TRACK #426:

Nightmare Hop by Earl Patterson with The Darts

We’re gonna say goodbye to the witches for now and lay down a little Monster Song block for you here to wrap up the 420s.

And our first moldy oldie comes from the year 1959. Yep, it’s another example of a monster party that pre-dates The Monster Mash by 3 whole years. It’s from Texas songman Earl Patterson, who only appears to have released one single. On the b-side is a track called Ready for Love, but we don’t care about that, do we? No, we’re only interested in the a-side, a rockabilly monster tune called Nightmare Hop.

We know from monster parties around here, don’t we gang? Sure we do. One might even say we’re all amateur scholars on the matter. So, how does this one stack up against the others? Is it worth attending, let alone writing an entire song about? What’s happening over at Earl’s shindig?

Well, not a whole helluva lot, I can tell you that.

In Earl’s tune, a Teenage Werewolf (released 2 years prior in 1957) takes Dracula’s Daughter (released over 20 years prior in 1936) to the hop. Her name is Betty Vampire, which I have to admit is a weird choice on Dracula’s part. Betty’s fine I suppose, given it’s 1959. But Vampire? Why would Dracula name his daughter Vampire? It’s like you naming your son Jimmy Human. You just wouldn’t do it.

But I digress.

At this hop, they dance (which is to be expected) but they also eat goulash sandwiches and drink tequila from a pot. Now, contrary to, well my belief anyway, those are very real sandwiches. Goulash is real, sure, but it’s basically a stew with big chunks of beef and vegetables like onions and carrots. Now, that seems a strange thing to put between two slices of bread, but apparently they do. It’s a much thicker version of the soup that’s tossed into a crusty bread and sometimes topped with a slaw. It sounds pretty good, honestly. I’d eat that shit right now.

This makes sense in the context of the song too, as goulash is a traditional Hungarian dish. What’s crazy is that we  have a version of it in the United States which they call American Goulash.

Now, apparently American Goulash is called American Chop Suey specifically in New England, and I had no idea the 2 dishes were connected. Growing up, American Chop Suey was basically the only thing my father knew how to cook. So every Saturday, like clockwork, he’d get to chopping and boiling and whipping up some American Chop Suey. I wasn’t the biggest fan. Didn’t care for all those onions as it made it hard to just shovel in by the spoonful. Had to pick around ‘em. But I probably ate that stuff every week for what feels like 18 years straight. Always hated those onions though, but he’d never take them out.

Wait, what the hell were we talking about? Oh yeah, this boring party. Did they have anything more frightening than sloppy beef sandwiches?

No. Not really. Frankenstein and The Mummy show up, and maybe that could be scary, but here it’s definitely not. The Teenage Werewolf sees them on his way to the door, which he heads for after eating his goulash sandwich cause I guess the chunky beef, or maybe all that pot tequila, had him needing some fresh air. Guest are actively heading for the exits?Jesus, this party is a bust. I’d head for the door too.

Anyway, he sees the monsters strolling across the floor, which you might just interpret as another boring ass thing happening here at this snoozefest of a party, but The Stroll was a popular dance at the time. But don’t worry, cause it’s one of the most boring dances conceived and fits this party like a glove.

Basically, because 1950, a line of girls and a line of boys would face each other on the dance floor. The first boy and girl would step into the middle, take each other by the hand and walk-dance down to the end and then rejoin their respective lines. Wash repeat.

Jump back! White people are getting wild on the dance floor everybody! They’re slowing walking while holding hands. Holy shit.

Apparently, Link Wray’s Rumble was a number that used to get a lot of action during The Stroll, so there’s that. It’s a sleepy kinda tune though, so it makes sense I guess, but fuck. Could they pick a more Thorazined dance for this Monster Party, the fuck is happening over there?

So anyway, Earl mentions from the outset that this Teenage Werewolf was interested in doing The Stroll, so seeing these 2 abominations performing the dance reminded him of why he was there I guess, so he goes back to Betty instead of going outside. The end.

That’s it? That’s all you got Earl?

I guess.

So, that’s what’s goin on at this party. I will say, despite all that, I still like the tune, which I think is the important part. Monsters are mentioned, albeit not many and none doing anything terribly monstrous, but they’re there. Also, we got those American Chop Suey sandwiches, which reminds me of being a kid, so that’s a plus.

All and all? I think it’s a Shindigger for sure, cause we like to rock ‘n roll, and we didn’t want to stop!