mini-playlist

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Monster Disco Ball!

Not since the Shock! Theater revival of the late 50’s and early 60’s had so many non-acts decided it was a groovy idea to start singing about Frankenstein and Dracula. Especially Dracula, yeesh.

And why? Is there something I’m not understanding about Monster Music? Did this shit sell? Were they making a killing tapping into this market? Who knows. Someone was making something beyond these folks just making these records, or else no one would been having them make ’em, right?

But it’s not like this is Christmas music, where you’re almost guaranteed a boot-load of sales, and for years to come, so long as your record isn’t a complete pile of shit. No, this is Monster music. You’re already dealing with a pretty lean fan base to begin with and without that wholesome, doesn’t-it-just-make-ya-feel-good-by-the-fire vibe, what’s the angle? Your Grandma ain’t listening to fuckin Disco Blood, ya know? Well, I mean, unless she is, and that’s awesome. Doubt that’s most of our Grandmas, though.

Was there a large market for this shit in the late 70’s that I’m just not understanding? Pretty much all of these pre-date Thriller as well, so I’m just confused. Why were so many artists leaning into this?

 

I  couldn’t tell ya, but boy am I glad they did. Above you will find the finest in Monster Disco The Shindig has to offer, including a couple of Monster Disco Ball exclusives! 

So blast a rail or 2 off a mirrored ball, throw on a Don Post Mask and Boogyman down!

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Title Tracks Maxi-Playlist

I have been writing about the greatness of old horror Title Tracks for roughly 10 straight years now. They’re my favorite type of track on the playlist. They have the power to elevate bad movies to ones worth talking about, and the finesse to turn great movies into legends.

I’ve been speaking publicly about that same greatness for roughly 4 years now, half in the bag, obnoxiously crooning along out of tune. Hopefully, that has illuminated some of the finer, and even perhaps less finer, examples the sub-genre has to offer.

Presented for your enjoyment, is a Maxi-Playlist of all the Title Tracks currently present on the Full Playlist plus any featured on Shindig Radio (5 volumes, at the time of writing) including all the ones not presently included (or will ever be included) on The Full Playlist. So yes, that means even Body Melt (sorry, no 9 to 5 though, or Spaceballs, or any of the action extractions either.)

Rather than putting them together as they appeared on the show however, I have ordered this playlist chronologically with date makers to illustrate the rise of and eventual fall of this particular fad in film history.

I would also like to note that the new additions Bad Taste and I Was a Teenage Zombie plus previously unaccounted for The Monster Squad tips the scales into 1987’s favor for “The Year of the Title Track” at 8 total! That’s even with 1988 getting the padding of fake track Big Breasted Girls Go to the Beach and Take Their Tops Off. Not too shabby 1987. Let’s see what the future holds as these two juggernaut years continue to slug it out!

I will add to this playlist as more volumes of Title Tracks continue to spill out from the Halloween Hole, as (despite what this playlist may suggest) there are still so many Title Tracks in the bullpen left to revel in, make fun of, and sing along to poorly.

Enjoy.

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That’s One Weird-Ass Christmas

At this point in our collective timeline, there’s probably more Christmas music than some actual, legitimate sub-genre’s of musical expression. It’s almost absurd just how much Christmas music there is out there.

A lot of people hate Christmas music and it’s hard to blame them. With a pool of tunes so deep, what we’re subjected to year after year probably amounts to about a 2 liter’s worth of actual music. The same damn 30 songs sung by the same damn 30 people. And even if they’re sung by someone else, it’s usually still the same damn songs.

This has led to an entire subculture committed to finding and compiling the strangest and most obscure Christmas songs imaginable. In the age of the internet, this has become much easier and more common. As such, my playlist here is by no means definitive, nor as thorough as some of the finest compilations you can find on the subject.

This is simply me throwing my hat in the ring with a fun playlist of some of weirdest Christmas songs I’ve come across over the years.

Merry Christmas, everybody. Here’s a helmet.

I’ll toss some notes below the player, if it do ya. Enjoy!

 

1.Merry Christmas You Suckers by Paddy Roberts (1962): What a way to kick off this bizarre playlist. Back in 1962, ole Paddy was hitting the nail pretty square on the head. Some 60 odd years later, this song seems more relevant than ever.

