While we may not be entirely sure who the fuck The Wolf Man actually is, we can safely say we know exactly who The Mummy is, and his name is Long Tall Ernie.
Dutch rockers Long Tall Ernie and The Shakers started out life in The Netherlands in 1968 as a band called The Moans, which they later changed to simply Moans.
These guys were all a bunch of jokers I guess, because during live performances The Moans would go offstage halfway through the set and re-emerge as a sort of spoof act called Long Tall Ernie and The Shakers. As The Shakers,The Moans would play traditional Rock ‘N Roll from across the pound…as they probably don’t say over there because that’s a definitely a British phrase.
Whatever they say, these guys never found much success as The Moans, but people seemed to love Long Tall Ernie and his Shakers. No problem for them, they just said “fuck it” and changed the band completely to Long Tall Ernie and The Shakers and started knocking out albums.
One of the last of those albums, from 1979, was Meet The Monsters. While maybe a little late in the game for this brand of Shock Theater styled rocking , being a direct goof on 50’s Rock ‘N Roll sensibilities, it only makes perfects sense that these jokesters might eventually release a full on novelty Monster album.
And god bless ‘em, because they threw on a song about the Mummy, and those aren’t exactly spilling out of the sarcophagi.
The Mummy is a bit underrepresented in the Monster Song game, at least when compared to Bash Brother’s Dracula and Frankenstein. Even the Wolf Man, or at the very least, Werewolves, are getting more at-bats than The Mummy.
And rightfully so. Of the Big 5, you’d have to slot this bozo 4th.
The Wolf Man-Dracula-Frankenstein lineup is a veritable Murderer’s Row when it comes to Monstering and popularity. Them’s just the breaks, kid. These dudes are batting 1000, mercing fools left and right and you’re over there lumbering around all slow, reaching at people, looking for some a lost lover or purloined artifact or some shit.
You don’t think you belong 4th, band-aid breath? Come at me. I’ll take you the fuck out, Rudy style, without even breaking a sweat. Frank’s tossin’ me straight into a river, I got nothing for a walking corpse quilt of those measurements. The Wolf Man’s probably ripping my gentials straight off and God help me if Dracula’s got any of them bimbo’s in tow, cause I’m a goner. You? You’re getting unwrapped up quick.
But enough calling out of probably imaginary Monsters. Let’s get back to Long Tall’s take.
For some reason, The Mummy here sounds like any numbers of novelty Dracula’s or weird Igor fashioned character. Seriously, why does The Mummy sound like this? I understand these guys are Dutch, but surely they realize this is not a voice associated with The Mummy, right?
But maybe that’s the problem. Is any voice really associated with The Mummy? What is he supposed to sound like? Egyptian I’ll wager, at the very least. You do have Karloff just Ardath Bey-ing it up, and maybe that’s what they were going for here, cause you could claim this is a voice approaching Boris.
Either way, this is a fun Novelty Monster song about a guy we don’t get to hear too much about. And in regards to Meet the Monsters, it’s a great Monstrous album that deserves a full listen, if you’re into that sort of thing. An album we certainly haven’t heard the last from around here.
For our next nerve racking number, we have a rockabilly classic of monstrous proportions.
This moon lit hit is attributed to a fella named Round Robin. Problem is, there seems to be some debate among Rock ‘N Roll aficionados as to whether this song was actually recorded by Round Robin or by its author, Baker Knight.
This doesn’t concern us however, as we aren’t that kind of nerd. We’re a different sort of nerd. So, let’s just say it’s Round Robin, a sort of Chubby Checker wannabe who tried to start his own dance craze out of The Slauson, which some of you may know as a street in downtown L.A.
Unfortunately for Robin, The Slauson (in any of its forms) failed to capture the American public’s imagination the way Chubby’s Twist had. But it certainly wasn’t for a lack of trying. Robin gave it a go with Do The Slauson, Slauson Street, Slauson Shuffletime, Slauson Town and Slauson Party.
What can I say, dude loved him some Slauson.
However, if you listen to any of Round Robin’s catalog and then give I’m The Wolfman a spin, you’re liable to come to the same conclusion as our Rock ‘N Roll Nerd contingency…
“Yeah that’s not the same guy at all.”
…because they sound totally different.
Either way, whoever is really rockin’ the mic here, I’m The Wolfman is a surefire Shindig inclusion that’s sure to get some hairy feet a-movin’.
