franken-weeners

Audio

The Monster Hop

TRACK #427:

The Monster Hop by Jimmy Dee and The Meteors

Wait, wait wait. What? You got second song about a fuckin’ hop? And it’s a whole other song actually called The Monster Hop?

Yep.

Well, I mean, if you wanna be annoying about it, this isn’t technically another Monster Hop. Bert Convy’s 1958 tune is The Monsters Hop, and Jack and Jim’s 1959 diddy is Midnight Monsters Hop. But yeah, there is yet another hop with monsters in attendance and that’s a little weird.

A hop, by the way (in case you were at all curious, or are under the age of 70, which is statistically most probable) was an informal dance mostly held at schools. It’s actually a shortening of Sock Hop, which they were called because all the kids were made to take off their shoes as not to scuff up the gymnasium floors.

You may be familiar with the song At the Hop, by Danny and The Juniors, which hit number 1 on the billboard charts in early 1958. So, Bert Convy and Jack and Jim seem to be right at the cutting edge of adding monsters to this particular event. Shock Theatre + Popular Teen Activity apparently = 3 goddamn songs basically called the same thing in 4 years, because this particular Shoeless Monster Dance is from 1962, the same year as Boris Pickett’s The Monster Mash.

So how does the 3rd installment in our Monster Hop Trilogy differ from its predecessors?

Well, for one, there aren’t many monsters on the roll call here. We get a vampire woman and a Frankenstein eating people’s blood. There’s some Grave Robber named Harry (question mark, am I hearing that right?) and he’s there with a Sasquatch lady. That’s it? Ok then, I guess. Cool party, bro.

Both Jack and Jim and Bert’s hops are much better attended than Jimmy’s here. Jimmy’s hop, in fact, sounds like kind of a drag, the way he describes it anyway. I will say, there does appear to be a monster band though, much like in Midnight Monsters Hop, and that’s definitely a plus. There’s a werewolf on drums, some guy in a hood I guess, and maybe a zombie playing a saxophone? I dunno. It’s hard to tell, cause Jimmy’s song’s a bit lacking in the “making me give a shit about this party at all” department. I’m practically falling asleep over here. What gives? This is a monster party, buddy. Why am I so bored?

Anyway, like Bert, Jimmy says he’s scared of this party, but I don’t buy it. Nothing about this song is scary, nor is Jimbo’s reaction to any of it all that appalled. Bert Convy is horrified by what he sees, and I believe him. This guy? I feel like he ain’t even at this party the way he’s so nonplussed about it all. Oh, fuckin Draculas or whatever? Yeah they’re dancing, I guess. What?! That’s crazy, Jimmy. Why you acting like it ain’t fuckin bonkers to see a Frankenstein eating blood. Even if you’re ok with seeing a Frankenstein, why the fuck is he eating people’s blood? That’s not what he does, Jimmy! There’s no reason to be this nonchalant about this shit.

Jack and Jim on the other hand, now they’re some cool customers. They’re cold chillin at their party. I don’t think they’re perturb at all by what they’re seeing. In fact, they seem kinda into it and what they’re describing sounds like a great time.

Now, I can appreciate that we just came off of a pretty whack monster party. I apologize for serving up two in a row. But, Jimmy Dee’s party, lame though it may be, is a far sight cooler than Earl’s. He’s got a monster band, a larger roster, more monster happenings; it’s just better. But maybe that says more about Earl’s Hop than it does about Jimmy’s.

Either way, they’re both prime examples from the golden age of Monster Songs that should definitely appear on The Shindig, however uneventful they might be.

 

Audio

The Evils of Frankenstein

TRACK #365:

Evils of Frankenstein by Choctaw John

Look, we’re reasonable people.

And as reasonable people, we can overlook the fact that there isn’t any actual film called The Evils of Frankenstein

Cause c’mon, it was 1976, after all. Cross referenceable material, albeit available, wasn’t nearly as ubiquitous as we’ve come to expect in our cushy age of instantaneous digital information. Unwittingly adding an “S” to the title of some movie you randomly caught on Creature Features one night…a movie that scared the shit outta you so bad you had to write a song about it…isn’t nearly the worst thing you could do. Who knows, he was probably hammered anyway.

But was this dude even watching The Evil of Frankenstein?

First and foremost, he describes Frankenstein and his hunchback assistant building a creature. This does not happen in The Evil of Frankenstein. Not only does Victor not have a hunchback assistant, he doesn’t even build a creature. They discover Victor’s original creature frozen in ice, ala Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman.

And speaking of ala, of all the Hammer Frankenstein’s to write a song about, you pick Evil? Hammer’s co-opted, financed by Universal “let’s just retcon this whole thing and port the entire Universal aesthetic over to Bray Studios” travesty? Really? C’mon John. Just about every other Hammer Frankenstein is better than that mess.

And to that point, despite being called The Evil of Frankenstein, it’s probably Cushing’s least evil portrayal of the character, and thus the least likely to turn your hair white.

Part of the Universal-ization of Evil extended to the Doc’s entire demeanor, I guess. Cause gone was Hammer’s original and refreshing take, which placed Victor front and center as a villain, a man willing to straight up take life in his obsessive quest to create life.

