Return of the 31 Days of Halloween Horror

31 more handpicked Halloween Horror movies to liven up your October.

This time around we put a special focus on the Halloween Sequel. It’s The Return of the 31 Days of Halloween Horror 2: Revenge of the Halloween Sequel!

Fair Warning: This collection contains and even borderline unwatchable tripe than last! Beware, and use the Trick or Treat guide wisely!

Oct. 12th: Winterbeast (1991)

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I’m not sure if Winterbeast qualifies as a “Halloween” movie. I’m not even sure if Winterbeast qualifies as an actual movie, for that matter. It’s probably because 70% of the time I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on in Winterbeast.

What I do know is that Winterbeast rules.

Despite the word “winter” appearing in the title, you’ll be treated to a “Fall Foliage Festival,” a small pumpkin patch and a few plastic jack-o-lanterns here and there for no apparent reason. Halloween is never directly mentioned, and there’s definitely nothing particularly festive about the film, but the Foliage Festival banner claims it’s somewhere between October 11th and 12th and that’s pretty close. Besides, when you have this many awesome stop motion, B-grade-Harryhausen monsters running amuck, a couple plastic jacks and a sign work just fine for The Shindig.

As far as I can tell, Winterbeast revolves around a couple mountain rangers, a haunted totem pole, some demonic Indian mumbojumbo and a gateway to hell.

What you’ll get feels like a half-finished cavalcade of kitchen sink nonsense, awesome over-acting, a script that seems to suffer from Alzheimer’s and more plaid than you can shake a walking stick at.

Ranger Whitman’s hero-mustache game is on lock-down and his New England accent could scrape ice off a frozen windsheild. Mr. Sheldon makes for a formidable opponent in the “who can yell louder in this same argument we’ve been having for the last 40 minutes” showdown that is this movie’s plot.

The ridiculous Sheldon shows up early and takes this production to new heights, before summarily walking away with the picture entirely by the climax. Especially bizarre is his impromptu dance number to the creepiest version of “Oh Dear, What Can the Matter Be” that’s ever been committed to vinyl.  I love this dude and he’s everything that’s weird and insane and awesome about this movie.

I can’t recommend this to everyone, or even a lot of people. But there’s a certain kind of film fan out there who’s bread and butter consists of exactly the kind of low-budget, amateur madness that is the heart and soul of Winterbeast. 

But don’t take my word for it, you can just go ahead watch it yourself!

Winterbeast (1991) from Bo Ransdell on Vimeo.

I give it 2 plastic jack-o-lanterns and 4 stop motion monsters up!

Designation: Treat!

 

Oct. 11th: Ghostwatch (1992)

Back before The Blair Witch Project, Ghost Hunters or Paranormal Activity, the BBC televised this one-time event on Halloween Night in 1992. Much like Orson Welles’ 1938 Broadcast of The War of the Worlds, viewers became alarmed and then inundated the network with phone calls, unaware that what they were seeing was a pure, prerecorded fiction. One family even went on to blame their son’s suicide on the program. As such, the BBC placed a ban on ever airing it again. The power of the mind…now that’s pretty spooky.

Is Ghostwatch that believable? Well, I don’t know. I’m not British so it’s tricky for me to assess just how realistic this all feels. As an American who maybe doesn’t pick up on all the small inconsistencies, I think it comes off fairly convincingly. It’s certainly more believable than any Paranormal Activity or found footage horror film I’ve seen, but it still has moments where it falters.

I think the more appropriate question may be, is it that scary? To that I would answer “no.” Much like Paranormal Activity, the bulk of Ghostwatch’s runtime is devoted to setup. It’s interesting, but it’s not that exciting (or all that engaging) and it takes a good 40 minutes for anything beyond that setup to emerge.

Ultimately, not a whole lot happens, and what does occur is of the ghostly presence variety; loud noises, lights flickering, pictures flying off the wall, scary voices, and maybe a shadowy ghost face or two.

