TRACK #415:

Dracula’s Tango (Sucker For Your Love) by Toto Coelo

Since we’re talking about women talking about monsters, how about 5 women talking about monsters. Or at least one monster anyway. Yeah, you guessed it – Dracula. Of course it’s Dracula. It’s always Dracula. So much Dracula. Too much Dracula.

I know I said I was only gonna give you 1 Dracula song this year, and that’s because this block wasn’t initially scheduled for this season. But as I was finishing up the Disco block I wasn’t quite settled about how it was segueing into the next part of the playlist. So, I decided to move these songs up a bit, shuffled out a few tunes, and viola! Now you got more Dracula. It’s honesty just that easy to suddenly have Dracula around here, such is the extent of Draculas littering the bullpen. There’s a whole other crop coming at you in 2026. Just Draculas. So much Draculas. Too much Draculas.

But this one’s a great monster dance song that’s pretty well known and exactly the type of song that should have made the list years ago. It’s been hanging around the bullpen forever just waiting to find the right spot to call home, and I think we’ve now found it.

It’s a poppy number that comes from a group of British ladies originally named Toto. The United States made them change their name though to avoid confusion with the real Toto, cause that’s the kinda bullshit the United States does. I suppose I get it, but this seems more geared toward preventing a customer from buying an album they maybe didn’t want, than it is seems geared toward maybe helping an artist sell some records on a little borrowed name recognition. The music industry suddenly developed a consciousness toward its customers, or something? Get the fuck outta here.

I will say that I wouldn’t have complained at all about an alternate cut of Lynch’s Dune scored by the likes of Toto Coelo.

Speaking of which, that’s what they changed their name to, Toto Coelo. In Latin it means “by all of Heaven” or “the whole of the Heavens.” It seems like a fancy way of saying completely, or absolutely. So there’s that.

According to Wikipedia, By The Full Breadth of The Heavens formed in ’81 and their first recording was a Buggles tune produced by Trevor Horn. How do you like that? Sometimes the small weird ways things end up unintentionally connected around here is kinda wild. Apparently this was an unreleased track though, but that little thread is still interesting.

Their actual breakout hit came the following year in the form I Eat Cannibals. Not exactly a number one hit, either in England or here (peaked at 8 in the UK and 66 here in the states) but it was enough to warrant a follow up single right on its heels.

Now, why someone thought a weird song about wanting to fuck Dracula was the ticket, I couldn’t say. Never seems to me like the thing to bet the farm on, and I’m a guy who literally wants your next hit to be a song about you wanting to fuck Dracula. Like I’m here for it, literally. I’m literally here at this domain for the express purpose of talking about your weird 1982 hit song about how you’re getting all horny for Dracula. But yeah, I’ve seen the numbers. It’s not a large constituency.

So, as you might imagine Toto Coelo’s flash was of an “in the pan” variety. They went for the hat trick and released Milk From The Coconut, the 3rd single off their 1983 album Man O’War, but that one didn’t really move the needle either. Anyone who was really feeling I Eat Cannibals had moved on.

Now, I’m usually a pretty generous listener with things like that, and there is a vocoder, and that’s awesome obviously, but I struggle with Milk from the Coconut a bit. It’s ok, but I’m not surprised this one failed to chart.

Now Dracula’s Tango, on the other hand, provides no such obstacle. It is the clear winner of the 3 singles, my biases not withstanding. Anyone claiming I Eat Cannibals is the better single is not to be trusted. So, while I think I Eat Cannibals could make for a perfectly reasonable addition to The Shindig, we have obviously and predictably staked our flag on Dracula’s Tango.

An interesting bit of trivia about the ladies of Toto Coelo; they fully appear performing in the 1983 sequel, Grizzly II: The Predator. That sucker was shot in Budapest, and the production ran out of money so the Hungarian government confiscated all their equipment. As a result, the movie was never released or finished. Canon bought the rights with the intention to release it in the late 80’s but that didn’t happen before Canon fell apart.

In 2020, an independent company shot some extra footage and finally got the film released as Grizzly II: The Revenge. It’s not good, and has tons of weird new footage spliced-in that feels all out of place. And since it featured a bunch of young actors that had since became famous, they bill them all like the real stars of the film.

It’s got John Rhys-Davies and Louise Fletcher and Charles Cyphers. But those are the real actors. In small ass cameos you had the likes of George Clooney, Laura Dern and even Charlie Sheen! According to IMDb Charlie Sheen actually turned down the role of Daniel in The Karate Kid so he could go to Hungary and be in this trash. Holy shit. Poor guy. No wonder he kept bangin’ 7 grams rocks. I would too if I had given up a shot at bring the Karate Kid for fuckin Grizzly II, only to see it get full-on shelved for 40 years.

Though, to be fair, being Topper Harley and Rick Vaughn kinda makes up for not getting to be Daniel Larusso. In the grand scheme of things, maybe that’s even better. Maybe he really was winning. In the end though, he’s still Charlie Sheen, and that don’t sound like any kind of winning to me. Rest in peace Corey Haim.

Holy shit, that was a detour. What the hell were we talking about again? Oh, another song about women obsessed with a fucking literal creature of the night, that will completely drain their body of life in order to sustain their own, with absolutely no thought or concerned paid to the very object of that sustenance, rendering them into what one Dracula referred to as a “beautiful wine press” ?Yeah, that sounds about par for the Dracula course.

Here’s Toto Coelo with a toto dance-floor ‘digger sure to get your blood flowing. It’s Dracula’s Tango (Sucker For Your Love)