Drac-Tracks

Songs about the Count himself. Or featuring him, in one way or another. Some more dubiously than others.

Audio

The Monsters Go Disco

BONUS TRACK!

The Monsters Go Disco by The Monster Cereals

I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to talk about this nugget of nostalgic goodness, and smack dab in the middle of a Monster Disco Block seemed like the perfect place. Because, ya know, there’s no better way to segue out of fully audible quasi-consensual Vampire fucking than to start taking about children’s breakfast mascots.

Additionally, it appears dragging my feet for years has actually timed this post up to the 50th anniversay of the Monster Cereals, commemorated here with their own all-star box of super-group cereal called Monster Mash! Albertsons, Ralphs and Target all failed me on this box. When every single goddamn physical retail store finally succumbs to the will of Amazon, let The Monster Mash Cereal be their epitaphs!

As an added bonus, the crew teamed up to produce a new version of Boris Pickett’s classic graveyard smash, The Monster Mash. The song’s kind of trash, as Monster Mash covers go, but you can scan this QR code and listen to it on Spotify. They even made a mildly amusing Behind the Music-style video as accompaniment, and that’s worth a watch.

 

But I digress.

Anyone who’s probably actually reading these posts are well aware of the Monster Cereals. They’re iconic, even if you’ve never indulged in a bowlful of their colorful and crunchy crap.

Before these cartoon creatures came to be, cereal giant General Mills used to use Disney-owned properties to slang their morning crack. But in 1971, they decided it would be a hell of a lot more profitable if they just invented their own characters and kept all the proceeds. Enter Franken Berry and Count Alfred Chocula. Yep, Chocula has a name and that name is apparently Alfred.

So, smashed between Saturday morning cartoons, General Mills unleashed their animated monsters and grabbed the minds and stomachs of an entire generation.

Interesting side note: apparently in 1972, they began using a pigment in Franken Berry which actually turned kids shit pink. They even had a term for it known as “Franken Berry Stool.” Not sure whether this pigment was actually harmful or not, but they discontinued using it shortly thereafter none the less.

But because turning kid turds funny colors while pushing an addictive powder directly into their bloodstreams only makes you so much money, an entire marketing web was established. Stickers, rings, vinyl toys, magnets, and other such pieces of plastic were either shoved into the boxes, or featured as mail-away prizes on the back.

Well in 1979, General Mills began a campaign of of thin, flexible 45rpm records known as Flexi-Discs. These prizes were attached directly the backs of specially marked boxes of the each of the Monster Cereals.

3 of these 4 minute records were produced featuring the gang performing skits, including Monster Adventures in Outer Space and Count Chocula Goes to Hollywood. But it is the 3rd record which concerns us today, The Monsters Go Disco. It was 1979, after all.

This tale involves the monsters finding themselves frightfully lonely on a Saturday Night and deciding to give the local discotheque a go.

There they encounter a Wolfman Jack like disc jockey and have themselves a good ole fashioned dance off for the affections of “Donna Disco.”

This particular record has an even deeper history, as it was animated and remixed years later by 2 General Mills employees. You can read the backstory and strange journey of this record here, in a fantastically myopic and interesting Pop-Icon article.

But for now, let’s us indulge in a little lull amidst our Monster Disco Block and get a little Franken Berry Stool of our own with The Monsters Go Disco.

 

Audio

Disco Blood

 

TRACK #292:

Disco Blood by The Vamps

No, it’s not that Disco Blood, featured in 1981’s slasher classic, The Prowler, as performed by Nowherefast. Unfortunately, that one still appears to be unobtainium at the moment. Nope, this disco hit comes courtesy of Brazilian dance outfit, The Vamps.

It’s the title track the from their only LP, Disco Blood, released back in 1977.

And boy, what a weird ass tune this is.

It’s essentially a disco tale of a nubile woman who runs afoul “the vampire.” And not just a vampire, mind you, but the vampire. We could assume this means Dracula, as it typically does, but perhaps not. We’re just not sure.

Anyway, after some less than coy flirtations, and then overt unsolicited advances, this thing turns to (from the sounds of it anyway) straight up Vampire rape. After which, this poor young woman seems to acquiesce to the dire situation and the song then devolves into these 2 audibly fucking for almost 2 minutes over a disco beat. Well then.