On the surface it might seem like The Monster Club and Halloween Shindig would go hand in hand; a horror anthology starring such genre vets as Vincent Price, John Carradine, Donald Pleasence and Britt Ekland, that has tons of fun monsters and masks plus numerous monster related musical numbers? It’s a no brainer, right?
And it’s true, we love The Monster Club. It’s kinda like Night Train to Terror, only it’s coherent and cuts back to different and actual songs. It has a fun premise, with 3 solid monster vignettes and a spooky, synthy score.
So what’s the problem? Where’s the “but” that has kept this blog for talking about it for 7 years now?
That, dear readers, is my own prejudice against those same monster related songs. I kinda hate them. I don’t want to, but I kinda do. I want to love them. I want to include them all and have wanted to since the beginning. But I’m just not a huge fan.
I’ve tried, over the years, to warm up to them but the love just never seems to flows out of me. They have this late 70’s/early 80’s British new wave, pseudo-reggae, Clash meets The Police vibe that neither suits the movie, the songs or me, despite their monstrous leanings.
Because I think it needs to be represented and because I do quite enjoy the film, Halloween Shindig has decided to include the tune I’ve warmed up to the most. Performed on camera by The Pretty Things, it also happens to be (perhaps not so incidentally) the film’s Title Track.
After discussing over 30 different Title Tracks across 6 or so hours on the podcast, how did we not mention this one? Well, as we noted, there’s a mountain of Title Tracks and we had to keep some in our pocket, no? Leave a few surprises for the blog still, right? And we may even have a few more up our sleeve this year.
Additionally, this seemed like an appropriate way to kick off the season and usher in a monster block of Monster Songs, which have been sorely under represented as of late.
Lead in here with Vincent Price’s overly long (and overly awesome) laundry list of solid reasons the Human Race deserves to be represented in a club full of horrible monsters.
It’s good to have you back. Hopefully you’ve been listening to the podcast we’ve been producing over the last year and it hasn’t been too long since you’ve last visited the ole ‘Dig here. Either way, you’re here now and we appreciate that.
Speaking of last year, our 1st track of 2019 was supposed to be the last track of 2018. Seems I was too busy handing out candy and futzing with malfunctioning fog machines to remember to post the last track. Oh well, at least it was for a good and truly Halloweeny cause.
Well, last year’s lost is this year’s gain, as rather than ending the season with a song called Halloween, we’re gonna start the season with one; a Shindig first!
And we got a doozy for ya in the form of another good ole fashioned 80’s Metal Halloween headbanger we’re so fond of over here.
This time, it came from deep in the heart of Texas. The band? Ripper!
Formed in 1977, they had a flare for the theatrical, taking cues from Alice Cooper and KISS with their ghastly appearance and spooky names. They even toss in some sinister horror synths on ya, just for ambiance! Though, admittedly, I think this is one of the few songs where they don’t utilize any de-tuned saw waves. Bummer.
Rippers’sHalloween comes from what is essentially the bands only album …And The Dead ShallRise, which is definitely worth checking out in its entirety.
Spruced up here with some cuts from 1988’s Halloween hoot Hollow Gate, for a little extra festive flare. Listen to local nutcake Mark Walters taunt his grandmother and cause some costumed havoc as you ring in the new season.
So let’s let ‘er rip, and let’s let Ripper lead the way.
Special guest Kyle Sullivan joins the gang for an unexpected and impromptu journey deeper into Title Track territory.
Could be these songs weren’t good enough. Or perhaps they weren’t quite bad enough. Or maybe they just weren’t genuine enough for Parts 1 and 2.
Whatever the case may be, songs from Prom Night, Transylvania 6-5000, Hellraiser 3, Happy Birthday to Me and many more will get the chance to plead their case when Shindig Radio reaches back into the bag…
Last episode you heard all the poor songmanship and poorer audio quality of the worst Title Tracks Halloween Shindig has to offer.
Now, the gang is back to walk you through the best Title Tracks in Horror History.
Join Graham C. Schofield, Don Dokken, Joey Ramone, Mikey Rotella, Gary Busey, J. Geils and all the Dudes of Wrath for an evening of top shelf Horror hits!
It’s Title Tracks Pt. 2: The Good!
