If you’re someone who reads this website or listens to this playlist, there’s an outside but sporting chance you also know Matt Dillon.
No, not Marshall Matt Dillon from Gunsmoke, though there’s also a chance you know who that is too.
Oh, wait. You don’t know that Matt Dillon at all and just know Matt Dillon of My Bodyguard and One Night at McCool’s fame? Snap.
Well, that ain’t the Matt Dillon I’m talking about either, as much as I like You, Me and Dupree.
No, this Matt Dillon, though having appeared in both the hit comedies Idiocracy and Ninja Cop, is more a local celebrity. And that locality is Indiana.
That is where from Matt Dillon, and his band The Steves, hail. Hell yeah, Matt Dillon has a band, and he’s the guitarist and if I know my Matt Dillon licks (from our years of touring as 80ft Lincoln and the Astro Goblins) those riffs are all Dillon all day.
I have no doubt in my mind that he is also, at least partially, responsible for the band’s name, their Horror leanings, along with their graphic and shirt game. Here he is with a real banger of the statement T that I 100% know includes you, even if what you like is The Steves.
And as luck would have it too, they just released full length eponymous album onto Spotify and Apple Music last month. But our songs tonight were taken prior to this release from their EP entitled Amputated Brain, which you can get at their Bandcamp. While each song here appears on both albums, I couldn’t say whether they are the exact same recordings or not. They seem similar enough to me,
Now their songs are pretty short, so we’re gonna double you up and hit ya with 2 for 1 and let The Steves bridge the gap between Freddy and Jason.
First up is Nancy, the bands ode to Mr. Big Time, complete with the requisite intro pickin’ of Charles Bernstein’s unmistakable theme. Then we followed that up with Jason Lives, the bands thumping warning to any horny thrill seekers partying up at Forest Green this Friday night.
I love both of these tunes and indeed the whole album. Matt’s riffs are infectious, the drums and bass are relentless and the chaotic vocals suit this sound perfectly. I’m just pumped that they sang about some horror shit so I could get em on The Shindig.
But most of all make some noise, cause here comes The Steves!
Oh yeah, that’s Matt Mastrella by the way, for all you Shindig Radio fans. He gives this (albeit chopped up) synopsis of A Nightmare on Elm Street in the Heather Langenkamp documentary I Am Nancy.
Interestingly enough, I Am Nancy has a Title Track and that’s pretty wild for a documentary.
Alright, so we’re running outta Freddy songs here. Not really, but songs I feel like adding to this playlist anyway. After almost 400 tunes, we’ve covered all the heavy hitters from The Elm Street series and then some. But there’s one film we’ve yet to touch on, and that’s the much-maligned, Freddy’s Dead.
This is the instillment which purported to, in no uncertain terms, kill its main character and end the series. And that’s a particularly tricky proposition when that character was dead from the beginning and the franchise is still making money.
Though in fairness, Freddy’s post “dead” appearances are fairly well justified and certainly number less than his “pre-dead” escapades. The fact that Jason had more outings after his “Final Chapter” than before is the stuff of Hollywood irony.
But that’s neither here nor there when it comes to the film’s soundtrack, which, like the movie itself, is probably not what anybody actually wanted.
For one thing, there’s an uncomfortable amount of Goo Goo Dolls on this album for some reason. While certainly gaining a fair amount of popularity in the mid 90’s, I’m not sure they had the notoriety, or even the sound, to warrant 3 inclusions on a horror soundtrack in 1991. They’re not a band I wanna hear in a Freddy movie period, much less 3 times. More to the point, they’re not a band I even wanna hear, Freddy or not. Adding Freddy, and 2 other songs, is just offensive.
The 80’s were a hazy and slowly dissipating dream by that point, and the 90’s were unfortunately on full display with the Freddy’s Dead soundtrack.
This is particularly disappointing considering that the Prince of Darkness himself, Mr. Alice Cooper, turns up in a cameo as Freddy’s Dad. They couldn’t get him to throw together a Title Track for this fucker? Hell, even lend a preexisting song to the proceedings? Nope, apparently not. And I’m sure you can guess that Music Supervisor David Chackler is nowhere to be found on this roster.
Yet, rising above the din of whatever-the-fuckery, like some emaciated spectre of 70’s swagger, is Iggy Pop.
They didn’t quite have the tenacity to let Iggy loose on a full-blown Title Track, however. Seems by 1991, folks were a little gun-shy (or perhaps a bit too hip) to indulge in the time-honored tradition of full synergistic Title Trackage . No, they pulled their punches with, what I will call, a Parenthetical Title Track. C’mon, grow some fuckin’ balls gang.