The story itself, in all its myriad complexity, is actually illustrated for us on the album’s sleeve. Well, that’s a curious bonus. Chalk one up for The Vamps.

 

Disco Blood 1
Disco Blood 2
Disco Blood 3
Disco Blood 4
Disco Blood 5
Disco Blood 6

These are some great pictures to have on the back of an album, and it was an unexpected treat when I received this record in the mail.

As for the song, there’s some serious bongo work on display with this tune and man if it don’t get yer foot tapping.

Sure, you could take issue with the less than favorable subject matter, either as a moralistic objection to sex in general, the performance and distribution of simulated sex on record, or the unholy union of a human and creature of the night in sexual congress. Any one of those would make perfect sense and could impair someone’s desire to dance. I get that.

However, having no objection to the above, one could still find it difficult to dance to a song featuring a woman being thrust upon by a man (or monster) against her will. True enough. This woman literally yells “Get out of me!” Not sure if that’s just a language barrier or something more specific, but whatever’s happening here is not (at least initially anyway) consensual in the slightest.

But then again, I think that’s the nature of the vampire. For what is a vampire attack, if not a wildly non-consensual act.

But, if you can square yourself with that unfavorable situation, then you got one hell of a smokin’ disco number on you’re hands.

Unfortunately, like most of the artists this year it seems, I couldn’t dig up too much information on The Vamps.

So, I guess all we have are these drawings and 7 and a half minutes of a little 33rpm auditory pornography/maybe rape/probably horror/definitely disco. Eh, why not?

I apologize in advance.

 

Audio

(It’s A) Monsters’ Holiday

TRACK #245:

(It’s A) Monsters’ Holiday by Buck Owens and The Buckaroos

On Oct. 30th 1973, Hee-Haw co-host and future Country Hall of Fame inductee Buck Owens entered his Bakersfield California studio with his Buckaroos to record this shit-kickin’ country creep-out.

Released the following summer, just ahead of Halloween 1974, (It’s A) Monsters’ Holiday reached #6 on the Billboard Country Charts. Not bad for a silly monster song.

And boy howdy, is this one silly.

Rattling off all kinds of monsters – Frankenstein, The Wolfman, Dracula, The Hunchback, Gremlins, Goblins, Mummies and Zombies – Buck Owens gives shout outs all around in this goofy and upbeat tune.

Now, why all of these Monsters inexplicably appearing in Buck’s bedroom constitutes a “holiday” I couldn’t well say. To me, it just sounds like more work.

Cause for Monsters, scaring people is their job, right? At least, you could say it’s not below their pay-grade. So, if they’re just doing their job, than it sounds like they’re at work. Not much of  a holiday, just doing what you do for a living.

Now, if they were hanging out by the pool, hittin’ the slopes, or yuckin it up down at the local Monster VFW, I could see considering this a nice little reprieve from their everyday responsibilities; a true holiday.

As it stands, this doesn’t sound like much of a vacation to me. But it does sound like one down home, country-fried Shindiggin’ Halloween hoedown if I’ve ever heard one.

Atta boy, Buck!

 

Audio

Night of the Vampire

TRACK #244:

Night of the Vampire by Roky Erickson and The Aliens

Speaking of folks who haven’t made an appearance at the plate for a couple season, here comes Roky Erickson and The Aliens, who haven’t taken a swing in about 6 years, 7 months and 18 days. About.

Ole Roky will probably end up as an All-Star eventually, but he already should be and I’ve neglected adding another one of his songs for far too long.

So we’re gonna line up and Vampire double-header here with Roky’s cautionary ode about a night of a generic vampire.

Or is it? What clues can we unearth?

Well, its all fairly unspecific. That is until Roky tells us a little bit about this vampire. Why, he’s from Transylvania! So, we could easily conclude he’s just talking about Dracula, of course!

Well, wait a minute. Not so fast, cause apparently this Vamp was also born on St. Swithin’s Day.

What in the Sam Hell is St. Swithin’s Day?

Good question. But don’t worry, I’ve already looked it up for us.

