Franken-Weeners

Be it the monster, or the man himself, old Frankenstein has appeared in a number of Halloweeners from The Shindig.

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The Monsters Go Disco

BONUS TRACK!

The Monsters Go Disco by The Monster Cereals

I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to talk about this nugget of nostalgic goodness, and smack dab in the middle of a Monster Disco Block seemed like the perfect place. Because, ya know, there’s no better way to segue out of fully audible quasi-consensual Vampire fucking than to start taking about children’s breakfast mascots.

Additionally, it appears dragging my feet for years has actually timed this post up to the 50th anniversay of the Monster Cereals, commemorated here with their own all-star box of super-group cereal called Monster Mash! Albertsons, Ralphs and Target all failed me on this box. When every single goddamn physical retail store finally succumbs to the will of Amazon, let The Monster Mash Cereal be their epitaphs!

As an added bonus, the crew teamed up to produce a new version of Boris Pickett’s classic graveyard smash, The Monster Mash. The song’s kind of trash, as Monster Mash covers go, but you can scan this QR code and listen to it on Spotify. They even made a mildly amusing Behind the Music-style video as accompaniment, and that’s worth a watch.

 

But I digress.

Anyone who’s probably actually reading these posts are well aware of the Monster Cereals. They’re iconic, even if you’ve never indulged in a bowlful of their colorful and crunchy crap.

Before these cartoon creatures came to be, cereal giant General Mills used to use Disney-owned properties to slang their morning crack. But in 1971, they decided it would be a hell of a lot more profitable if they just invented their own characters and kept all the proceeds. Enter Franken Berry and Count Alfred Chocula. Yep, Chocula has a name and that name is apparently Alfred.

So, smashed between Saturday morning cartoons, General Mills unleashed their animated monsters and grabbed the minds and stomachs of an entire generation.

Interesting side note: apparently in 1972, they began using a pigment in Franken Berry which actually turned kids shit pink. They even had a term for it known as “Franken Berry Stool.” Not sure whether this pigment was actually harmful or not, but they discontinued using it shortly thereafter none the less.

But because turning kid turds funny colors while pushing an addictive powder directly into their bloodstreams only makes you so much money, an entire marketing web was established. Stickers, rings, vinyl toys, magnets, and other such pieces of plastic were either shoved into the boxes, or featured as mail-away prizes on the back.

Well in 1979, General Mills began a campaign of of thin, flexible 45rpm records known as Flexi-Discs. These prizes were attached directly the backs of specially marked boxes of the each of the Monster Cereals.

3 of these 4 minute records were produced featuring the gang performing skits, including Monster Adventures in Outer Space and Count Chocula Goes to Hollywood. But it is the 3rd record which concerns us today, The Monsters Go Disco. It was 1979, after all.

This tale involves the monsters finding themselves frightfully lonely on a Saturday Night and deciding to give the local discotheque a go.

There they encounter a Wolfman Jack like disc jockey and have themselves a good ole fashioned dance off for the affections of “Donna Disco.”

This particular record has an even deeper history, as it was animated and remixed years later by 2 General Mills employees. You can read the backstory and strange journey of this record here, in a fantastically myopic and interesting Pop-Icon article.

But for now, let’s us indulge in a little lull amidst our Monster Disco Block and get a little Franken Berry Stool of our own with The Monsters Go Disco.

 

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Dr. Hackenstein

TRACK #257:

Dr. Hackenstein by Claude LeHanaff and Hard Roaders

Sometime after Stuart Gordon made Re-Animator but before Henenlotter made Frankenhooker, writer/director Richard Clark released his lone feature, Dr. Hackenstein, which combines elements of both in a more traditional Frankenstein setting.

It’s a quaint little horror comedy that, while not especially noteworthy, is perfectly watchable and even somewhat charming. I’d have a hard time imagining anyone who likes either of the aforementioned films not finding at least something about this one they enjoy. Particularly considering the FX, which were provided by none other than Kurtzman, Nicotero and Berger EFX Group. Ya know, B.C. KNB EFX

It stars David Murr from Neon Maniacs as the titular physician, a guy who you’d almost mistake for Roddy McDowell. Playing along side him, as the main damsel in bodily distress, is the lovely Stacey Travis, whom some of you may recognize from Phantasm 2, Hardware or even Earth Girls Are Easy.

