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Episode 19: Duck, You Sucker! It’s Title Tracks Pt. 5

The Shindig Radio gang finally returns, and regionally specific fan favorite, Kyle Sullivan, is returning along with ’em!

Join him as he joins Graham C. Schofield and Mikey Rotella to endure more Horror Movie Title Tracks of dubious quality.

Laugh, You Clown! as you hear them hear songs from genre classics like 1973’s Arnold, Mexico’s Don’t Panic! and Alan Plone’s Phantom of the Ritz!

Marvel, You Rube! as they reference events from almost one full calendar year ago, like Matt Mastrella’s 43nd birthday and the passing of film legend William Smith.

Recoil, You Pussy! as they eat dusty skillet chips and scratch dry shit!

Duck, You Sucker! It’s Title Tracks Pt. 5!

 

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That’s One Weird-Ass Christmas

At this point in our collective timeline, there’s probably more Christmas music than some actual, legitimate sub-genre’s of musical expression. It’s almost absurd just how much Christmas music there is out there.

A lot of people hate Christmas music and it’s hard to blame them. With a pool of tunes so deep, what we’re subjected to year after year probably amounts to about a 2 liter’s worth of actual music. The same damn 30 songs sung by the same damn 30 people. And even if they’re sung by someone else, it’s usually still the same damn songs.

This has led to an entire subculture committed to finding and compiling the strangest and most obscure Christmas songs imaginable. In the age of the internet, this has become much easier and more common. As such, my playlist here is by no means definitive, nor as thorough as some of the finest compilations you can find on the subject.

This is simply me throwing my hat in the ring with a fun playlist of some of weirdest Christmas songs I’ve come across over the years.

Merry Christmas, everybody. Here’s a helmet.

I’ll toss some notes below the player, if it do ya. Enjoy!

 

1.Merry Christmas You Suckers by Paddy Roberts (1962): What a way to kick off this bizarre playlist. Back in 1962, ole Paddy was hitting the nail pretty square on the head. Some 60 odd years later, this song seems more relevant than ever.

2. Cashing in on Christmas by Bad News (1987): Keeping with the theme of Christmas’ descent into capitalistic blood ritual, here comes UK butt-rockers Bad News with a self-aware satire of the music industry’s culpability in that very descent.

3. Ole Year Christmas by Sisterhood:  Ah. The wonderful world of Song-Poems. If you’re not familiar with Song-Poems, this link should take care of that for you. Now that you’re up to speed, rejoice that there’s an entire album of Christmas Song-Poems, and several of them are on this playlist.

4. Close Your Mouth (It’s Christmas) by The Free Design (1968): Here’s the antidote to all that commercial Christmas bullshit. The Free Design implore you to bring your mind and body back from the store and get to know the people in your house. You might like em!

5. Peace At Least by Rotary Connection (1968): This soulful number answers the age-old question “Why does Santa even do all this weird Christmas shit.” Well, evidentially, he’s high as fuck. In fact, he smokes mistletoe.

6. Honky the Christmas Goose by Johnny Bower (1961): Much like Dominick the Donkey, here’s another song about a Christmas animal you didn’t know existed, making a sound nobody likes. You can read all about this bizarre tune and it’s singer, Toronto Maple Leaf Goalie Johnny Bower here…

7. Merry Christmas in the NFL by Willis The Guard (1980): Speaking of Christmas sports, here’s a strange one-off from Pac-Man Fever scribes Jerry Buckner and Gary Garcia, utilizing the name Willis The Guard, a character from Atlanta Radio personality Bob Carr and the fictional band Vigorish. Weird.

8. A Tropical Winter by The 1970 San Francisco 49ers (1970): So this ad guy named Mike Tatich thought it would be real funny if football players sang Christmas songs. He then somehow magically convinced the newly minted NFL to back this cockamamie scheme. After that, he literally drove around the country recording all 26 teams singing classic Christmas tunes. Its fuckin’ nuts. You can read about this crazy-ass story in great detail here on Deadspin. This song, A Tropical Winter, is the only original number on the album. And more specifically, it comes from the San Francisco 49er’s iteration. There are 25 other versions of this very song, all sang by different teams, floating around in the world.

9. We Need Some Snow by Three Beat Slide (2016): This song is weird, no doubt, but what’s weirder is Three Beat Slide themselves and their videos. A family band in the grand sense, they produce perhaps the strangest tunes and videos this side of the Y2K bug. You owe it to yourself to click this link and enjoy.

10. Dying Snowman by Soulful Dynamic (1982): I’m not sure if you can call this an out and out Christmas song, but it’s 100% the kind of strange and obscure shit that this playlist was designed to feature. Absolutely bizarre.

11. Dear Mr. Claus by Paul Revere and The Raiders (1967): Here’s a little causal sexism straight outta 1967 for ya. Paul Revere and The Raiders have apparently been “good” all year, so naturally they ask Santa for a sort of mindless sex-slave, like the guy’s some kinda Yuletide pimp. Yep, that’s weird. And what is this request for, exactly? A sex doll? A robot? A flesh and blood mail order bride? Does Santa even have this ability? And where does she go exactly? In his sack? Riding alongside him in the sleigh? So many questions for Paul Revere and his Raiders.

12. Dear Santa (Bring Me a Man for Christmas) by The Weather Girls (1983): Apparently the great man-deluge of 1982 had all dried up, as The Weather Girls found themselves man-less by 1983. However, not wishing the fairer sex be left out Santa’s holiday human trafficking ring, they make a similar request of Jolly Ole Nick. And man can these ladies belt it.

