Indian Woman

TRACK #269:

Indian Woman by Billy Vera

Haunted is one of those weird, toothless horror flicks that didn’t seem to get the memo about what the hell was going down with the rest of the genre in the late 70’s.

Mostly, it just feels like an overlong episode of some 70’s TV show you never liked that somehow managed to escaped to the big screen, doubled-billed with something people might have actually wanted to see.

Consensus seems to be that it’s a Horror film. I guess you could call it that, as there is the ghost of an Indian woman talking out of some weird payphone we see installed at the edge of a cemetery for no particular reason. Oh, and a guy attempts murder at one point.

Though only a refreshing 80 minutes in length, it takes about 50 for anything even close to horrific to take place. And then, it takes another 25 for something else resembling horror to come to pass. And even then, you’ll likely be pretty unimpressed.

It isn’t a complete loss however, depending on how much you enjoy strange overdubbed dialogue, nudity for nudity’s sake, weird cigar-store Indians that look like regular-ass dudes and Aldo Ray drunkenly shouting all his lines in that awesome raspy voice of his. Those things go some distance for guy like me. It’s enough to make it mildly watchable in the moment, but not much beyond that. I doubt I’ll be firing up Haunted anytime soon to get a fix of anything. Well, except maybe Aldo Ray. He is pretty great here.

What does set Haunted apart however, as you might have already guessed, is a pretty fantastic opening credit song called Indian Woman.

Sung by Billy Vera, who’s hit single, At This Moment, initially fell on deaf ears when it was released in 1981. But then, it found its way onto an episode of Family Ties in 1985, where a little bit of that Michael J. magic rubbed off and sent the track to #1.

Michael and fellow Family Ties actress, Tracy Pollan, shared their first kiss to that tune while shooting the scene. Shortly after sharing the screen again in Bright Lights, Big City, the two got married. Michael J. later said the couple couldn’t get on a dance floor anywhere in the world for almost 10 years without hearing At This Moment come flying out of the speakers.

If you’re not one of those big Family Ties enthusiasts, or particularly up on your 80’s ballads, you may still be familiar withVera , albeit through another avenue.

As a struggling musician, Billy started taking acting gigs to make ends meet. He then landed himself a role as Pinky Carruthers in a little Peter Weller movie called The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. That’s weird.

Check him out here with his green fedora and John Parker. Yep. This guy, from this other weird-ass movie, sings this weird-ass song from this weirder-ass movie.

Hey, maybe you’re a 90210 fan! Maybe you even remember him as Brandon Walsh’s bookie, Duke Weatherhill?

Maybe not. I know I don’t. I just read that 5 minutes ago while researching Billy Vera. But, hey, maybe you do.

Either way, it seems Billy isn’t too proud of his work here on Haunted, as neither his Wikipedia entry nor his own website (containing his entire discography) makes any mention of Indian Woman. Can’t imagine why.

Perhaps it’s not the same Billy Vera? I dunno. Were there 2 different Billy Veras that were famous singers around this time? I guess it’s possible. I was wrong about Paul Williams. And there is that whole Cat’s Eye/Ray Stephens spelled Ray Stevens business. So conflating 2 different Billy Vera’s here is a distinct possibility.

All I know for sure is that if I was the guy responsible for this bizarro 70’s horror crooning, you better believe I’d be pullin’ up a table at the HorrorHound straight bumpin’ this shit, signin’ 8×10 glossies of Pinky Carruthers and Haunted one-sheets. Given, of course, I was in fact that same guy who did both.

Since I can’t actually do most of that, I’ll just do the one thing I can and bump this shit.

Here’s the sleeper hit of 2020. The probably retroactively offensive, and thus perhaps under-celebrated winner, Indian Woman.

Why do you keep playing that song!?

Struck By Boogie Lightning

TRACK #268:

Struck By Boogie Lightning by L’Etrique

Hey, do you like Don’t Go In the House?

I probably agree with whatever you just said to yourself, whatever it was. I’m pretty flexible on this one.

I will say that I mostly enjoy it, though. I like the tone and it’s late 70’s disco vibe. It’s what I want out of a slasher, aesthetically speaking. Donny’s pretty great too, and watching him be a socially inept weirdo is its own kind of charming.