St. Swithin’s Day is a British holiday. It’s July 15th. It’s kinda like Groundhog Day, in that it purports to predict how the weather will shake out in it’s aftermath. Seems if it rains on St. Swithin’s Day, you’re lookin at 40 days of more rain to follow.

Got some sunshine? Well, you got some clears skies coming at you for the rest of July and August.

It even has a little limerick:

St Swithun’s day if thou dost rain
For forty days it will remain
St Swithun’s day if thou be fair
For forty days ’twill rain nae mare

Aces. But, what the fuck does that to do with Vampires?

Search me. Roky Erickson was a weird cat, man. God knows what all that electroshock therapy did to his noodle.

Wait, maybe Dracula was born on St. Swithin’s Day?

Well, since Dracula got his name from real life Romanian Aristocrat and gnarly sunofabitch, Vlad III, lets start there.

Vlad was a Prince, and his father, the king, was known as Vlad Dracul, which meant Dragon. That name is what they call a “sobriquet,” and that’s basically just a formal nickname that becomes more popular than your real name. Like Tricky Dick, or The Sultan of Swat, or the King of Pop. You know exactly who I’m talking about and I never needed to say their names. Unless you don’t, which probably just means your younger than shit.

Well anyway, Vlad III had one of these sobriquets too; Vlad Tepes, or Vlad the Impaler. Cause that’s what happens you you shove a fuck-ton of giant pikes through people – you get named for that shit.

Now, since his dad was Vlad Dracul….Little Vlad came to have another nickname, Dracula, which is like the equivalent of what calling a guy around here Johnson or Peterson used to be.

Ok great, but weren’t we taking about his birthday. Yeah, but the problem is that nobody’s really even sure what year Vlad Tepes, was born, much less the day. General consensus seems to be 1431. That’s as good as we can get on that front.

So, how about fake Dracula?

Same. And the novel was published on May 26th, so no winky references there.

Well, how about the guys who played fake Dracula? Let’s see…

Max Schrek? September 6th.

Bela Lugosi? October 20th

Carlos Villarías? July 7th. Man that’s close.

John Carradine? February 5th.

Christopher Lee? May 27th.

Jack Palance? February 18th.

Klaus Kinski? October 18th.

Frank Langella? January 1st.

Udo Kier? October 14th.

Judd Hirsh, maybe? Naw. March 15th.

Duncan Regehr? October 5th.

Gary Oldman? March 21st.

Gerard Fuckin’ Butler, even? November 13th.

That guy from Argento’s 3D shit show? That was Thomas Kretschmann. And nope, September 8th.

What about that new guy? It’s way too late for Roky at this point, but what the hell, right?

Luke Evans was in Dracula Untold. He was born April, 15th,

William Smith? Wait, really…William “Normad” Smith? Yep, he played ole Drac in The Erotic Rites of Countess Dracula in 2001. But no. March 24th.

Claes Bang most recently play him on Netflix. April 28th.

Fuck, really?

I dunno, Leslie Nielsen maybe? Nope. Februrary 11th.

Jesus, was anyone interesting born on July 15th?

Sure…

Hall of fame Basketball player Frank “Pop” Morgenweck, Country Singer Lloyd “Cowboy” Copas, Airwolf’s Jan-Michael Vincent, Painter and toothpaste spokesman Rembrandt, Linda Ronstadt, Filmmaker DA Pennebaker, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Johnny Thunders, Terry “The Step Father” O’Qiunn, Lolita “I Have the Coolest Last Name Ever” Davidovich, Forrest “What’s Really Goin On With My Eye?” Whittaker, comedian Eddie Griffin, Brian “The Peach Pit” Austin Green and current Portland Trailblazer Point Guard Damian Lillard.

..were all born St. Swithin’s day.

From my extensive research however, I have found that only Brian Austin Green and Cowboy Copas were actual Vampires. Brian was born in 1973, which probably makes him a bit too young for the honor. So, I can only conclude this song is about legendary Vampire Lloyd “Cowboy” Copas.

So beware, or your death might be Signed, Sealed and Delivered.

 

Audio

Nosferatu

TRACK #243:

Nosferatu by Blue Öyster Cult

It’s been roughly 7 years, 6 months and 16 days since Blue Öyster Cult has made an appearance on The Shindig. Roughly.

