I’m No Animal

TRACK #275:

I’m No Animal by Felony

Welcome back Weeners, to the abundant musical bosom of Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives.

When we last saw Court and Vicki, they were being assaulted to the smooth sounds of Alice Cooper‘s Teenage Frankenstein.

But we’re gonna jump back in time here a bit, to just before Court starts bombing down Forest Green Drive in Horrace’s RV. It is here, in that same RV, that couple takes part in a time-honored Friday The 13th tradition – banging at Crystal Lake.

Of course, this is never a good idea when Jason’s on the prowl, which he most certainly is if we’re allowed access, but that has never stopped any of these promiscuous youths before.

Here’s the big guy as he tries to make heads or tails of this RV’s a-rockin’.

Providing the beat for that rockin’ is none other than Graduation Day’s own Felony.

Times have changed a little in intervening years though and they sound just a bit different. A little less Doobie Brothers and a little more Kenny Loggins.

Court just has to make it through the song here, and he’s home free. Vicki tells him it’s only 10 more minutes, which wouldn’t be far off if this was Gangster Rock. Fortunately for Court (and us,) it’s I’m No Animal, and it’s only 3 and a half minutes.

And for Court, it’s even shorter, cause Jason pulls the plug on this ugly-bump inside of a minute. Good call.

Understandably, Vicki’s a little freaked out by this. So, Court hits the gas and gets them speeding away from any trouble. Only Jason’s already stowed himself away on the RV, and now he’s just biding his time.

And we all know how that ends for them.

But Court and Vicki don’t. So, let’s allow them one final, blissfully unaware moment of lust before their Friday fates are sealed. And let’s let Felony set the mood.

Here’s I’m No Animal.

Gangster Rock

TRACK #274:

Gangster Rock by Felony

And now back to Graduation Day…

Some songs that appear in horror movies aren’t referential. That’s OK. Some of the best songs on the playlist are purely inclusive. Fast As a Shark, Goo Goo Muck, Angel of Death. All great.

But sometimes they’re more than just not referential. Sometimes they seem totally out of place. But even that’s OK. Everybody But You, Computer Date, Love Is a Lie. Still good stuff. In fact, I’d argue they’re the backbone of this playlist.

Most often, you’ll get these if a band makes a surprise cameo in the movie, playing their tune live at a party or a school dance. Usually this is a nice treat, like Maria Videl in Once Bitten. Sometimes it’s a dirty trick, like The Offspring in Idle Hands.

And just as much might be the case with LA Rock outfit Felony, who are performing at the titular dance in the the film Graduation Day. Their song Gangster Rock seems just a little out of place.

But I get it. It makes plenty of sense that a band would perform a completely innocuous song that’s totally unrelated to the horrific goings-ons around them. Goings-ons of which they are completely unaware. It’s perfectly reasonable. Logically, I might even say it’s preferred. Why would a band, playing a normal Graduation Day dance be playing some spooky or otherwise horrifying jam?

But that’s inner logic. The outer logic is you’re a music supervisor and you should theme it up. And if you’re gonna hard pass on that, at least grab a better song than fuckin Gangster Rock. Which, while not the terrible (I mean, I am including it) is far from the best.

Classic rock fans will immediately note its flagrant similarity to a much more famous song called China Groove by the much more famous Doobie Brothers. Seriously, is this China Groove? It sounds exactly like China Groove. In fairness though, it’s probably the song’s saving grace. Making your tune sound like a more famous hit isn’t the worst move you can make. More famous have engaged in more overt and made more money doing it. So hey.

But more importantly, even under a favorable light, Gangster Rock overstays it’s welcome. Well overstays it.

Now, I could be mistaken, but I doubt Gangster Rock is a 7 and half minute song. But it keeps playing, in almost comic mockery, for what appears to be an impossible amount of time for a song of this nature.

It starts innocently enough, with Felony adorned in some vaguely prohibition-era mobster attire, playing live on stage while kids cut a rug and…roller skate? Sure why not, it’s 1981.

And that’s all well and good for a spell, but the song just won’t end. It powers on, rebelling against all previous notions of pop-rock architecture, approaching an, I’d almost say Prog-Rock level, if it weren’t so blatantly repetitive.

Ultimately, it gets dragged over poor Linnea’s Quigley death at the hands of an aggressive bee-keeper. Wait, he had a sword. Hmm, I’m gonna say he was a fencer. It’s easy to get confused with Gangster Rock stabbing at your cochlea.

Since I couldn’t track down an official release from Felony containing Gangster Rock, I’ve grabbed it directly from the film. However, for the sake of your own sanity, I’ve employed some clever editing to spare you it’s ungodly runtime. Cause no one should be ask to deal with almost 8 minutes of Gangster Rock. Hell, even the 3 and change I’m subjecting you too here is of suspect length.

So grab a fencing mask, strap on a pair of roller skates and do the China Groove…I mean Gangster Rock.

The Best of Jason Voorhees

For some years now, I’ve been meaning to make a small playlist that groups all the Friday The 13th tracks into one convenient place. Well, this year it’s finally happening.

Sure, you could just click Jason’s picture in the Icons category, but there’s no playlist, damn it!

So, this year, grab a hockey mask, jump in the Jeep and head on down to Camp Blood. While you’re there, smoke a little grass, dance up a storm and celebrate Friday the 13th with The Best of Jason Voorhees, on 4 cassettes or 2 compact discs…

Or uh, one small playlist.