13. Xmas Done Got Funky by Jimmy Jules and The Nuclear Soul System (1977): If you’re concerned that Christmas doesn’t seem the way it used to be, don’t you worry buddy. It just got a little bit funky, courtesy of the coolest group of dudes this side of Soulful Dynamic.

14. Funky Funky Christmas by The New Kids on The Block (1989): New Kids on the Block? Are you for real? Maybe, but you can’t tell me this song isn’t fuckin’ weird. Between that god-awful Santa voice, whatever this melody is supposed to be, the bizarre talking that’s not quite rapping, and the fact that there isn’t a lick of funk in a song which states as such not once, but twice (!) and you’ve got yourself one original, bona fide lump of Christmas coal.

15. The Christmas Rap by Crew X (1990): Rap songs about Christmas are so abundant I gave them their own playlist. However, I couldn’t include (in good conscience anyway) this ridiculous song from Crew X. And once you hear it, I’m sure you’ll agree, this is the right place for it. You can find this bizarro track tacked onto the end of an otherwise perfectly normal album of Christmas Rap music album called…well…Christmas Rap Music. Also weird, why exactly is this song not called The Santa Rap?

16. Rock and Roll Santa by Jan Terri (1994): The Get-Down Goblin herself, Ms. Jan Terri, returns to serenade us all with possibly her magnum-opus: Rock and Roll Santa. Straight up, if The Ramones sang this song, it would be a beloved holiday classic.

17. The Rocking Disco Santa Claus by Sisterhood: Well, it looks like Sisterhood is back, and this time, their gonna kick off a whole block of Disco Christmas tunes, with this weird-ass song poem. Don’t worry though, we left Disco Duck on the bench.

18. Disco Christmas by The Universal Robot Band (1977): Disco Christmas from The Universal Robot Band, is a fun-ass Disco Christmas song. The interplay between Santa and Rudolph in this bizarre tune is fantastic. Hearing Rudolph call Santa a “Jive Turkey” is just what you need this Christmas.

19. Christmas For Space by Universal Energy (1977): For some reason there seems to be shit ton of Christmas space songs. So, we thought we’d set the mood a bit with this weird instrumental, Christmas For Space, which seems less concerned with the actual sound of Christmas and more concerned with how cool 70’s string synthesizers sound. And for anyone playing along at home, the back masked message at the end of the song is…Christmas For Space…and a little of what sounds a whole hell of a lot like French.

20. Christmas in the Stars by Meco (1980):  Ah, the Star Wars Christmas album. If you’re unfamiliar with this relic of oddly conceived Star Wars tie-ins, then you’re in for a treat. Featuring actual C3PO actor, Anthony Daniels, and legendary sound designer Ben Burt!

21. Captain Santa Claus (and His Reindeer Space Patrol) by Bobby Helms (1957): A lot of songs posit Santa as having access to lavish technology to make his unfathomable Christmas trip. Since most of them are from the space-race era, typically this is a rocket of some kind. Captain Santa Claus goes the extra mile by affording Santa an actual rank. When his sleigh breaks down on Christmas Eve, the elves make him a rocket so he can still deliver presents. Hooray!

22: Outer Space Santa by The Lennon Sisters (1956):  So, apparently there’s children in space, and evidentially, they want shit for Christmas too. You needn’t worry though, earth dweller! Our terrestrial Santa is safe from celestial requests, it seems. He won’t be distracted from his earthly duties this Christmas, cause they have their own Santa out there in space. Good for them.

23: I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas with a Dalek by The Go-Gos (1964): Not sung by the American Go-Go’s as you might initially expect, this one comes from a British group of the same name who, in 1964, decided to catch a little Dalek fever. Now, I’m not much of a Dr. Who fan, but I am a fan of weird-ass Christmas songs, and this is certainly that, particularly considering these things this child is singing about are a murderous race of space-cyborgs.

24. Space Age Santa Claus by Pattie Marie Jay (1961): So here, Santa has a rocket sleigh again, but this time for some reason, he’s only bringing the Christmas spirit across the Solar System. Slacker.

25: R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas by Meco (1980): I love this album so much I had to include a second tune. But with so many great ones to choose from, which do you pick? Well, I had to go with this one, where a bunch of children proclaim their love for a trash can robot that doesn’t have emotions. Notable also for being the recording debut of a one Jon Bon Jovi. For real? I guess so.

26. Merry Christmas Santa Claus (You’re a Lovely Guy) by Max Headroom (1986): Look, I don’t know why 80’s icon and literal talking head Max Headroom has a Christmas song, but it’s pretty legit. Hell, with this choral accompaniment, I’ll bet you could sneak this into the rotation at the company Christmas party, and your drunken co-workers wouldn’t suspect a thing. Max even manages to keep the Christ in Christmas. Of course, he also has the baby Jesus wish Santa a Merry Christmas, but that’s all part of the charm.

27. Here Comes Santa Claus in a Red Canoe by The Surfers (1959): From their 1959 album Christmas From Hawaii, here’s the lone original number. Despite having a, ya know, sleigh with 8 flying reindeer, why not jump in a canoe if you need to get to the big island?

28. Santa Came on a Nuclear Missile by Heather Noel: It’s all the fun of Weird Al’s Christmas At Ground Zero with none of the intentional humor! Just some bleak, song-poem weirdness. Man, the Cold War was a trip, huh?

29. Can Santa Miss Those Missiles? by Reece Shipley (1960): I wonder if any actual children in the 50’s and 60’s were concerned Santa might get hit by some rouge intercontinental ballistic missile. Well, if they were, ole Reece Shipley here stepped in at the right time to provide them with a little hope. Thank God. Fuck, the Cold War really was a trip.