The most celebrated Sub-Category on Halloween Shindig gets the Shindig Radio treatment, as the gang teams up on the the worst Title Tracks horror has to offer.
In Part 1 of this 2 part retrospective, prepare to pay your dues with unfortunate tunes from the likes of Hauntedween, Ghost Fever and Scream Dream, before basking in the gleaming light of Part 2’s certified gold.
Join Graham C. Schofield and Mikey Rotella for a night of crud, duds and CHUDS, as we trudge through the dregs of this great Category.
Matt “The Perfect Meatball” Mastrella returns to cut the ribbon on the inaugural round of Shindig Showdown, Shindig Radio’s new audio-based Horror Trivia Game!
He squares off against Mikey “The Northridge Ripper” Rotella and Graham “The Shaman” Schofield in an all out sample-assault disguised as a game show!
Who will win and will you have the audio endurance to find out?
30 questions. 3 contestants. 1 winner.
Test yourself as Shindig Radio tests them and the its audience’s patience on…
Rejoin Graham C. Schofield, Mikey Rotella and Ed Twilley as they delve further than anyone asked into the Shindig sub-category nobody likes: MONSTER RAPS!
Covering the span from 1988 to 2011, they touch on everything from rappin’ peck Warwick Davis to Monster Rap juggernaut Ghostbusters 2 on an odyssey of poor rhymes, questionable beats and rampant commercialism.
But they don’t want to hurt anyone, they just like to have…fun.
For 2018’s 3rd belated official-induction of a Shindig All-Star, direct from Motor-City, it’s Halloween Metallers Acid Witch. They’re coming correct with the calendar date on which this whole holiday has always taken place.
Posting this song on any other day seemed, well, it seemed pretty stupid. So, we’re kicking off a heavy metal Halloween double-header with this tune, sure to make your Halloween a little more rockin’.
We’ve led it in with a sample from Halloween 2, where Loomis explains the meaning of that strange word they just found graffitied on the school chalk board to Haddonfield’s finest.
Of course, Donald Pleasence pronounces “Samhain” phonetically, but we can forgive him that transgression because, as always, he just sells the fuck out of this dialogue.
Only days after talking about how this video had not managed to emerged in 30 years…boom…as if we collectively willed it back into existence. And on Halloween no less!
And it’s the extended version? You gotta be kidding me.
It is a def day.
Well, shit. I’m not sure when this video go yanked, but due to probably the same copyright infringement that got it pulled 30 years ago, it appears to be no longer available.
But, ya’ll must think I’m silly. This rumored video appears out of thin air after 30 years – after I emphatically petitioned the universe for it to be rediscovered – and you think I’d leave that shit to the whims of the Internet? Dear God no. I downloaded that fucker the first chance I got.
And since I’m not YouTube, and I’m not specifically bound to their regulations, you better believe I’m gonna host this fucker myself. Since no one actually visits this site, I don’t imagine it’ll be discovered quite so fast. I’m sure it will be, one day, and I’ll be forced to pull it down or just shut down myself. But until that day Shindiggers….enjoy!
He may just be using the whole Frankenstein motif as a metaphor for teenage alienation, but Alice Cooper crams enough monster imagery in this cut to make that mostly irrelevant.
Add to that the songs inclusion within Jason Livesand you’ve got a double-decker monster song sandwich of Shindigging proportions.
Particularly considering the scene, which is one of the more badass moments from Friday 6.
Jason has stowed away on an RV and proceeds to cause a straight up ruckus, imprinting Nikki’s face through a wall and stabbing Cort in the neck. He then allows the motor home to completely upend itself before blasting out of the top in straight Boss Voorhees fashion.
All of this of course is set to Cooper’s Teenage Frankenstein, where Cort emphatically cranks the volume on the fiddle and shouts like an idiot while his motor-Rome burns all to hell.
Here’s Alice Cooper, reinforcing his All-Star status with Teenage Frankenstein.
Dokken may be best known around these parts for their Elm Street power ballad Dream Warriors, but not only was this “B-Side” cut first, it appears first in Dream Warriors (during the opening credit sequence) and it reached a slot higher on the modern rock charts. That technically makes this their more popular hit. B-Side my ass.
For Freddy nerds however, the plot thickens.
When it came time to release the film on VHS, producer and New Line exec Bob Shaye didn’t really feel like paying royalties on Into the Fire, with which the theatrical prints of the film were screened.