But like most fictions of this variety, it’s not so much what they show you as it is what they imply and what your mind does with that. How susceptible are you to this type of trickery, and how well can you detach yourself from the knowledge that it is not real will determined how much it gets to you.

I’m sure seeing this thing cold, broadcast by the BBC back on Halloween Night in 1992 would have gone a fair distance in selling that fear. Particularly if you had missed the opening and happened upon it randomly amidst the airing.

It’s gets a little eerie in spots no doubt, but your experience with Ghostwatch depends almost 100% on how much that kind of thing scares you. I couldn’t have been more unmoved by Paranormal Activity. It gave me no chills during its presentation and caused no lasting effects after. Ghostwatch left me feeling similarly.

I do think Ghostwatch is more effective, if only because it appears (at least to me) to be more believable. The trick when you’re trying to convince someone that what they are witnessing is real is perhaps that hardest to pull off in fiction, and rarely (if ever) is it accomplished. The whole illusion rests on every small moment and the minute there’s a crack in the facade, the whole trick is exposed.

This is also from 1992, so it’s gets a bit of a nod for treading these waters well before the footage gamers of the last several years. Though not presented in a typical “found footage” manner, the gimmick of a real live broadcast is maintained throughout.

It reminded me somewhat of the Tales from the Crypt episode “Television Terror” starring Morton Downey Jr., which predates Ghostwatch by about 2 years. The payoff is more like Paranormal Activity’s than the Crypt Keeper’s yarn though, that much I will say.

Ghostwatch does have the added bonus of taking place on Halloween Night. It’s not overloaded with festivities, but there’s a few reminders every now and again and it’s a nice touch.

I can’t say I enjoyed it all that much and I doubt I’ll ever watch it again, but as a horror artifact of wide acknowledgment and acclaim, I think its interesting and worthwhile and I’m glad I gave it a view. I can see why people are so found of it, particularly if they had caught its original airing.

As such, I will say that this could make for some spooky Halloween viewing for the right audience, namely people really creeped out by real life ghosts and haunted houses.

So, I’ll I give it a crawl space full of crying cats up and a

Designation: Treat

 

Oct. 10th: Halloween II (2009)

I love Halloween. Be that the holiday, the music, the decorations, or the movie itself from John Carpenter.

As such, I avoided Rob Zombie’s remake for almost a decade. I finally gave in this year though, trawling for footage to use in the montage The Shindig is currently putting together for the opening of The Art of the Halloween Mask show.

I also figured “Hell, this is a Halloween blog. How long can I keep on doing this with a clear conscience having never watched Rob’s remakes?”

Very easily apparently. And I should have kept right on doing just that.

I won’t even talk about the original here. No, this is a minor celebration of the Halloween sequel, so we’re begrudgingly adding this sequel to the mix this year.

Though I did not like Halloween II, I did enjoy it more than Rob’s original for 4 distinct reasons:

1.) It actually kind of remakes the original Halloween II, at least for the first 20 minutes or so, and it’s probably the best portion of the movie. Remake sequels never remake the original sequel, and that was cool to see. Then it has to go and reveal that’s it was all just a dream. Oh well. One can dream I guess.

2.) Aside from that, it’s its own beast, with a more original and interesting container than the box the remake bursts from and then forces itself back into.

3.) It pulls off the trick of making the dumb “Laurie is Michael’s sister” plot work…in context. It always felt like a cheesy add-on in the original Halloween II. In Rob’s version it feels organic and the depths of what that might mean are not only examined, but they are at the heart of his story.

4.) It’s more Halloweeny.

Other than that though, I can’t say there’s much here I enjoyed.

Why have they made Loomis, once a great horror hero for the ages, such a scumbaggy jerk? Is it cool to just flip the script on him? Didn’t seem cool.

Why is Michael some roided-out hobo version of Rob Zombie who barely wears his mask? And was he not Voorheesed-up enough in the original that they had to make him skulk through the woods, obsess over his mother and stand in front of an Alice Cooper poster? What’s next? Is he gonna throw on a fucking hockey mask and go to space? Michael was interesting because he wasn’t Jason Voorhees. He was stealthy and tactical, eerie and ethereal. This shit is too much.

