The Monster Squad

TRACK #116:

The Monster Squad by The Monster Squad

Since we all know and have just addressed with whom you’d contact over telephone wires should it become apparent that you in fact have harmful apparitions approaching, let’s task listeners with a similar question:

Yeah, but who do you call when you have Monsters?

That’s right. And at last we come to The Monster Squad. From the very first CD in 2002, The Monster Squad has been a permanent fixture of Halloween Shindig and remains one of my favorite selections on the playlist.

Granted, I may be a bit biased but this song is representing hard. Let’s check the stats:

Is it about a horror movie?
Check, it’s about the goddamn Monster Squad.
Ah, yes, but is it in the movie?
In it? Motherfucker, it’s the Title Track. Triple check that shit.
We talkin’ bout Monsters?
Fuck yeah we are. It’s like a goddamn monster mash up in this motherfucker. Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolfman, the Mummy, the Creature from the Black Lagoon. That’s the big five, son. Throw in some sexy vampire chicks, a grotesque bat transformation and a werewolf exploding out of the sky and you’ve got some real monster shit on lock. Check + to Monster Song.

What more could you ask for? Well, they even mention Halloween too. Sure, it’s to illustrate how this ain’t Halloween (or some phony deal) but we’ll just look that other way on that one. They say Halloween and damn it if that ain’t all that matters sometimes.

Now all of that sounds like a Referentially Inclusive Monster Halloween Title Track to me, gang.

That’s Great Pumpkin status right there.

And it’s a Monster Rap to boot? Holy shit, is there anything this song can’t do?

One of the most ridiculous tracks you can imagine, The Monster Squad was suspiciously recorded by some anonymous collective of Hip-Hop Demigods that chose to remain nameless. What?!

Why the hell anyone would elect to do this is so far beyond the scope of my imagination it boarders on madness. If I was responsible for this song I’d put it on every job application I ever filled out.

2 years as an Assistant Hanger Inspector for Sears and Roebuck.
4 months as a Substitute Wigsmith at The Downtown Clownery.
Oh yeah and I wrote the motherfucking Monster Squad Rap. What’s up?

From a time when everyone thought something like this was a really great idea, The Monster Squad (for anyone thinking otherwise) is a really great idea.

It’s is pretty whack? Yeah, I guess so. If you wanna be a jerk about it.

Is it poorly conceived and equally executed? Yeah, I suppose I’d have to concede that fact too, if you really want this to be a frank discussion about musical integrity.

But fuck that discussion and fuck you for wanting it pal, cause this song fucking rules. It’s a rap song about a group of kids fighting The Universal Monsters. Oh, did you not catch that? It’s a rap song about a group of kids fighting The Universal Monsters. Whomever is responsible for this song should be a cultural icon. They should have a fucking Grammy and an Academy Award.

Instead, (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing took the honor that year. All right, fair enough. Maybe that’s a better song, but it lacks the lyric:

“We don’t wanna hang with the walking dead, so we gotta kick some monster butt instead.”

What’s up now, Academy of Arts and Sciences?

Looking into this travesty further, I discovered the competition that year was actually pretty stiff. Check this shit out:

“Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” by Jefferson Starship from a little film called Mannequin.
Bob Seger’s “Shakedown” from Beverly Hills Cop II
“Storybook Love” by Willy DeVille and Mark Knopfler from The Princess Bride

Damn, that’s a solid 80’s line-up right there. Maybe I spoke too soon. Still, it should have been nominated at the absolute least. Who the hell is still talking about Cry Freedom 26 years later?

No one, that’s who.

But I digress.

An interesting side note to this song: the original version I had on the 2002 CD was pulled from my old VHS copy of Monster Squad. Incidentally, this was later signed by Tom “The Gillman” Woodruff Jr. Coincidence? I like to think not.

This version of the song contained the line:

“First came Dracula, now the Wolfman too, The Mummy and the Gillman swimming in the pool.”

What? Why did that roll call just fall the fuck apart?