But hey, maybe he just picked that name out of a hat. Maybe he just liked the way it sounded… after he added an “s” of course.

Cause I mean, he clearly didn’t watch it. And if he did watch it, he didn’t remember it too well. Maybe it just scared the shit so far outta him his mind blocked all the small details like, ya know, the entire goddamn plot. Who’s to say?

But then he changes the channel and lands on some idealized version of House of Frankenstein or some such thing, who knows. We’re clearly in the realm of fantasy here and that’s fine, cause I don’t wanna pick on Choctaw John too much here. I mean, outside of perhaps naming yourself Choctaw John, but that’s a matter for a different website.

For our part, John recorded a great Frankenstein tune and we’re happy to have him. This 7″ also contains the B-side World of Darkness, which is another wild-ass banger chocked to the brim with dark imagery about global nuclear holocaust. Shit, John. I guess when you weren’t sittin’ around getting scared by old monster movies, you figured you might as well just scare the fuck outta everyone else, huh? Yeesh.

Well, thanks for the dark twang, bud. Now go rewatch…or maybe even just watch…The Evil of Frankenstein, will ya? And when you’re done, pop in any other Hammer Frankenstein flick, as they’re pretty much all superior to that pile.

 

Audio

Dr. Hackenstein

TRACK #257:

Dr. Hackenstein by Claude LeHanaff and Hard Roaders

Sometime after Stuart Gordon made Re-Animator but before Henenlotter made Frankenhooker, writer/director Richard Clark released his lone feature, Dr. Hackenstein, which combines elements of both in a more traditional Frankenstein setting.

It’s a quaint little horror comedy that, while not especially noteworthy, is perfectly watchable and even somewhat charming. I’d have a hard time imagining anyone who likes either of the aforementioned films not finding at least something about this one they enjoy. Particularly considering the FX, which were provided by none other than Kurtzman, Nicotero and Berger EFX Group. Ya know, B.C. KNB EFX

It stars David Murr from Neon Maniacs as the titular physician, a guy who you’d almost mistake for Roddy McDowell. Playing along side him, as the main damsel in bodily distress, is the lovely Stacey Travis, whom some of you may recognize from Phantasm 2, Hardware or even Earth Girls Are Easy.

Additionally, you get some fun guest appearances from both Ramseys Anne and Logan, Phyllis Diller, and that cheapskate Hotel Manager from Ghostbusters! Not a bad showing.

What’s more? You guessed it. With only one feature to his credit, Richard Clark had the wherewithal to include an honest to God Title Track.

That egghead Stanley Kubrick never had a Title Track. Some auteur he was. No wonder he never got an Oscar. And don’t give me any of that “Well, Dr. Strangelove’s We’ll Meet Again was technically a Title Track from the musical We’ll Meet Again” baloney, cause I ain’t having it! If we all just start throwing other people’s Title Tracks into our movies with different titles and no Title Tracks and and then calling them Title Tracks, what does that make us? No better than the terrorists, that’s what.

100% anachronistic and totally 80’s, this goofy as all get-out Title Track gets the extra special treatment of being a Sweet Song too boot. Double bonus!

So, sit back and relax, the doctor will see you now.

He calls himself an Obstetrician! He’s Dr. Hackenstein.

 

Audio

Dr. Beezar, Soul Frankenstein

TRACK #217:

Dr. Beezar, Soul Frankenstein by Captain Dax

Roughly 5 years and 26 days ago we posted a song called Soul Dracula by Hot Blood.

Mostly a funked-out disco instrumental, we filled that track with some fun samples from Blacula and called it a day.

Now, the soul returns with Dr. Beezar, Soul Frankenstein!

True to form, it’s mostly a funked-out disco instrumental, so this time so we shoved in a bunch of samples from Blackenstein.

Unfortunately, Blacula Blackenstein is not.

What could have (and probably should have) been a fun, campy and exploitative horror romp like its predecessor, slowly unfurls into a dull, plodding and joyless affair that isn’t funny, scary or entertaining.

The Dr. Frankenstein character (here called simply Dr. Stein) isn’t even Black! What kinda sense does that make?

Featuring a plot that resembles something more akin to The Island of Dr. Moreau, you’re getting limited horrific goings-ons and even less Blacksploitation from Blackenstein. It’s as if the filmmakers were neither familiar with Mary Shelley’s classic tale or even the concept of Blacksploitation.

But enough about this crummy movie, because Captain Dax will make all of it worthwhile.

One of several aliases used by The Lafayette Afro Band, this track was a big hit in Japan in 1976. So yeah, these guys were quite literally big in Japan. I guess that’s really a thing people can be.

This boogie-down creepster features so much synthy 70’s goodness, it feels right at home among the spooky ranks of Halloween Shindig.

While I typically recommend staying away from things lightly, because most movies are at least good for a single watch, I wholeheartedly advise avoiding Blackenstein at all cost.

I do not recommend, however, avoiding Captain Dax’s funked out, Franked-up, Moogin’ groove Dr. Beezar, Soul Frankenstein!