30. Truckin’ Tree’s For Christmas by Red Simpson (1973): Here’s a fun tune from an under-represented yuletide demographic; the trucker hauling the trees to the Christmas Tree lot. And who better to sing it than Red Simpson, the man who literally released an album called I Am a Truck.

31. Christmas Flu by Lee Montgomery (1984): Now, I couldn’t make a playlist of weird Christmas music without including something from Silent Night, Deadly Night, right? Of course not! So, I picked the weirdest one of the bunch, Christmas Flu. I got a Christmas attack!

32. Christmas in Jailby The Youngsters (1956): Man, that just kinda sucks. Could have happened to any of us on Christmas Eve, really.

33. Daddy, Is Santa Really Six Foot Four? by Kay Brown: A Christmas classic gets the song poem treatment here, complete with a song poem twist. See, this narrator didn’t just catch Mommy kissing Santa Claus, but that Santa Claus said he was coming back, and with a gun. Watch the fuck out, Daddy!

34. Santa Claus Wants Some Loving by Albert King (1974): “Santa getting his fuck on” is such a prolific theme in Christmas music, it could have its own playlist. We’re gonna set off our own little Santa Sex Block with this milder entry from Albert King.

35. I’ll Be Your Santa Baby by Rufus Thomas (1973): A year earlier, and a tad more risque.

36. Back Door Santaby Clarence Carter (1968): Perhaps the original “lets cut the bullshit, Santa’s just a dude with a dick, and milk and cookies ain’t cuttin’ it no more” tune. Ah, Christmas: the season of giving.

37. I Know What You Want for Christmas by Kay Martin (1962): Kay Martin’s coy and not quite lewd I Know What You Want For Christmas is the (semi) title track off her 1962 Christmas stag party collection I Know What He Wants for Christmas…But I Don’t Know How to Wrap It. The entire record isn’t quite as fun as this tune, but it’s still definitely worth a spin, particularly if everyone’s holding a highball while wearing orange turtle neck sweaters.

38. The Peppermint Stick Man by Randall Reed and The Forerunners: So this man, this peppermint stick man, he’s erect, and with his stick he has a plan? Am I understanding this right? What the fuck is going on in this song? Holy shit with this one.

39. The Gift by Mickey Rooney (1979): So in 1979, Mickey Rooney – yep, Mr. Joe Petto himself – cut a Christmas album. And if that wasn’t weird enough, he called that album Merry Merry Micklemas. And if that wasn’t weird enough, this was the god damn album cover. Yikes. Now, if all of that just wasn’t weird enough for you, here’s track number 3, where Mickey sings you a song from a Christmas present’s point of view. And if that still (somehow!) just isn’t enough fuckin’ weirdness for you, listen to that borderline psychotic baby voice he uses for the gift. Right on Roon!

40. Christmas Without Daddy by Joe Walega and His Happy Hearts (1978): Polka King Joe Walega celebrates the season of cheer…by talking about his dead Dad. Now that’s all well and good (if not a bit bleak for a Christmas song) but listening to a grown man call his Father “Daddy” over and over, in Shatner-esque speak-singing, is just weird.

41. Debbie’s Last Christmas by Nancy LaPlante (1969): The weirdest thing about this song is that it exists. The story here is sort of heartbreaking, but it’s presentation? Yeah, that’s weird. And the magical twist? Well, that’s a little weird too.

42. I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday by Wizzard (1973): After that double-shot of Christmas cheer, we could use a little pick-me-up before we wrap up this present. And there’s no better way than with this one. Not particularly weird in and of itself, but once you see card carrying weirdos Wizzard perform this song, all becomes clear. Also, the snowman bringing the snow seems like a weird concept to me, and that Black Mirror episode kinda made it weird now too, so there’s that. Still a hard Christmas tune to resist, weird or not.

Excuse My Christmas by Jan Terri: We’re gonna let good ole Jan Terri close us out here with her 2nd Christmas tune. I’m not really sure what Excuse My Christmas is suppose to mean exactly but I love it all the same. So we’d like to say to you all, excuse our Christmas, we know it was a bit weird.

We hoped you’ve enjoyed this off-beat compilation anyway and that it may continue to bring you holiday joy all throughout your years!

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Christmas Rap Music

No musical genre is safe from the icy and impenetrable grip of that commercial juggernaut known as Christmas.

As such, Rap succumbed to the holiday’s glittery grasp right from its infancy, with pioneer MC Kurtis Blow quite literally breaking onto the scene with his 1979 debut, Christmas Rappin’.

Ever since, Rap has enjoyed a long and…colorful… history with the most wonderful time of the year.

Collected below, and spanning almost 40 years, are some of my favorite Christmas Raps. And because I think it’s fun to hear Rap evolve fluidly over the course of a playlist, they’re presented here in chronological order.

Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas everyone!

 

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Monster Christmas Mash (1974)

So, here’s a slice of bizarro-70’s-monster-weirdness I wish I knew existed back in 2018 when we did our Christmas episode of Shindig Radio. It’s the exact sort of thing I was trying to include.

Thankfully, it’s here now,  so let’s talk about it.

Back in 1974, it would appear as though someone just casually listening to Boris Pickett’s Monster’s Holiday and thought it would be a great idea for an entire novelty concept album.

And they were right, cause this thing is awesome.

Now, it’s not exactly the same as Monster’s Holiday because the monsters don’t rob Santa, as they plan to do in Boris’ song. What’s happening here is that Frankenstein’s Monster is sick and dying. Ok, off to a weird start. But then, just going right along with the weirdness, he laments that he’s never been invited to a Christmas party.  So, as some kinda Make-A-Wish Foundation move, the Association of Monsters decide to throw him a Christmas Party.

It’s a bizarre concept, no doubt, but it features a couple of fun new monsters tunes, a few classic Christmas carol renditions and some fantastic voice acting.