Hear that sample below:

I always thought this was a pretty strange and horrendous line, particularly when they could have just as simply said “and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.”

But I guess they couldn’t say “and the Creature from the Black Lagoon,” for the home video release. Damn copyrights.

All things considered, that’s not a bad save. Syllabically sound, it even sort of rhymes, at least no more or less than the original false rhyme. But damn is it silly. Who the fuck is the Gillman? Why are they calling The Creature from the Black Lagoon “The Gillman?” And why is he in the pool? Did I miss a scene where he climbs out of a pool? Why did he just say that?

Upon upgrading the tune for better quality many years later when The Monster Squad finally saw a DVD release, I noticed the line was suddenly changed to “and the Creature From The Black Lagoon” and I thought “Shit, that must have been the original lyric. How about that.” Now, I just feel sort of nostalgic for the old, butchered scab.

But I’ve spoken too verbosely about all of this as is, so let’s just make with the goods, huh?

One of my favorite songs on the playlist from one of my favorite movies of all time. Here it is….The Monster Squad.

Dead Man’s Party

TRACK #91:

Dead Man’s Party by Oingo Boingo

Well, it wouldn’t be much of a dead man’s party without Dead Man’s Party, now would it?

A classic and obligatory party playlist inclusion, no Halloween would be complete without at least one go-round to Oingo Boingo’s certified horrified hit.

No frills, no samples, no nothing. Just Dead Man’s Party.

Enjoy!

The Black Widow

TRACK #82:

The Black Widow by Alice Cooper

Vincent Price is awesome. I’m not really sure how else to put it. I could use words like “extraordinary,” or “singular,” or even “eminent,” but they all just sound like “awesome” to me.

Another, even more appropriate word, might be “iconic.” Having starred in over 40 genre pictures, Mr. Price, though not exclusive to horror (having appeared in almost 200 film and television productions) has left his indelible mark on the world of the macabre.

Simply anchoring some of my all-time favorite horror films, including The House on Haunted Hill, The Masque of the Red Death, and The Abominable Dr. Phibes, Vincent Price already equals horror. And that’s not even mentioning The Tingler, The Raven, Last Man on Earth, House of Wax, A Comedy of Terrors, The Pit and the Pendulum, Twice Told Tales, Witchfinder General orThe Fly.

You get the idea.

Even outside the sphere of horror, Price still owns my loyalty, adding his distinctive flare to Egghead, one of my favorite villains from one of my favorite TV shows ever, the old Batman series.

Again, that’s not even to speak of his radio work, The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo, his Sears-Roebuck sponsored Fine Art Collection, The Great Mouse Detective, Laura, Dead Heat, Edward Scissorhands, and this absolutely insane album of him talking about witchcraft and the demons. I’ll type that again just in case your breezed passed it: Vincent Price recorded a 90 minute spoken word album all about witchcraft and it’s fucking incredible.

His credits even include a stint on Hollywood Squares. Seriously?

Seriously.

So iconic is Vincent that he appears on the Shindig at least 3 times without any intervention from my sampling hand. You wanna spook up a track, you tapped Vincent for that little extra something sinister. Never a bad decision.

The first example of this is from none other than Alice Cooper, no stranger to the sinister himself. Price leads in Track 82, The Black Widow from Cooper’s 1975 album Welcome to My Nightmare.

As if that wasn’t enough, Price also starred in the corresponding television special which followed the album entitled Alice Cooper: The Nightmare, where he reprises this monologue, in perfect Price fashion, almost identically.

Vincent Price may have passed, but among horror fans he will live on forever, ritualistically resurrected with each push of the play button. And as for the Shindig, his extraordinarily singular and eminent voice can be heard all over it.

It’s Alive

TRACK #78:

It’s Alive by Bobby “Boris” Pickett

Cause you can’t not follow that sample with anything else.

Right on the heels of one Frankenstein song comes this lesser known effort from Bobby “Boris” Pickett.

As stated previously, Bobby tried to recreate his Monster Mash success several times over the course of his career. File this one under the “Heavy Metal” attempt, though there’s little metal going on here.