Back then, it was their contribution to John Carpenter’s 1978 classic Halloween, (Don’t Fear) The Reaper, which afforded them an early nod on The Playlist.

Well now they’re back, all these years later, with the less inclusive, though infinitely more referential, Nosferatu.

This one was the final track on their 1977 release Spectres, an album which opens with the much more celebrated (though no less referential) Godzilla. As it happens, Nosferatu was actually the B-Side to Godzilla, making for one very referential 45.

Being horror fans, Nosferatu is a word I’m quite sure you are all fairly familiar with. But what hell is Nosferatu?

Well, it’s a word that for sure appears in Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula, though Ole Bram claimed he got it from Emily Gerard’s Transylvania Travelogue The Land Beyond the Forest. However, Emily seems to merely claim it’s a Romainian word which means “Vampire,” although no such word really seems to exist in Romanian.

Some claim the word came from the Greek “nosphoros” which meant “disease-carrying.” Others say it takes root in the old Romanian term “necurat,” meaning “unclean.” It was the kinda thing you’d say so you didn’t have to say “vampire,” lest speaking it’s name called the creature to you.

Lotta ideas. No concrete answers.

At any rate, occultist producer Albin Grau and screenwriter Henrik Galeen liked the word so much, they used it to evade securing any rights for their unauthorized 1922 adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

They were unsuccessful however, as Bram Stoker’s widow, Florence, sued the shit out of them, bankrupted their fledgling occultist studio Prana-Film, and almost had every copy of the FW Murnau’s film Nosferatu burned into oblivion.

So, for almost 100 years now, “Nosferatu” has directly related to not just vampires, but specifically, Dracula.

And Blue Öyster Cult, like Grau, Galeen and Murnau, are clearly referencing Bram Stoker’s classic novel. So much so that some of the lyrics directly reference passages from the book.

But, since the 1922 Nosferatu is a silent picture, I’ve added some samples from Werner Herzog’s awesomely unsettling 1979 remake, just for a little ambiance.

So get unclean with Klaus Kinski and the disease carrying cultists of the Blue Öyster with…

Nos-fer-a-tu!

 

Audio

Rapula

TRACK #202:

Rapula by Dean Cameron

We’re gonna gonna keep the Monster Rap train rolling here for a bit with a Monster Rap performed by an actual Monster, Rockula.

This (essentially) 80’s Monster Comedy gets a little extra love from The Shindig for:

  • A.) Starring Francis “Chainsaw” Gremp, Dean Cameron.
  • B.) Taking place on Halloween and
  • C.) Featuring lots of music for use on the playlist.

Our next selection, perhaps the most sweaty of Rockula’s catalog, is his attempt to do what everyone was doing in at the in 1989…bust a rhyme.

It’s not as bad as you might think. It’s certainly not great, but it’s all in jest and there’s some funny lyrics, which is more than I can say for,…well it’s coming up at #203.

So, before you curse us for posting perhaps the worst Monster Rap in existence, give it a track or two before making any snap decisions.

Kick it!

 

Audio

The Monster Mash

TRACK #171:

The Monster Mash by The Krypt-Keeper 5

Born from the same scuzzy streets, Foodland chipped ham and shitty, 3-story apartment building in “downtown” Monessen, Pennsylvania that also gave birth to Halloween Shindig, The Krypt-Keeper 5 and this playlist go together like apples and caramel.

A band of bored FX students joined forces in the winter of 2005  to cut a Christmas album. Deck My Balls: Seasons Beatings from The Krypt-Keeper 5 was a substantial, 28-track package of punk covers, originals, re-workings and Christmas classics.

Featuring the vocal stylings and ivory work of a man you may be familiar with; sculptor, mask-dork, punch-technician and friend of The Shindig, Mikey Rotella.

Rhythming it up behind him were bassist and 4th Keeper Chuck Hendershot (aka Klaus Satan Von Chudberg), Timmy “Tiny Timminy Grinch” Estes slinging a six-string, and Todd Russell Parker McCulloch filling in with drum fills, guitar licks and just about anything else required.