So, if you’re feeling like your Christmas is lacking a little Monster action, fire this thing up, because it’s one monstrously jolly listen.

 

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A Very Shindig Christmas Playlist

It was brought to my attention that I never actually made a mini-playlist for our Shindig Radio Christmas episode, A Very Shindig Christmas.

However, since the songs from The Crypt Keeper, The Krypt Keeper 5 and Silent Night, Deadly Night (the bulk of that episode) are each represented in their own playlists, I thought putting all of them here too would be a bit redundant. So, i figured I’d include at least one tune and chop the others.

To make up for the missing songs though, I’ve added in a few similarly themed track which would not have felt out of place in that episode.

Enjoy!

 

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Deck My Balls: Seasons Beatings from the Krypt Keeper 5

As any of you who’ve listened to A Very Shindig Christmas are well aware, Shindig Radio personality Mikey Rotella cut a Christmas record back in Monessen, PA.

He and 3 other FX kids came together to form The Krypt Keeper 5, and they gave that toothless town something to smile about in the Winter of 2005.

A mixture of gorified Christmas standards and horrific originals, Deck My Balls: Seasons Beatings from the Krypt Keeper 5 stands as raw and singular testament to how shitty and boring it is in Monessen Pennsylvania, and just what kind of creativity that can stir in a bunch of isolated youths.

So pick up a couple cases of Iron City, fry up some chipped ham and grab your balls for the beating of the season.

 

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Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas (1994)

Well, it just wouldn’t be Christmas around here without a little ghoul-tide cheer from Father Cryptmas himself, The Crypt Keeper.

From 1994, the height of Cryptmania, comes this absolute gem of holiday horror, and one of my favorite Christmas albums of all time.

Not only are these spoof’s clever and humorous, but John Kassir is so 100% onboard for this shit, that it just effortlessly works .

If you don’t like Christmas music, I certainly doubt this album will change your mind. If you don’t like the ghoulishness of Halloween infecting your Christmas spirit, then definitely give this a pass.

But if you do like Christmas music, and you do a like a little gore decking your halls, then by golly, have a very scary little Christmas…this year.

 

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Full Moon / Night of the Demon

TRACK #301:

Full Moon / Night of the Demon by Demon

Well, we’ve passed the 300 mark on Halloween Shindig, so we’re gonna kick off the next phase of the playlist with block of classic heavy metal tracks.

And what better tune to set the mood than this epic instrumental called Full Moon from New Wave of British Heavy Metal outfit, Demon.

“Rise,” they chant, over some synthy goodness and some gurgling belching noises. And we shall do just that.

It’s perfectly Halloweeny and it leads directly into their song, Night of the Demon. Now this song is not explicitly referential to either the classic 1957 film (more commonly known as Curse of the Demon) nor the 1983 Video Nasty Bigfoot freak-out.  But hey, so what! It’s great for Halloween as well.

Cause what’s Halloween if not the night of the demon?

And just look at that album cover! It’s awesome. It’s one of the coolest album covers ever.

So sit back, relax, grab some pumpkin boys and the beverage of your choice, cause shit’s about to get heavy.

Cause don’t you know? It’s the Night of the Demon!

 

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The Halloween That Wasn’t

TRACK #300:

The Halloween That Wasn’t by Acid Witch

Well The Shindig has hit 300 tracks, and we’re gonna ring in the occasion with Shindig All-Stars and Halloween heroes, Acid Witch.

Cause in pure Acid Witch fashion, they surprise-dropped another Halloween banger right as I was wrapping up last years countdown. C’mon fellas, give a guy a heads up!

What’s more? They even used the same damn sample from The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t that we used on our Happy Halloweird episode of Shindig Radio. Do these guys know how to party or what!? What can I say, pure Halloween minds think alike, I guess.

What’s more? They totally spoof Halloween’s Don’t Metal With Evil for the cover of the single. We’ve always thought of Acid Witch as the rightful heirs to the throne of Motor City’s Halloween ambassadors, and they now seem to be fully taking up that mantle.

So, while it’s not an explicitly “Halloween” titled song, as is the tradition (the great ones of those are starting to dry up at this point) it’s certainly Halloween enough for the big 300 slot, by a long shot.

And though I would have loved to have closed out Halloween 2020 with this virus-infused pandemic face melter, I think a year out is no big stretch, particularly seeing as how we’re still knee deep in all manner corona-nonsense.

So here’s to 300 songs and  to 2021 being perhaps The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t.

And to Acid Witch, a band I wholeheartedly love, that keeps pumpin’ out new Halloween Metal for all the Pumpkinhead-bangers of the world. You’re doin the dark lords work, gentlemen.

Don’t stop the fight!

 

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Freddy Raps: The Playlist

From the beginning of 1987 to the end of 1988, at least 12 different Rap songs were created in honor of the Son of 100 Maniacs, such was Freddymania.

Compiled here (unfortunately) are only 11 of those songs. Hopefully the missing track, Triple Scoop and Jam Cutta’s He’s Back, will one day be added to this list. If I ever find a quality enough copy to include, that is.

In addition to the 9 songs featured on Monster Raps Pt. 3, we have included the extended versions of both Are you Ready for Freddy and A Nightmare on My Street. See Freddy’s other playlist if you’d like to hear the single versions.

Now, it’s time to face the music, with Rapmaster Freddy!

PLAYLIST UPDATE! (6.5.21)

Shortly after uploading, some kind soul posted a clean copy of Triple Scoop and Jam Cutta’s He’s Back to YouTube. Unfortunately, the show was without this track, but at least it found it’s true home here on the playlist.