Finding information on this track is a bit tricky but it seems to have originated off the Dr. Demento show.

Bobby has brought his (actual?) son along for the ride, who takes his own stab dear old dad’s monster making.

He creates a monster that’s the right shade of green and ready for some rocking. And even though he was implanted with a brain labeled, as Fritz claims, “Musician: heavy metal, not blues,” the song is a certainly a far cry from anything resembling metal.

It’s a Shindigger all the same, and how could it not be? Anytime Bobby Pickett decides to sing about monsters rocking out, we gotta represent.

Making A Monster

TRACK #77:

Making A Monster by Blitzkid

Perennial spooksters Blitzkid are back at #77 with their ode to Mary Shelley’s classic cautionary tale of scientific hubris gone wrong.

Sympathetically written from the Monster’s perspective, the song actually has a bit more in common with the source material than the 1931 film used to lead-in the track. But a clip sample that perfect can’t be ignored, not by The Shindig at least.

Here’s Shindig All-Stars Blitzkid with a Franken-Weener of monstrous proportions!

Rockula

TRACK #76:

He’s Rockula by Dean Cameron

I’m gonna wrap up this Vampire block with a Title Track of ridiculous proportions, from one of my favorite sub-genres, 80’s Monster Comedies.

Though technically released in 1990, Rockula was written and filmed in the late 80’s and has all the trappings of an 80’s Monster Comedy, and as such is filed accordingly by the Shindig.

If you’ve never seen Rockula, here’s the jist:

Ralph (played by Dean Cameron, aka Summer School’s Chainsaw) is a typically 80’s “friendly” vampire. Ralph’s got a problem though. See, 400 years ago Ralph failed to save his beloved Mona from a ham bone wielding pirate who murdered her on Halloween. After which, a terrible curse befell Ralph. He must relive this trauma ever 22 years, as Mona is reincarnated and Ralph is given another chance to prevent this tragedy. A chance which he always seems to squander.

However, in the late 80’s, Mona is resurrected as a musician, so Ralph becomes Rockula to win her heart, and maybe to keep a close eye on her to finally prevent that whole Halloween/ham bone/pirate murder thing.

Sound great? No? Well it is, and it features a couple of great tunes performed by Dean Cameron (and one by Toni “Oh Mickey” Basil, who plays Ralph’s Vampire mom.) Tunes that, of course, are featured on the Shindig.

From Rockula, performed by Rockula, it’s the triple threat, Rockula!

Soul Dracula

TRACK #75:

Soul Dracula by Hot Blood

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective) there was more than one disco Dracula tune.

In fact, there was a whole album. It was even called Disco Dracula. It was the only effort from weird German band called Hot Blood and there’s a couple of vampire themed tracks on this sucker. Hell, there’s even a Frankenstein song called “Baby Frankie Stein.”

Mostly a funky instrumental, this lyrically sparse number does repeatedly feature the the titular phrase “Soul Dracula,” which is honestly enough for the Shindig. However, Hot Blood puts a little pepper on the porridge by using a goofy Dracula voice. Bonus.

Leading this track in is a clip from Blacula, cause lets face it, Blacula is the soulest motherfuckin Dracula around. To quote James Brown “Eddie Murphy, eat your heart out.”

And because it is mostly an instrumental, we went ahead and saddled the whole track with some Blacula clips, cause Blacula is awesome, and he deserves it.

Enjoy!

Drac’s Back

TRACK #74:

Drac’s Back by Red Lipstique

Disco was no stranger to novelty tracks. And as all you Shindiggers know, novelty tracks were no stranger to monster songs.

Though originally recorded in 1979 by Andy Forray, The Shindig prefers this slightly more up-tempo version by Red Lipstique.

Never heard of Red Lipstique? Well, that’s because they weren’t really a real band. It was a pseudonym The Bollocks Brother’s used when they released several singles, including this cover of Andy Forray’s disco hit.

Never heard of The Bollocks Brothers? Well, I hadn’t either.

