BONUS TRACK!
The Monsters Go Disco by The Monster Cereals
I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to talk about this nugget of nostalgic goodness, and smack dab in the middle of a Monster Disco Block seemed like the perfect place. Because, ya know, there’s no better way to segue out of fully audible quasi-consensual Vampire fucking than to start taking about children’s breakfast mascots.
Additionally, it appears dragging my feet for years has actually timed this post up to the 50th anniversay of the Monster Cereals, commemorated here with their own all-star box of super-group cereal called Monster Mash! 
Albertsons, Ralphs and Target all failed me on this box. When every single goddamn physical retail store finally succumbs to the will of Amazon, let The Monster Mash Cereal be their epitaphs!
As an added bonus, the crew teamed up to produce a new version of Boris Pickett’s classic graveyard smash, The Monster Mash. The song’s kind of trash, as Monster Mash covers go, but you can scan this QR code and listen to it on Spotify. They even made a mildly amusing Behind the Music-style video as accompaniment, and that’s worth a watch.
But I digress.
Anyone who’s probably actually reading these posts are well aware of the Monster Cereals. They’re iconic, even if you’ve never indulged in a bowlful of their colorful and crunchy crap.
Before these cartoon creatures came to be, cereal giant General Mills used to use Disney-owned properties to slang their morning crack. But in 1971, they decided it would be a hell of a lot more profitable if they just invented their own characters and kept all the proceeds. Enter Franken Berry and Count Alfred Chocula. Yep, Chocula has a name and that name is apparently Alfred.
So, smashed between Saturday morning cartoons, General Mills unleashed their animated monsters and grabbed the minds and stomachs of an entire generation.
Interesting side note: apparently in 1972, they began using a pigment in Franken Berry which actually turned kids shit pink. They even had a term for it known as “Franken Berry Stool.” Not sure whether this pigment was actually harmful or not, but they discontinued using it shortly thereafter none the less.
But because turning kid turds funny colors while pushing an addictive powder directly into their bloodstreams only makes you so much money, an entire marketing web was established. Stickers, rings, vinyl toys, magnets, and other such pieces of plastic were either shoved into the boxes, or featured as mail-away prizes on the back.
Well in 1979, General Mills began a campaign of of thin, flexible 45rpm records known as Flexi-Discs. These prizes were attached directly the backs of specially marked boxes of the each of the Monster Cereals.
3 of these 4 minute records were produced featuring the gang performing skits, including Monster Adventures in Outer Space and Count Chocula Goes to Hollywood. But it is the 3rd record which concerns us today, The Monsters Go Disco. It was 1979, after all.
This tale involves the monsters finding themselves frightfully lonely on a Saturday Night and deciding to give the local discotheque a go.
There they encounter a Wolfman Jack like disc jockey and have themselves a good ole fashioned dance off for the affections of “Donna Disco.”
This particular record has an even deeper history, as it was animated and remixed years later by 2 General Mills employees. You can read the backstory and strange journey of this record here, in a fantastically myopic and interesting Pop-Icon article.
But for now, let’s us indulge in a little lull amidst our Monster Disco Block and get a little Franken Berry Stool of our own with The Monsters Go Disco.
