TRACK #274:

Gangster Rock by Felony

And now back to Graduation Day…

Some songs that appear in horror movies aren’t referential. That’s OK. Some of the best songs on the playlist are purely inclusive. Fast As a Shark, Goo Goo Muck, Angel of Death. All great.

But sometimes they’re more than just not referential. Sometimes they seem totally out of place. But even that’s OK. Everybody But You, Computer Date, Love Is a Lie. Still good stuff. In fact, I’d argue they’re the backbone of this playlist.

Most often, you’ll get these if a band makes a surprise cameo in the movie, playing their tune live at a party or a school dance. Usually this is a nice treat, like Maria Videl in Once Bitten. Sometimes it’s a dirty trick, like The Offspring in Idle Hands.

And just as much might be the case with LA Rock outfit Felony, who are  performing at the titular dance in the the film Graduation Day. Their song Gangster Rock seems just a little out of place.

But I get it. It makes plenty of sense that a band would perform a completely innocuous song that’s totally unrelated to the horrific goings-ons around them. Goings-ons of which they are completely unaware. It’s perfectly reasonable. Logically, I might even say it’s  preferred. Why would a band, playing a normal Graduation Day dance be playing some spooky or otherwise horrifying jam?

But that’s inner logic. The outer logic is you’re a music supervisor and you should theme it up. And if you’re gonna hard pass on that, at least grab a better song than fuckin Gangster Rock. Which, while not the terrible (I mean, I am including it) is far from the best.

Classic rock fans will immediately note its flagrant similarity to a much more famous song called China Groove by the much more famous Doobie Brothers. Seriously, is this China Groove? It sounds exactly like China Groove. In fairness though, it’s probably the song’s saving grace. Making your tune sound like a more famous hit isn’t the worst move you can make. More famous have engaged in more overt and made more money doing it. So hey.

But more importantly, even under a favorable light, Gangster Rock overstays it’s welcome. Well overstays it.

Now, I could be mistaken, but I doubt Gangster Rock is a 7 and half minute song. But it keeps playing, in almost comic mockery, for what appears to be an impossible amount of time for a song of this nature.

It starts innocently enough, with Felony adorned in some vaguely prohibition-era mobster attire, playing live on stage while kids cut a rug and…roller skate? Sure why not, it’s 1981.

And that’s all well and good for a spell, but the song just won’t end. It powers on, rebelling against all previous notions of pop-rock architecture, approaching an, I’d almost say Prog-Rock level, if it weren’t so blatantly repetitive.

Ultimately, it gets dragged over poor Linnea’s Quigley death at the hands of an aggressive bee-keeper. Wait, he had a sword. Hmm, I’m gonna say he was a fencer. It’s easy to get confused with Gangster Rock stabbing at your cochlea.

Since I couldn’t track down an official release from Felony containing Gangster Rock, I’ve grabbed it directly from the film. However, for the sake of your own sanity, I’ve employed some clever editing to spare you it’s ungodly runtime. Cause no one should be ask to deal with almost 8 minutes of Gangster Rock. Hell, even the 3 and change I’m subjecting you too here is of suspect length.

So grab a fencing mask, strap on a pair of roller skates and do the China Groove…I mean Gangster Rock.