However, I have heard of this song, and it’s definitely Shindig material, no matter what band records it, or what name they use.

So c’mon Weeners, sing along…

“I wanna suck your OOOOOHHHH!”

Dracula, Drac’s back!

(side note: I could think of nothing more fitting to lead this track in than a clip from Hammer’s Dracula A.D. 1972, which finds Christopher Lee’s Drac being resurrected into London of the early 70’s. Not quite the disco era but still appropriate.)

Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)

TRACK #73:

Bloodletting (The Vampire Song) by Concrete Blonde

Impromptu vampire interlude!

I noticed there were a lot of vampire songs in the queue, so coming off the heels of From Dusk Till Dawn, why not just drop a block of blood-suckers right here in the 70’s?

By 1990, Concrete Blonde had already been around for some time and utilized on some pretty awesome genre soundtracks (Texas Chainsaw 2, The Hidden), when they released their best selling album Bloodletting.

The title track is a great Shindig addition about New Orleans and vampires with some serious Anne Rice ambiance about it.

Legend has it (read: the Internet) that the song was indeed inspired by the lady herself, or at least her writings, at any rate.

Though inclusive to many different movies and TV shows, none of them really hit the mark. So, we’re gonna lead this fucker in with an appropriate, Big Easy-style sample from Interview With The Vampire, just for good measure.

Suck it up Weeners!

Haunted House

TRACK #64:

Haunted House by Elvira

Well, we couldn’t do a block of Horror Host hits without including the most successful, recognizable and desirable Horror Host of them all, Elvira.

Casandra Peterson was initially picked to become the new Vampira, when KHJ-TV in LA approached Maila Nurmi to reboot The Vampira Show in the early 80’s.

Maila wanted Lola Falana. KHJ did not, and essentially just hired Peterson on their own. This irked Maila so thoroughly that she completely walked away from the entire project.

No matter to KHJ, they went ahead and did it anyway, without Maila, renaming their host Elvira, and proceeding with “Elvira’s Movie Macabre.”

This also irked Ms. Nurmi. So much so that she sued Casandra Peterson for likeness infringement.

She lost the suit however, as the court found a striking similarity was not infringement enough, and ruled in favor of Peterson. Casandra went on to find great success as The Mistress of the Dark, becoming a brand unto herself, with national syndication, spokesperson deals, 2 pinball machines, 2 feature films and scores other Elvira themed products.

A whole new generation of horror nerds had their own wet nightmares at the…hands…of the almost impossibly beautiful Casandra Peterson, who remains so iconic to horror culture, it’s difficult to think of a time without her.

Wrapping up our Horror Host block is the Mistress herself (who else) singing about the dangers of a Haunted House.

Feed My Frankenstein

TRACK #58:

Feed My Frankenstein by Alice Cooper

Inclusive, though not to any movie relevant to the Shindig (1992’s Wayne’s World) this hit from shock-rocker Alice Cooper needs no introduction to anyone reading this right now, I’ll wager.

One of 2 songs on the Shindig featuring a monster allusion to sexuality, Feed My Frankenstein uses the dubious imagery of Frankenstein to replace the word “cock.”

Why Frankenstein, though? Is it sewn together from several different cocks? Does it just want to be loved, only to meet disdain from all who gaze upon it? Or is it simply that it’s just a monster of a cock?

If that’s the case, why not Mummy? Feed A-MY…..mummy.

Hmm, guess that lacks a little something syllabically.

That probably cancels The Wolfman, too. And the Creature from the Black Lagoon is definitely out.

Hey, Dracula could work! He’s already a monster of a sexual nature. Plus, he’s associated with hunger (or more appropriately, thirst), something I can’t really say for Frankenstein. I guess he’s just not big enough, and I suppose that’s really the underlying, if perhaps juvenile, point.

Recently, for his stage show, Alice Cooper commissioned haunt specialists Distortions Unlimited to create a giant Alice Cooper Frankenstein puppet. Here’s a video of it if you no idea what I’m talking about. He…uh….pops out…at that 3:45 mark, if you just wanna scan to it.

