TRACK #244:

Night of the Vampire by Roky Erickson and The Aliens

Speaking of folks who haven’t made an appearance at the plate for a couple season, here comes Roky Erickson and The Aliens, who haven’t taken a swing in about 6 years, 7 months and 18 days. About.

Ole Roky will probably end up as an All-Star eventually, but he already should be and I’ve neglected adding another one of his songs for far too long.

So we’re gonna line up and Vampire double-header here with Roky’s cautionary ode about a night of a generic vampire.

Or is it? What clues can we unearth?

Well, its all fairly unspecific. That is until Roky tells us a little bit about this vampire. Why, he’s from Transylvania! So, we could easily conclude he’s just talking about Dracula, of course!

Well, wait a minute. Not so fast, cause apparently this Vamp was also born on St. Swithin’s Day.

What in the Sam Hell is St. Swithin’s Day?

Good question. But don’t worry, I’ve already looked it up for us.

St. Swithin’s Day is a British holiday. It’s July 15th. It’s kinda like Groundhog Day, in that it purports to predict how the weather will shake out in it’s aftermath. Seems if it rains on St. Swithin’s Day, you’re lookin at 40 days of more rain to follow.

Got some sunshine? Well, you got some clears skies coming at you for the rest of July and August.

It even has a little limerick:

St Swithun’s day if thou dost rain

For forty days it will remain

St Swithun’s day if thou be fair

For forty days ’twill rain nae mare

Aces. But, what the fuck does that to do with Vampires?

Search me. Roky Erickson was a weird cat, man. God knows what all that electroshock therapy did to his noodle.

Wait, maybe Dracula was born on St. Swithin’s Day?

Well, since Dracula got his name from real life Romanian Aristocrat and gnarly sunofabitch, Vlad III, lets start there.

Vlad was a Prince, and his father, the king, was known as Vlad Dracul, which meant Dragon. That name is what they call a “sobriquet,” and that’s basically just a formal nickname that becomes more popular than your real name. Like Tricky Dick, or The Sultan of Swat, or the King of Pop. You know exactly who I’m talking about and I never needed to say their names. Unless you don’t, which probably just means your younger than shit.

Well anyway, Vlad III had one of these sobriquets too; Vlad Tepes, or Vlad the Impaler. Cause that’s what happens you you shove a fuck-ton of giant pikes through people – you get named for that shit.

Now, since his dad was Vlad Dracul….Little Vlad came to have another nickname, Dracula, which is like the equivalent of what calling a guy around here Johnson or Peterson used to be.

Ok great, but weren’t we taking about his birthday. Yeah, but the problem is that nobody’s really even sure what year Vlad Tepes, was born, much less the day. General consensus seems to be 1431. That’s as good as we can get on that front.

So, how about fake Dracula?

Same. And the novel was published on May 26th, so no winky references there.

Well, how about the guys who played fake Dracula? Let’s see…

Max Schrek? September 6th.

Bela Lugosi? October 20th

Carlos Villarías? July 7th. Man that’s close.

John Carradine? February 5th.

Christopher Lee? May 27th.

Jack Palance? February 18th.

Klaus Kinski? October 18th.

Frank Langella? January 1st.

Udo Kier? October 14th.

Judd Hirsh, maybe? Naw. March 15th.

Duncan Regehr? October 5th.

Gary Oldman? March 21st.

Gerard Fuckin’ Butler, even? November 13th.

That guy from Argento’s 3D shit show? That was Thomas Kretschmann. And nope, September 8th.

What about that new guy? It’s way too late for Roky at this point, but what the hell, right?

Luke Evans was in Dracula Untold. He was born April, 15th,

William Smith? Wait, really…William “Normad” Smith? Yep, he played ole Drac in The Erotic Rites of Countess Dracula in 2001. But no. March 24th.

Claes Bang most recently play him on Netflix. April 28th.

Fuck, really?

I dunno, Leslie Nielsen maybe? Nope. Februrary 11th.

Jesus, was anyone interesting born on July 15th?

Sure…

Hall of fame Basketball player Frank “Pop” Morgenweck, Country Singer Lloyd “Cowboy” Copas, Airwolf’s Jan-Michael Vincent, Painter and toothpaste spokesman Rembrandt, Linda Ronstadt, Filmmaker DA Pennebaker, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Johnny Thunders, Terry “The Step Father” O’Qiunn, Lolita “I Have the Coolest Last Name Ever” Davidovich, Forrest “What’s Really Goin On With My Eye?” Whittaker, comedian Eddie Griffin, Brian “The Peach Pit” Austin Green and current Portland Trailblazer Point Guard Damian Lillard.

..were all born St. Swithin’s day.

From my extensive research however, I have found that only Brian Austin Green and Cowboy Copas were actual Vampires. Brian was born in 1973, which probably makes him a bit too young for the honor. So, I can only conclude this song is about legendary Vampire Lloyd “Cowboy” Copas.

So beware, or your death might be Signed, Sealed and Delivered.