Perhaps being a standing hit unrelated to the film it had a different deal than the Title Track did. Maybe it was just gonna cost too much to keep it in the film. I’m not sure exactly.
What I do know is that Bob had it replaced with an instrumental version of the Joe Lamont (a shindigger himself) track Quiet Cool (a title track even!) from the film Quiet Cool, which New Line also owned. Problem solved, right?
I guess.
That is until Digital Video Discs became a thing and everyone scrambled to re-release everything everyone already owned. When it came time for The Elm Street franchise to get the digital treatment, New Line opted to keep it real and release the theatrical version of the film, Into The Fire and all.
By then however, a generation of Freddy fans, who may not have ever seen the theatrical version (much less remember it) had now grown up watching their worn out VHS copies of Dream Warriors not hearing Into The Fire during the credits at all.
They were a little upset.
A glance through some Elm Street message boards or even YouTube comments will greet you with plenty of fans that actually prefer the Quiet Cool version. Some fans even think they replaced the original song withInto the Fire just for the DVD, not knowing that was the original track. Those fans tend to be even more upset.
That’s what familiarity and nostalgia will get you, because anyone who thinks the Quiet Cool version is superior is outta their mind, you ask me. I can see that making you miss the VHS version, but that’s where I’ll have to draw the line, because Into the Fire rules. Yeah, maybe it’s a little on the intense side for a sequence where Patricia Arquette is just mocking up 1428 Elm in paper mache, but when her mom busts in and tells her she’ll wake up the neighborhood, it seems a bit strange that she’s referring to a mellow instrumental.
Whichever version of Dream Warriorsyou prefer, there’s no denying that Dokken’sInto the Fire is a certified Shindigger.
So grab a spoonful of Maxwell house instant coffee, chase that shit with a shot of Diet Coke and crank this tune, cause Freddy’s waiting for you on the other side of that pillow, and he’s still pretty pissed about that whole “your parents burnt him alive” thing.
A Nightmare On My Street (Extended Mix)by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
I think it’s a testament to Freddy’s legacy and iconography that this Monster Rap is more well known than the Referentially Inclusive (and wildly superior) song by The Fat Boys. Seems more people are familiar with Freddy as a pop culture window cling than they are with the films themselves.
That’s not to say I don’t enjoy A Nightmare On My Street. Quite the contrary! I think it’s a great Monster Rap, and all the more so that the song is its own entity outside of the films. But when comparing the 2, I feel it is the clear also-ran, and i wish Are You Ready For Freddy was the more popular cut.
But here we have the DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Princedetailing an evening in which they take to the cinema with Ready Rock C and some honeys. There, they enjoy a new (and generic) Elm Street film, only to find themselves tormented by Freddy in the real world once the film ends. Shades of New Nightmare, or simply imagery from the original? Only Wes Craven knows for sure.
Though recorded in ’87, this single was released in August of ’88, right when Elm Street 4: The Dream Master was about to hit theaters. And while it’s more probable the the trio was seeing Dream Warriorsat that time, the song seems similar in tone and even references Freddy’s Revenge. So who knows which Elm Street they did in fact see that night. Either way, it was def.
Speaking of The Dream Master, the producers actually considered including this song on the soundtrack, but ultimately could not come to an agreement with Misters Jeff & Fresh. New Line decided instead to just sue Jive/RCA Records for copyright infringement. How’s that for a 180? Apparently there was a music video that was pulled from MTV as a result. Bet that was pretty def too. Unfortunately, that video seems to be lost forever, as it has yet to resurface on the Internet. It’ll be a pretty def day when someone find some forgotten copy and posts it.
Adding more intrigue to the mix, there’s even a handful of different versions of this track. The original LP and cassette version ran over 6 minutes long and contained some different lyrics. Now, a 6 minute rap song about a popular horror icon just won’t do for radio play, and the song was not simply trimmed, but altered somewhat. For reals?
Yep, that version we’ve all been listening to for the last 30 years ain’t the original. But, since the Shindig rolls hard on such matters, it has included the original 6 minute LP version for your enjoyment.
What revelations are to be found in this uncut version? Well for one, The Fresh Prince mentions Nancy, and while that could also refer to Dream Warriors, in context It seems more referential to the original. And while the extended lyric of “something about Elm Street was the movie we saw” is more ambiguous than him stating simply (but also a bit ambiguously) “we saw Elm Street,” I think it suggests they indeed done rushed a screening of Wes Craven’s 1984 classic.