They even played a couple of shows which, for any of the poor souls trapped in the Monongahela Valley, was probably the freshest air they’d ever breathed. Unfortunately, The Shindig never got to see them perform live, as it had moved on to the good life out in California’s beautiful San Fernando Valley by 2005. However, we can all pretend like we were there thanks to the miracle of modern video.

Yeah, that’s great an all, but the last time I checked this was Halloween Shindig. Why the fuck are we sitting here, 3 days before Halloween, talking about a goddamn Christmas album?

Well, that’s because buried deep within this seasonal offering is another kind of festive shanty, and it’s the 5’s take on a Halloween Classic, The Monster Mash.

And when Monessen’s own sons, The Krypt-Keeper 5, take on All-Star Boris Pickett’s seminal Halloween hit, there’s nothing but room for them on Halloween Shindig.

So, c’mon Weeners! Join Dracula, his son….and the wolfmaaan…for this take on the timeless graveyard smash.

 

Audio

Amityville

TRACK #143:

Amityville by Lovebug Starski

In 1985, rap pioneer Lovebug Starski (best known widely for, well this song) decided it’d be a good idea if he just recorded some random track about Amityville. Not for any Amityville movie mind you, but rather during a 5 year lull in the franchise (3D having been released in ‘83, and Curse not for another 4 years.)

Hell, he didn’t even make it in reference to the movies really, but just cause he thought it’d be fun I guess and maybe even a hit.

And he was right!  This sucker broke the Billboard Top 20 in ‘86, which means that, for a period of time in America, people were legitimately rocking out to this song. Which is totally understandable. This song is awesome and weird as shit.

Starski uses the real Amityville legend (I guess?) as a sort of jumping off point for some crazy-ass song about a vaguely Haunted House where nothing much happens, but everybody visits.

A Karloff-esque butler greets Starski upon his arrival, then later Dracula shows up for no good reason and raps. Now, that alone is plenty of reason for Amityville to make the cut for every Halloween party playlist ever created.

And as if that wasn’t bizarre enough though, just for the hell of it, Captain Kirk, Scotty and Spock arrive at one point to talk about Starski over the spooky beat. I’m sorry, what? Why? This song is fucking nuts.

Apparently, looking at the 45 sleeve above, you’ll note the record came complete with a “Free Black Hole,” ya know, for all the “time-shift special appearances.” I guess at least they tried to justify this nonsense with some kind of acknowledgement. Not sure if that makes it more or less weird, though.

So take a drive out to Amityville. You know, the house on the hill. You just make a left, then you make a right and……Amityville!

 

Audio

Monster Shindig

TRACK #122:

Monster Shindig by Danny Hutton

The last time I checked this was a fucking shindig.

But what is a shindig, exactly?

Well, Merriam-Webster defines shindig as follows:

ˈSHinˌdiɡ/
noun informal

  1. a social gathering with dancing
  2. a usually large or lavish party

Google definitions had this to add:

  1. a large, lively party, especially one celebrating something.

Now, if you listen to any of the turkeys over at Urban Dictionary, they’d all have you believe a shindig is a small affair, consisting of anywhere from 5 to 20 people. One bozo even suggests it can contain no more than 12!

That’s why Webster’s is Webster’s and these idiot kids are logged into Urban Dictionary from their mom’s laptop.

No one better try curtailing our shindig, particularly not because some dildo in the cafeteria uses it improperly. No, we’re going definitive with our socially lavish and lively gathering that’s celebrating something.

And around here, that something is Halloween, which encompasses jack-o-Lanterns, trick or tricking and and all sorts of spooky shit of a generalized nature. That definitely includes Monsters.

From Hanna-Barbera’s 1965 record of the same name, Monster Shindig looks to muscle in on Boris Pickett’s racket by throwing their characters Super-Snooper and Blabber Mouse into the mix, stumbling upon just this type of haunted jamboree.

The cat and mouse team doesn’t show up in the song however, leaving this bizarro tune free to roam around the streets on Halloween night.

So, let’s have a party…big big big and kick-off the second half of our playlist right, with another kind of shindig, performed here by Danny Hutton, who some of you may know as one third of Three Dog Night.

Bring a ghoul-friend and go berserk!

