Blood Tracks

097_blood-tracksTRACK #97:

Blood Tracks by Easy Action

If you listen to IMDb users, you’d think Blood Tracks was the worse movie ever made. But if you listen to IMDb users, you’d think every movie was the worst movie ever made. Those goofballs hand out that award like they got an overstocked warehouse they have to unload cheap.

My guess? They just haven’t seen enough movies, or at least not the right ones,  cause Blood Tracks (while certainly not approaching good) is definitely not approaching the “worst movie ever.” Hell, I wouldn’t even put it near a top 20. You need a little something special to make it into that crew, and frankly Blood Tracks just doesn’t have it.

Too mildly bad and too mostly forgettable for any such distinction, Blood Tracks sort of just exists, like a myriad of other Rock ‘N Roll Horrors begging to be better one way or the other.

What Blood Tracks does have (aside from its awesome double entendre title) is some sweet snow rocking compliments of (the fantastically named) Easy Action, posing as (the unfortunately named) Solid Gold.

See, Solid Gold’s looking to cut a video up in the mountains. Ya know, cause that’s the sleaziest, most rocking locale around. Not the seedy titty-bar in Panorama City, or the beach, or the pool at Caesar’s Palace, but the mountains – the freezing, shitty mountains.

It is worth noting that their rocking does cause an avalanche, putting their rock into a most ridiculous category, somewhere between DC Lacroix’s  shrunken head inducing laser metal and Dokken’s Freddy shredding guitar solos.

Now snowed in, the band, the management, the techs and the video hoes are all beset by a Hills Have Eyes-esque family. Mayhem ensues. Thankfully for us, not before Solid Gold gets a chance to rock out a bit and indulge in a little rock star behavior; drinking, drugs, snowbound sex.

Frankly though, not enough for my tastes. Could have used more, cause once the horror hits, the rocking ceases and these groupies and band members could be any old generic group of horror assholes.

The acting is pretty awesome however, and there are some great lines delivered poorly. Some of the kills are pretty interesting, and the whole thing moves rather quickly. But I’m just not getting enough of its terrible (or enough of its good) to make Blood Tracks much more than “Oh yeah, that Swedish one with the band in the snow.” Certainly not the worst movie I’ve ever seen. It’s not even the worst Rock ‘N Roll Horror movie I’ve seen. Not by a long-shot.

Particularly considering it has the wherewithal to serves up a Title Track, something no movie watcher should ever discredit.

Unfortunately, the movie seems to be the only place this track exists, as it can’t be found on any of Easy Action’s albums. Which is shameful, especially since In The Middle of Nowhere and We Go Rocking (both also featured in the film) are readily available. C’Mon gang, make with the goods! The Shindig needs more than just a snippet of you Title Track to represent.

But we beggars can’t be choosers, so at #97, here’s what exists of Easy Action’s Title Track triple threat Blood Tracks.