And it certainly kicks off delivering the goods. Problem is, it pulls back on the reigns a little too much in the middle. Ultimately, it ramps back up again to a somewhat satisfactory level before the end, but you can feel a crazier movie just wanting to bust out here. Should have just keep the hammer down, you ask me.

That being said, it’s still a fun enough slasher with a some pretty memorable moments none the less.

More importantly for us though, it features one thumpin-ass disco banger of a Sweet Song in Struck By Boogie Lightning.

Though pretty discoed out itself, I’m still not sure if Don’t Go In The House should wrap it all up with something like Stuck by Boogie Lightning. You could accuse it of being tonally inconsistent. I don’t. But you could.

Personally, given the rest of the disco tunes scattered throughout the film, it doesn’t sound out of place at all. But, it does seem a little upbeat for whatever the hell we just watched. Sometimes that’s just what you need with a movie like this though.

So I’m glad it ends with this song though, cause it’s awesome and I wouldn’t know about it otherwise. So, hats off gang.

Though called simply “Boogie Lightning” in the film’s credits and attributed to producer/writer Bill Heller, the song was released under the moniker L’Etrique as Struck by Boogie Lightning in 1979. While essentially the same exact song, the film’s version plays for about 2 minutes and only features the words “Struck by Boogie Lightning.”

The official L’Etrique version, however, is a nearly 8 minute disco opus which will surely bring you to your boogie knees.

Somewhere between my almost autistic pursuit of purity and a sense of goddamn common decency, lies this truncated (though still expanded) Halloween Shindig version. It’s longer and more complete than what the movie provides, yet slices out a lot of the repetition and the open ended disco breakdown of the official release.

This is one of those Shindig tunes where, if you’re not familiar with the film, it just seems like a bizarre addition. But if you are familiar with the film, it’s one of those tracks that just needs to be included. This song grooves man, and it’s one my absolute favorite additions of 2020.

So, build a weird murder room and grab your flamethrower or hell, maybe just smash a candle into some innocent girl’s poor face and burn the whole goddamn disco down.

Do it for Ma. She’s just sleeping.

Bargain with the Devil

TRACK #267:

Bargain with the Devil by Franco Micalizzi

In 1973, William Friedkin tapped straight into some ancient Catholic corner of the world’s collective unconsciousness with his masterpiece The Exorcist. People went berserk.

As in the wake of anything that hugely successful, the imitators quickly emerged.

From India’s Seytan, to Canada’s The Manitou, to Spain’s Excorsimo, to Germany’s Magdalena, to our own home grown Abby… there’s definitely no shortage of Exorcist knock-offs.

But nobody pumped em out like the Italians, Pope John Paul II be damned.

There’s The Antichrist, ya know, that one where a paraplegic Rosemary-look-alike totally licks a goat’s asshole. And I mean totally. That one’s pretty awesome.

Or there’s L’Ossessa, also known as Enter the Devil, The Eerie Midnight Horror Show, The Sexorcist, The Devil Obsession, The Obsessed, The Tormented, or The Movie with the Most Alternate Titles Trying to Capitalize Whatever Film Was Most Popular at a Given Time.

That one finds a wooden crucifix Jesus coming to life Morty-style and having his way with our young protagonist. He’s actually the Devil, and later he climbs off a different cross during a weird ritual and totally crucifies this poor girl to it instead. Yikes.

Or how bout poor Bava’s previously titled Lisa and The Devil? It wasn’t faring too well, so the producers re-cut that fucker to improve marketability. They infused it with new scenes deliberately ripping off The Exorcist and released it as The House of Exorcism. Some of those scenes were even shot by Bava’s son (and Demons director) Lamberto Bava, but Mario claims that version is no longer his film at all really.

While all these have their place and finer points, none of them are quite as head scratching or entertaining as Italy’s original Exorcist knock-off, Chi Sei?, which was released to American audiences as Beyond the Door.

More importantly, none of them feature a funked-up ode to the Devil himself like Bargain with The Devil.