Additionally, you get some fun guest appearances from both Ramseys Anne and Logan, Phyllis Diller, and that cheapskate Hotel Manager from Ghostbusters! Not a bad showing.

What’s more? You guessed it. With only one feature to his credit, Richard Clark had the wherewithal to include an honest to God Title Track.

That egghead Stanley Kubrick never had a Title Track. Some auteur he was. No wonder he never got an Oscar. And don’t give me any of that “Well, Dr. Strangelove’s We’ll Meet Again was technically a Title Track from the musical We’ll Meet Again” baloney, cause I ain’t having it! If we all just start throwing other people’s Title Tracks into our movies with different titles and no Title Tracks and and then calling them Title Tracks, what does that make us? No better than the terrorists, that’s what.

100% anachronistic and totally 80’s, this goofy as all get-out Title Track gets the extra special treatment of being a Sweet Song too boot. Double bonus!

So, sit back and relax, the doctor will see you now.

He calls himself an Obstetrician! He’s Dr. Hackenstein.

 

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(It’s A) Monsters’ Holiday

TRACK #245:

(It’s A) Monsters’ Holiday by Buck Owens and The Buckaroos

On Oct. 30th 1973, Hee-Haw co-host and future Country Hall of Fame inductee Buck Owens entered his Bakersfield California studio with his Buckaroos to record this shit-kickin’ country creep-out.

Released the following summer, just ahead of Halloween 1974, (It’s A) Monsters’ Holiday reached #6 on the Billboard Country Charts. Not bad for a silly monster song.

And boy howdy, is this one silly.

Rattling off all kinds of monsters – Frankenstein, The Wolfman, Dracula, The Hunchback, Gremlins, Goblins, Mummies and Zombies – Buck Owens gives shout outs all around in this goofy and upbeat tune.

Now, why all of these Monsters inexplicably appearing in Buck’s bedroom constitutes a “holiday” I couldn’t well say. To me, it just sounds like more work.

Cause for Monsters, scaring people is their job, right? At least, you could say it’s not below their pay-grade. So, if they’re just doing their job, than it sounds like they’re at work. Not much of  a holiday, just doing what you do for a living.

Now, if they were hanging out by the pool, hittin’ the slopes, or yuckin it up down at the local Monster VFW, I could see considering this a nice little reprieve from their everyday responsibilities; a true holiday.

As it stands, this doesn’t sound like much of a vacation to me. But it does sound like one down home, country-fried Shindiggin’ Halloween hoedown if I’ve ever heard one.

Atta boy, Buck!

 

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Dr. Beezar, Soul Frankenstein

TRACK #217:

Dr. Beezar, Soul Frankenstein by Captain Dax

Roughly 5 years and 26 days ago we posted a song called Soul Dracula by Hot Blood.

Mostly a funked-out disco instrumental, we filled that track with some fun samples from Blacula and called it a day.

Now, the soul returns with Dr. Beezar, Soul Frankenstein!

True to form, it’s mostly a funked-out disco instrumental, so this time so we shoved in a bunch of samples from Blackenstein.

Unfortunately, Blacula Blackenstein is not.

What could have (and probably should have) been a fun, campy and exploitative horror romp like its predecessor, slowly unfurls into a dull, plodding and joyless affair that isn’t funny, scary or entertaining.

The Dr. Frankenstein character (here called simply Dr. Stein) isn’t even Black! What kinda sense does that make?

Featuring a plot that resembles something more akin to The Island of Dr. Moreau, you’re getting limited horrific goings-ons and even less Blacksploitation from Blackenstein. It’s as if the filmmakers were neither familiar with Mary Shelley’s classic tale or even the concept of Blacksploitation.

But enough about this crummy movie, because Captain Dax will make all of it worthwhile.

One of several aliases used by The Lafayette Afro Band, this track was a big hit in Japan in 1976. So yeah, these guys were quite literally big in Japan. I guess that’s really a thing people can be.

This boogie-down creepster features so much synthy 70’s goodness, it feels right at home among the spooky ranks of Halloween Shindig.

While I typically recommend staying away from things lightly, because most movies are at least good for a single watch, I wholeheartedly advise avoiding Blackenstein at all cost.

I do not recommend, however, avoiding Captain Dax’s funked out, Franked-up, Moogin’ groove Dr. Beezar, Soul Frankenstein!

 

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Don’t Meet Mr. Frankenstein

TRACK #216:

Don’t Meet Mr. Frankenstein by Carlos Casal Jr.

Here’s an interesting Frankenstein song, in that it makes the strange delineation of referring to him as Mr. Frankenstein and not Dr. Frankenstein.

Okay, fair enough. But who the hell is Mr. Frankenstein?

Well, it’s Victor Frankenstein, right? He is a Mr. Frankenstein. But why specify an honorific different then the one typically associated with this classic literary character? Don’t make no sense.

So, does he mean the monster? Could you refer to the monster as Mr. Frankenstein?

Sure, why not, right? Dr. Frankenstein is technically a kind of father, so the surname could carry over. The monster has no medical degree to speak of and is himself not a doctor. So if you were going to make the distinction, you’d make it for that reason, right?

No, no, I’m not talking about Dr. Frankenstein, I’m talking about his monster, Mr. Frankenstein.

Oh, ok then.

Well, how bout the lyrics? Surely they’ll provide some clarification.

Well, at one point this Mr. Frankenstein character (whomever he may be) opens his mouth and bites the head off the singer, thus causing him to die. Does that sound like something Dr. Frankenstein might do, or is even capable of doing? Not in my book.

Honestly, it doesn’t really sound like anything the monster would do either, but c’mon, he is a monster, so he’s probably more liable to do such a thing.

So, this song is either about unnaturally bitey Frankenstein’s Monster, or some cannibalistic jerk named Frankenstein who just happens eat people at local cafes.

Either way, horrifying.

 

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The Monster Mash

TRACK #171:

The Monster Mash by The Krypt-Keeper 5

Born from the same scuzzy streets, Foodland chipped ham and shitty, 3-story apartment building in “downtown” Monessen, Pennsylvania that also gave birth to Halloween Shindig, The Krypt-Keeper 5 and this playlist go together like apples and caramel.

A band of bored FX students joined forces in the winter of 2005  to cut a Christmas album. Deck My Balls: Seasons Beatings from The Krypt-Keeper 5 was a substantial, 28-track package of punk covers, originals, re-workings and Christmas classics.

Featuring the vocal stylings and ivory work of a man you may be familiar with; sculptor, mask-dork, punch-technician and friend of The Shindig, Mikey Rotella.

Rhythming it up behind him were bassist and 4th Keeper Chuck Hendershot (aka Klaus Satan Von Chudberg), Timmy “Tiny Timminy Grinch” Estes slinging a six-string, and Todd Russell Parker McCulloch filling in with drum fills, guitar licks and just about anything else required.

They even played a couple of shows which, for any of the poor souls trapped in the Monongahela Valley, was probably the freshest air they’d ever breathed. Unfortunately, The Shindig never got to see them perform live, as it had moved on to the good life out in California’s beautiful San Fernando Valley by 2005. However, we can all pretend like we were there thanks to the miracle of modern video.

Yeah, that’s great an all, but the last time I checked this was Halloween Shindig. Why the fuck are we sitting here, 3 days before Halloween, talking about a goddamn Christmas album?

Well, that’s because buried deep within this seasonal offering is another kind of festive shanty, and it’s the 5’s take on a Halloween Classic, The Monster Mash.

And when Monessen’s own sons, The Krypt-Keeper 5, take on All-Star Boris Pickett’s seminal Halloween hit, there’s nothing but room for them on Halloween Shindig.

