What would you do if your uncle owned a bowling alley and you had a bunch of Boglins just sitting in the attic? Why you’d make a terrible horror-comedy in the vein of Slime-Ball Bowl-O-Rama or Ghoulies, right?

Well, that’s what these bozos attempted to do, and I can’t recommend you not watch Chubbies more this Halloween season.

In fact, if this list accomplishes only one task, my hope is that it will ward off at least 1 potential viewer from having to endure this mess in the effort to grab some Halloween themed fun. Don’t be fooled, that poster is the coolest thing this movie has going for it. Staring at it for 80 minutes would be more enjoyable that watching this movie. This movie doesn’t deserve that poster.

Chubbies is the worst sort of amateur effort; charmless, tedious, repetitive and filled to the brim with unfunny nonsense.

It’s also painfully aware of how awful it is, yet believes wholeheartedly in its own brand of foolish humor. This can land, if the jokes have a runway and there’s a fun approach. Chubbies has neither and ends up crashing into the air traffic control tower. While there were a few spots where I caught myself chuckling slightly, this business is not something I’d deem funny, and I’m fairly generous in that distinction.

I think what makes me angriest though is it that they ruined 3 perfectly good (and presumably collectible) Boglins in the process of making this.

It does get a few recommendation points for it’s bitchin’ Slasher (Acid Witch) Dave score. Another awesome thing Chubbies has and doesn’t deserve. You can enjoy this score completely separate from the film however, which I would recommend doing.

As for festiveness, well it takes place on Halloween, at a bowling alley somewhat decorated for Halloween, with a few people kind of dressed up for Halloween. In fact, one of the only bits that works here involves multiple guest dressing up as Bowie’s Goblin King. There’s some trick or treating as well, so the movie isn’t completely devoid of spirit, but it’s devoid of just about everything else.

Avoid at all cost, or you’ll have a very unhappy Halloween with the irritatingly crude and tiresome bullshit.

3 boglins down!

Designation: Trick!