‘N Roll goings-ons. Scream Dream’s got that in spades. Much more than most of these wanna-be’s.
It’s ain’t good, but it ain’t hard to watch (mostly) and at 68 minutes, it doesn’t stick around long enough to lose you, or make any sense of itself. It’s a winner of a loser.
More importantly, we’re getting this Title Track (incessantly) throughout. This puts Scream Dream up at the top of the Rock ‘N Roll Horror heap in our book, despite how long and repetitive that track may be. Seriously, it’s the same riff for like 4 and a half minutes….and I trimmed it down…
If you listen to IMDb users, you’d think Blood Tracks was the worse movie ever made. But if you listen to IMDb users, you’d think every movie was the worst movie ever made. Those goofballs hand out that award like they got an overstocked warehouse they have to unload cheap.
My guess? They just haven’t seen enough movies, or at least not the right ones, cause Blood Tracks (while certainly not approaching good) is definitely not approaching the “worst movie ever.” Hell, I wouldn’t even put it near a top 20. You need a little something special to make it into that crew, and frankly Blood Tracks just doesn’t have it.
Too mildly bad and too mostly forgettable for any such distinction, Blood Trackssort of just exists, like a myriad of other Rock ‘N Roll Horrors begging to be better one way or the other.
What Blood Tracksdoes have (aside from its awesome double entendre title) is some sweet snow rocking compliments of (the fantastically named) Easy Action, posing as (the unfortunately named) Solid Gold.
See, Solid Gold’s looking to cut a video up in the mountains. Ya know, cause that’s the sleaziest most rocking locale around. Not the seedy titty-bar off Sunset, or the beach, or the pool at Caesar’s Palace, but the mountains. The freezing shitty mountains.
It is worth noting that their rocking does cause an avalanche, putting their rock into a most ridiculous category, somewhere between DC Lacroix’s shrunken head inducing laser metal and Dokken’s Freddy shredding guitar solos.
Now snowed in, the band, the management, the techs and the video hoes are all beset by a Hills Have Eyes fashioned family. Mayhem ensues. Thankfully for us, not before Solid Gold gets a chance to rock out a bit and indulge in a little rock star behavior; drinking, drugs, snowbound sex.
Frankly though, not enough for my tastes. Could have used more, cause once the horror hits, the rocking ceases and these groupies and band members could be any old generic group of horror assholes.
The acting is pretty awesome however, and there are some great lines delivered poorly. Some of the kills are pretty interesting, and the whole thing moves rather quickly. But I’m just not getting enough of its terrible (or enough of its good) to make Blood Tracks much more than “Oh yeah, that Swedish one with the band in the snow.” Certainly not the worst movie I’ve ever seen.
It’s not even the worst Rock ‘N RollHorror movie I’ve seen. Not by a long-shot. Particularly considering it has the wherewithal to serves up a Title Track, something no movie watcher should ever discredit.
Unfortunately, the movie seems to be the only place this track exists, as it can’t be found on any of Easy Actions albums. Which is shameful, especially since In The Middle of Nowhere and We Go Rocking (both also featured in the film) are readily available. C’Mon gang, make with the goods! The Shindig needs more than just a snippet of you Title Track to represent.
But we beggars can’t be choosers, so at #97, here’s what exists of Easy Action’s Title Track triple threat Blood Tracks.
One of the earliest and perhaps least applicable Rock ‘N Roll Horror entries, I toss New Year’s Evil into the mix for a couple different reasons.
While a band or singer is not at the forefront of the film (admittedly the most overriding prerequisite for a RNRH) you’ll get to see a lot of band action, notably from our number 96 ‘diggers Shadow. This is more than you’ll even get from such “certified” Rock ‘N Roll Horror entries as Dead Girlsor the wildly mislabeled Slaughterhouse Rock, so fuck it!
Our protagonist and final “girl” is a Disc Jockey named Blaze, and the whole plot revolves around her New Year’s Rock ‘N Roll countdown aptly titled New Year’s Evil. That’s gotta count for something, right?
Plus, I like New Year’s Evil, which is more than can say for a lot of the other duds this category has to offer.
And what’s more, it doesn’t disappoint in the soundtrack department. It even goes so far as throw down an awesome Title Track. Now you’re talking language of this playlist.