Why is Sheri Moon just floating around robed in white with a horse haunting her family? Oh yeah, you get a definition of “white horse” at the very beginning. Oh ok, cool. That totally makes those scenes less dumb.

Why would a girl who’s suffering serious post traumatic stress over the fact that her family and friends were just murdered by a serial killer only 2 years prior have a poster of Charles Manson hanging above her bed? Moreover, why would a film that’s so hung up on this idea make the same mistake? (Big ups to my LB homie Hollie for pointing that one out, cause it’s pretty spot on.)

Why isn’t that werewolf kid just getting the fuck down in his van on Halloween with the horny-ass girl that’s dressed up like Frank-N-Furter? Shitin’ bed there, partner.

So many questions. And many more if I sat and thought about it longer.

At least it wraps the story up nicely and leaves little room for any continuation, so we can imagine the Akkad’s are done with this iteration of Michael Myers at least. But hell, you can never count out a horror sequel.

If you liked Rob’s original, you might enjoy this, however I think it may just be a bit too left of bizarre for casual fans of the remake. It’s a weird sequel, to be sure.

If you didn’t like 2007’s Halloween and have never seen this, it’s a crap shoot. I know people who hate it more and others who appreciate it more, so even then you’re on your own.

Personally, I wouldn’t recommend adding this to your Halloween lineup. Unless of course your  options are Chubbies, Killer Eye 2 or The Fear 2, then I would strongly advise grabbing this one instead. There’s at least some fun gore and some holiday appropriate atmosphere, and ya know,…it feels like an actual movie.

But sadly for me, it gets a big fat non-Don Post mask down.

Designation: Trick!

 

Oct. 9th: Frankenstein and Me (1996)

I was on the hunt for this little VHS oddity for some time, ultimately expecting to get a huge chunk of kiddie-monster cheese starring Burt Reynolds.

I was pleasantly surprised on several accounts.

First and foremost, it featured Halloween, which was completely unknown to me. That’s a serious bonus right there.

Secondly, it’s a period piece (though take that usage loosely) set in the “70’s.” Double bonus.

Thrice over, old Burt is actually pretty good here as the trucker father to a pair of imaginative young dreamers that are also huge horror nerds. Dad even scores them copies of Famous Monsters from the road and let’s them watch all kinds of cool movies. All right pops!

And lastly, the real treat tucked into Frankenstein and Me are all the loving horror sequences peppered throughout. See, Earl tells his younger brother Larry all kinds of little stories throughout the film. Each time, that story is realized visually for us, and each time it’s an awesome little classic horror-homage featuring the boys themselves and their friends, including a ridiculously young Ryan Gosling. They tackle Frankenstein, Night of the Living Dead, The Wolf Man and even Brides of Dracula. It’s awesome.

Halloween is not a big part of Frankenstein and Me, but it is an important part and it features the kids sneaking into a special Halloween screening of Night of the Living Dead at the drive-in.

Eventually, Earl happens upon the “real” Frankenstein’s Monster, which (believe it or not) falls off a truck. Earl takes the him home with designs to bring the creature back to life.

Frankenstein and Me surprised the hell out of me. I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as I did, and certainly not for the reasons I did, and maybe that’s making me like it more than I should. I dunno, but if you’re in need of a family-friendly but also horror-fan friendly Halloween selection this year (and you can find it….took me some hunting and waiting) then Frankenstein and Me will more than fit the bill.

5 horror homages up!

Designation: Treat!

 

Oct. 8th: Scary Movie (1990)

Ever stood in line for a shitty, low-rent haunted house? Well, I hope you enjoyed the hell out of that experience if you’re planning on watching 1990’s Scary Movie, because about half the runtime here is gonna be just that.