 

Audio

The Monster Mash

TRACK #117:

The Monster Mash by Bobby “Boris” Pickett and The Crypt Kickers

Around Halloween, dozens of internet outlets will cough up a dozen or so songs they think you ought to play at your Halloween party. The more enterprising sort might even toss you a couple you didn’t think of or haven’t heard before. The too-cool-for-ghoul-school nitwits’ll even attempt to buck convention with some underground hits which barely qualify and have little to no business playing at your party.

Invariably though, most Halloween playlist fakers tell ya the one thing you should never even consider playing at your party is The Monster Mash; so horrifically lame, so dreadfully passé.

I read one list that even had the audacity to claim it didn’t conjure up any feelings of fright. Are you serious? It’s a novelty song…about a bunch of monsters…having a party. Of course it doesn’t conjure up any feelings of fright you fuckin’ nimrod, it’s a joke.

They also went on to suggest I play Disturbia by Rhianna.

They shouldn’t be allowed to make Halloween party playlists and they certainly shouldn’t come up on the first page of a Google search.

Moreover, they included The Freaks Come Out At Night by Whodini. Who-fuckin-Dini! They have a song called The Haunted House of Rock, which is played at a Halloween Dance in a movie titled Trick Or Treat. F minus to your bullshit suggestions.

These people are idiots. Don’t listen to them.

Is The Monster Mash played out? Of course it is. It’s 50 fucking years old and the only time anyone ever plays it is at Halloween.

Can you’re Oct. 31st spare 3 and half measly minutes for The Monster Mash? Yes it can and you should take off your fucking mask in reverence for the Halloween National Anthem. The fucking heathens…..skip The Monster Mash….skip your passing interest in a holiday that didn’t need your bogus suggestions. Can’t even find The Shindig in a Google search on the matter and I get these bozos telling me to pass on The Monster Mash.

Ok, if you’re offering up 10 suggestions, I can seeing glazing over it in lieu of a few songs that people are less familiar with. Should have made it 13 songs and showed a little class. Even still, what’s 13 songs? You throwing a party for an hour?

Saw a list of 25 once. Could have just made it 31 and been a bit more festive. Still ain’t handling the job of party DJ.

That’s why Halloween Shindig exists, to rebuke these johnny-come-latelies and offer up a list of serious suggestions; to encompass all and handle the task at hand. Does anyone need a 12 hour Halloween playlist? Probably not but it’s here and growing longer each year. I hope to one day have 24 hours worth so your Halloween couldn’t possibly fit anymore music.

You only need to fill 4 hours? We’ll hook you up 3 times over again. Only want a party filled with Monster Raps? No problem. Here’s 2 hours worth.

Is Love Is A Lie very Halloweeny? Not at all but it’s in Friday 4 when Crispin Glover dances like an idiot and that’s the kinda Halloween party some people are throwing. Not your Shindig? There’s 230 other songs to pick from but it should be represented, just like The fucking Monster Mash should be represented.

To hell with your non-festive, non-referential garbage pop. Play that shit at your wedding. Tonight is Halloween and you should be playing the goddamn Monster Mash.

 

Audio

The Monster Squad

TRACK #116:

The Monster Squad by The Monster Squad

Since we all know and have just addressed with whom you’d contact over telephone wires should it become apparent that you in fact have harmful apparitions approaching, let’s task listeners with a similar question:

Yeah, but who do you call when you have Monsters?

That’s right. And at last we come to The Monster Squad. From the very first CD in 2002, The Monster Squad has been a permanent fixture of Halloween Shindig and remains one of my favorite selections on the playlist.

Granted, I may be a bit biased but this song is representing hard. Let’s check the stats:

  1. Is it about a horror movie?
    Check, it’s about the goddamn Monster Squad.
  2. Ah, yes, but is it in the movie?  
    In it? Motherfucker, it’s the Title Track. Triple check that shit.
  3. We talkin’ bout Monsters? 
    Fuck yeah we are. It’s like a goddamn monster mash up in this motherfucker. Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolfman, the Mummy, the Creature from the Black Lagoon. That’s the big five, son. Throw in some sexy vampire chicks, a grotesque bat transformation and a werewolf exploding out of the sky and you’ve got some real monster shit on lock. Check + to Monster Song.

