TRACK #261:

Just a Nightmare by Firstryke

The deeper you dig into the heaping pile of 80’s slasher movies, the more trash you’re liable to dig up.

It’s honestly not a bad practice. It can help one develop an appreciation for more accomplished slashers you had previously considered total garbage. Plus, every once an a while, you a find a little gem.

Now, maybe The Last Slumber Party isn’t quite that gem (it really depends on who you ask) but it’s a fair bit more entertaining than a lot of unequivocal duds.

But listen, this thing is just gonna seem boring, poorly made, and of virtually no value to a horror fan looking for any of the things a normal horror fans wants from a movie of this nature.

However, to a certain breed of horrornaut, this is definitely in the venn diagram of gold. So much of its dialogue is so goofy, and the 3 girls so charming in their delivery, that it’s hard to watch this without cracking a smile. That’s more than I can say for a lot of other turkeys.

Poorly recorded references to Charlie’s Angels and To Have and To Have Not co-exist with calling everyone “queer” and a constant desire to “munch out.”

All that bad audio mixes with budget pop which is simultaneously layered underneath an atonal synth score, inducing auditory hallucinations.

Xanadu posters share walls with Tom Selleck photos and the gang from Sesame Street while a healthy dose of 80’s butt rock fills in the moments of synthlessness. But maybe those are more auditory hallucinations. The movie has that sort of vibe. It’s like a video fever dream you’re never quite sure is really happening, It’s a fun vibe.

And what of all this rock you’re hearing? Well, it’s all provided by Firstryke, an Oklahoma metal band previously known as Slayer. They obviously had to change their name and they unfortunately chose the unfortunate Firstryke, complete with it’s prerequisite metal-respelling. However, they did like to say they were known as “Texas Slayer.”

However, their greatest claim to fame is that they weren’t the actual “Texas Slayer” from San Antonio, who had to change their name to S.A. Slayer. Yeah, they aren’t those guys.

Oh, and Last Slumber Party. They also did this soundtrack. And it’s pretty rocking.

Bookending the film nicely is their tune Just A Nightmare, a stiff shot of red-blooded American 80’s metal that can’t sense it’s own impending doom. You got a couple more years fellas, so enjoy the big hair, tight pants and cocaine while you can, cause this ship is sinking. Pretty soon you’ll be capsized by a wave of flannel and heroin rising up out of a complete vacuum of fun!

But, until then, let’s just go munch out you queers!