From the weird voice dubbing, to the strange children, to Dimitri being a general skeezer, it’s all pretty bizarre. For me though, it’s weirdness culminates when an aggressive pack of street musicians accosts Robert, one of whom appears to be playing a recorder through his nose. That’s creepy.

Here’s the soulful tune about soullessness, Bargain with the Devil. You know, it sounds like a jerk-off session in the bathroom.

The Zombie Stomp

TRACK #266:

The Zombie Stomp by The Del Aires

For our final spin with the crew from Deep 13, we have a fun song featured during an episode from the Sci-Fi channel years.

Notorious beach-party turkey The Horror of Party Beach provides us with this tune called Zombie Stomp by The Del Aires.

The Del Aires appear as themselves in the movie, playing this tune. And yeah, it might be weird that a movie about radioactive sea monsters features a song about zombies, but let’s not overthink this thing, especially since they perform an unprecedented 6 tunes in total during the films runtime. But, ya know, this one’s zombie-themed, making it the clear choice for the playlist.

So, before we say goodbye to Mike, Tom Servo, Crow, Gypsy, Cambot, Joel, Dr. Forrester, TV’s Frank, Pearl and the rest of the gang on Mystery Science Theater 3000, let’s have a little fun with this grooving beach tune.

Hear the Engines Roll

TRACK #265:

Hear the Engines Roll by Ian Sera

Let’s hang out here for a little longer on The Satellite of Love and listen to a couple more choice cuts from Mystery Science Theater 3000’s 11 year reign of terror.

Perhaps the most famous of the terrible songs Joel and The Bots had to sit through was Hear the Engines Roll, also known as Burning Rubber Tires, from the bizarro Spanish E.T. knock-off, Extra Terrestrial Visitors, also known as Pod People.

Idiot Control Now (as Joel and the bots sing in their parody) serves as a nice respite from some of the heavier and darker songs populating this playlist, and I actually kinda like it.

I dunno. It’s fun, catchy, and hearing it just makes me happy. It kinda reminds me of Everybody But You from Night Train to Terror, which is another song that kinda just makes me happy to hear.

Maybe that’s familiarity, or MST3K nostalgia, or just a general disregard for my own well being. Call it whatever you’d like, just don’t get me wrong here, cause there’s no doubt this is an awful song. It’s just an awful song I like hearing. But it’s still awful.

And Pod People itself isn’t any better. Strange puppets, stranger voice dubbing, and one overly enthusiastic young weirdo. It also features Trumpy, the bizarre anteater E.T. named after our President, Donald J. Trump. I keep hoping someone will Deepfake Trumpy into a Presidential debate or some shit, but that doesn’t seem to be happening. Get on that, Interent!

However you may feel about this song, or this film, it’s makes for some great Satellite of Love fodder, and it has definitely become an MST3K fan-favorite. I have to imagine at least some of that can be chalked up to this strange tune.

Now, I don’t know about you gang, but I got a sack of monkeys in my pocket, and my sister’s ready to go!

Idiot Control Now!

Kiss Kicker ‘99

TRACK #264:

Kiss Kicker ’99 by The Fontanelles

When it comes to 80’s Party Monster Movies (read: Gremlins rip-offs) I don’t know if there’s a more joyless entry than 1988’s Hobgoblins.

I mean, it is good for a laugh or two, sure. And it’s certainly not the most horrendous thing you could watch, not by any means. But good it is not.

And I don’t think that’s the Hobgoblins fault. Ok, they aren’t all that fun, nor do they have much in the way of personality, you got me there. But c’mon, they aren’t given a whole lot of screen time to really develop any magic, or work what little magic they have. And it’s a shame, cause this movie could have used all the help it could get.

Naw, Hobgoblins doesn’t have much going for it, and tragically, its under-featured creatures are perhaps its finest asset.

However, it does feature a band trying to put it out there on celluloid. In this case, it’s The Fontanelles, whom we have the pleasure of seeing perform at Club Scum.

Of course, “pleasure” here should be taken with a grain of salt. I think, given their surroundings, the film could have done a lot worse than pull The Fontanelles, a band that seems to need Hobgoblins a lot less than Hobgoblins needs them.