What more could you ask for? Well, they even mention Halloween too. Sure, it’s to illustrate how this ain’t Halloween (or some phony deal) but we’ll just look that other way on that one. They say Halloween and damn it if that ain’t all that matters sometimes.

Now all of that sounds like a Referentially Inclusive Monster Halloween Title Track to me, gang.

That’s Great Pumpkin status right there.

And it’s a Monster Rap to boot? Holy shit, is there anything this song can’t do?

One of the most ridiculous tracks you can imagine, The Monster Squad was suspiciously recorded by some anonymous collective of Hip-Hop Demigods that chose to remain nameless. What?!

Why the hell anyone would elect to do this is so far beyond the scope of my imagination it boarders on madness. If I was responsible for this song I’d put it on every job application I ever filled out.

  • 2 years as an Assistant Hanger Inspector for Sears and Roebuck.
  • 4 months as a Substitute Wigsmith at The Downtown Clownery.
  • Oh yeah and I wrote the motherfucking Monster Squad Rap. What’s up?

From a time when everyone thought something like this was a really great idea,  The Monster Squad (for anyone thinking otherwise) is a really great idea.

It’s is pretty whack? Yeah, I guess so. If you wanna be a jerk about it.

Is it poorly conceived and equally executed? Yeah, I suppose I’d have to concede that fact too, if you really want this to be a frank discussion about musical integrity.

But fuck that discussion and fuck you for wanting it pal, cause this song fucking rules. It’s a rap song about a group of kids fighting The Universal Monsters. Oh, did you not catch that? It’s a rap song about a group of kids fighting The Universal Monsters. Whomever is responsible for this song should be a cultural icon. They should have a fucking Grammy and an Academy Award.

Instead,  (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing took the honor that year. All right, fair enough. Maybe that’s a better song, but it lacks the lyric:

“We don’t wanna hang with the walking dead, so we gotta kick some monster butt instead.”

What’s up now, Academy of Arts and Sciences?

Looking into this travesty further, I discovered the competition that year was actually pretty stiff. Check this shit out:

Damn, that’s a solid 80’s line-up right there. Maybe I spoke too soon. Still, it should have been nominated at the absolute least. Who the hell is still talking about Cry Freedom 26 years later?

No one, that’s who.

But I digress.

An interesting side note to this song: the original version I had on the 2002 CD was pulled from my old VHS copy of Monster Squad. Incidentally, this was later signed by Tom “The Gillman” Woodruff Jr. Coincidence? I like to think not.

This version of the song contained the line:

“First came Dracula, now the Wolfman too, The Mummy and the Gillman swimming in the pool.”

What? Why did that roll call just fall the fuck apart?

Hear that sample below:

I always thought this was a pretty strange and horrendous line, particularly when they could have just as simply said “and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.”

But I guess they couldn’t say “and the Creature from the Black Lagoon,” for the home video release. Damn copyrights.

All things considered, that’s not a bad save. Syllabically sound, it even sort of rhymes, at least no more or less than the original false rhyme.  But damn is it silly. Who the fuck is the Gillman? Why are they calling The Creature from the Black Lagoon “The Gillman?” And why is he in the pool? Did I miss a scene where he climbs out of a pool? Why did he just say that?

Upon upgrading the tune for better quality many years later when The Monster Squad finally saw a DVD release, I noticed the line was suddenly changed to “and the Creature From The Black Lagoon” and I thought “Shit, that must have been the original lyric. How about that.” Now, I just feel sort of nostalgic for the old, butchered scab.

But I’ve spoken too verbosely about all of this as is, so let’s just make with the goods, huh?

One of my favorite songs on the playlist from one of my favorite movies of all time. Here it is….The Monster Squad.

 

Audio

Soul Dracula

TRACK #75:

Soul Dracula by Hot Blood

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective) there was more than one disco Dracula tune.

In fact, there was a whole album. It was even called Disco Dracula. It was the only effort from weird German band called Hot Blood and there’s a couple of vampire themed tracks on this sucker. Hell, there’s even a Frankenstein song called “Baby Frankie Stein.”