Oh, who are we kidding, it’ll obviously make it onto Monster Raps Pt. 4. C’mon now.

PLAYLIST UPDATE! (1.30.23)

Though purchased some time ago, I managed to score a copy of Bit Bizzare’s Freddie’s Groove. I have updated the playlist to now include the complete version and that missing verse is as good as I’d have hoped. Feels good to finally get the whole track on here. Enjoy! I will upload it to YouTube as well soon.

Additionally, in that time span, I also procured a copy of Stevie B’ s Nightmare on Freddy Krugger Street. I have also update that version from the crummy YouTube rip to a much nicer pull from the original vinyl. The playlist is now complete…

…for now.

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Nightmare on Rhyme Street

TRACK #299

Nightmare on Rhyme Street by Krushin MC’s

Though we uncovered 10 and featured 9 different Freddy related rap songs on Monster Raps Pt. 3, none stood out as much as Krushin MC’s Nightmare on Rhyme Street. As such, it’s getting thrown in the mix ahead of the pack.

But why is it that this song (at least as far as I’m concerned anyway) is so much better than all the rest?

Well, I think it’s 3 fold.

First and foremost, I think it sounds the least 80’s of the group. A strange stance for me to take, I know, but hear me out.

This is a track that feels a bit ahead of its time. The flow has a much smoother and rhythmic cadence than it’s brethren. Additionally, it’s packing a lot of lyrics into a tight bar. At a time when the other Freddy rappers were still drawing out sparse lyrics to match slower beats, the Krushin MC’s effortlessly flow with a tempo that feels more like something from the 90’s, and a good deal less silly.

Second is this beat, which also feels ahead of its time. Without aping the actual theme, it captures the vibe of A Nightmare on Elm Street with a downbeat and downright sinister bass line. While none of these songs are what I’d call dark, this one has the darkest tone of the bunch, which makes it feel less at odds with the subject matter.

Now, there’s something to be said and appreciated with these Freddy Raps in the juxtaposition of an upbeat rap songs about a homicidal and, most likely, pedophilic murderer turned dream demon. Freddy’s actual album, Freddy’s Greatest Hits, being perhaps chief among this strange intersection of digestible pop and disturbing subtext. But there’s also something to be said of treating this material, at least in respect to its sound, as what it is – a horrifying concept.

Now, the Krushin MC’s aren’t going that far with it. I mean this is still a song where a guy battle raps a Freddy wearing a glove with 5 microphones on it, but at least is sounds kinda appropriate.

Which bring me to the 3rd reason this song a is superior Freddy rap – it’s lyrical content.

Krushin MC’s pack a lot more, and a lot better, references to the films than their contemporaries. You got the aforementioned golden mic glove, the muddy steps, the tongue coming out an inanimate object, the girls jumping rope, the peeling of Freddy skin to reveal his brain and even Dream Warriors’ method of Freddy disposal.

Among a crew of dude who reference the same damn line from Freddy’s Revenge, lazily rhyme the numbers of the films, and even have Freddy potentially pulling has ass out at the beach, Krushin MC’s feeling like goddamn Nightmare on Elm Street scholars.

Now, those song’s’ll potentially all wind up here eventually, given enough time, but for my money, only the Krushin MC’s Nightmare on Rhyme Street deserves express service.

 

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Monster Raps: Mini-Playlist

In 1983, Michael Jackson released his landmark, groundbreaking and absolutely dominating album, Thriller.

It’s eponymous track featured the incomparable Vincent Price delivering what they called the “Thriller Rap.” Though not exactly what we’ve come to know as “Rap” it is oft cited as the catalyst for the genre I affectionately refer to as Monster Rap.

These are Rap songs exclusively about monsters or created specifically for various horror films, with their title characters or plots at the forefront.

Shortly thereafter Thriller, and perhaps even as a direct result, Whodini released what I think of as the original Monster Rap, The Haunted House of Rock, a bit of early 80’s hip-hop goodness that plays like the Rap version of the Monster Mash.

As Rap began to penetrate pop-culture in the mid 80’s, seemingly everyone decided the best commercial move was to make everything rap. Naturally, horror icons and monsters were not left out of that equation.

Now, collected here in chronological order, are all the Monster Raps currently featured on The Halloween Shindig playlist.

Kick it.

 

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Creature Feature

TRACK #298:

Creature Feature by Uptown Express

If Monster Raps Pt. 3: Freddy’s Revenge has already aired (and you’ve listened to it) then you may be aware of a guy I referenced on that episode named Werner Von Wallenrod.

Werner has a crazy informative website called The Humble Little Hip-Hop Blog. I stumbled across it while researching last night’s Monster Rap entry and what I got in return was so much more.

In addition to the veritable boiler room of previously unknown (to me anyway) Freddy related rap songs, here’s another addition that I have to chalk up to Werner as well.

From 1984, right on the heels of (and perhaps as a result of) Whodini’s Haunted House of Rock, comes Uptown Express’ Creature Feature.

Now, like I’ve been saying all season it seems, there isn’t much info floating around on Uptown Express. They only released a few tunes over a couple years, of which Creature Feature is perhaps their most prominent.

A cavalcade of monsterdom, this one uses the title of Screen Gem’s second package of horror movie classics that were released into syndication to local television stations in the early 60’s. This, of course, gave birth to the Horror Hosts of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. The original Shock! package featured mostly old Universal Classics, but the Creature Features packaged upped the ante with all manner of cheeseball Sci-Fi, Hammer Classics, Asian Kaiju and 60’s monster freakouts.

Like Shock!, the package was sent all over the country and many markets had their own “Creature Features” labeled programs with the requisite spooky host. Perhaps the most famous, however, was Bob Wilkin’s wry and straight-face take on San Francisco’s KTVU.

If you’ve ever seen this picture floating around Instagram, that’s Bob, cold chillin, classed-out in front of his now ubiquitous sign.

To keep things nice and referential, we’ve led the track in with Bob’s 70’s era theme song performed by Beauregarde and The Poppers.

So let’s all keep America strong, and listen to this upbeat and fun loving tune from the birth of Monster Rap, Creature Feature.

There’s no need to fear, it’s as harmless as your teacher…

 

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Frankenstein 1984 (Monster Rap)

TRACK #297:

Frankenstein 1984 (Monster Rap) by Edgar Winter

Have you ever thought to yourself…

“Man, I really love that Edgar Winter’s Frankenstein, but I just wish it had more synths, ya know? Like some newer synths…and maybe even a drum machine, yeah! And hey, what if it had some lyrics too, ya know, instead of being an instrumental? And dude, the lyrics could really be about Frankenstein, so it would actually be a real monster song! And oh shit, what if Edgar himself, weirdo, freaky 70’s looking, literal-ass whitest dude ever was rappin’ all over the motherfucker?”

Well my friend, have I got some good news for you today, courtesy of Edgar Winter’s very own Frankenstein 1984.

Yep.

Now, why Edgar decided to update Frankenstein, I couldn’t say.  I wasn’t able to find any interviews with him talking about this particular version. But my guess is, Edgar is a pretty experimental guy. The original Frankenstein was the first ever #1 hit to heavily feature a synthesizer. And Edgar is perhaps the inventor of what we think of today as a keytar, as he was the first one to strap the ARP2600’s keyboard around his neck.

As synthesizer technology and their use in popular music grew over the decade or so following this hit, I’m sure Edgar wanted to take another stab at it and incorporate more electronic instrumentation.

Now, why…in addition to this…Edgar decided to remix a slightly different version of the song and then rap over the top of it…that’s about anyone’s guess. As we’ve reckoned many times here on The Shindig before, Rap was starting to emerge as a legitimate musical force and in those early days, everybody decided to take swing.

So let’s thank Edgar Winter for deciding to throw his hat in the ring and take a song with dubious connections to both Halloween and Frankenstein himself and turn it into the full-blown epic Monster Rap we always wished it could be.

He even went so far as to call it the Monster Rap version. 

Legend.

 

 

 

 

 

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Episode 18: Monster Raps Pt. 3: Freddy’s Revenge

Shindig Radio is back and Freddy Krueger’s coming with us, and he’s bringing 9 more Nightmare on Elm Street rap songs with him.

Join MC Radio D, Busy G and Mic-E (and of course Freddy himself) as Shindig Radio takes a nap on Rhyme Street, with a boiler room full of Freddy Raps all* from 1987 – a full year before the hits A Nightmare on My Street and Are You Ready for Freddy.

It’s time to face the music with Rap Master Freddy on Monster Raps Pt. 3: Freddy’s Revenge!

 

And be sure to visit Werner Von Wallenrod’s Humble Little Hip-Hop Blog, without which, this episode would not exist!

And don’t forget to check out that swollen meatball, Matt Mastrella, over at YouTube on The Crypto Hunter!

*ones actually from 1988 but nevermind that

 

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Dr. Frankenstein’s Disco Party

TRACK #296:

Dr. Frankensteins Disco Party by Johnny Wakelin

Dashiki enthusiast and suspected racial appropriator Johnny Wakelin sang a lot of songs about boxers. Not the dogs mind you, but dudes who put on gloves and punch the shit out of each other.

Over a roughly 30 year span, Johnny released 12 different songs about boxers. Of course Muhammad Ali, Lennox Lewis, Frank Bruno and Mike Tyson each got 2 a piece, but that’s still no mean feat.

It all seemed to start in 1972, when he wrote a song called Hungarian Superman about Hungarian boxer Joe Bugner.

Apparently no one cared though.

Then Joe Bugner lost to both Muhammad Ali and Ghost Fever star Joe Frazier. 12 rounders to be sure, and by decisions, but still L’s none the less.

So, Johnny figured he’d just rework Joe’s tune to be about Muhammad Ali and call it Black Superman instead. Keen.

This time people seemed to care. Well, at least a little. The song hit number 7 in the UK. It only reached number 21 here in the states, but it stayed in the top 100 for 6 months! Not too shabby for a weird ass tune from some British guy about an American boxer.

Figuring if it ain’t broke it ain’t broke, Johnny whipped up In Zaire, a song about Ali’s famous 1974 bout dubbed “The Rumble in the Jungle” against George Foreman. That one didn’t do as well, but still had some legs.

After a few underperforming singles including Africa Man, Cream Puff and Afro Afrique, he attempt to rebottle the lightning with 1986’s Bruno, about boxer Frank Bruno.

That didn’t do so hot either.

Later down the line Johnny thought, fuck it, I’ll write songs about all kinds of boxers including Sugar Ray Leonard, Prince Nassem Hamed and even my own hometown hero Rocky Marciano.

Now, you may be thinking “Gee, that’s real swell, pal, but what the fuck does that have to do with Halloween, you blithering jackass.”

A fair question.

Well, it seems that in the middle of all this pugilist pop, and for seemingly no good reason at all, ole Johnny decided to jump on the disco train and bring some of that spooky monster party shit with him. What?

So, he grabbed up an instrumental disco tune from Harold Faltermeyer – yep Top Gun, Fletch Theme, Axel F Harold Faltermeyer – and slapped some silly Monster Mash-fashioned lyrics over the whole thing.

The result was Dr. Frankenstein’s Disco Party, a bonafide Monster Disco jammer that’s as grooving as it is bizarre.

Seriously, this song rules. And it hits all the notes you want for a monster party disco hit. You got Dracula, Mummies, Zombies, fuckin Bigfoot and even a nod to Frankenstein’s Monster himself. Hell, all the invitations to this Shindig are delivered by bat for fuck’s sake. It’s incredible! Johnny should have ditched the boxing motif and stuck with the monster parties, you ask us.

So let’s say gold riddance to this disco block with a little underground groove about a bunch of bloodaholics.

 

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Dracula Disco

TRACK #295:

Dracula Disco by Gerry Bribosia

Unfortunately for everyone listening, that’s not where the “Disco Dracula” ends.

Cause every once and a while The Shindig stumbles across a song that’s definitely not good, but not totally unlistenable, that practically insists upon itself to make the playlist.

Dracula Disco is just such a song.

Because where else do you put this? Where else does this thing get the nod? When else does this song get its day?

But maybe it shouldn’t get its day, because that place doesn’t exist. Maybe it should just get buried in a hole somewhere where you put uninspired, and dubious cash-in trash like this.

Well, unfortunately for that hole, such a place does exist. And that place is Halloween Shindig. And that day is today.

But holy shit. This is the kind of thing that give disco a bad name.

Say what you want about something like Soul Dracula, or Disco Blood, but those songs cut rugs. This shit…this Dracula Disco shit…this is bland, repetitive, cash grabby garbage. Hell, it barely qualifies as music. You can’t dance to this shit! Isn’t that the soul purpose of disco, to at least get your feet moving? What is this song’s purpose? Who is this song for? It’s definitely for us, right now, in hindsight. But I mean in its day, to whom was this appealing to? To whom was this being sold, I ask!

Not gonna lie though, this guy does a pretty good Dracula, but the song isn’t asking much of him in the way of singing. Also, his party is poorly attended and whack as fuck. What’s he got? 2 guests and some lights? A little music? Well, if it’s shit like Dracula Disco, count me out, Conde.

Where’s the cavalcade of monsterous party goers? Where’s the plasma pizza or the blood ballon race? This party doesn’t even have a spooky DJ. This party is lazy and so is this song.

Unfortunately, lazy though it might be, it’s exactly the kind of thing that needs to be on this playlist. Because, where else do you put a thing like Dracula Disco, if not in a trash can?

Also, that LP cover is pretty fantastic. Dude has a coffin guitar, so what the hell. 

 

Audio

Rock Me Dracula

TRACK #294:

Rock Me Dracula by Mokka

Speaking of bizarre skin-flicks disguised as Disco Dracula films, let’s talk about Dracula Blows His Cool, a German sex comedy with a surprisingly interesting  soundtrack.

When smut photographer and “Dracula” descendant Stan decides just shooting nudie pictures in his old family castle isn’t quite enough to keep it from being repossessed, he does what any self respecting Bavarian in 1979 would do. He opens a disco!

What ensues is a bevy of silly sex gags, tons of mistaken identity hi-jinx and some funny English dubbing. While certainly not even approaching good, there’s less amusing ways you could spend an hour and 20 minutes, if you like this sort of 70’s sex trash. I mean, check this out:

It’s at least worth a viewing.

Additionally, the film is filled with tons of fun (read: appropriately ludicrous if you have a horror-themed music blog) songs.

Most notable of course, and submitted for your approval this evening, is the 1979 hit Rock Me Dracula, performed by Mokka.

Mokka is an iteration from the brief musical career of Italian twins Nadia and Antonella Cocconcelli. Nadia and Antonella even appear in the film performing the tune. Or at least they appear dancing around with garden hoses and lip syncing to it poorly, anyway. But hey, we’ll take it!

Though played several times throughout the film, it is not included on the official Gerhard Heinz soundtrack for Dracula Blows His Cool, which has several potential Shindig inclusions like Graf Dracula and Disco Strip. Both of those songs are pretty great and may find their way into the playlist in their own right.

For now though, we’ll only indulge in the perfectly appropriate and extra referential Rock Me Dracula, from Mokka.

 

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Fly By Night

TRACK #293:

Fly by Night by Pat Hodges

Shindig Radio personality Graham C. Schofield doesn’t much care for disco music. And as you know, we’re currently knee deep in a Monster Disco Block.

So it may shock you to hear he’s actually responsible for our next tune, another vampire related rug cutter from the 70’s monster comedy, Love At First Bite, starring George Hamilton.

See, last Halloween, Graham bestowed upon The Hole this fresh piece of vinyl soundtrack goodness, and there was much rejoicing.

And if he didn’t think one of these fuckers was gonna find its way onto the playlist this year, he’s out of his mind.

Now, perhaps he did. Perhaps he was even ok with the idea. But what he probably didn’t know was that I already had a few disco-diggers waiting in the dugout, and that this specific gift was the catalyst for me diggin’ up a couple more and making a whole block out of the affair.

So, if you need a scapegoat for any ire you’re experiencing at the hands of a solid week filled with goofball monster disco bullshit, he’s your guy. I’m sure he sympathizes. 

As for Love At First Bite, give it a go. It’s a surprisingly measured and effective vampire comedy with a fine and funny Dracula performance from George Hamilton.

It is alleged to have ripped off the plot of 1971’s Guess What Happened to Count Dracula? almost to the T, but as of the time of writing, I have not seen that film and can make no assessment.

What I can say is that it was one of 5 Dracula movies released in 1979. You have, of course, John Badham’s classic starring Frank Langella, Donald Pleaseance and Sir Laurence Oliver. Not to be outdone, you got Werner Herzog’s chilling Nosferatu, starring the unearthly Klaus Kinski. And then, no doubt attempting to a capitalize on the success of Love at First Bite, is Germany’s Disco Dracula film Dracula Blows His Cool, but more on that one in a bit.

Because we can’t talk about Disco Draculas without talking about the other Dracula film from 1979.

Nocturna: Granddaughter of Dracula, is perhaps the Disco Dracula movie, drenched as it is, almost front to back, in so much Disco it actually gets a little hard to watch. It’s practically an hour and 20 minute Disco music video.

It even features the tune Love Is Just a Heartbeat Away (Nocturna’s Theme) from I Will Survive Disco Superstar, Gloria Gaynor. How they managed to pull her for this weird-ass, low budget monster picture is probably a miracle. She was apparently talked into providing the track by her then manager and future husband. Apparently she’s not too proud of that song in the slightest. We’ll spare you that tune, inclusive and semi-referential though it be, as it’s a fairly standard (albeit pretty decent) Disco tune, with no fun Draculaness.

When it’s not indulging in overly long bouts of dancing to repetitive beats and string synthesizers, Nocturna’s a totally bizarre quasi-skin flick with some weird vampire lore.

See, for Dracula’s granddaughter (played by belly dancer and screenwriter Nia Bonet), the power of disco music slowly changes her into a human or some such nonsense. 

It even features a scene with a governing vampire assembly and a new, designer form of blood that the vampires can snort. It was 1979, after all.

Also on tap is actual Dracula John Caradine (even wearing his costume from 1945’s House of Dracula) and Lily Munster herself, Ms. Yvonne DeCarlo. Bonus!

If you’re into bizarre shit and love the idea Disco Draculas, definitely give it a watch. It’s worth it for Nia Bonet’s positively otherworldly performance. Plus, you get to see shit like this:

Outstanding.

But enough about Nocturna, we’re here for Fly By Night from soul singer Pat Hodges, dammit!

Now, out of the box, this fucker is a 12 and a half minute song. Talk about goin’ hard. That’s indulgent, even for Disco.

So, we’ve enlisted the help of our Shindig Audio Magicians to make this one a bit more manageable, with a totally unique Shindig Special Edition version. Not gonna lie though, it hurt a little. Despite the length of Fly By Night, I’m all about how long and epic its Disco is. It pained me to snip out resonant filter sweeps or Simmons drum hits, but it had to be done.

If we’re not gonna use the full length, 12 minute version of Helloween’s Halloween, you better believe Fly By Night ain’t getting no special dispensation.

Without any further ado, though somewhat truncated, here’s Pat Hodges singing Fly By Night!

 

Audio

The Monsters Go Disco

BONUS TRACK!

The Monsters Go Disco by The Monster Cereals

I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to talk about this nugget of nostalgic goodness, and smack dab in the middle of a Monster Disco Block seemed like the perfect place. Because, ya know, there’s no better way to segue out of fully audible quasi-consensual Vampire fucking than to start taking about children’s breakfast mascots.

Additionally, it appears dragging my feet for years has actually timed this post up to the 50th anniversay of the Monster Cereals, commemorated here with their own all-star box of super-group cereal called Monster Mash! Albertsons, Ralphs and Target all failed me on this box. When every single goddamn physical retail store finally succumbs to the will of Amazon, let The Monster Mash Cereal be their epitaphs!

As an added bonus, the crew teamed up to produce a new version of Boris Pickett’s classic graveyard smash, The Monster Mash. The song’s kind of trash, as Monster Mash covers go, but you can scan this QR code and listen to it on Spotify. They even made a mildly amusing Behind the Music-style video as accompaniment, and that’s worth a watch.

 

But I digress.

Anyone who’s probably actually reading these posts are well aware of the Monster Cereals. They’re iconic, even if you’ve never indulged in a bowlful of their colorful and crunchy crap.

Before these cartoon creatures came to be, cereal giant General Mills used to use Disney-owned properties to slang their morning crack. But in 1971, they decided it would be a hell of a lot more profitable if they just invented their own characters and kept all the proceeds. Enter Franken Berry and Count Alfred Chocula. Yep, Chocula has a name and that name is apparently Alfred.

So, smashed between Saturday morning cartoons, General Mills unleashed their animated monsters and grabbed the minds and stomachs of an entire generation.

Interesting side note: apparently in 1972, they began using a pigment in Franken Berry which actually turned kids shit pink. They even had a term for it known as “Franken Berry Stool.” Not sure whether this pigment was actually harmful or not, but they discontinued using it shortly thereafter none the less.

But because turning kid turds funny colors while pushing an addictive powder directly into their bloodstreams only makes you so much money, an entire marketing web was established. Stickers, rings, vinyl toys, magnets, and other such pieces of plastic were either shoved into the boxes, or featured as mail-away prizes on the back.

Well in 1979, General Mills began a campaign of of thin, flexible 45rpm records known as Flexi-Discs. These prizes were attached directly the backs of specially marked boxes of the each of the Monster Cereals.

3 of these 4 minute records were produced featuring the gang performing skits, including Monster Adventures in Outer Space and Count Chocula Goes to Hollywood. But it is the 3rd record which concerns us today, The Monsters Go Disco. It was 1979, after all.

This tale involves the monsters finding themselves frightfully lonely on a Saturday Night and deciding to give the local discotheque a go.

There they encounter a Wolfman Jack like disc jockey and have themselves a good ole fashioned dance off for the affections of “Donna Disco.”

This particular record has an even deeper history, as it was animated and remixed years later by 2 General Mills employees. You can read the backstory and strange journey of this record here, in a fantastically myopic and interesting Pop-Icon article.

But for now, let’s us indulge in a little lull amidst our Monster Disco Block and get a little Franken Berry Stool of our own with The Monsters Go Disco.