What else is revealed? Welp, perhaps most strangely is that a rather innocuous original line about grabbing something cool to quench his thirst was replaced by a completely unnecessary product drop for Coke.
Now, I’ve read about fans being upset about this, but I’m not convinced its the nefarious product placement it may seem.
I guess if you need to shorten the song, the whole bit about coming downstairs, being alone but seeing the TV on is a little expository, so its a good spot for some revision. Moreover, the replacement of “remote” with “coke” actually alleviates the initial false rhyme with choked. It’s not great, but its an improvement.
Is it the marketing arm of Jive records stepping in and forcing a commercial? Naw, probably not, but I will admit, it is a little suspect. But mostly the omitted lyrics just add a little color, honestly. Just some more depth of descriptions to the events.
Because I couldn’t find one online (read: because no sane person really gives a shit or wastes their time on such nonsense) I’ve composed a comparison of the 2 versions for other dorks to look at and find interesting for a half a second.
Lyrics featured in both verisons will be in normal text color.
Lyrics specific to the Single version will be in green.
Lyrics specific to original Extended Mix will be in orange.
[Fresh Prince:]
Now I have a story that I’d like to tell
About this guy you all know him, he had me scared as hell!
He comes to me at night after I crawl into bed
He’s burnt up like a weenie and his name is Fred!
He wears the same hat and sweater every single day
And even if it’s hot, outside he wears it anyway!
He’s gone when I’m awake but he shows up when I’m asleep
I can’t believe that there’s a nightmare – on my street!
It was a Saturday evening if I remember it right
And we had just gotten back off tour last night
So the gang and I thought that it would be groovy
If we summoned up the posse and done rushed the movies
I got Angie, Jeff got Tina
Ready Rock got some girl I’d never seen in my life
That was all right because the lady was chill
Then we dipped to the theater set to ill
[Fresh Prince single:]
We saw Elm Street
And man, it was def!
Buggin! Cold havin a ball
And somethin bout Elm Street was the movie we saw
The way it started was decent, ya know nothing real fancy
Bout this homeboy named Fred and this girl named Nancy
But word, when it was over, I said, “Yo! That was def!”
And everything seemed all right when we left
But when I got home and laid down to sleep
That began the nightmare, on my street!
It was burnin in my room like an oven
My bed soaked with sweat, and man, I was buggin
I checked the clock and it stopped at 12:30
It had melted it was so darn hot, and I was thirsty
I went downstairs to grab some juice or a coke
Flipped the TV off, and then I almost choked
I wanted something cool, to quench my thirst
I thought to myself, “Yo, this heat is the worst!”
But when I got downstairs, I noticed something was wrong
I was home all alone but the TV was on!
I thought nothin of it as I grabbed the remote
I pushed the power button, and
then I almost choked
When I heard this awful voice comin from behind
It said, “You cut off ‘Heavy Metal’ and now you must die!”
Man, I ain’t even wait to see who it was
Broke outside in my drawers and screamed, “So long, cuz!”
Got halfway up the block I calmed down and stopped screamin
Then thought, “Oh, I get it, I must be dreamin”
I strolled back home with a grin on my grill
I figured since this is a dream I might as well get ill
I walked in the house, the Big Bad Fresh Prince
But Freddy killed all that noise real quick
He grabbed me by my neck and said, “Here’s what we’ll do.
We gotta lotta work here, me and you.
The souls of your friends you and I will claim.
You’ve got the body, and I’ve got the brain.”
I said, “Yo Fred, I think you’ve got me all wrong.
I ain’t partners with nobody with nails that long!
Look, I’ll be honest man, this team won’t work.
The girls won’t be on you, Fred your face is all burnt!”
Fred got mad and his head started steamin
But I thought what the hell, I’m only dreamin
I said, “Please leave Fred, so I can get some sleep;
Or gimme a call, and maybe we’ll hang out next week.”
I patted him on the shoulder said, “Thanks for stopping by.”
Then I opened up the door and said, “Take care guy!”
He got mad, drew back his arm, and slashed my shirt
I laughed at first, then thought, “Hold up, that hurt!”
It wasn’t a dream, man, this guy was for real
I said, “Freddy, uh, pal, there’s been an awful mistake here.”