As mentioned previously, this puppet was sculpted by my buddy and horror/music/Shindig enthusiast Mikey Rotella.

Oh, and I almost forgot. This track is led-in with almost unnatural appropriateness by a sample from George Romero’s Day of the Dead. Too perfect for words.Enjoy!

The Monsters Hop

TRACK #56:

The Monsters Hop by Bert Convy

Several years before he became the host of Super Password, Tattletales and Win, Lose or Draw, and 4 years before Boris Pickett would soar to #1 on the wings of The Monster Mash, Bert Convy recorded this tune about a bunch of monsters dancing around inside a spooky house.

Though lacking the character and humor that ultimately made The Monster Mash such a smash, I rather enjoy The Monsters Hop, maybe even a bit more than Pickett’s seminal Halloween hit. I think it’s catchier, certainly more up-tempo, and nowhere near as played out as The Monster Mash. Those are some pretty big checks in the plus column, you ask me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s a better song, not by any stretch of the imagination, but when listening to the Shindig leisurely (as is my wont) I will usually skip The Monster Mash, yet I always have 2 minutes to spare for The Monsters Hop.

Monster Rap

TRACK #53:

Monster Rap by Bobby “Boris” Pickett

Over the years, as the musical climate shifted, Boris Pickett attempted to recapture his Monster Mash lightning into all manner of bottle. The results were, well, not quite as successful.

In the early 80’s he tried rap, much to the delight of The Shindig.

Easily my favorite Boris Pickett tune, this goofy number is, I think, the funniest of his career. The ridiculous chorus of “Shock the body. Shock the body, body” in that Karloff voice is unmatched. Plus a rapping Frankenstein in the form of “Monster Mouth” is pretty fantastic too.

Though, I think the funniest aspect of the track is Boris’ initial excitement to hear the monster rap, and how quickly that turns to complete annoyance once the creature “won’t stop rapping.”

Even in the form of a silly rap, some remnant of Mary Shelley’s themes still persist,…kind of.

Either way, Boris Pickett’s Monster Rap is Shindig gold, all the way around.

The Mummy’s Bracelet

TRACK #51:

The Mummy’s Bracelet by Lee Ross

Here’s a bizarre Shindig entry from singer Lee Ross.
Never heard of him? Well, don’t let it bum you out, cause neither has the Internet apparently. Digging up information on Lee seems to lead to a lot of cold trails.

What we can be sure of however, is that Lee definitely performed this catchy little number about the Mummy. Which Mummy, we’re less sure of, as Lee’s story doesn’t seem to match up to any Mummy film that I can cross reference.

This matters little however, because Mummy songs aren’t exactly falling out of the pockets of novelty-rockdom. In a genre choked with Vampires, Ghosts and Frankensteins, a song about a Mummy is a breath of stale and musty air.

So lets sit back and enjoy this strange little ditty about the Mummy, and his bracelet.

Dracula’s Daughter

TRACK #44:

Dracula’s Daughter by Screaming Lord Sutch and The Savages

British rocker Screaming Lord Sutch is a pretty spooky cat.

Check him out.

That’s pretty spooky.

He also made some spooky music, too.

Like this tune that I’m filing under the Monster Song category, as he isn’t explicitly detailing the plot of the 1936 sequel to Universal’s classic Dracula.

He pretty much just uses the title as a jump-off point for some crazy story about a girl named Mary that bites him in a graveyard. A girl who’s pops just happens to be Dracula.

In addition to this music, he also founded a totally legitimate British political party called The Official Monster Raving Loony Party.

Here’s their totally legitimate logo.He also hung himself in 1999 following his mother’s death, and years of clinical depression. Now that’s pretty spooky.

But what the 3rd Earl of Harrow left behind was a lot of a fun garage tunes and some perfect Shindiggin’ material.

Bookended with clips from Dracula’s Daughter just for good measure.

The Shindig hopes you’re resting in peace David Sutch, you spooky sonofabitch.