One of a number of genre skeletons in the closet of academy award nominee John “I Didn’t Say Help Us” Hawkes, Scary Movie finds him waiting for, and then wandering around endlessly through said haunted house. Sound pretty scary? Yeah, it’s not, but it’s probably still more aptly titled than the Wayans’ Brothers spoof, though less so than Kevin Williamson’s original Scream script.

This is kind of similar to Hauntedween, without most of the charm or watchability. Basically a killer escapes on Halloween night and holes up in a local haunt, where he can don a mask and go undetected.

It’s sort of  fun, as it is somewhat amusing to watch Hawkes fumble around as the biggest Halloweenie moviedom may have ever produced, but there’s little here to justify much of a recommendation for anyone outside of completists. There’s really no horror, or fun characters, or much of a plot, or even that sense of low-budget love that permeates an endeavor like the aforementioned Hauntedween.

This makes for a long haul, even at 80 minutes, which is never a good sign. At the halfway point I’m pretty sure nothing has happened whatsoever, outside of the initial escape and all that waiting in line. By the end, nothing much more has happened either.

However, there’s a good amount of Halloween on display in Scary Movie and that’s really what we’re on about here. You need to be bringing one of at least 2 things to the table for a Treat designation: watchability (however abstrusely defined) or an abundance of some Halloween goodness. Scary Movie offers more of the latter than the former, but there’s some joy to be found here if you’re not too picky about your Halloween flicks.

And, despite being fairly predictable, the ending sort of lands on its feet. It doesn’t make up for how arduous it is to get there, but it’s something like a reward for time served.

It’s still early in the month, so have at it, if you’re bored, need a dose of Halloween atmosphere and aren’t feeling too discerning this October evening.

This one gets a pile of pumpkins and a tootsie roll, cause I love pumpkins and hate tootsie rolls.

Designation: Tric…er…Treat I guess…but not an emphatic one.

 

Oct. 7th: Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt (2011)

Wait, Charley Band made a Halloween movie?!

Well, despite being from 2011, which almost immediately guaranteed it’s awfulness, I decided to give it a shot anyway.

Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt, aka Meta Eye: Revenge of the Full Moon Props in a Witchy Lady’s Shitty Home Haunt, aka Annoying White Chicks Watch The Original Killer Eye Then Experience Various State of Undress is about as awful as all those titles sound and about as Halloweeny as the seasonal aisle at a CVS on November 2nd.

To be fair, there’s some genuine moments of humor when the girls are goofing on the original film, which they’ve decided to watch while “setting up” the “haunted house” of the title. This is not a haunted house, it’s just the main girl’s mom’s house. It’s not even a legit home haunt. It’s just her house and it’s not cool. It has some newish, cheeseball decorations around and a lot of Full Moon props, but that’s about it.

This all leads to a horny and perverted Eyeball prop coming to life and hypnotizing the girls to take off their clothes and pretend to make-out with each other.

Which is pretty much every 14 year old horror fan’s dream, assuming of course it’s still 1992 and the only way you can see a breast in motion is by staring intently at scrambled Spice channel feed or happening upon a Skin-a-max Emmaulle tale. Unfortunately it’s 2011 and I’m not sure who this thing is directed at. Why make this type of horror movie anymore?

When just about any innocuous Google search has the possibility of returning results that would make a harlot blush, what draw does any of this nonsense have? Beats the hell out of me. It’s certainly not the story (of which there is barely one) or the effects (which are cheap and unimpressive) or the acting (which is serviceable at its utmost best.) So it has to be the nudity, right?

This won’t even amuse lovers of bad cinema the way the original Killer Eye might. It’s too aware for all that. It’s not good, but when the product isn’t in earnest, that trick just doesn’t treat.

With the exception of clips from the original, there aren’t any dudes in this movie, so there’s that. And for what it’s worth, it passes the Bechdel Test several times over. Granted, none of those conversations are worth hearing anyway, but they qualify none the less.

As I mentioned above, this movie isn’t even bringing the Halloween. No fun atmosphere, no seasonal feel, just some shitty, non-vintage decorations scattered about.

I give this 4 tits and a shitty Full Moon prop down.

Designation: Trick!