If you’re a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan, then you’re probably already aware of Jean Paul Sartre and The Heartbreakers Bosch Separatist Rock hit Pig Sticker. Mike and the Bots don’t have many options when powering through something like Hobgoblins, and The Fontanelles’ performance of Kiss Kicker ’99 is ripe for the picking. The guy practically chicken dances with a goofy hat and you can barely tell what he’s singing. It’s totally understandable and an enjoyable distraction.

To be fair though, I think this song ain’t half bad. In fact, it’s a far cry better than Hobgoblins is, that’s for sure.

Oh no! We got movie sign!!

Danger Zone

TRACK #263:

Danger Zone by Fist

Hey, what gives? You’re gonna include some whatever-ass Metal song and just gloss over Motörhead?

Yep, and I’m about to do it again.

Cause listen, we’ve all heard Ace of Spades. Nobody reading this right now doesn’t know Ace of Spades. Quite frankly, you’re probably all sick of Ace of Spades. Never mind the fact that no one is associating Ace of Spades with this movie or even Halloween. So, forget Ace of Spades. You’ll hear it on the radio soon enough.

More importantly though, for my money, the Zombie Nightmare soundtrack doesn’t get any better than Danger Zone.

Nope, not the Loggins classic, but rather this choice thumper from Canadian metallurgists Fist.

In fact, Fist’s Danger Zone predates the Giorgio Moroder composed Top Gun hit by at least an entire year. No real matter though, as Wilson Pickett recorded a song called Danger Zone in 1966. So whatever to claiming on that, ya 80’s upstarts.

If you’re watching Zombie Nightmare, you may note that The Twist ‘N Creme plays an unnaturally prominent role in the film. A lot of stuff happens there, and this Fist tune can be heard loud and clear as car-hop Susie shuts in down for the night.

Unfortunately, she’s about to be accosted (again) by our old friend Jimmy “I Can’t Drive 35” Batton. He leans into yet another unrelenting string of juvenile innuendos regarding his inordinately large dick. The classic art of woo.

Susie is not amused. You might be though, at least that is until Jimbo flips the rape switch and shit gets weird.

Thankfully, our dead-signated Hitter Tony Washington shows up and shoves a softball bat straight through Jimmy and saves that day.

Way to go Zombie! Gotta love a movie that lets you root for the Monster.

C’Mon Let’s Go

TRACK #262:

C’Mon Let’s Go by Girlschool

John Fasano is an honorary Shindig All-Star because the man understood a simple truth: horror movies and heavy metal fit like a latex mask.

When we honored John back in 2014, we glossed over one Fasano production that definitely abides by this universal law: Zombie Nightmare.

Though uncredited due to some bizarro Canadian financial regulation, John basically wrote and directed Zombie Nightmare. And as such, it’s got what you need: Adam West, Tia Carrere, Voodoo, Rec-League Softball, Dollar Store Columbo, Fasano himself body slamming a dirty greaser, John Mikal Thor’s nipples, a zombie with a baseball bat and one rocking soundtrack.

Letting you know what’s up right from the jump is Motörhead and Ace of Spades. Not a bad way to kick off any movie. Throw in some tracks from Death Mask, Virgin Steele, and a bevy of song produced by pseudonymous Thor bands (including a sweet song called Zombie Life) and you got yourself a soundtrack. Thor also added credited-track Rebirth to the mix and even took it upon himself to synthesize a score as the Thor-kestra. Snap.

If you’ve ever seen the film, then you know defacto-gang leader and vehicular-manslaughterer-turned-food-thrower-turned-bad-innuendo-peddler-turned-sexual-predator Jimmy Batten is one weenie of a villain.

Such a weenie in fact, that he can’t even burn rubber in his sweet Porsche 944 to this Girlschool song that was definitely built for speed. You should at least approach 65 if you’re listening to this tune. What you shouldn’t do is leisurely cruise down Quebec’s miracle mile, particularly if you’re riding high on last night’s hit-and-run murder and you just threw a bunch of spaghetti in your mom’s face. What kinda Teen Beat rebel are you?

Despite Jimbo’s internal governor, you can feel free to let your lead foot linger just a little and get that sucker redlined. C’mon, let’s go!

Just A Nightmare

TRACK #261:

Just a Nightmare by Firstryke

The deeper you dig into the heaping pile of 80’s slasher movies, the more trash you’re liable to dig up.

It’s honestly not a bad practice. It can help one develop an appreciation for more accomplished slashers you had previously considered total garbage. Plus, every once an a while, you a find a little gem.

Now, maybe The Last Slumber Party isn’t quite that gem (it really depends on who you ask) but it’s a fair bit more entertaining than a lot of unequivocal duds.

But listen, this thing is just gonna seem boring, poorly made, and of virtually no value to a horror fan looking for any of the things a normal horror fans wants from a movie of this nature.

However, to a certain breed of horrornaut, this is definitely in the venn diagram of gold. So much of its dialogue is so goofy, and the 3 girls so charming in their delivery, that it’s hard to watch this without cracking a smile. That’s more than I can say for a lot of other turkeys.

Poorly recorded references to Charlie’s Angels and To Have and To Have Not co-exist with calling everyone “queer” and a constant desire to “munch out.”

All that bad audio mixes with budget pop which is simultaneously layered underneath an atonal synth score, inducing auditory hallucinations.

Xanadu posters share walls with Tom Selleck photos and the gang from Sesame Street while a healthy dose of 80’s butt rock fills in the moments of synthlessness. But maybe those are more auditory hallucinations. The movie has that sort of vibe. It’s like a video fever dream you’re never quite sure is really happening, It’s a fun vibe.

And what of all this rock you’re hearing? Well, it’s all provided by Firstryke, an Oklahoma metal band previously known as Slayer. They obviously had to change their name and they unfortunately chose the unfortunate Firstryke, complete with it’s prerequisite metal-respelling. However, they did like to say they were known as “Texas Slayer.”

However, their greatest claim to fame is that they weren’t the actual “Texas Slayer” from San Antonio, who had to change their name to S.A. Slayer. Yeah, they aren’t those guys.

Oh, and Last Slumber Party. They also did this soundtrack. And it’s pretty rocking.

Bookending the film nicely is their tune Just A Nightmare, a stiff shot of red-blooded American 80’s metal that can’t sense it’s own impending doom. You got a couple more years fellas, so enjoy the big hair, tight pants and cocaine while you can, cause this ship is sinking. Pretty soon you’ll be capsized by a wave of flannel and heroin rising up out of a complete vacuum of fun!

But, until then, let’s just go munch out you queers!

The Beast Within

TRACK #259:

The Beast Within by Perry Monroe, Mike Pasqualini and Asbestos Felt

Next up is The Beast Within, another solid Title Track from 1982…

..,is what I would be saying if this song was actually from the film The Beast Within and not confusingly from Tim Ritter’s 1986 fever dream Killing Spree.

If you’ve ever seen Killing Spree, than you might recall that most of the music is practically note for note homages to John Harrison’s Creepshow score. And they sound good, too. I wonder if composer Perry Monroe had an actual Prophet 5 on hand.

No matter though, because wrapping up this bawdy and almost Shakespearean tale of paranoia and deadly misunderstandings, is the aforementioned Beast Within.

It may not be a Title Track, but someone must have hipped Tim to the next best move, cause this Rock ‘N Roll Sweet Song 180’s into a full on Monster rap, complete with a highly detailed plot summary. Yeah, you bet.

It’s also predictably spit in that hard, racially appropriative fashion of the late 80’s, by none other than the films lead, the curiously named Asbestos Felt! Check him out.

But don’t judge this book by its title alone. Judge it by its cover. Then, go ahead judge it by its contents, and then come back and rejudge it by its a title, cause all 3 are working perfectly in tandem to deliver exactly what you’d imagine.

Felt is all-in here and his maniacal expressions and glorious performance are much of what make Killing Spree such a joy to behold. I love this guy, and wish he had more films to his credit.

So, let’s enjoy some low-budget 16mm 80’s backyard madness with the boys from Killing Spree. Here’s The Beast Within.

Halloween Shindig

The Horror Fans Halloween Playlist

Inclusive Tracks