Full Moon

TRACK #42:

Full Moon by Elvira

Segueing nicely from that last sample is this gem from everyone’s favorite wet nightmare Elvira.

Of all the Elvira originals on The Shindig (and there’s a few), this is perhaps my favorite. It’s got a fun 80’s synth-pop sound, and it features the Mistress of the Dark singing seductively about how essentially a full moon makes her crazy horny. Um, ok. ‘Nuff said. I’m in.

Here’s Elvira with Full Moon.

Thanks for the boner.

Riboflavin Flavored Non-Carbonated Polyunsaturated Blood

TRACK #36:

Riboflavin-Flavored, Non-Carbonated, Polyunsaturated Blood by Don Hinson & The Rigarmorticians

It may sound like Boris Pickett (hell everything did for a while, following the success of The Monster Mash) but this particular novelty installment comes from Vegas DJ Don Hinson and his Rigarmorticians.

I like this novelty track more than most because it’s well written, funny and has an interesting premise. A premise so interesting in fact, I’m fairly sure Charlaine Harris hijacked the whole concept for her Sooki Stackhouse Novels.

An honorable mention goes out to fan-favorites 45 Grave for their cover simply titled “Riboflavin” which does not appear on the Shindig.

The Purple People Eater

TRACK #28:

The Purple People Eater by Sheb Wooley

A classic novelty song featured on countless Halloween lists and albums since it’s release in 1958, The Purple People Eater gets it day on the Shindig, but mostly just for that reason.

I like The Purple People Eater, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t find it terribly Halloweeny, aside from the fact that Halloween is probably the only time your liable to here it on the radio.

Interesting side note, do a quick image search for the Purple People Eater and you’ll find an array of 1 eyed, 1 horned winged purple things, mostly (but not limited to) “Purp” from the 1988 film Purple People Eater.

So what? Why wouldn’t you? Who gives a fuck?

No one, probably, however it is my assertion that The Purple People Eater is not himself purple, as indicated by the below lyric:

I said “Mr. Purple People Eater, what’s your line?”
He said “eating purple people, and it sure is fine”

So he eats purple people. Well, what the hell are purple people? This doesn’t make any sense.

Maybe on his planet there were purple people, because right after this he goes on to explain how that’s not the reason he came here. Well, of course, there are no purple people here.

So on his planet, they have people, they’re just purple? Still don’t make no goddamn sense.

Well, maybe not, but I’m just saying, ole Sheb here was pretty explicit in his songwriting, and that thing ain’t purple.

Ghouls Night Out

TRACK #25:

Ghouls Night Out by The Misfits

Webster’s defines Ghoul as

legendary evil being that robs graves and feeds on corpses
one suggestive of a ghoul; especially : one who shows morbid interest in things considered shocking or repulsive

So basically, we’re all ghouls. And if there was ever a night for ghouls, it was Halloween.

So, take it away boys.

(Cut in with Stephen Weber from Tales from the Crypt’s S3 Episode Mournin’ Mess, and well, that’s Bill the Butcher at the end there from Gangs of New York.)

The Crypt Jam

TRACK #24:

The Crypt Jam by John Kassir and Chuckii Booker

In the early 90’s both hip hop and Tales from the Crypt were riding high on the pop culture wave, so it seemed only natural to some sleazy executive to combined these two concepts.

The result is The Crypt Jam, a rather curious musical number that finds our pal the Cryptkeeper inviting us to a “monster bash, if you will.”

The next 3 minutes or so is The Cryptkeeper (voiced by the great John Kassir) rhyming and punning his way through a generic 90’s hip-hop beat.

Even better is the video, featuring our pal dressed up in typical gansta threads of the era, dancing with a dozen or so fly-girls and a coupla pop-lockin’ zombies.

Was it a good idea? Well, The Shindig certainly thinks so, as this type of thing is right up our alley over here. However, that may not be everyone’s conclusion regarding this particular Monster Rap. Either way, the Cryptkeeper’s in the house, and we couldn’t be happier about that.