 

Oct. 6th: Pet Sematary 2 (1992)

“Sometimes dead is better,”  Fred Gwynne’s Judd reminds us in the original Pet Sematary, and I doubt I’m the first (or even the 500th) person in the last 24 years to suggest this sequel should have just heeded its predecessor’s simple ethos.

But, from the grand and seemingly endless roster of unnecessary, forgettable and otherwise ill-advised horror sequels, Pet Sematary 2 isn’t the worst you could pull. It’s certainly not the best, but it’s definitely not the worst.

Buried underneath the rocks of its cliched continuation1, contrived plot mechanics2, goofball one-liners3 and general soul-lessness4, there rises an autumnal atmosphere that works pretty well for the season. Aided in no small part by a fun (yet all too brief) Halloween sequence at the Pet Sematary, where Edward Furlong hears the murderous tale of the Creed resurrections.

Some gory FX’s from Steve Johnson and a creepy turn from Clancy Brown make this Halloween treat a bit easier to scarf down though, even when Goose is trying to be a tough guy and John Conner is acting like idiot.

Plus, it ends with another Ramones song and that’s a pretty cool move just on its own.

I give it 1 fat Dracula and a Kurgan up,.. but a shitty knock-off Jason down. So I’ll hand it a comparative…

Designation: Treat

1  Hey, I’m a new kid in town. My mom just died and my dad’s a veterinarian…wink wink.

2  Why would you ever bury your asshole stepdad in the old Micmac grounds when your newly resurrected dog murdered him? It’s not like you’ll be in trouble. Look at the fucking corpse! You’re good. Clearly an animal did this…an evil zombie animal you resurrected by…BURYING IN THE OLD MICMAC GROUNDS! I get that the “ground” has a “pull” to it, but c’mon now. Lewis’ motivations are full of grief and guilt and sadness and loss. This is his dead son…ok, snap. This is his dead wife…but maybe he waited to long last time. It’s not a good idea, but its understandable. And why are zombie’s burying people there too? Are they trying to create a master zombie race? What the hell is going on here?

3  “Look’s like daddy got a boo-boo.”

4  See: film

Oct. 5th: Chubbies (2014)

What would you do if your uncle owned a bowling alley and you had a bunch of Boglins just sitting in the attic? Why you’d make a terrible horror-comedy in the vein of Slime-Ball Bowl-O-Rama or Ghoulies, right?

Well, that’s what these bozos attempted to do, and I can’t recommend you not watch Chubbies more this Halloween season.

In fact, if this list accomplishes only one task, my hope is that it will ward off at least 1 potential viewer from having to endure this mess in the effort to grab some Halloween themed fun. Don’t be fooled, that poster is the coolest thing this movie has going for it. Staring at it for 80 minutes would be more enjoyable that watching this movie. This movie doesn’t deserve that poster.

Chubbies is the worst sort of amateur effort; charmless, tedious, repetitive and filled to the brim with unfunny nonsense.

It’s also painfully aware of how awful it is, yet believes wholeheartedly in its own brand of foolish humor. This can land, if the jokes have a runway and there’s a fun approach. Chubbies has neither and ends up crashing into the air traffic control tower. While there were a few spots where I caught myself chuckling slightly, this business is not something I’d deem funny, and I’m fairly generous in that distinction.

I think what makes me angriest though is it that they ruined 3 perfectly good (and presumably collectible) Boglins in the process of making this.

It does get a few recommendation points for it’s bitchin’ Slasher (Acid Witch) Dave score. Another awesome thing Chubbies has and doesn’t deserve. You can enjoy this score completely separate from the film however, which I would recommend doing.

As for festiveness, well it takes place on Halloween, at a bowling alley somewhat decorated for Halloween, with a few people kind of dressed up for Halloween. In fact, one of the only bits that works here involves multiple guest dressing up as Bowie’s Goblin King. There’s some trick or treating as well, so the movie isn’t completely devoid of spirit, but it’s devoid of just about everything else.