Mostly a funky instrumental, this lyrically sparse number does repeatedly feature the the titular phrase “Soul Dracula,” which is honestly enough for the Shindig. However, Hot Blood puts a little pepper on the porridge by using a goofy Dracula voice. Bonus.

Leading this track in is a clip from Blacula, cause lets face it, Blacula is the soulest motherfuckin Dracula around. To quote James Brown “Eddie Murphy, eat your heart out.”

And because it is mostly an instrumental, we went ahead and saddled the whole track with some Blacula clips, cause Blacula is awesome, and he deserves it.

Enjoy!

 

Audio

Drac’s Back

TRACK #74:

Drac’s Back by Red Lipstique

Disco was no stranger to novelty tracks. And as all you Shindiggers know, novelty tracks were no stranger to monster songs.

Though originally recorded in 1979 by Andy Forray, The Shindig prefers this slightly more up-tempo version by Red Lipstique.

Never heard of Red Lipstique? Well, that’s because they weren’t really a real band. It was a pseudonym The Bollocks Brother’s used when they released several singles, including this cover of Andy Forray’s disco hit.

Never heard of The Bollocks Brothers? Well, I hadn’t either.

However, I have heard of this song, and it’s definitely Shindig material, no matter what band records it, or what name they use.

So c’mon Weeners, sing along…

“I wanna suck your OOOOOHHHH!”

Dracula, Drac’s back!

(side note: I could think of nothing more fitting to lead this track in than a clip from Hammer’s Dracula A.D. 1972, which finds Christopher Lee’s Drac being resurrected into London of the early 70’s. Not quite the disco era but still appropriate.)

 

Audio

The Monsters Hop

TRACK #56:

The Monsters Hop by Bert Convy

Several years before he became the host of Super Password, Tattletales and Win, Lose or Draw, and 4 years before Boris Pickett would soar to #1 on the wings of The Monster Mash, Bert Convy recorded this tune about a bunch of monsters dancing around inside a spooky house.

Though lacking the character and humor that ultimately made The Monster Mash such a smash, I rather enjoy The Monsters Hop, maybe even a bit more than Pickett’s seminal Halloween hit. I think it’s catchier, certainly more up-tempo, and nowhere near as played out as The Monster Mash. Those are some pretty big checks in the plus column, you ask me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s a better song, not by any stretch of the imagination, but when listening to the Shindig leisurely (as is my wont) I will usually skip The Monster Mash, yet I always have 2 minutes to spare for The Monsters Hop.

 

Audio

Dracula’s Daughter

TRACK #44:

Dracula’s Daughter by Screaming Lord Sutch and The Savages

British rocker Screaming Lord Sutch is a pretty spooky cat.

Check him out.

That’s pretty spooky.

He also made some spooky music, too.

Like this tune that I’m filing under the Monster Song category, as he isn’t explicitly detailing the plot of the 1936 sequel to Universal’s classic Dracula.

He pretty much just uses the title as a jump-off point for some crazy story about a girl named Mary that bites him in a graveyard. A girl who’s pops just happens to be Dracula.

In addition to this music, he also founded a totally legitimate British political party called The Official Monster Raving Loony Party.

Here’s their totally legitimate logo.He also hung himself in 1999 following his mother’s death, and years of clinical depression. Now that’s pretty spooky.

But what the 3rd Earl of Harrow left behind was a lot of a fun garage tunes and some perfect Shindiggin’ material.

Bookended with clips from Dracula’s Daughter just for good measure.

The Shindig hopes you’re resting in peace David Sutch, you spooky sonofabitch.

 

Audio

Riboflavin Flavored Non-Carbonated Polyunsaturated Blood

TRACK #36:

Riboflavin-Flavored, Non-Carbonated, Polyunsaturated Blood by Don Hinson & The Rigarmorticians

It may sound like Boris Pickett (hell everything did for a while, following the success of The Monster Mash) but this particular novelty installment comes from Vegas DJ Don Hinson and his Rigarmorticians.

I like this novelty track more than most because it’s well written, funny and has an interesting premise. A premise so interesting in fact, I’m fairly sure Charlaine Harris hijacked the whole concept for her Sooki Stackhouse Novels.

An honorable mention goes out to fan-favorites 45 Grave for their cover simply titled “Riboflavin” which does not appear on the Shindig.