But while this may not be a full-on, true-blue Title Track, it’s a Title Track from the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise and it would be unbecoming of The Shindig to ignore it completely and with intention. Besides, it’s ain’t that bad. It’s not the best track on the playlist, no. It’s not the best Title Track either. In fact it’s probably not even a good one, but if you ask me, it’s not that bad.
Now, if you ask our old pals over at the Golden Raspberry Committee, Iggy served up one of the 3 worst original songs of that year.
I think it’s important to note that the 3rd song up for consideration that year was Vanilla Ice’s own Reverse Parenthetical Title Track, Cool As Ice (Everybody Get Loose.) So Iggy Pop, lead singer of The Stooges and Rock ‘N Roll legend, is now associated with 2 of the biggest running gags of 90’s pop-rap nonsense. My condolences Iggy.
This also affirms that 2 of the “worst” songs of 1991 are now featured on this playlist. A dubious honor. And that 3rd song is a goddamn Title Track from a guy already represented on this playlist?! Yeesh. I’m not sure what that suggests about this thing I’ve been wasting my time with for last 12 years, so I’ll let you come to your own conclusions.
Since the worst song category only lasted for about 20 years, and we’ve added probably our last nominee/winner, I’d like to take a moment here to draw attention to a few other awesome songs deemed “unlistenable” by this group of unelected buzzkills.
Yor’s World by Guido and Maurizio De Angelis (who I guess is also known as Oliver Onions. What?) This one hurts fellas.
The Last Dragon by Dwight David Really? And a Track Track to boot? You gotta be kidding me.
Smooth Talker from Body Talk by Michael and David Sembello. For shame. At least it wasn’t that movie’s Title Track.
Drinkenstein by Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton from Rhinestone. This one actually took the title in ‘84. I get it I suppose, but seriously? This shit is great, and has been sitting in the bullpen for consideration on this playlist for many, many years.
Going back-to-back Stallone on it, you have Peace in Our Time, a great song by Frank Stallone from Rambo 2. This was also a winner in its respective year.
Then you got Howard the Duck sung by the lovely Lea Thompson in 1986. Now this is a solid Title Track. Thankfully it didn’t “win” but a disrespectful nomination for sure.
You Can Be a Garbage Pail Kid from 1987. Ya know, we might actually add this song as Expanded Title Track at some point.
Big Guns by AC/DC from 1993’s Last Action Hero. Really? C’mon! Again though, it’s thankful that the film’s Title Track escaped unscathed.
But enough of all that hemmin’ and hawin.’ Ya’ll know how I feel about this Golden Raspberry dildos, so let’s just get to it.
Here it is, playing as a sweet song over the end credits to Freddy’s convoluted, bizarre and mostly unsatisfying demise, it’s Iggy Pop’s Parenthetical Title Track Why Was I Born (Freddy’s Dead).
PS: Oh, since we talk about this on the “next” episode of Shindig Radio, an episode that was recorded before this song was posted, we discuss whether it should be included on the playlist. I think Mikey essentially makes the argument I’m making here that it’s a Nightmare on Elm Street and it’s a Title Track and c’mon, are you serious? Of course you need to add it. Needless to say, I agree with him. And apparently I have, because my first draft of this post was dated from 2019! Ha! Takes a while to get around to some of these. And even then, sometimes i’ll bump songs from year to year.
Main Titles (A Nightmare on Elm Street) by Charles Bernstein
Well, it would be practically un-Halloween Shindig of us to have a Friday the 13th song, much less 2, and not follow them up with a Nightmare on Elm Street song. It’s a practice we’ve long indulged, though typically in the reverse order, with Freddy usually getting the double shot.
As such, in its 8 years of internet life, Halloween Shindig has been home to 10 different Freddy Krueger songs, no doubt aided by his very own release, Freddy’s Greatest Hits.
However, similar to Friday the 13th (and perhaps then more understandably) we have yet to feature Charles Bernstein‘s classic theme from the original Nightmare on Elm Street.
And a fantastic theme at that.
But not just the theme, because the entire score from Freddy’s rookie outing is a stand-alone marvel of horror composition.
And though it’s intricately threaded into the fabric of the film, and largely responsible for both creating its surreal atmosphere and then using those cues to misdirect the viewer, its an album that’s just as enjoyable to hear apart for the film. If you’re into just listening to that sort of thing, that is.
In a recent interview with Gibson Guitar, Charles admitted he didn’t initially think the picture was going to do well commercially. He thought the thing was just too bizarre and destined for a straight to video release, where no one would hear his music. As such, he felt liberated to just do whatever he wanted, and thank the horror God’s for that, because what he wanted to do was unique, surreal and perfectly suited for this specific film.
And it’s all Charles on this thing, too. With a limited budget to work with, Bernstein told Wes Craven he’d have to do it alone. So with an 8 track TEAC recorder, a guitar, a bass, a few percussion instruments, a handful of synths, his own voice and a stack of Boss pedals, Charles wrote, performed, recorded and mixed everything you hear on this score himself. And that’s pretty nuts.
Various gear forums suggest large helpings of Yamaha’s DX-7 mixed with an Oberheim OB-SX, a Roland Juno-106 and possibly even an ARP 2600 as comprising the electronic palate of Elm Street’s synth ladened soundscape.
However agreed upon the above may be, there doesn’t seem to be a definitive list from Charles himself. Unfortunately, he isn’t exactly sure what all made it onto the final score. He does seem pretty convinced there’s at least an OB in there, whether an SX or something more grand, and the DX is probably a lock regardless of anyone’s memory.
Charles did say though, looking at this old photo from 1984, that he spied a Sequential Circuits’ Pro-One. Indeed! It’s right there on the stand in front of him.
The Pro-One was the monophonic little brother of the infamous Prophet-5 – the old horror composers trusty sidearm of choice. No surprises there, if that’s true, though I personally couldn’t say for sure and apparently neither can Charles.
Whatever he used exactly, it just worked. It was the right score, for the right movie at the right time, and I would certainly credit it as being an important part of what made this first Freddy film so effective and loved, and no doubt a contributor to its continued endurance.
Eerily ethereal, eminently electronic, and unmistakably Freddy, here it is at last, The Main Titles from Wes Craven’s original game changer, A Nightmare on Elm Street.
C’mon, ya’ll didn’t think we were gonna make it all the way through 2019 and not give ya a Freddy/Jason double header, did ya?
Naw, it’s tradition ’round here and this year we’re reaching back into The Dream Master’s bag!
And the treat we’ve pulled out is this 80’s Pop Rock classic that has much longer legs as a real standing hit than any association with Mr. Big Time.
However, associated it is and onto the Shindig it goes!
In the very ridiculous and very Karate Kid-inspired training montage from A Nightmare on Elm Street Pt. 4, you will here this Jack FM favorite.
The Dream Warrior Kristen Parker (who was here recast with theme song singer and Shindig inductee Tuesday Knight) is trying to piece a normal life back together. Part of that puzzle is her boyfriend Rick, who’s not too fond of her old “spooky” buddies Kincaid and Joey.
Sport-o Rick suits up early on to assure us that, if push comes to shove, Freddy ain’t getting to him without a fight.
He throws on one of Myagi’s spare headbands, hits the bag and flails a pair of nunchucks around to this not-particularly-tough but particularly-whiny popper from Wayne New Jersey’s own Dramarama.
Later, his sister Alice picks up the same nunchucks and Neo’s that shit with the quickness, also while listening to Anything, Anything.
If you think Rick looks kind of familiar, that’s because he plays nerdy shut-in lightweight Calvin in Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama! How’s that for timing?
So come on! Verbally berate your girlfriend and try to buy her off while being totally self absorbed and not understanding at all why she’s not at all interested in marrying your needy asss. Hey, maybe even try to beat up her dad! That’s a good move. You can use some of Rick’s bitchin’ Taekwonkido!
Only days after talking about how this video had not managed to emerged in 30 years…boom…as if we collectively willed it back into existence. And on Halloween no less!
And it’s the extended version? You gotta be kidding me.
It is a def day.
Well, shit. I’m not sure when this video go yanked, but due to probably the same copyright infringement that got it pulled 30 years ago, it appears to be no longer available.
But, ya’ll must think I’m silly. This rumored video appears out of thin air after 30 years – after I emphatically petitioned the universe for it to be rediscovered – and you think I’d leave that shit to the whims of the Internet? Dear God no. I downloaded that fucker the first chance I got.
And since I’m not YouTube, and I’m not specifically bound to their regulations, you better believe I’m gonna host this fucker myself. Since no one actually visits this site, I don’t imagine it’ll be discovered quite so fast. I’m sure it will be, one day, and I’ll be forced to pull it down or just shut down myself. But until that day Shindiggers….enjoy!
Dokken may be best known around these parts for their Elm Street power ballad Dream Warriors, but not only was this “B-Side” cut first, it appears first in Dream Warriors (during the opening credit sequence) and it reached a slot higher on the modern rock charts. That technically makes this their more popular hit. B-Side my ass.
For Freddy nerds however, the plot thickens.
When it came time to release the film on VHS, producer and New Line exec Bob Shaye didn’t really feel like paying royalties on Into the Fire, with which the theatrical prints of the film were screened.
Perhaps being a standing hit unrelated to the film it had a different deal than the Title Track did. Maybe it was just gonna cost too much to keep it in the film. I’m not sure exactly.
What I do know is that Bob had it replaced with an instrumental version of the Joe Lamont (a shindigger himself) track Quiet Cool (a title track even!) from the film Quiet Cool, which New Line also owned. Problem solved, right?
I guess.
That is until Digital Video Discs became a thing and everyone scrambled to re-release everything everyone already owned. When it came time for The Elm Street franchise to get the digital treatment, New Line opted to keep it real and release the theatrical version of the film, Into The Fire and all.
By then however, a generation of Freddy fans, who may not have ever seen the theatrical version (much less remember it) had now grown up watching their worn out VHS copies of Dream Warriors not hearing Into The Fire during the credits at all.
They were a little upset.
A glance through some Elm Street message boards or even YouTube comments will greet you with plenty of fans that actually prefer the Quiet Cool version. Some fans even think they replaced the original song withInto the Fire just for the DVD, not knowing that was the original track. Those fans tend to be even more upset.
That’s what familiarity and nostalgia will get you, because anyone who thinks the Quiet Cool version is superior is outta their mind, you ask me. I can see that making you miss the VHS version, but that’s where I’ll have to draw the line, because Into the Fire rules. Yeah, maybe it’s a little on the intense side for a sequence where Patricia Arquette is just mocking up 1428 Elm in paper mache, but when her mom busts in and tells her she’ll wake up the neighborhood, it seems a bit strange that she’s referring to a mellow instrumental.
Whichever version of Dream Warriorsyou prefer, there’s no denying that Dokken’sInto the Fire is a certified Shindigger.
So grab a spoonful of Maxwell house instant coffee, chase that shit with a shot of Diet Coke and crank this tune, cause Freddy’s waiting for you on the other side of that pillow, and he’s still pretty pissed about that whole “your parents burnt him alive” thing.
A Nightmare On My Street (Extended Mix)by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
I think it’s a testament to Freddy’s legacy and iconography that this Monster Rap is more well known than the Referentially Inclusive (and wildly superior) song by The Fat Boys. Seems more people are familiar with Freddy as a pop culture window cling than they are with the films themselves.
That’s not to say I don’t enjoy A Nightmare On My Street. Quite the contrary! I think it’s a great Monster Rap, and all the more so that the song is its own entity outside of the films. But when comparing the 2, I feel it is the clear also-ran, and i wish Are You Ready For Freddy was the more popular cut.
But here we have the DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Princedetailing an evening in which they take to the cinema with Ready Rock C and some honeys. There, they enjoy a new (and generic) Elm Street film, only to find themselves tormented by Freddy in the real world once the film ends. Shades of New Nightmare, or simply imagery from the original? Only Wes Craven knows for sure.
Though recorded in ’87, this single was released in August of ’88, right when Elm Street 4: The Dream Master was about to hit theaters. And while it’s more probable the the trio was seeing Dream Warriorsat that time, the song seems similar in tone and even references Freddy’s Revenge. So who knows which Elm Street they did in fact see that night. Either way, it was def.
Speaking of The Dream Master, the producers actually considered including this song on the soundtrack, but ultimately could not come to an agreement with Misters Jeff & Fresh. New Line decided instead to just sue Jive/RCA Records for copyright infringement. How’s that for a 180? Apparently there was a music video that was pulled from MTV as a result. Bet that was pretty def too. Unfortunately, that video seems to be lost forever, as it has yet to resurface on the Internet. It’ll be a pretty def day when someone find some forgotten copy and posts it.
Adding more intrigue to the mix, there’s even a handful of different versions of this track. The original LP and cassette version ran over 6 minutes long and contained some different lyrics. Now, a 6 minute rap song about a popular horror icon just won’t do for radio play, and the song was not simply trimmed, but altered somewhat. For reals?
Yep, that version we’ve all been listening to for the last 30 years ain’t the original. But, since the Shindig rolls hard on such matters, it has included the original 6 minute LP version for your enjoyment.
What revelations are to be found in this uncut version? Well for one, The Fresh Prince mentions Nancy, and while that could also refer to Dream Warriors, in context It seems more referential to the original. And while the extended lyric of “something about Elm Street was the movie we saw” is more ambiguous than him stating simply (but also a bit ambiguously) “we saw Elm Street,” I think it suggests they indeed done rushed a screening of Wes Craven’s 1984 classic.
What else is revealed? Welp, perhaps most strangely is that a rather innocuous original line about grabbing something cool to quench his thirst was replaced by a completely unnecessary product drop for Coke.
Now, I’ve read about fans being upset about this, but I’m not convinced its the nefarious product placement it may seem.
I guess if you need to shorten the song, the whole bit about coming downstairs, being alone but seeing the TV on is a little expository, so its a good spot for some revision. Moreover, the replacement of “remote” with “coke” actually alleviates the initial false rhyme with choked. It’s not great, but its an improvement.
Is it the marketing arm of Jive records stepping in and forcing a commercial? Naw, probably not, but I will admit, it is a little suspect. But mostly the omitted lyrics just add a little color, honestly. Just some more depth of descriptions to the events.
Because I couldn’t find one online (read: because no sane person really gives a shit or wastes their time on such nonsense) I’ve composed a comparison of the 2 versions for other dorks to look at and find interesting for a half a second.
Lyrics featured in both verisons will be in normal text color.
Lyrics specific to the Single version will be in green.
Lyrics specific to original Extended Mix will be in orange.
[Fresh Prince:]
Now I have a story that I’d like to tell
About this guy you all know him, he had me scared as hell!
He comes to me at night after I crawl into bed
He’s burnt up like a weenie and his name is Fred!
He wears the same hat and sweater every single day
And even if it’s hot, outside he wears it anyway!
He’s gone when I’m awake but he shows up when I’m asleep
I can’t believe that there’s a nightmare – on my street!
It was a Saturday evening if I remember it right
And we had just gotten back off tour last night
So the gang and I thought that it would be groovy
If we summoned up the posse and done rushed the movies
I got Angie, Jeff got Tina
Ready Rock got some girl I’d never seen in my life
That was all right because the lady was chill
Then we dipped to the theater set to ill
[Fresh Prince single:]
We saw Elm Street
And man, it was def!
Buggin! Cold havin a ball
And somethin bout Elm Street was the movie we saw
The way it started was decent, ya know nothing real fancy
Bout this homeboy named Fred and this girl named Nancy
But word, when it was over, I said, “Yo! That was def!”
And everything seemed all right when we left
But when I got home and laid down to sleep
That began the nightmare, on my street!
It was burnin in my room like an oven
My bed soaked with sweat, and man, I was buggin
I checked the clock and it stopped at 12:30
It had melted it was so darn hot, and I was thirsty
I went downstairs to grab some juice or a coke
Flipped the TV off, and then I almost choked
I wanted something cool, to quench my thirst
I thought to myself, “Yo, this heat is the worst!”
But when I got downstairs, I noticed something was wrong
I was home all alone but the TV was on!
I thought nothin of it as I grabbed the remote
I pushed the power button, and
then I almost choked
When I heard this awful voice comin from behind
It said, “You cut off ‘Heavy Metal’ and now you must die!”
Man, I ain’t even wait to see who it was
Broke outside in my drawers and screamed, “So long, cuz!”
Got halfway up the block I calmed down and stopped screamin
Then thought, “Oh, I get it, I must be dreamin”
I strolled back home with a grin on my grill
I figured since this is a dream I might as well get ill
I walked in the house, the Big Bad Fresh Prince
But Freddy killed all that noise real quick
He grabbed me by my neck and said, “Here’s what we’ll do.
We gotta lotta work here, me and you.
The souls of your friends you and I will claim.
You’ve got the body, and I’ve got the brain.”
I said, “Yo Fred, I think you’ve got me all wrong.
I ain’t partners with nobody with nails that long!
Look, I’ll be honest man, this team won’t work.
The girls won’t be on you, Fred your face is all burnt!”
Fred got mad and his head started steamin
But I thought what the hell, I’m only dreamin
I said, “Please leave Fred, so I can get some sleep;
Or gimme a call, and maybe we’ll hang out next week.”
I patted him on the shoulder said, “Thanks for stopping by.”
Then I opened up the door and said, “Take care guy!”
He got mad, drew back his arm, and slashed my shirt
I laughed at first, then thought, “Hold up, that hurt!”
It wasn’t a dream, man, this guy was for real
I said, “Freddy, uh, pal, there’s been an awful mistake here.”
No further words and then I darted upstairs
Crashed through my door then jumped on my bed
Pulled the covers up over my head
And said, “Oh please do somethin with Fred!”
He jumped on my bed, went through the covers with his claws
Tried to get me, but my alarm went off
And then silence! It was a whole new day
I thought, “Huh, I wasn’t scared of him anyway.”
Until I noticed those rips in my sheets
And that was proof that there had been a nightmare, on my street
Oh man, I gotta call Jeff, I gotta call Jeff
Come on, come on
Come on Jeff, answer
Come on, man
[Jazzy Jeff] Hello?
[Fresh Prince] Jeff, this is Prince, man
Jeff, wake up,
Jeff, wake up
[Jazzy Jeff:] What do you want?
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff, wake up, man, listen to me, Jeff
[Jazzy Jeff:] It’s three o’clock in the mornin, what do you want?
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff, Jeff, would you listen to me?
Listen, whatever you do, don’t fall asleep
[Jazzy Jeff:] Man!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff, listen to me, don’t go to sleep, Jeff
[JJ:] Look, look, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I’m going to bed
[Freddy:] RRAHHHH!
[JJ:] Ahhhhhh!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff! Jeff!
[Freddy:] Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
[Jazzy Jeff:] Ahhhhhh!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff!
[Freddy:] RRAHHHH!
[Fresh Prince:] Jeff! Answer me, Jeff!
[Freddy:] I’m your D.J. now, Princey!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!
So there you have it. Far too much copy regarding a silly novelty song about Freddy Krueger. But, I’m not sure The Shindig would have it any other way. Enjoy the extended version of A Nightmare On My Street.
Here’s some certified, all-American, 80-proof ridiculous bullshit from the incomprehensibly titled Freddy’s Greatest Hits.
Greatest Hits? Why, that suggests a larger body of work cultivated and condensed into only “the tracks you wanna hear,” no?
First of all, Freddy doesn’t have any other albums. This is it, folks.
Secondly, even if there were several albums, are these the choice cuts? Are these just the “tracks you wanna hear?” Probably not. They’re the tracks I wanna hear, no doubt, but I don’t speak for anyone else, much less everyone else.
Perhaps there were other Freddy songs. Maybe they had 3 albums worth and just decided these were the best, and released it as a Greatest Hits to spare everyone. If that’s the case, then fuck gang, what did those other songs sound like?
These greatest of hits encompass mostly cheese-ball covers of songs that feature the word “Dream” while Freddy cackles randomly around the melody. However, there are a few original cuts, like this number – perhaps the collection’s most unfathomable offering.
The “Do The Freddy” sticker from my toolbox at work. It’s pretty great.
What is this shit? Do the Freddy? He’s got a fucking dance now? Are you kidding me? This shit is out of control.
Nowadays, whenever I hear that people find it impossible to be scared of this character, I completely understand, and it’s because of shit like this.
Once a master of fear in the hearts of children the world over, Freddy is here reduced to a few dance moves. And not even good ones! Behold…
Pick your feet up
swing your arms up too
Move you head both ways
like you see him do
Then jump 3 feet to the swinging beat
Of The Freddy
What? What kind of fucking dance is this? I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be doing really. And the weirdest part (as you may have thought to yourself) is clearly the “move you head” instruction.
What, exactly, does moving your head both ways actually look like? Is it just shaking your head? Turning and looking in either direction like your crossing a street? It’s too vague.
Moreover, is this Freddy’s signature move? Not “claw at the air” or “scrape your blades on the wall.” Nope, it’s moving your head both ways. Ya know, that thing everyone probably does several times a day. That’s it. That’s Freddy’s big move. You could have written a more appropriate, or hell, even a slightly less vague line with roughly 2 minutes worth of thought.
Also, I think it’s important to note that no one listening to this song has a 3 foot vertical. Fuck, Michael Jordan had a 46 incher, and he’s one of the greatest dunkers of all time.
To put a more comparative and current prospective on it, Russell Westbrook has a 36.5 inch vertical. He can barely complete this dance. And Kevin Durant, at a paltry 33.5″, can’t Do The Freddy at all.
I’d ask “Just who the hell is this for, exactly,” but as you’ll soon hear Mr. Robert England proclaim straight away – “this is for you.”
So, there’s that. Enjoy this song, because it’s for you.
Here he is with a real banger of the statement T that I 100% know includes you, even if what you like is The Steves.