However, as a rule, The Shindig avoids Christmas-themed horror music (with 1 notable exception.) Christmas already encroaches enough on Halloween without it invading the fucking Shindig to boot. So, if it seems a bit strange to include such a non-Halloween holiday song, consider this: Samhain was New Years Eve to the Celts. So there’s that. It’s clearly not the same New Year Blaze and “Evil” are ringing in, but what the hell, huh?
I’d be remiss to leave if off the list. I’d be even more remiss to cut it from The Shindig.
Here’s Shadow with another glorious Title Track, 1980’s New Year’s Evil.
Ah, Rocktober Blood. 2 little words that promise so many things.
3 things, to be more precise. But 3 big ones: Rock, Blood, and October, which around here, means Halloween.
I’d normally say 2 out of 3 ain’t bad, but when the 3rd is Halloween, consolation is a tough commodity.
Alas, the broken promises that are Rocktober Bloodremain.
One guy mentions Halloween one time in passing. You could sneeze and miss it. There’s that, I guess.
He could have said anything though, that’s how completely fucking throwaway his statement is to what’s happening. It bears no importance on the plot, or even what he’s talking about. He could have just as easily said “by the end of the month” or “by Arbor Day” or by fucking anything other than Halloween.
It’s almost more upsetting that he even mentions Halloween at all, and that the rest of Rocktober Blood proceeds to laugh directly in your presupposing mug. Never assume is the lesson here, I’ll wager.
But no. Fuck that! Cause you named your goddamn movie Rocktober Blood and then didn’t even deliver 1 fucking pumpkin. Why is the movie even called this? Oh, cause that’s the bands name? Well, then why is the fucking band even called that? Oh, cause they’re all spooky and into Rock ‘N Roll Horror? Cause homeboy wears a mask onstage? Gimmie a break, fellas. I’ll give you it’s a totally bitchin’ Fang Face from Be Something Studios. That’s pretty Halloweeny, but they could have been name anything. Fuck, Fang Face would have been a better name. Even Sorcery (the actual band providing the music) is a better and more appropriate title for this band.
It’s all just disappointing in it’s abject mockery.
Alright. Well, that’s been buried deep within my heart for years. Feels good to let it out. Now lets take an objective look at Rocktober Blood, which despite the whole absence of Halloween debacle, ain’t half bad and probably one of the better Rock ‘N Roll Horror efforts.
It starts out really promising, immediately getting straight into the rock. We witness Billy Eye, lead singer, writer and all around genius behind Rocktober Blood, laying down the vocal track to his prophetic anthem and certified Shindigger I’m Back.
After which he goes on a rampage, killing some audio techs and torturing his former girlfriend and back up singer Lynn. The kills are fun. Guy gets his face smashed into a pinball machine, and this chick gets impaled on a wall. Solid stuff. I’m pumped already.
After a feeble security guard catches Billy in the act and hilariously chokes out “uh….you’re arrested,” Billy chases after him and the film bizarrely fades out.
Flash forward 2 years – Billy’s dead, apparently captured and given the death penalty for his crimes (which included prior murders we didn’t get to see) and Lynn has inherited Rocktober Blood. She has renamed it “Headmistress” (a great chick-fronted metal band name if I ever heard one) and their playing all Billy’s old music. They’re at a pre-tour party. There’s schmoozing, coke blastin’ VJ knock-offs, and a general air of Rock ‘N Roll awesomeness. Still pumped.
These first 20 minutes or so are great. You’re getting 1 ass, 2 tits, 2 solid kills and 1 great Shindiggin’ tune straight out the gate. Then a little Rock ‘N Roll downtime. You feel like you’ve died and gone to Shindig heaven.
Then boom! The next hour hits and all your dreams are dashed. You sit idly by, awaiting more Rock or Blood or October. You get none.
What you do get is Lynn at a lakeside retreat, aerobicizing, bathing, getting prank phone calls, seeing Billy places and generally acting like a nutjob. There’s some skin, a bizarre clothes iron attack, a scary jacuzzi attack, oh and Lynn digging up Billy’s grave. That’s a somewhat interesting part. It sounds great on paper, and with some editing and a little bit of sack, maybe it could have been. Unfortunately, it’s plodding and frustrating the way it plays out. Is Billy alive? Is he stalking her at the house? Is Lynn imagining all this? Who cares, where’s the fucking Rocktobering?
When the film decides to make good on 2 of its promises, it’s great. Bookended nicely as it is with adequate amounts of both blood and rocking. At least it ends strong, I’ll give it that, rockin’ you’re pants off with a 3 song death-concert that makes the rest of the stuff a little more forgivable. I just wish it wasn’t so chore-like to get there.
It really could have been the single greatest thing approached by this playlist. It could have been its Holy Grail, sitting on high, looking down at all the would-bes, coulda-beens and wanna-bes. Hell, Billy even utters the phrase Rock N Roll Horror for Christ’s sake.
Instead, it shuffles solemnly into its contented position somewhere at the bottom of the respectable 3rd of the list. Still, in its defense, it’s bringing the rock a lot harder than a good amount of these turkey’s, and for that it should be commended. But best Rock ‘N Roll Horror film of all time?
Nay, Rocktober Blood! Knell to your lord and master, Trick or Treat, a film which delivers on both the rock and the October. It even delivers on the supernatural level that you approach and then sidestep for some convoluted, Scooby-Doo-like stiff arm that de-awesomes the proceedings almost as much as your lack of pumpkins.
At least it has a decent soundtrack, one of a couple aspects giving it a leg up against the likes of Hard Rock Zombies or Terror On Tour, which both offer way more rocking, just with way shittier soundtracks.
Here’s the best thing about Rocktober Blood, and it’s literally the first 5 minutes of the film. It’s Billy Eyes bar setting resurrection anthem I’m Backby Sorcery.
Prologue (Little Shop of Horrors) by Michelle Weeks, Tichina Arnold and Tisha Campbell-Martin with Bill Mitchell
It’s a bit crazy to think we’ve made it 80 tracks into a horror themed playlist without including anything from one of the most beloved horror musicals of all time, Little Shop of Horrors.
I’ll be honest, I don’t care for musicals, generally speaking. They’re unnatural, disorienting and show tunes really aren’t my bag. Why is everyone singing all of a sudden? Am I on drugs? What’s going on up there? What world is this where random strangers are all suddenly singing, and well?
It’s never happened to me.
Granted, I’ve never been attacked by a mummy, either. Nor have I ever seen a Ghoulie in my toilet. But it could happen. I can imagine that world.
I can not, for one moment, imagine a world where all of my friends and I are having a conversation at a diner, then suddenly and for no apparent reason, we all burst out into song to detail plot points, describe feelings or externalize inner monologues through music.
So infectious is our glee that all the waiters and line cooks join in on the number, until our mirth can no longer be contained by the diner itself! We spill out into the streets and stop traffic. A crossing guard and truck driver add a verse. The whole of the town gather behind us in harmony, until finally a car careens into a fire hydrant and an urban geyser punctuates our final note! Then we just start talking again like normal people, without even acknowledging whatever the fuck that nonsense was that just happened.
Can’t picture that ever happening.
I can more easily imagine a cult of satanists rushing the door with an ancient amulet demanding the hostess be sacrificed over a plate of moons over my hammy. I’m prepared for that. I think I could handle that, mentally. I think an impromptu and unacknowledged musical number would fuck me up. I don’t know if I could move passed that. Maybe that makes it more horrific.
That being said, there are a few musicals I can enjoy, mostly because of their genre leanings or satiric nature. Rocky Horror, Cannibal: The Musical, and Little Shop of Horrors all have just the right amount of je ne sais quoi that allows me to get passed that unnatural sensation, and enjoy the musical as I believe it should be, without all my logical, earth-bound hang-ups.
So, in that spirit, we return to the Shindig after a long hiatus with the title track from Little Shop of Horrors. Enjoy!
I’m gonna wrap up this Vampire block with a Title Track of ridiculous proportions, from one of my favorite sub-genres, 80’s Monster Comedies.
Though technically released in 1990, Rockula was written and filmed in the late 80’s and has all the trappings of an 80’s Monster Comedy, and as such is filed accordingly by the Shindig.
If you’ve never seen Rockula, here’s the jist:
Ralph (played by Dean Cameron, aka Summer School’s Chainsaw) is a typically 80’s “friendly” vampire. Ralph’s got a problem though. See, 400 years ago Ralph failed to save his beloved Mona from a ham bone wielding pirate who murdered her on Halloween. After which, a terrible curse befell Ralph. He must relive this trauma ever 22 years, as Mona is reincarnated and Ralph is given another chance to prevent this tragedy. A chance which he always seems to squander.
However, in the late 80’s, Mona is resurrected as a musician, so Ralph becomes Rockula to win her heart, and maybe to keep a close eye on her to finally prevent that whole Halloween/ham bone/pirate murder thing.
Sound great? No? Well it is, and it features a couple of great tunes performed by Dean Cameron (and one by Toni “Oh Mickey” Basil, who plays Ralph’s Vampire mom.) Tunes that, of course, are featured on the Shindig.
From Rockula, performed by Rockula, it’s the triple threat, Rockula!
Once in blue Moon (or maybe 3 times in roughly 230 tracks) a song comes along so awesomely perfect that it defies my categories. It flagrantly rebels all, encompasses, and becomes more. It demands representation and it’s exclusion from any Halloween playlist is a crime against the holiday, so perfectly suited is it.
It’s a +1 to the trinity; it’s from a horror movie, its about the movie, it’s the movie’s fucking Title Track, and against all odd, it’s about Halloween too.
Are you kidding me? Nope. It’s a Referentially Inclusive Halloween Title Track, or a Great Pumpkin. I’d call it the Holy Grail, but there’s a couple of these fuckers on the Shindig.
While Trick Or Treat isn’t the ultimate example of such a song, it does appear before that track, so it gets the lead-in.
That’s not to say it’s any slouch though. Lets look at the stats:
It’s a Title Track, already 3 shots to it.
In that it’s called Trick Or Treat, is played live by an undead rock star in the movie, at a Halloween party, on Halloween, while he’s killing teenagers with a guitar that shoots lightning, is effort enough to earn it’s keep at the top of the heap.
You have a Halloween playlist and it doesn’t feature this song, you’re doing it wrong.
I love Trick Or Treat and it’s definitely an annual watch somewhere between October 1st and 31st.
Metal head dork Eddie Weinbauer accidentally resurrects his recently deceased rock hero Sammi Curr by unwittingly playing his final and unreleased album backwards.
At first Sammi aids Edward in his game of revenge, but when Sammi’s game becomes too real, Eddie pussies out and Sammi takes matters into his own hands. Awesomeness ensues.
The soundtrack, presented in the form of Sammi Curr’s music, is provided by butt-rockers Fastway, whom I’m not sure achieved much notoriety beyond this Soundtrack.
Either way, it all adds up to a pretty fantastic Heavy Metal Halloween. Enjoy!
As longtime followers are probably (painfully) aware, Monster Raps are load bearing supports in the Halloween Shindig rotation.
And when it comes to Monster Raps, few come as tailor-made awesome as Yeshwua Barnes and B Dub Woods’Maniac Cop Rap.
Check the stats:
Does it take the movie’s score and mix into an awesome beat? Check.
Does it play during the end credits? Check.
Does it feature the title repeated ad nauseum? Check
Does it talk about how badass the main character is? Check
Does it feature the most ridiculous lyrics you can image? Check plus.
Here’s some choice selection from the track…
Set ‘em on fire, I shoot ‘em with a Uzi
But he’ll show up in you’re jacuzzi!”
Gold.
And don’t waste time dialin’ 9-1-1
Forget karate and forget yer gun!
Forgotten.
You won’t get a ticket or pay a fine
You might as well be dealin’ with Frankenstein!
Fair Enough.
Without any further ado, segueing out of our 80’s Oddball Sequel Dance Party, from a sequel that’s arguably better than the original, 1990’s Maniac Cop 2, here’s the Manaic Cop Rap.
In 1993 they decided to take the previously British franchise of Hellraiser across the pond, because, Lord knows America always takes something cool and makes it cooler.
That being said, it’s certainly not the worst Cenobite installment, however it’s hardly the best, as I feel both 2 and 5 are better films. Though I have met some static for my championing of Inferno, which I still feel is one of the more interesting sequels, despite being largely devoid of Cenobites and Pinhead.
Which is the worst? God only knows. They’re up to what, 9 now? I stopped after Hellseeker to be perfectly honest, and from the shots I’ve seen of…whoever the hell that is replacing Doug Bradley, Revelations isn’t providing any….well….revelations.
But enough of my (rather unqualified) opinions of the franchise in its totality. Let’s join Lemmy and Motörhead as they rock out with that secret song at the center of the world. Pinhead is here,…to turn up the volume.
