TRACK #406:

Disco Monster by The Saturday Night Disco Band

We’ve already established that disco was pretty big in Japan. I don’t remember when, but i’m pretty sure we did. Maybe Sweet Sexy Dracula? That’s a guess, but I’ll link to in anyway. Let me know, yeah?

But anyway, yeah, disco was big in Japan. And as you can see below, our next track, the title track from the 1978 compilation Disco Monster, was a Japanese release.

Unfortunately, I don’t speak Japanese, so I had no idea if the song was a suitable addition outside of its title.

So, I enlisted some assistance from Shindig Radio guest Matt Mastrella, as his wife is Japanese.

What I also don’t speak, evidentially, is internet, cause fuckin Google translate can process images and I could have very easily found all the information I needed simply by translating the album cover, like so.

But indeed, they were able to help, translating this cover and hunting down the group Pink Lady and then finding the original lyrics. See, the song Disco Monster (here performed by the dubious Saturday Night Disco Band) is just a fun disco version of this duo’s #1 hit Monsutā. This song topped the Japanese Oricon Charts for 8 whole weeks in 1978, and was the 3rd best selling record of that year.

You see, Pink Lady was a big in Japan, which is entirely non-pejorative if you’re actually a Japanese artist. From 1976 to 1979 the duo released 9 different #1 hits. Their 1978 hit Chameleon Army stayed at #1 for an unprecedented 63 weeks, a feat which went unmatched for another 37 years.

They were absolutely massive. They hosted nine different television programs and were even turned into an anime. They were the spokespeople for everything from Shampoo to Oolong Tea. Just the mere mention of a product by the 2 Pink Ladies would almost guarantee an increase in that products sales, such was their influence.

They were so popular in fact, that they even enjoyed fame here in the United States, becoming one of only 2 Japanese artists to enter the Billboard Top 40 with their 1979 English language record Kiss in the Dark. They road this success to their own damn variety show produced by Sid and Marty Croft. The ill-fate Pink Lady and Jeff (or just Pink Lady) with comedian Jeff Altman, lasted only 5 episodes and was a total disaster.

It appears the Japanese duo couldn’t speak a lick of English, an apparent and egregious oversight by the shows producers. Naturally, this misunderstanding led to a whole lot of confusion and caused difficulties recording the program. See, the network execs demanded the girls only speak and sing in English while only performing English language songs. As you might imagine, that didn’t go well.

The network tried to throw money and star power at the catastrophe, enlisting the likes of Blondie, Cheap Trick, Hugh Hefner, Sherman Hemsley, Florence Henderson, Roy Orbison, Jerry Lewis, Sid Caesar, Larry Hagman and even Alice Cooper, but the resulting fiasco was canceled after just 6 weeks.

It is considered by many to be one of the worst shows in television history and is cited as almost single-handedly killing the entire variety show format in America. Snap. That’s wild.

The duo was allowed to sing 2 of their Japanese songs on the final episode however, they’re massive hit UFO and…you guessed it, Monsutā

Here’s the Pink Ladies themselves performing the tune.

So all this to say, yeah we don’t even have that song on the playlist. Weird right? Yeah, I get it. But I like this weird Disco Version better.

Here translated (however accurately) by Google translate, are the lyrics to Monsutā:

I can get you tomato juice
I can get you an emery board
Night is young
Spread your wings
And enjoy the night
Take a walk

They are not necessarily scary people
They are not necessarily bad people
In this world now people who are not accepted are crawling around everywhere and this is pitch black

There is nothing to be scared of, just scream and run away
I’m worried about your wimpy heart
You are too kind, your heart might be hardened

Monster, this is my cute person.

Monsters wake up your eyes.

Monster, it’s your turn.

Monster, it’s a full moon. Wow…

If you’re thirsty and in trouble, I’ll buy you tomato juice.

If your fangs are itchy, I’ll buy you an iron file.

There’s still a while until dawn.

Let’s enjoy it. Take a walk at night.

Even if there are seams on the face, it’s not necessarily scary.

Even if your nails are sharp, it’s not necessarily a bad person.

I can’t get it in this world

I wonder if it’s dark with all the people.

I’m going to indulge in sex on summer nights.

Everyone dodges a hot kiss and I can’t stand it.

Get out of the way, get out of the way, get out of the way, get out of the way

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Monster, come on, be brave.

Monsters are big.

Monsters shouldn’t be shaking.

Monster, raise your hand.

The monster is here. The monster is here. The monster…

I’ll follow you, so there’s nothing scary.

If something happens, scream and run away.

I’m worried about weakness.

That heart that is too gentle may be hurt.

I’m going to indulge in sex on summer nights.

Everyone dodges a hot kiss and I can’t stand it.

Get out of the way, get out of the way, get out of the way, get out of the way

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Monster, you’re too kind.

Monsters are tattered.

Monster, this is my cute person.

Monster, good night.

Monsters are here. Monsters are here.

Outstanding.

Now how much of that is accurate, I couldn’t say. Matt’s wife insisted the translation wasn’t too bad. Without speaking Japanese myself, I can certainly spots instances where, if not inaccurate, a one to one translation is probably not in order. This is why context is important, and having a command of both languages is probably preferable for translation.

But I’d rather see crazy ass lines like:

I’m going to indulge in sex on summer nights.
Everyone dodges a hot kiss and I can’t stand it.

Than anything close to an accurate translation.

Seems to me like, I dunno, they’re hot for the monster? He’s into but he’s kind of a ween? Or maybe that’s what makes him a ween? I can’t really tell. Doesn’t really matter, honestly. Firstly cause the lyrics are in Japanese, and secondly cause it’s disco and really, that ain’t what anyone is here for really.

So, lets turn on the lights to the dance floor, toss on an old Don Post mask and boogie the fuck down with The Saturday Night Disco Band and their cover of Pink Lady’s Monsutā known simply as Disco Monster.