No further words and then I darted upstairs
Crashed through my door then jumped on my bed
Pulled the covers up over my head
And said, “Oh please do somethin with Fred!”
He jumped on my bed, went through the covers with his claws
Tried to get me, but my alarm went off
And then silence! It was a whole new day
I thought, “Huh, I wasn’t scared of him anyway.”
Until I noticed those rips in my sheets
And that was proof that there had been a nightmare, on my street
Oh man, I gotta call Jeff, I gotta call Jeff
Come on, come on
Come on Jeff, answer
Come on, man
[Jazzy Jeff] Hello?
[Fresh Prince] Jeff, this is Prince, man
Jeff, wake up,
Jeff, wake up
[Jazzy Jeff:] What do you want?
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff, wake up, man, listen to me, Jeff
[Jazzy Jeff:] It’s three o’clock in the mornin, what do you want?
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff, Jeff, would you listen to me?
Listen, whatever you do, don’t fall asleep
[Jazzy Jeff:] Man!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff, listen to me, don’t go to sleep, Jeff
[JJ:] Look, look, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I’m going to bed
[Freddy:] RRAHHHH!
[JJ:] Ahhhhhh!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff! Jeff!
[Freddy:] Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
[Jazzy Jeff:] Ahhhhhh!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff!
[Freddy:] RRAHHHH!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff! Answer me, Jeff!
[Freddy:] I’m your D.J. now, Princey!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!
So there you have it. Far too much copy regarding a silly novelty song about Freddy Krueger. But, I’m not sure The Shindig would have it any other way. Enjoy the extended version of A Nightmare On My Street.
Here’s some certified, all-American, 80-proof ridiculous bullshit from the incomprehensibly titled Freddy’s Greatest Hits.
Greatest Hits? Why, that suggests a larger body of work cultivated and condensed into only “the tracks you wanna hear,” no?
First of all, Freddy doesn’t have any other albums. This is it, folks.
Secondly, even if there were several albums, are these the choice cuts? Are these just the “tracks you wanna hear?” Probably not. They’re the tracks I wanna hear, no doubt, but I don’t speak for anyone else, much less everyone else.
Perhaps there were other Freddy songs. Maybe they had 3 albums worth and just decided these were the best, and released it as a Greatest Hits to spare everyone. If that’s the case, then fuck gang, what did those other songs sound like?
These greatest of hits encompass mostly cheese-ball covers of songs that feature the word “Dream” while Freddy cackles randomly around the melody. However, there are a few original cuts, like this number – perhaps the collection’s most unfathomable offering.
The “Do The Freddy” sticker from my toolbox at work. It’s pretty great.
What is this shit? Do the Freddy? He’s got a fucking dance now? Are you kidding me? This shit is out of control.
Nowadays, whenever I hear that people find it impossible to be scared of this character, I completely understand, and it’s because of shit like this.
Once a master of fear in the hearts of children the world over, Freddy is here reduced to a few dance moves. And not even good ones! Behold…
Pick your feet up
swing your arms up too
Move you head both ways
like you see him do
Then jump 3 feet to the swinging beat
Of The Freddy
What? What kind of fucking dance is this? I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be doing really. And the weirdest part (as you may have thought to yourself) is clearly the “move you head” instruction.
What, exactly, does moving your head both ways actually look like? Is it just shaking your head? Turning and looking in either direction like your crossing a street? It’s too vague.
Moreover, is this Freddy’s signature move? Not “claw at the air” or “scrape your blades on the wall.” Nope, it’s moving your head both ways. Ya know, that thing everyone probably does several times a day. That’s it. That’s Freddy’s big move. You could have written a more appropriate, or hell, even a slightly less vague line with roughly 2 minutes worth of thought.
Also, I think it’s important to note that no one listening to this song has a 3 foot vertical. Fuck, Michael Jordan had a 46 incher, and he’s one of the greatest dunkers of all time.
To put a more comparative and current prospective on it, Russell Westbrook has a 36.5 inch vertical. He can barely complete this dance. And Kevin Durant, at a paltry 33.5″, can’t Do The Freddy at all.
I’d ask “Just who the hell is this for, exactly,” but as you’ll soon hear Mr. Robert England proclaim straight away – “this is for you.”
So, there’s that. Enjoy this song, because it’s for you.
TRACK #213:
