TRACK #327:

Halloween Night by Fortress

It’s time to feel the steel with our second Samhain shot, a song that also happens to be from 1986.

This ones hails from traditionally neutral Switzerland, and takes aim at our Hallowed Eve via brute force and a stern warning.  It’s Fortress and their track Halloween Night.

Unfortunately, not much seems to be known about this band, and the tune comes from their lone release, the 4-track EP Take the Night.

So little is this band discussed that only 1 image of the album even appears to appear online. It’s pretty low rez and it’s the album cover you see above, which I snatched from discogs.

Where did Fortess come from? Where have Fortress gone? Why are there so many other fuckin bands named Fortress? Seriously.

Encyclopedia Metallum lists 20 bands in total with the name Fortress. Are you kidding me? It took me 5 minutes just to determine which Fortress was this Fortress, only to discover they didn’t have any damn information about them anyway. Beautiful.

Well, since we don’t know anything about Fortress, we’re just gonna talk about this now I guess, because…fuckin’ Fortress? Really? That’s the band name that’s getting into double digits? It’s not even a good band name! I mean, it’s alright, but it don’t sound nearly as tough as all these dudes seem to thinks it sounds.

It’s 1 word with 2 syllables, and that’s always a solid move for a band name. Straight to the point and harsh. Slayer, Vemon, Krokus, it just works. So I’ll give them that. But while it does have the upfront punch of “Fort,” that double S at on the back end really weakens up the whole affair.

So why are so many groups clamoring for this name? Cause it’s strong and keeps out invaders? Cause it can’t be penetrated? What’s the allure? Cause it can’t be the phonetics of this thing.

I’m not sure, but for 20 bands, spanning 3 decades, Fortress connected. And from all across the globe too! Hungary, Bavaria, Poland, Australia, even the Netherlands, all have Fortresses. Hell, the US accounts for almost half of them with 8 different Fortresses!

You wanna tell me one or two, sure. Bands unwittingly named each other the same shit all the time, particularly in the days before the internet.

But the The Metal Archives at Encylopedia Metallum have been around since 2002, people. Almost half the bands using this name came into existence after 2006. What?

Any band naming themselves post-2002 has no fuckin’ excuse. You come up with a some generic-ass nonsense like Fortress, you cross reference that shit with The Metal Archives, see if anyone else has already used it. Chances are they have, because you’re not that creative and Metal’s been around for over 40 fuckin’ years.

Maybe one other band used it 25 years ago and no one’s ever heard them. Fine, keep Fortress. Wait, there’s 17 other bands named fucking Fortress? Put that one back on the shelf, fellas. The world doesn’t need another Fortress. It’s not that great of a band name to begin with.

The first instances of Fortress seem to appear in 1980, with one glamy lookin outfit from LA (unsurprisingly) and another in Kansas. Germany pumped one out shortly after in 1981, and then our boys from Switzerland appear in tandem with another LA band in 1983.

Now, those 2 LA acts need to check the flyers outside the Rainbow Room or some shit and get their acts together. You’re probably using the same goddamn rehearsal space on Cahuenga, for christ sakes. The rest of ya’ll early 80’s guys, I’ll cut some slack. You late 80’s Johnny-Come-Latelys have a little more latitude but not a lot, and any of you clowns from the 90’s shoulda better known better. After that, you got high speed cable internet and a fuckin’ google search bar. Use that shit. Acting like you got a real unique one on your hands and not looking that shit up is just arrogant.

However, since our boys here were pretty early adopters and all the way over in the Swiss Alps just shredding up avalanches like they were in goddamn Blood Tracks, we’re gonna let them off the easiest. They’re the the only ones with a Halloween song anyway, so they’re clearly the only one’s deserving.

But seriously, no more fuckin Fortresses, alright everybody?