TRACK #213:

(I’m The) Mummy by Long Tall Ernie and The Shakers

While we may not be entirely sure who the fuck The Wolf Man actually is, we can safely say we know exactly who The Mummy is, and his name is Long Tall Ernie.

Dutch rockers Long Tall Ernie and The Shakers started out life in The Netherlands in 1968 as a band called The Moans, which they later changed to simply Moans.

These guys were all a bunch of jokers I guess, because during live performances The Moans would go offstage halfway through the set and re-emerge as a sort of spoof act called Long Tall Ernie and The Shakers. As The Shakers, The Moans would play traditional Rock ‘N Roll from across the pound…as they probably don’t say over there because that’s a definitely a British phrase.

Whatever they say, these guys never found much success as The Moans, but people seemed to love Long Tall Ernie and his Shakers. No problem for them, they just said “fuck it” and changed the band completely to Long Tall Ernie and The Shakers and started knocking out albums.

One of the last of those albums, from 1979, was Meet The Monsters. While maybe a little late in the game for this brand of Shock Theater styled rocking , being a direct goof on 50’s Rock ‘N Roll sensibilities, it only makes perfects sense that these jokesters might eventually release a full on novelty Monster album.

And god bless ‘em, because they threw on a song about the Mummy, and those aren’t exactly spilling out of the sarcophagi.

The Mummy is a bit underrepresented in the Monster Song game, at least when compared to Bash Brother’s Dracula and Frankenstein. Even the Wolf Man, or at the very least, Werewolves, are getting more at-bats than The Mummy.

And rightfully so. Of the Big 5, you’d have to slot this bozo 4th.

The Wolf Man-Dracula-Frankenstein lineup is a veritable Murderer’s Row when it comes to Monstering and popularity. Them’s just the breaks, kid. These dudes are batting 1000, mercing fools left and right and you’re over there lumbering around all slow, reaching at people, looking for some a lost lover or purloined artifact or some shit.

You don’t think you belong 4th, band-aid breath? Come at me. I’ll take you the fuck out, Rudy style, without even breaking a sweat. Frank’s tossin’ me straight into a river, I got nothing for a walking corpse quilt of those measurements. The Wolf Man’s probably ripping my gentials straight off and God help me if Dracula’s got any of them bimbo’s in tow, cause I’m a goner. You? You’re getting unwrapped up quick.

But enough calling out of probably imaginary Monsters. Let’s get back to Long Tall’s take.

For some reason, The Mummy here sounds like any numbers of novelty Dracula’s or weird Igor fashioned character. Seriously, why does The Mummy sound like this? I understand these guys are Dutch, but surely they realize this is not a voice associated with The Mummy, right?

But maybe that’s the problem. Is any voice really associated with The Mummy? What is he supposed to sound like? Egyptian I’ll wager, at the very least. You do have Karloff just Ardath Bey-ing it up, and maybe that’s what they were going for here, cause you could claim this is a voice approaching Boris.

Either way, this is a fun Novelty Monster song about a guy we don’t get to hear too much about. And in regards to Meet the Monsters, it’s a great Monstrous album that deserves a full listen, if you’re into that sort of thing. An album we certainly haven’t heard the last from around here.