TRACK #267:

Bargain with the Devil by Franco Micalizzi

In 1973, William Friedkin tapped straight into some ancient Catholic corner of the world’s collective unconsciousness with his masterpiece The Exorcist. People went berserk.

As in the wake of anything that hugely successful, the imitators quickly emerged.

From India’s Seytan, to Canada’s The Manitou, to Spain’s Excorsimo, to Germany’s Magdalena, to our own home grown Abby… there’s definitely no shortage of Exorcist knock-offs.

But nobody pumped em out like the Italians, Pope John Paul II be damned.

There’s The Antichrist, ya know, that one where a paraplegic Rosemary-look-alike totally licks a goat’s asshole. And I mean totally. That one’s pretty awesome.

Or there’s L’Ossessa, also known as Enter the Devil, The Eerie Midnight Horror Show, The Sexorcist, The Devil Obsession, The Obsessed, The Tormented, or The Movie with the Most Alternate Titles Trying to Capitalize Whatever Film Was Most Popular at a Given Time.

That one finds a wooden crucifix Jesus coming to life Morty-style and having his way with our young protagonist. He’s actually the Devil, and later he climbs off a different cross during a weird ritual and totally crucifies this poor girl to it instead. Yikes.

Or how bout poor Bava’s previously titled Lisa and The Devil? It wasn’t faring too well, so the producers re-cut that fucker to improve marketability. They infused it with new scenes deliberately ripping off The Exorcist and released it as The House of Exorcism. Some of those scenes were even shot by Bava’s son (and Demons director) Lamberto Bava, but Mario claims that version is no longer his film at all really.

While all these have their place and finer points, none of them are quite as head scratching or entertaining as Italy’s original Exorcist knock-off, Chi Sei?, which was released to American audiences as Beyond the Door.

More importantly, none of them feature a funked-up ode to the Devil himself like Bargain with The Devil.

From the weird voice dubbing, to the strange children, to Dimitri being a general skeezer,  it’s all pretty bizarre. For me though, it’s weirdness culminates when an aggressive pack of street musicians accosts Robert, one of whom appears to be playing a recorder through his nose. That’s creepy.

Here’s the soulful tune about soullessness,  Bargain with the Devil. You know, it sounds like a jerk-off session in the bathroom.