2. Cashing in on Christmas by Bad News (1987): Keeping with the theme of Christmas’ descent into capitalistic blood ritual, here comes UK butt-rockers Bad News with a self-aware satire of the music industry’s culpability in that very descent.

3. Ole Year Christmas by Sisterhood:  Ah. The wonderful world of Song-Poems. If you’re not familiar with Song-Poems, this link should take care of that for you. Now that you’re up to speed, rejoice that there’s an entire album of Christmas Song-Poems, and several of them are on this playlist.

4. Close Your Mouth (It’s Christmas) by The Free Design (1968): Here’s the antidote to all that commercial Christmas bullshit. The Free Design implore you to bring your mind and body back from the store and get to know the people in your house. You might like em!

5. Peace At Least by Rotary Connection (1968): This soulful number answers the age-old question “Why does Santa even do all this weird Christmas shit.” Well, evidentially, he’s high as fuck. In fact, he smokes mistletoe.

6. Honky the Christmas Goose by Johnny Bower (1961): Much like Dominick the Donkey, here’s another song about a Christmas animal you didn’t know existed, making a sound nobody likes. You can read all about this bizarre tune and it’s singer, Toronto Maple Leaf Goalie Johnny Bower here…

7. Merry Christmas in the NFL by Willis The Guard (1980): Speaking of Christmas sports, here’s a strange one-off from Pac-Man Fever scribes Jerry Buckner and Gary Garcia, utilizing the name Willis The Guard, a character from Atlanta Radio personality Bob Carr and the fictional band Vigorish. Weird.

8. A Tropical Winter by The 1970 San Francisco 49ers (1970): So this ad guy named Mike Tatich thought it would be real funny if football players sang Christmas songs. He then somehow magically convinced the newly minted NFL to back this cockamamie scheme. After that, he literally drove around the country recording all 26 teams singing classic Christmas tunes. Its fuckin’ nuts. You can read about this crazy-ass story in great detail here on Deadspin. This song, A Tropical Winter, is the only original number on the album. And more specifically, it comes from the San Francisco 49er’s iteration. There are 25 other versions of this very song, all sang by different teams, floating around in the world.

9. We Need Some Snow by Three Beat Slide (2016): This song is weird, no doubt, but what’s weirder is Three Beat Slide themselves and their videos. A family band in the grand sense, they produce perhaps the strangest tunes and videos this side of the Y2K bug. You owe it to yourself to click this link and enjoy.

10. Dying Snowman by Soulful Dynamic (1982): I’m not sure if you can call this an out and out Christmas song, but it’s 100% the kind of strange and obscure shit that this playlist was designed to feature. Absolutely bizarre.

11. Dear Mr. Claus by Paul Revere and The Raiders (1967): Here’s a little causal sexism straight outta 1967 for ya. Paul Revere and The Raiders have apparently been “good” all year, so naturally they ask Santa for a sort of mindless sex-slave, like the guy’s some kinda Yuletide pimp. Yep, that’s weird. And what is this request for, exactly? A sex doll? A robot? A flesh and blood mail order bride? Does Santa even have this ability? And where does she go exactly? In his sack? Riding alongside him in the sleigh? So many questions for Paul Revere and his Raiders.

12. Dear Santa (Bring Me a Man for Christmas) by The Weather Girls (1983): Apparently the great man-deluge of 1982 had all dried up, as The Weather Girls found themselves man-less by 1983. However, not wishing the fairer sex be left out Santa’s holiday human trafficking ring, they make a similar request of Jolly Ole Nick. And man can these ladies belt it.

13. Xmas Done Got Funky by Jimmy Jules and The Nuclear Soul System (1977): If you’re concerned that Christmas doesn’t seem the way it used to be, don’t you worry buddy. It just got a little bit funky, courtesy of the coolest group of dudes this side of Soulful Dynamic.

14. Funky Funky Christmas by The New Kids on The Block (1989): New Kids on the Block? Are you for real? Maybe, but you can’t tell me this song isn’t fuckin’ weird. Between that god-awful Santa voice, whatever this melody is supposed to be, the bizarre talking that’s not quite rapping, and the fact that there isn’t a lick of funk in a song which states as such not once, but twice (!) and you’ve got yourself one original, bona fide lump of Christmas coal.

15. The Christmas Rap by Crew X (1990): Rap songs about Christmas are so abundant I gave them their own playlist. However, I couldn’t include (in good conscience anyway) this ridiculous song from Crew X. And once you hear it, I’m sure you’ll agree, this is the right place for it. You can find this bizarro track tacked onto the end of an otherwise perfectly normal album of Christmas Rap music album called…well…Christmas Rap Music. Also weird, why exactly is this song not called The Santa Rap?

16. Rock and Roll Santa by Jan Terri (1994): The Get-Down Goblin herself, Ms. Jan Terri, returns to serenade us all with possibly her magnum-opus: Rock and Roll Santa. Straight up, if The Ramones sang this song, it would be a beloved holiday classic.

17. The Rocking Disco Santa Claus by Sisterhood: Well, it looks like Sisterhood is back, and this time, their gonna kick off a whole block of Disco Christmas tunes, with this weird-ass song poem. Don’t worry though, we left Disco Duck on the bench.

18. Disco Christmas by The Universal Robot Band (1977): Disco Christmas from The Universal Robot Band, is a fun-ass Disco Christmas song. The interplay between Santa and Rudolph in this bizarre tune is fantastic. Hearing Rudolph call Santa a “Jive Turkey” is just what you need this Christmas.

19. Christmas For Space by Universal Energy (1977): For some reason there seems to be shit ton of Christmas space songs. So, we thought we’d set the mood a bit with this weird instrumental, Christmas For Space, which seems less concerned with the actual sound of Christmas and more concerned with how cool 70’s string synthesizers sound. And for anyone playing along at home, the back masked message at the end of the song is…Christmas For Space…and a little of what sounds a whole hell of a lot like French.

20. Christmas in the Stars by Meco (1980):  Ah, the Star Wars Christmas album. If you’re unfamiliar with this relic of oddly conceived Star Wars tie-ins, then you’re in for a treat. Featuring actual C3PO actor, Anthony Daniels, and legendary sound designer Ben Burt!

21. Captain Santa Claus (and His Reindeer Space Patrol) by Bobby Helms (1957): A lot of songs posit Santa as having access to lavish technology to make his unfathomable Christmas trip. Since most of them are from the space-race era, typically this is a rocket of some kind. Captain Santa Claus goes the extra mile by affording Santa an actual rank. When his sleigh breaks down on Christmas Eve, the elves make him a rocket so he can still deliver presents. Hooray!

22: Outer Space Santa by The Lennon Sisters (1956):  So, apparently there’s children in space, and evidentially, they want shit for Christmas too. You needn’t worry though, earth dweller! Our terrestrial Santa is safe from celestial requests, it seems. He won’t be distracted from his earthly duties this Christmas, cause they have their own Santa out there in space. Good for them.

23: I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas with a Dalek by The Go-Gos (1964): Not sung by the American Go-Go’s as you might initially expect, this one comes from a British group of the same name who, in 1964, decided to catch a little Dalek fever. Now, I’m not much of a Dr. Who fan, but I am a fan of weird-ass Christmas songs, and this is certainly that, particularly considering these things this child is singing about are a murderous race of space-cyborgs.

24. Space Age Santa Claus by Pattie Marie Jay (1961): So here, Santa has a rocket sleigh again, but this time for some reason, he’s only bringing the Christmas spirit across the Solar System. Slacker.

25: R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas by Meco (1980): I love this album so much I had to include a second tune. But with so many great ones to choose from, which do you pick? Well, I had to go with this one, where a bunch of children proclaim their love for a trash can robot that doesn’t have emotions. Notable also for being the recording debut of a one Jon Bon Jovi. For real? I guess so.

26. Merry Christmas Santa Claus (You’re a Lovely Guy) by Max Headroom (1986): Look, I don’t know why 80’s icon and literal talking head Max Headroom has a Christmas song, but it’s pretty legit. Hell, with this choral accompaniment, I’ll bet you could sneak this into the rotation at the company Christmas party, and your drunken co-workers wouldn’t suspect a thing. Max even manages to keep the Christ in Christmas. Of course, he also has the baby Jesus wish Santa a Merry Christmas, but that’s all part of the charm.

27. Here Comes Santa Claus in a Red Canoe by The Surfers (1959): From their 1959 album Christmas From Hawaii, here’s the lone original number. Despite having a, ya know, sleigh with 8 flying reindeer, why not jump in a canoe if you need to get to the big island?

28. Santa Came on a Nuclear Missile by Heather Noel: It’s all the fun of Weird Al’s Christmas At Ground Zero with none of the intentional humor! Just some bleak, song-poem weirdness. Man, the Cold War was a trip, huh?

29. Can Santa Miss Those Missiles? by Reece Shipley (1960): I wonder if any actual children in the 50’s and 60’s were concerned Santa might get hit by some rouge intercontinental ballistic missile. Well, if they were, ole Reece Shipley here stepped in at the right time to provide them with a little hope. Thank God. Fuck, the Cold War really was a trip.

30. Truckin’ Tree’s For Christmas by Red Simpson (1973): Here’s a fun tune from an under-represented yuletide demographic; the trucker hauling the trees to the Christmas Tree lot. And who better to sing it than Red Simpson, the man who literally released an album called I Am a Truck.

31. Christmas Flu by Lee Montgomery (1984): Now, I couldn’t make a playlist of weird Christmas music without including something from Silent Night, Deadly Night, right? Of course not! So, I picked the weirdest one of the bunch, Christmas Flu. I got a Christmas attack!

32. Christmas in Jailby The Youngsters (1956): Man, that just kinda sucks. Could have happened to any of us on Christmas Eve, really.

33. Daddy, Is Santa Really Six Foot Four? by Kay Brown: A Christmas classic gets the song poem treatment here, complete with a song poem twist. See, this narrator didn’t just catch Mommy kissing Santa Claus, but that Santa Claus said he was coming back, and with a gun. Watch the fuck out, Daddy!

34. Santa Claus Wants Some Loving by Albert King (1974): “Santa getting his fuck on” is such a prolific theme in Christmas music, it could have its own playlist. We’re gonna set off our own little Santa Sex Block with this milder entry from Albert King.

35. I’ll Be Your Santa Baby by Rufus Thomas (1973): A year earlier, and a tad more risque.

36. Back Door Santaby Clarence Carter (1968): Perhaps the original “lets cut the bullshit, Santa’s just a dude with a dick, and milk and cookies ain’t cuttin’ it no more” tune. Ah, Christmas: the season of giving.

37. I Know What You Want for Christmas by Kay Martin (1962): Kay Martin’s coy and not quite lewd I Know What You Want For Christmas is the (semi) title track off her 1962 Christmas stag party collection I Know What He Wants for Christmas…But I Don’t Know How to Wrap It. The entire record isn’t quite as fun as this tune, but it’s still definitely worth a spin, particularly if everyone’s holding a highball while wearing orange turtle neck sweaters.

38. The Peppermint Stick Man by Randall Reed and The Forerunners: So this man, this peppermint stick man, he’s erect, and with his stick he has a plan? Am I understanding this right? What the fuck is going on in this song? Holy shit with this one.

39. The Gift by Mickey Rooney (1979): So in 1979, Mickey Rooney – yep, Mr. Joe Petto himself – cut a Christmas album. And if that wasn’t weird enough, he called that album Merry Merry Micklemas. And if that wasn’t weird enough, this was the god damn album cover. Yikes. Now, if all of that just wasn’t weird enough for you, here’s track number 3, where Mickey sings you a song from a Christmas present’s point of view. And if that still (somehow!) just isn’t enough fuckin’ weirdness for you, listen to that borderline psychotic baby voice he uses for the gift. Right on Roon!

40. Christmas Without Daddy by Joe Walega and His Happy Hearts (1978): Polka King Joe Walega celebrates the season of cheer…by talking about his dead Dad. Now that’s all well and good (if not a bit bleak for a Christmas song) but listening to a grown man call his Father “Daddy” over and over, in Shatner-esque speak-singing, is just weird.

41. Debbie’s Last Christmas by Nancy LaPlante (1969): The weirdest thing about this song is that it exists. The story here is sort of heartbreaking, but it’s presentation? Yeah, that’s weird. And the magical twist? Well, that’s a little weird too.

42. I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday by Wizzard (1973): After that double-shot of Christmas cheer, we could use a little pick-me-up before we wrap up this present. And there’s no better way than with this one. Not particularly weird in and of itself, but once you see card carrying weirdos Wizzard perform this song, all becomes clear. Also, the snowman bringing the snow seems like a weird concept to me, and that Black Mirror episode kinda made it weird now too, so there’s that. Still a hard Christmas tune to resist, weird or not.

Excuse My Christmas by Jan Terri: We’re gonna let good ole Jan Terri close us out here with her 2nd Christmas tune. I’m not really sure what Excuse My Christmas is suppose to mean exactly but I love it all the same. So we’d like to say to you all, excuse our Christmas, we know it was a bit weird.

We hoped you’ve enjoyed this off-beat compilation anyway and that it may continue to bring you holiday joy all throughout your years!

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Christmas Rap Music

No musical genre is safe from the icy and impenetrable grip of that commercial juggernaut known as Christmas.

As such, Rap succumbed to the holiday’s glittery grasp right from its infancy, with pioneer MC Kurtis Blow quite literally breaking onto the scene with his 1979 debut, Christmas Rappin’.

Ever since, Rap has enjoyed a long and…colorful… history with the most wonderful time of the year.

Collected below, and spanning almost 40 years, are some of my favorite Christmas Raps. And because I think it’s fun to hear Rap evolve fluidly over the course of a playlist, they’re presented here in chronological order.

Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas everyone!

 

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Monster Christmas Mash (1974)

So, here’s a slice of bizarro-70’s-monster-weirdness I wish I knew existed back in 2018 when we did our Christmas episode of Shindig Radio. It’s the exact sort of thing I was trying to include.

Thankfully, it’s here now,  so let’s talk about it.

Back in 1974, it would appear as though someone just casually listening to Boris Pickett’s Monster’s Holiday and thought it would be a great idea for an entire novelty concept album.

And they were right, cause this thing is awesome.

Now, it’s not exactly the same as Monster’s Holiday because the monsters don’t rob Santa, as they plan to do in Boris’ song. What’s happening here is that Frankenstein’s Monster is sick and dying. Ok, off to a weird start. But then, just going right along with the weirdness, he laments that he’s never been invited to a Christmas party.  So, as some kinda Make-A-Wish Foundation move, the Association of Monsters decide to throw him a Christmas Party.

It’s a bizarre concept, no doubt, but it features a couple of fun new monsters tunes, a few classic Christmas carol renditions and some fantastic voice acting.

So, if you’re feeling like your Christmas is lacking a little Monster action, fire this thing up, because it’s one monstrously jolly listen.

 

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A Very Shindig Christmas Playlist

It was brought to my attention that I never actually made a mini-playlist for our Shindig Radio Christmas episode, A Very Shindig Christmas.

However, since the songs from The Crypt Keeper, The Krypt Keeper 5 and Silent Night, Deadly Night (the bulk of that episode) are each represented in their own playlists, I thought putting all of them here too would be a bit redundant. So, i figured I’d include at least one tune and chop the others.

To make up for the missing songs though, I’ve added in a few similarly themed track which would not have felt out of place in that episode.

Enjoy!

 

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Deck My Balls: Seasons Beatings from the Krypt Keeper 5

As any of you who’ve listened to A Very Shindig Christmas are well aware, Shindig Radio personality Mikey Rotella cut a Christmas record back in Monessen, PA.

He and 3 other FX kids came together to form The Krypt Keeper 5, and they gave that toothless town something to smile about in the Winter of 2005.

A mixture of gorified Christmas standards and horrific originals, Deck My Balls: Seasons Beatings from the Krypt Keeper 5 stands as raw and singular testament to how shitty and boring it is in Monessen Pennsylvania, and just what kind of creativity that can stir in a bunch of isolated youths.

So pick up a couple cases of Iron City, fry up some chipped ham and grab your balls for the beating of the season.

 

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Freddy Raps: The Playlist

From the beginning of 1987 to the end of 1988, at least 12 different Rap songs were created in honor of the Son of 100 Maniacs, such was Freddymania.

Compiled here (unfortunately) are only 11 of those songs. Hopefully the missing track, Triple Scoop and Jam Cutta’s He’s Back, will one day be added to this list. If I ever find a quality enough copy to include, that is.

In addition to the 9 songs featured on Monster Raps Pt. 3, we have included the extended versions of both Are you Ready for Freddy and A Nightmare on My Street. See Freddy’s other playlist if you’d like to hear the single versions.

Now, it’s time to face the music, with Rapmaster Freddy!

PLAYLIST UPDATE! (6.5.21)

Shortly after uploading, some kind soul posted a clean copy of Triple Scoop and Jam Cutta’s He’s Back to YouTube. Unfortunately, the show was without this track, but at least it found it’s true home here on the playlist.

Oh, who are we kidding, it’ll obviously make it onto Monster Raps Pt. 4. C’mon now.

PLAYLIST UPDATE! (1.30.23)

Though purchased some time ago, I managed to score a copy of Bit Bizzare’s Freddie’s Groove. I have updated the playlist to now include the complete version and that missing verse is as good as I’d have hoped. Feels good to finally get the whole track on here. Enjoy! I will upload it to YouTube as well soon.

Additionally, in that time span, I also procured a copy of Stevie B’ s Nightmare on Freddy Krugger Street. I have also update that version from the crummy YouTube rip to a much nicer pull from the original vinyl. The playlist is now complete…

…for now.

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Monster Raps: Mini-Playlist

In 1983, Michael Jackson released his landmark, groundbreaking and absolutely dominating album, Thriller.

It’s eponymous track featured the incomparable Vincent Price delivering what they called the “Thriller Rap.” Though not exactly what we’ve come to know as rap, it is oft cited as the catalyst for the genre I affectionately refer to as Monster Rap.

These are rap songs exclusively about monsters or created specifically for various horror films, with their title characters or plots at the forefront.

Shortly thereafter Thriller, and perhaps even as a direct result, Whodini released what I think of as the original Monster Rap, The Haunted House of Rock, a bit of early 80’s hip-hop goodness that plays like the rap version of the Monster Mash.

As Rap began to penetrate pop-culture in the mid 80’s, seemingly everyone decided the best commercial move was to make everything rap. Naturally, horror icons and monsters were not left out of that equation.

Now, collected here in chronological order, are all the Monster Raps currently featured on The Halloween Shindig playlist.

Kick it.

 

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Freddy’s Greatest Hits (1987)

Back in 1987, I guess someone over at New Line Cinema thought it might be a profitable idea to shove a bunch of session musicians into a studio, have them record a couple weird 80’s covers of a few classic tunes, whip up a few Freddy-specific originals, overdub Robert England cackling, call it Freddy’s Greatest Hits, then sit back and watch the money train pull into the station.

Whether that train ever arrived, I couldn’t well say. That probably depends largely on just how much they dumped into this endeavor in the first place. Not gonna lie, it doesn’t sound like a lot. So who knows, maybe they actually did turn a profit with this thing.

Either way, we won. And we won big time. Mr. Big Time.

If you’ve never heard this album, you’re in for a real treat. If you have, then you’re probably just shaking your head at your screen right now, questioning either my sanity or sincerity. And fair enough. This isn’t double-platinum shit here, I’ll grant you that. But conceptually? It’s as gold as it gets.

Freddy lazily speak-singing Wilson Pickett’s In The Midnight Hour? The frolicking surrealism of a burn-scarred child-killer having his own dance called The Freddy? The strained melodrama of Don’t Sleep? Wolly Bully? C’mon.

How bout just the fact that something this fucking bizarre, this blatantly commercial, this antithetical to its source material was created at all? This kind of thing is everything I want.

As for my sincerity, I’ll just say that maybe I’ve listened to this thing too many times now, and it’s become familiar. Or maybe I just have shitty taste in music. Or maybe I’m just a psychopath. All of these things are a good possibility, but there are songs on this album that I legitimately enjoy, listen to by choice and rock out to. I love Down in the Boiler Room. I love Don’t Sleep. I love Obsession. I love this album; conceptually, musically, wholeheartedly – and I’m glad it exists.

And while this is certainly an album you can hear in many other places, Halloween Shindig is most definitely a place you should be able to hear it.

So now it is. Enjoy.

I’ll be seeing you…