Avoid at all cost, or you’ll have a very unhappy Halloween with the irritatingly crude and tiresome bullshit.

3 boglins down!

Designation: Trick!

 

Oct. 4th: Silver Bullet (1985)

Ya know, there’s nothing terribly Halloweeny about Silver Bullet. That’s ok though, because there’s nothing terribly Halloweeny about October 4th either, so it kind of works.

Silver Bullet does however feature the word “Halloween,” a jack-o-lantern, and the mention of trick or treaters. That’s about it. Sure, the entire climax takes place on Halloween (though technically, since Gary Busey says it’s almost 3am, it takes place on November 1st) but that climax isn’t all that steeped in Halloweeniness.

Unless of course you consider a giant fucking Werewolf blasting through the wall and starting some shit “Halloweeny.” Given the context, I kind of do. I might add that this is a horrifying thing to have happen to you on the Eve of All Saints. Rather festive as well, if I do say so myself.

Silver Bullet otherwise is a bit of a mixed bag . The performances are hit and miss, some moments have genuine tension while other feel a little silly. Carlo Rambaldi’s suit runs hot and cold as well. Sometimes the wolf looks great, sometimes not so great.

There are some pretty vicious scenes however, and the whole movie has that creepy sort of atmosphere that feels good on an chilly October night, all fog and small town Stephen Kingish.

Plus you got a drunken Gary Busey going mano y mano with a werewolf, Corey Haim on his rocket wheelchair getting run down by Big Ed Hurley, and Joe Cabot brandishing a Louisville Slugger named “Peace Maker.”

Despite its flaws, I still enjoy Silver Bullet. Maybe it’s the 80’s, maybe it’s the Gary Busey, or maybe I’m just soft on a movie that decapitates a dude in the first 2 minutes. Shit, toss in a lone Jack-O-Lantern why not. The Shindig’s game.

I’ll give it 1 Jack-O-Lantern and a Drunk Gary Busey up!

Designation: Treat!

 

Oct. 3rd: Deadly Friend (1986)

Ah Deadly Friend, one in a series of answers Wes Craven had to the question “Hey, why don’t you make another Nightmare on Elm Street film?” that didn’t really hit it off with critics or with fans. I’m not even sure this one found its legs on video or with the benefit of age, but it’s a movie I kinda dig all the same.

Mostly that has to do with BB, the Johnny-5-esque, artificially intelligent robot constructed by main character and boy-genius Paul. I love this fucking guy. He’s awesome and his voice and nonsensical dialogue are of the hilarious variety, performed as they are by Charles Fleischer, also known to the world as Roger Rabbit.

But on Halloween night, BB is destroyed by a shotgun wielding Mama Fratelli. Paul manages to save BB’s brain though and keep it for a rainy day.

That day soon appears when Sam, Paul’s next door neighbor (and object of his teen desires) is punched straight down some stairs by her dickhead father, resulting in her untimely death. What’s a budding young, love-struck mad-scientist to do?

Why he plays Frankenstein and steals her corpse, of course. He then implants BB’s CPU directly into Sam’s dead brain. How could that possibly go wrong?

While not Craven’s best, this troubled production rises above its studio and test audience tampering to become some sort of bizarre mishmash of gore, sci-fi and teenage romance that’s an (at least) interesting installment in his storied career.

It’s like watching Craven, the studio and the audience all duke it out on screen to make the movie as it’s unfolding, and the results are strange.

Is it what Wes intended? Doubtful. Is it what the studio wanted? Definitely not. Is it what audiences wanted? I dunno, but if the audience is The Shindig, we’re on board with this weirdness.

There’s not much Halloween in Deadly Friend, but that’s why we’re socking it so early in the month. There’s enough to be festive and the rest of the plot is just ridiculous enough to be an enjoyable 80’s sci-fi-horror-love-story-murder-bot romp.

Plus, Kristy Swanson is too much, lobstering-around in her robot state murdering people, not to have a good time.

I give it 1 flagrant foul and muttering robot up!

Designation: Treat!deadly-friend1