31 Days of Halloween Horror

31 hand-picked, Halloween horror movies to celebrate the whole month through.

All of the films on this list take place exclusively on, or around Halloween. No Freddy’s or Pinheads here. Just straight up Halloweeniness.

Need a good film for you Oct. 24th shindig? Looking for an October Double-Feature for the family? Looking for that spooky, Halloween Night date movie to make her shriek into your arms? Take a peak, there’s plenty of suggestions to go around.

Fair warning: Not all of them are good. Some are downright awful. But they all take place on Halloween

Frankenstein (The Doctor)

TRACK #363:

Frankenstein by The Doctor

So here’s another (allegedly) Italo tune about Frankenstein. This one is really from Italy as well, which is nice. It also appears to definitely be about the Doctor, which is also nice.

It’s also by The Doctor, which is a little confusing. It also seems to be The Doctor’s only musical contribution to the world.

Here he is rockin a sweet Frankenstein mask, which is more than I can say for the intense and sweaty Phoebus. But maybe Phoebus had just taken his Frankenstein mask off. Latex is notorious for inducing a good sweat.

What’s also peculiar about this song, is that it too is from 1986. So, that year saw 2 separate Frankenstein related Italo-Disco tracks that were actually from Italy, by acts that never released ny other records? That’s weird. I mean, at least i think so. Is that weird? Seems weird to me anyway. What was going on in Italy in 1986 with Frankenstein that produced such similar efforts? Beats me, cause these songs don’t even really sound similar.

I do like this one though. More than the Phoebus tune anyway. It’s strange. What’s also strange is that The Doctor here is sporting that mask while the song appears to be about Doctor Frankenstein for a change. Meanwhile Phoebus, clearly singing about how The Monster gives him a boner or whatever, appears mask-less, all intense and sweaty. Hmm. Perhaps that’s more apropos than I initially gave it credit for.

But I digress. This song is fun and certainly very danceable, but I’ll be honest here, I don’t really know what The Doctor is saying. But, unlike the Ecstasy song, I’m not sure I really care. Something about Chris Dobarts accent and the variety of words in Hey Frankenstein made me genuinely curious as to the lyrical content.

But here, I dunno. I guess I’m just not as interested. Either way, this could be the night!

Oct. 31st: Halloween (1978)

Though over listed and a decidedly cliched choice, for the purpose of this list, of course John Carpenter’s classic has to take the pole position.

Though I give much love and respect to it’s Yuletide predecessor and inspiration Black Christmas, I still feel Halloween does it better. It is hands down my favorite slasher film and one of my favorite horror films period.

Effectively and methodically paced, Michael’s rookie outing is awash in strange glows and Halloween energy. And the music, not simply the theme (which is great) but all the incidental scoring throughout is eerie and seminal horror business.

The Shape had many sequels and imitators, but nothing holds a jack-o-lantern’s candle to this true American original. And it’s all on Halloween.

Many years have I watched this film on Halloween night and it’s never been a bad decision. Simply watching this film any night is never a bad decision, but from a young age, into my teenage and adult years, Halloween still makes Halloween feel like Halloween.

So, Happy Halloween tumblr.

Oct. 30th: The Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror (1990 – Present)

No TV show has celebrated Halloween so consistently, so effectively or so happily as The Simpsons. With their annual Treehouse of Horror episode, featuring 3 vignettes typically parodying genre films, the Simpsons (for me, growing up) equaled Halloween.

The show was a huge part of my youth, and the Halloween specials something I desperately looked forward to seeing. Which movies would they spoof this year? When will it air? What new horrors and laughs lie in wait? These episodes allowed me to both revel in my love of Halloween and further reinforced that love in equal measure.

At one point in time, some of the only samples on the playlist were from The Simpsons Halloween Specials. Over the years, I’ve slowly replaced a good many of them, but some have been left in tact, leading in the same songs as they always did.

I’ve hosted parties where I had whatever episodes existed at the time just running in loops. Other years I’ve spent my Halloween night watching as many as I had.

Some of them (namely 4, 5 and 6) are among my favorite episodes of the entire series. And though, like the show itself, they have long passed their peaked, and grown weaker it seems with each passing year, I still enjoy watching the new ones all the same. I must concede however, that they don’t quite inspire the same giddy Halloween excitement in me as they did in my youth.

While the watching of any 4 Treehouse of Horrors would essentially constitute the length of a movie, I would suggest marathoning the first 12 for a good 4 hour dose of Halloween awesomeness.

Homer reciting Poe, Burns playing Frankenstein and Dracula, The evil Krusty doll, Mulitiple Twilight Zone spoofs, Kang and Kodos, Willie as Freddy, Homer as The Omega Man, Bart as The Fly! So many great Halloween horror moments await you.

Nostalgia rant ceasing. Happy 30th everybody.

Oct. 29th: Night of the Demons (1988)

One of my absolute favorites, this one has slipped in and out of my Halloween night top spot over the years, and for a multi-feature Hallows Eve marathon, it’s a sure-fire selection.

This awesome late 80’s gore-fest has everything you want for a Halloween Movie:

An awesome title sequence with a great theme
A plot that takes place entirely on Halloween
A Halloween party as its main event
A haunted and abandoned house as its main setting
Demon possession
Drinking and bad decisions
A sexy and possessed goth chick dancing to Bauhaus
A naked Linnea Quigley shoving lipstick in her nipple
Fun gore and Special FX
A great soundtrack
Obnoxious and memorable horror victims
Choice one-liners
A crotchety old prick who hates Halloween
And enough Halloween ambiance to satiate all of the 31st’s requirements.

Weirdo goth girl Angela is throwing a Halloween party at the infamous and abandoned Hull House. Sounds like a deal, so even the squares decide it might be a lark.

Unfortunately for them, Angela’s party agenda happens to include a seance. Probably not the best idea in Hull House on Halloween, the night where all the creepy things are suppose to stalk the earth.

Though seemingly a dud, the seance works, and soon a torrent of Halloween hell rains down on everyone involved.

Classic 80’s horror on display here. If you’ve never seen Night of the Demons, this is the year. Wait for the 31st, imbibe the poison of your choice, sit back and let the Halloweeniness possess you.

Triple feature all 3 Night of the Demons for an extra Halloweeny evening.

Oct. 28th: Trick ‘R Treat (2008)

When it comes to straight up Halloween atmosphere, no movie quite kicks you in the pumpkins with it like 2008’s Trick ‘R Treat. It just may win the prize for most Halloweeny movie ever. Dunno if that title is ultimately subjective or actually quantifiable. Either way, this ones definitely being considered.

Playing like the Pulp Fiction of horror, Trick ‘R Treat weaves 4 Halloween yarns together, all on our night of All Hallo’s.

I’ll be honest, I can do without the Werewolf girls, I find the story drags a bit, with a pretty telegraphed reveal, but the other 3 stories are top-notch Halloween tales.

While not without its faults, it’s great fun, with more pumpkins and trick or treating than any other movie to date. Try not getting amped about Halloween watching this movie, I dare you.

I had heard about it’s troubled release and was sad it to find out it wasn’t going to get its day in the theaters. I was pretty stoked when it was finally released on DVD and was able to bathe in its orange glow, thinking “finally another awesomely Halloweeny Halloween movie.”

Oct. 27th: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Despite being the Michael-less entry, this bizarre and underrated installment trumps them all in the Halloween department.

It’s a definite must somewhere in the Halloween week. If you’ve never caught this entry, or have passed on it based on poor reviews or its non-canonical status, give it a shot this year, especially around Halloween.

It is by no means a flawless film, and its pretty rough around the edges, but it has a lot going for it, particularly if you’re in the need of a hefty dose of Hallo’s Eve atmosphere.

Initially, Carpenter wanted the franchise to be this; a different Halloween-themed film for each yearly “Halloween” installment. It’s a great concept, and had this film come 2nd, been a little better and done better critically and at the box office, it probably could have worked. Oh well, I suppose.

Essentially, mad Celtic Druids create face melting masks and peddle them to the public in an attempt to carry out the greatest single mass-sacrifice of children in history. Alright, sounds like a plan, Old Man from Robocop

If that’s not enough to sell you, how bout tons of Halloween ambiance, a fantastic synth-laden score from Carpenter and Howarth, Tom Atkins, masks, trick or treating in spades, some sex, dudes dumping latex into hydro-cal molds and that classic commercial jingle. Holy Samhain!

3 more days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. 3 more days till Halloween, Silver Shamrock!

Oct. 25th: Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)

Long-time followers are sure to know of my love of Jim Varney, Ernest P. Worrell and this movie.

One of my favorite Halloween movies of all-time, Ernest Scared Stupid has definitely made its way into a Halloween night triple feature on more than one occasion. Sometimes though it just gets an October viewing. Either way, it’s a prime selection and an October must.

Unfortunately, Ernest mania (was that ever even a thing?) was waning by ‘91, and the movie didn’t fair too well at the box office, or with critics. It was the last Ernest outing to be released by Touchstone Pictures and Ernest was not long for the theatrical world, finding his subsequent, independently produced and inferior efforts heading for the video market.

Which is a shame, because this is honestly my favorite, and while I’m not sure it’s “better” the Ernest Goes to Camp, I think it’s the most enjoyable, and superior to both Saves Christmas and Goes To Jail, but that’s just me. I’m a die-hard Halloweener.

This is family Halloween fair at its best with Ernest ineptly battling a gaggle of awesome Chidio-made trolls. It’s fun, funny and above all chock full of Halloweeniness. So how ‘bout a bumper sandwich, booger lips!?

Oct. 24th: Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow (1959) & The Basement (1989)

Friday night double feature!

This one features 2 films that couldn’t possibly be any more different from each other.

Our first selection has been on my “to watch” list for sometime. Late 50’s hot-rodder meet a ghost? The Shindig is in. That list is long however, and its viewing had never come to fruition, until tonight.

Though I do wish I had dropped it a bit earlier in the month, this movie’s got enough Halloweeniness (though never explicitly stated) for any October night, in any year. And it’s vintage Halloween to boot, and nothings better than some old fashioned Halloween.

The first half plays like your average 50’s dragster flick, with enough hep dialogue to beat a nick with a stick. However, the second half shift into something between House on Haunted Hill and an episode of Scooby Doo, with one of the weirdest endings I’ve seen in quite sometime.

It’s a great spook-party with lots of dancing and costumes, and it all adds up to a fun throw-back night.

However, if its 65 minute run-time leaves you a little wanting, I say back end it with another semi-Halloween shorty, The Basement.

This super-8 shot, backyard bloodbath was never officially released ever, on any format. It wasn’t until recently that it became available at all. About a minute and a half in and you’ll understand why.

Your standard anthology horror effort, The Basement finds 4 idiots stuck in a basement (of all places) with The Sentinel, a foolish and spooky figure who’ll give these morons a peek at their future sins. Alright, I’m game.

It all plays out like a 16th-assed Tales from the Crypt ’72 or (more appropriately) Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors and it has some of the worst/greatest overdubbing I’ve ever heard. This film (though I shutter to use such a term) will no doubt have you in tears, one way or the other.

For our intents, it is the second vignette, entitled “Trick or Treat” that concerns us. This short story finds a crotchety crumb-bum and Halloween hating English teacher caught in a Dickensian nightmare, al a A Christmas Carol for The Eve of all Saints. He’s a real prick, and its great fun watching him whine his way through the ghostly visits.

Maybe not the most Halloweeny, and certainly not the best movies this list has to offer, but what can you expect for an 11th hour selection? I still say they’re both worth a viewing. So,…enjoy?

Oct. 23rd: Hack-O-Lantern (1988)

From the hallowed year of our Lord 1988, comes the awesome, ridiculous, and thoroughly Halloweeny, Hack-O-Lantern.

Young Tommy has a pretty intense grandfather. The guy loves Halloween and pumpkins. He’s also a practicing Satanist with his eye of Horus firmly fixed on Tommy’s future. He also tried to rape his own daughter on her wedding day, but that’s another matter all together.

Tommy’s dad’s a tough cop though and knows all about Grampa’s dark artistry. So naturally, he doesn’t take too kindly to Grampa’s Halloween visit. When he approaches gramps at a barnyard black mass, he is quickly taken out by a hammer wielding occultist. So much for that.

Fast forward the present and Tommy’s a badass metal misfit whom grampa has taken graciously under his wing, as he grooms Tommy be the son Satan never had.

All is going well it seems. People are dying randomly, and Tommy is preparing for his big Halloween initiation. He’s got satanic heavy metal cassettes, cool horror movie posters, a slutty girlfriend and his own alter of evil in his closet. To hell with what his mother says, he’s the son of the devil, goddamit, and tonight’s his big night.

While Tommy is busy amping himself up, his studious sister, Sheriff’s deputy brother and the rest of the town preparing for a boring, vanilla, murderless and incest-free Halloween party. When these two Halloween worlds collide, however, the Hack-O-Lanterning begins.

This film has everything you need for a satisfactory Halloween night.

Ridiculous acting
Low-rent barnyard Satanists
Trucks filled with pumpkins
Pumpkin carving, lighting and smashing
Old diecut decorations
Masked murder
Tits
A Halloween party
Graveyard shenanigans
One jarringly wedged and incomprehensible stand up routine
Attempted (an incestuous) rape
A sweet ass heavy metal dream sequence
And of course, Halloween as its main focus.

If you’ve never seen this rare VHS gem, YouTube or Veehd can supply you with the stream-able awesomeness at the push of a button. Ah, what a wonderful world the internet is sometimes.

Hack-O-lantern comes highly recommended from the Shindig as part of a complete Halloween breakfast.

Oct. 22nd: Hauntedween (1991)

Here’s another low-rent Halloween fiasco, this time entitled HauntedWeen.

Reguaws Kentucky has it’s own Family haunt – The Burber House. Unfortunately, young Eddie Burber’s too young work there yet. So, he sneaks in with his shitty mask and tries his hand at scaring a little girl.

Which he does, effectively. So effectively in fact that she runs into a carelessly placed spike, skewering herself. So, Eddie just whips out a machete and finishes the job.

Ma Burber doesn’t chastised Eddie, she simply decides they need to leave. So they abandon the haunt to take off to a cabin in the woods.

There they live happily, until another Halloween where Ma Burber dies, leaving Eddie free to pursue his murderous inclinations.

Fast forward and Hauntedween is now following the Sigma Pi fraternity, perhaps the lamest frat this side of the Tri-Lambs. Seems these jokers haven’t paid their national fraternity dues lately and are facing shut-down. No worries, just throw a haunted house Halloween party, charge admission and problem solved.

But where? Well, when a mysterious stranger offers you the keys to the haunted Burber House, I don’t think there’s any cause to second guess that at all. Party on, after a quick Mistress of the Dark style remodeling montage set to an awesome Title Track. Bonus.

So, the house opens again, but of course, Eddie’s there too, with his old shitty mask, sneaking around the haunt creating real murders for all the unwitting spectators.

It’s actually a pretty neat idea, and it’s pulled off with a lot of low-budget, hometown labor-of-love charm. The haunted house finale is so spot on with local haunted attractions, it’s hard not to grin widely, particularly when Eddie makes the leap from dreams to reality.

It was even shot on 16mm, which is a commendable in an era where this could have easily been shot-on-video. It’s a lot of fun to watch, and it’s works.

Though a rare and sought after VHS gem, it is also available now on DVD from the filmmakers themselves @hauntedween.com.

Oct. 21st: The Midnight Hour (1985)

Here’s a Halloween treat in the truest sense. Another selection from 1985 that’s also a made for TV moivie, The Midnight Hour.

A veritable festival of Halloween, this film takes place (like all great Halloween films should) exclusively on the Eve of All Saints.

Like some other Halloween films on the list, generic New England creepsville Pitchford Cove has it’s own haunted history, and the film begins with the telling of that tale in school. Seems a witch named Lucinda Cavender was put to death there by the Witchfinder General 300 years ago.

So naturally, 5 high school morons jack that authentic witch gear from the museum for their Halloween costumes. While knee deep in B and E, they also discover a crazy ancient scroll. So, yeah, they decide to head for the local cemetery and read from that scroll, like any one of you might.

As you may expect, this promptly resurrects Lucinda and just about every other corpse in the graveyard. And where do all zombies go on Halloween? Why they’ll crash the big Halloween party being held at Lucinda’s old Mansion. Mayhem, vampirism, zombification and dancing ensue.

Though made-for-TV, the only real tip-off there is the lack of gore or language and perhaps the presence of so many television stars. Otherwise, this just feels like a PG-13 horror movie that’s semi-family friendly.

And the cast is nuts, check it:

Shari Belafonte, daughter of the singer Harry Belafonte
LeVar Burton, Star Trek’s Geordi La Forge and Reading Rainbow host,
Peter DeLuise, 21 Jumpstreet tough guy
Kevin McCarthy from the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers and UHF
Kurtwood Smith aka Clarence Fucking Boddiker,
Dick Van Patten!
and even the voice of Wolfman Jack as the DJ.

Are you kidding me? That’s insane. And I guarantee you’ll see a few other faces you recognize but can’t place.

You’re getting heavy Halloween party action, a Halloween dance number, exploding graves, Trick or Treating, a old jerk who hates Halloween, costume robbery, zombies, vampires, and did I catch a werewolf in there too? It’s got everything you need for a slightly rough around the edges family Halloween night.

While certainly not the best, The Midnight hour is one of the most Halloweeny selections you could come by, and is essential Halloween material.

As Wolfman’s jack would say: “It’s Halloween, so we’re gonna be rockin’ till The Midnight Hour!”

Oct. 20th: Trick Or Treats (1982)

The Internet plot description for our next installment reads as such:

“A baby sitter is stuck watching over a young brat on Halloween night who keeps playing vicious pranks on her. To add to her trouble the boy’s deranged father has escaped from an asylum and is planning on making a visit.”

If that just sounds to you like a shitty Halloween knock-off to you, you’re right, cause it does sound like that. However, the way it plays out is anything but.

Hell, I’m not even sure it’s trying to be Halloween. I’m not sure what it’s trying to do. It’s just bizarre. Is this a spoof? Is this a real horror movie? Is this a comedy? Who the hell knows. It’s probably none of those things.

I do know this though, it’s pretty damn Halloweeny. And for our purposes, that’s all that matters. You’re getting tons of vintage decorations, an onslaught of trick or treating and awesome Halloween masks coming at you left and right.

Now, this isn’t to say Trick or Treats isn’t without its charms, far from it. If you’re the right kind of viewer in the right kind of mood, it may even entertain you, but I would be careful to who exactly I’d recommend this one.

You get David Carradine being a handsy sleazeball, Peter Jason in drag screaming at bums, Steve Railsback continually whining about the opening night of play we never see performed, drunk trick or treaters, pervy little kids, an awesome bus driver for 2 seconds and an asylum full of over the top nut jobs.

But then there’s Christopher. Poor, detestable Christopher. He’s playing terrifying pranks on babysitter Linda all night long. He’s got the ill mask collection and enough magic tricks to convince Linda he’s straight up dead or horribly injured all Halloween long. Between dodging Trick or Treaters, fielding weird phone calls from loony bin Dad, and dealing with Chris’ ( at times, admittedly irritating) bullshit, she’s at her wits end with this brat. You may be too. Or you may just love him.

It’s not exciting. In fact, it’s mostly boring. It’s never approaches anything close to scary and it resembles a horror movie for, oh I don’t know, about a 10 minute stretch at the climax. But Trick or Treats is an oddball Halloween treat that I strangely enjoy. Could be the era, could be the Halloween, or it could be its general approach. It has this sluggish and lackadaisical mood that just washes over me. I don’t rightly know which factor is in the driver’s seat.

If you’re looking for something akin to even a passable scary Halloween vibe you get with even the lower rent slashers and creature features to feature the holiday, you’ll need to look elsewhere.

When Halloween Night Stopped Being fun?

Boy, I’ll say. But I think I kind of love it for that.

Oct. 19th: To The Devil…A Daughter (1976)

Hammer’s last horror film may quite honestly be the least Halloweeny film on this list, but it takes place around and on Halloween, so dammit, that’s enough. Plus it’s all awesome and Satany. What more do you need on Halloween?

Christopher Lee stars as excommunicated priest Michael Rayner. Seems the Holy Roman Church didn’t cotton to all his Astaroth worship and told him to pack his shit. No matter, Rayner just sets up his own heretic order, The Children of The Lord (ambiguous) in the middle of some lake in Bavaria.

Prized amongst these children is one Catherine Beddows, played be a very young (perhaps too young, given the nudity) Natasha Kinski. Catherine is given the special privilege of traveling home once a year on her birthday to see her father Henry. Her birthday, as it happens, is All Hallo’s Eve, which we’re told is the most important date in the Satanist’s calendar.

This year, however, is her 18th birthday, and that’s got her pops all spooked. So, he contacts occult author John Verney to whisk her away for this particular visit. Seems strange, even to Verney, whom has only recently meet Beddows, and only for this specific reason.

See Beddows is a member of Rayner’s satanic order, and is anticipating a rather sinister 18th birthday for Catherine, should Rayner get his hands on her. So it’s up to Verney to deduce the plot and protect Rayner’s special child, before his evil designs can be fulfilled.

As I mentioned, the movie itself is not terribly Halloweeny, but it is jammed packed instead with tons of crazy Satanic rites and ritual, with Christopher Lee creepin’ up the whole damn screen any time he’s there.

It may flounder a bit in it’s 3rd act, but this critically maligned Hammer offering is an awesome addition to the Satanic 70’s catalog, and one of my favorites of the sub-genre.

If you’re into crazy Satan movies, enjoy weird scenes of strange rituals, love hearing blasphemous heretical dialogue and are looking to add a whole lot of that to your Halloween this year, than To The Devil…A Daughter is the one to do it with.

Oct. 18th: Once Bitten (1985)

Well it just wouldn’t be a true Shindig countdown with only one lonely 80’s monster comedy, so stacking the Halloween deck for us is the 1985 Jim Carrey vampire flick Once Bitten.

Jim plays high school virgin Mark Kendall, who just can’t seem to convince his girlfriend Robin to put out. So he and a couple of buddies hit the Sunset Strip in the great America pursuit of some first-time trim.

Unfortunately he finds The Countess, a seductive MILF with cougarish designs. How is this unfortunate? Well, she’s a vampire. A vampire that needs virginal blood each year to maintain those timeless good looks. As an added caveat, she must drink of this virgin a total of 3 times before Halloween or he beauty will fade away.

So, after what he believes is a one-night-stand, Mark is sucked into a slow decent toward vampirism; wearing shades, dressing cooler, eating raw steaks and losing his reflection. Can Robin discover the cause of Mark’s strange behavior and win him away from the clutches of the evil Countess, or is Mark doomed to join her cadre of immortal suitors?

It’s a great 80’s comedy with an early and energetic performance from Jim Carrey that’s filled with countless hallmarks of his later characters and style. Some fun supporting characters and another humorous turn from Blazing Saddles’ Clevon Little make the movie all that more enjoyable.

And then, of course, there’s the extensive and memorable Halloween Party Dance-Off, where Hand’s Off by Maria Vidal (a playlist inclusion at #45) plays while Jim dances between sultry vamp Lauren Hutton and girl next door Karen Kopins.

October is as fine a time as any to treat yourself to this 80’s monster comedy with the Halloween Shindig Halloween seal of approval.

Oct. 17th: The American Scream (2012)

For our 17th installment, The Shindig’s going for some non-fiction frights in the form of last years ultra-Halloweeny documentary The American Scream.

The film focuses on 3 sets of “home haunters” (people who create and run their own haunted houses) in my home state of Massachusetts.

It follows them from the earliest stages of their haunts up until their grand openings on Halloween night, detailing the successes, set-backs and sacrifices each family makes in the pursuit of bringing Halloween cheer to their neighborhoods.

Mostly a tale of that line between obsession and hobby, the film is equal parts humorous, sad and touching in its depiction of what they describe as the only true “community holiday.” A day not simply for families and loved ones to share alone, but a holiday where we all come out of our homes (and hopefully away from our gadgets) to walk through our neighborhoods with each other, going door to door and celebrating life through our acknowledgment of death. The end of the harvest. The new beginning. Halloween.

It may be the only movie of its kind on the list, but that should not dissuade you in the slightest. It’s as Halloweeny as any of the other titles, and may arguably be the most Halloweeny, as it shows us a human and tangible connection to the holiday, in favor of fantastical monsters and bloody gore.

Oct. 16th: Hollow Gate (1988)

It is not without a fair and honest warning that I suggest this entry at number 16 on our Halloween countdown, 1988’s Hollow Gate.

This shot-on-video gem is only recommended for lovers of true train-wrecks. Ya know who you are; you sit around trying to find the worst of the worst. You have Things on DVD. The Polonia Brothers crack you up. Troll 2 is an absolute joy, and nowhere near the worst movie you’ve ever powered through. If that’s your bag, then Hollow Gate is your Halloween movie.

While certainly not the piece de resistance of truly terrible cinema, there’s enough awfulness on display here to satiate any bad movie lover’s Halloween fix.

Mark has had a checkered past with Halloween. See, he was no good at apple bobbing, so his drunken father tried to drown him in the apple tub. Strike 1. Little Mark hates Halloween.

In his teen years, while working at a gas station, a horny young Halloween couple torment him during a routine fill-up. So he promptly blows up their car. Strike 2. Now Mark’s a Halloween avenger.

A few years later while at the convenience store on (you guessed it) Halloween, he attempts to take the cashier out to the movies. When she refuses, he locks her in the store with him and then…uh, scares her? Strike 3, I guess, so now he’s just a nutcake.

So these days, he just lives, locked up and taking medication at his grandmother’s estate, Hollow Gate. That is, until one Halloween where he loses his shit and murders her. Now he can hang out with all the other nutcakes for a Halloween party.

Some submarine sandwich loving kids on their way to a Halloween party at a hangar (?) are convinced by a lazy costume shop keeper to deliver an order out to Hollow Gate. So, Mark get his costumes, and begins murdering the kids one by one in his various generic outfits; broke racist marine, goofy cowboy, foolish doctor, and weird British fox hunter.

It’s terrible, if you couldn’t discern that from this far too lengthy plot description, and any normal person would probably cancel this nonsense 5 minutes deep. But, I love me a bad horror movie, and so long as the ridiculousness and shitty acting is coming fast enough to keep me laughing, I’m all in.

Mark is a grade-A B-movie villain, giving it his all yet never seeming to inspire anything beyond general unease. You wouldn’t want to be stuck in a room talking to this nutcake, but genuine fear is nowhere on the map. And the kids beat all, providing some seriously enjoyable overacting as they attempt to convey that same nonexistent fear.

So if you’re looking for a little early turkey for Halloween dinner, this fucker’s got the stuffing to boot. Get a few drinks and a few friends and have a few laughs.

Happy 16th, nutcakes!

Oct. 15th: The Clown Murders (1976)

Our next selection is a strange Canadian picture I might have stuck earlier in the month had I seen it previously. However, I just watched this one, so here it is.

From 1976 comes The Clown Murders, a slow building slasher that takes place on Halloween night, but is honestly a little light in the Halloween department.

It’s an all right film despite that fact though, plus there’s a lot of clown costumes, a brief Halloween party and some Halloween referencing throughout.

As a prank, 4 friends dress as clowns and kidnap a local real estate tycoon’s wife from a Halloween party. They take her to a farm house to wait out the night, meanwhile the town begins taking their joke very seriously. With mounting tensions, their prank soon goes south, as the accomplices begin turning on one another and a mysterious figure steals a clown mask and begins stalking them.

If you can handle the slower pace and look of a mid-70’s slasher film, and want something mildly Halloweeny, it’s not a bad selection. It’s got a young John Candy and a few other Canadian actors who’ve turned up in some genre pictures and Cronenberg films. Particularly notable is Lawrence Dane, whom Shindiggers may recognize from Happy Birthday to Me or Scanners.

Like I said, it’s not bad. There’s certainly some pretty creepy moments (particularly if you’re afraid of clowns) and the film is not poorly made by any means. I wouldn’t break your back trying to get a hold of it if it’s something you’ve never seen, but it’s good for a random October night to Halloween completists looking for something new they haven’t seen.

Coincidentally and interestingly enough, there’s a scene where the stalker plays “London Bridge” over the farm house’s PA system. It’s a wonderful and unintentionally Halloweeny moment that I thoroughly enjoyed. I couldn’t stop myself from humming right along.

Oct. 14th: The Halloween Tree (1993)

From Ray Bradbury again comes more Halloween awesomeness. This time in the form of the early 90’s Hanna-Barbera produced animated version of his classic tale The Halloween Tree.

4 friends are lead by the ghost(?) of their pal Pip to a strange and haunted looking mansion on Halloween. There the meet the enigmatic warlock Carapace Clavicle Moundshroud, voiced wonderfully by Spock himself, Mr. Leonard Nimoy.

Moundshroud is unimpressed by their treatise for treats, and even more unimpressed by their lack of knowledge regarding Halloween and their costumes.

When their friend Pip’s ghost(?) steals back his soul pumpkin from the warlock’s titular tree, Moundshroud takes the children on an incredible journey through time and space to visit the origins of our hallowed holiday.

Off to Egypt and Stonehenge, to France and Mexico he takes them, seeing the Halloween celebrations and customs of people over the centuries. He forces them to recognize their own festive garb and understand why we celebrate death to appreciate life.

This is a great cartoon with a great message that is made even greater by the addition of Ray Bradbury himself as the narrator, reading his own words the way they should be read.

Essential Halloween viewing that should take place as close to the eve as you can make it. Would definitely make for a perfect family Halloween selection, or as part of an all-ages Halloween night double or triple feature. If you love Halloween, you’ll love this cartoon, and should certainly make a point of tracking it down this year.

Oct. 13th: Hocus Pocus (1993)

No Halloween movie gets quite as much Tumblr love (at least on my dash regularly) as 1993’s Hocus Pocus.

And rightfully so, as Hocus Pocus is Halloweeny as fuck, taking place exclusively on 2 separate Halloweens, 300 years apart.

The film opens in 1693 with the Sanderson Sisters of Salem being hung by the locals for their generalized witchery. They vow to return on Halloween when a virgin lights their black flamed candle. This, of course happens, in 1993, when California transplant and non-Halloweener Max sparks the fucker up.

Now the Sister have one night to achieve their immortal goal, or else forever be doomed.

This (now classic) Disney treat is a holiday essential and boast perhaps the most rabid fandom of all Halloween movies. And again, it’s no surprise. The film is fun, well made, highly enjoyable and packed so full of Halloween that if you hit it with a stick, candy corn would probably cascade out.

That being said (and at the risk of pissing off a good deal of followers) I’d like to address a small issue I have concerning Hocus Pocus.

Upon a recent reviewing, it became aware to me how strikingly similar the set-up is to that of a less beloved (except by this blog) and earlier Halloween adventure, Ernest Scared Stupid.

Both films begin in the past, with an angry mob of villagers capturing their picture’s villains just before they can complete an evil ritual. Then, both films find those villains prophetically declaring their return when a specific and convoluted set of circumstances arise.

Immediately cut to, in both case, a classroom, where the students are being told that story as part of a seasonal learning execise. Then, both the films find a foolish character (with much more hilarity in Ernest’s case) unwittingly bringing all those circumstances together.

Now, this takes nothing away from Hocus Pocus, nor does it make it any less a great Halloween picture. It just struck me as strangely coincidental, and I gotta get Ernest’s back, cause everyone hates on ‘em, and no one gives Scared Stupid half the love they show Hocus Pocus.

However, they would both make for one hell of an all-ages Halloween night double-feature, and I can think of a few other options if you wanted to go for the hat-trick. But I don’t need to tell ya’ll that. If you can read this, then you’ve probably already watched Hocus Pocus 3 times over again. Why not go for a 4th?

Oct. 12th: Trick Or Treat (1986)

One of my favorite holiday treats is this metal-horror installment from 1986.

I’ve watched it as part of a Halloween night triple feature, but typically I prefer to reserve this one for earlier in the month, as it lacks the overtly Halloween sensation the night really deserves.

But your October deserves Trick Or Treat. Your life deserves Trick Or Treat. So this year, treat yourself to this little 80’s Halloween trick.

Metal-head dork Eddie Weinbauer loves butt rocker Sammi Curr. See, Sammi’s a home-town hero, and the ritualistically tormented Eddie identifies with Sammi and aspires to rise above the bullying to rock greatness. In fact, Eddies loves Sammi so much he writes him a detailed letter expressing such sentiments.

Unfortunately, Sammi burns himself to death in a satanic hotel ritual before Eddie can mail it. Damn, better rip down all your metal posters and loose your mind.

Thankfully for Eddie (and us) his DJ pal Nuke (KISS’s Gene Simmons) over at the local radio station has an unreleased and unheard studio pressing of Sammi’s last album. Nuke hooks it up.

The album has unforeseen powers though, and when played backwards, Sammi reaches out from beyond the grave to aid Eddie in a game of revenge against his tormentors.

All is well and Eddie is riding high on the thrill of rock and roll vengeance. Until, that is, Sammi’s game become too real for Eddie’s pussy sensibilities. So Sammi travels back, through the record and out of the speakers, to take matters into his own hands.

Great music, great 80’s-ness, great flaming pumpkins and a great Halloween dance, where Sammi starts bursting costumed-teens with his electricity spewing guitar. How can you miss with this Halloween treat?

Wake up, sleepy heads. It’s party time.