So, c’mon Weeners! Join Dracula, his son….and the wolfmaaan…for this take on the timeless graveyard smash.

 

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Monster Shindig

TRACK #122:

Monster Shindig by Danny Hutton

The last time I checked this was a fucking shindig.

But what is a shindig, exactly?

Well, Merriam-Webster defines shindig as follows:

ˈSHinˌdiɡ/
noun informal

  1. a social gathering with dancing
  2. a usually large or lavish party

Google definitions had this to add:

  1. a large, lively party, especially one celebrating something.

Now, if you listen to any of the turkeys over at Urban Dictionary, they’d all have you believe a shindig is a small affair, consisting of anywhere from 5 to 20 people. One bozo even suggests it can contain no more than 12!

That’s why Webster’s is Webster’s and these idiot kids are logged into Urban Dictionary from their mom’s laptop.

No one better try curtailing our shindig, particularly not because some dildo in the cafeteria uses it improperly. No, we’re going definitive with our socially lavish and lively gathering that’s celebrating something.

And around here, that something is Halloween, which encompasses jack-o-Lanterns, trick or tricking and and all sorts of spooky shit of a generalized nature. That definitely includes Monsters.

From Hanna-Barbera’s 1965 record of the same name, Monster Shindig looks to muscle in on Boris Pickett’s racket by throwing their characters Super-Snooper and Blabber Mouse into the mix, stumbling upon just this type of haunted jamboree.

The cat and mouse team doesn’t show up in the song however, leaving this bizarro tune free to roam around the streets on Halloween night.

So, let’s have a party…big big big and kick-off the second half of our playlist right, with another kind of shindig, performed here by Danny Hutton, who some of you may know as one third of Three Dog Night.

Bring a ghoul-friend and go berserk!

 

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The Monster Mash

TRACK #117:

The Monster Mash by Bobby “Boris” Pickett and The Crypt Kickers

Around Halloween, dozens of internet outlets will cough up a dozen or so songs they think you ought to play at your Halloween party. The more enterprising sort might even toss you a couple you didn’t think of or haven’t heard before. The too-cool-for-ghoul-school nitwits’ll even attempt to buck convention with some underground hits which barely qualify and have little to no business playing at your party.

Invariably though, most Halloween playlist fakers tell ya the one thing you should never even consider playing at your party is The Monster Mash; so horrifically lame, so dreadfully passé.

I read one list that even had the audacity to claim it didn’t conjure up any feelings of fright. Are you serious? It’s a novelty song…about a bunch of monsters…having a party. Of course it doesn’t conjure up any feelings of fright you fuckin’ nimrod, it’s a joke.

They also went on to suggest I play Disturbia by Rhianna.

They shouldn’t be allowed to make Halloween party playlists and they certainly shouldn’t come up on the first page of a Google search.

Moreover, they included The Freaks Come Out At Night by Whodini. Who-fuckin-Dini! They have a song called The Haunted House of Rock, which is played at a Halloween Dance in a movie titled Trick Or Treat. F minus to your bullshit suggestions.

These people are idiots. Don’t listen to them.

Is The Monster Mash played out? Of course it is. It’s 50 fucking years old and the only time anyone ever plays it is at Halloween.

Can you’re Oct. 31st spare 3 and half measly minutes for The Monster Mash? Yes it can and you should take off your fucking mask in reverence for the Halloween National Anthem. The fucking heathens…..skip The Monster Mash….skip your passing interest in a holiday that didn’t need your bogus suggestions. Can’t even find The Shindig in a Google search on the matter and I get these bozos telling me to pass on The Monster Mash.

Ok, if you’re offering up 10 suggestions, I can seeing glazing over it in lieu of a few songs that people are less familiar with. Should have made it 13 songs and showed a little class. Even still, what’s 13 songs? You throwing a party for an hour?

Saw a list of 25 once. Could have just made it 31 and been a bit more festive. Still ain’t handling the job of party DJ.

That’s why Halloween Shindig exists, to rebuke these johnny-come-latelies and offer up a list of serious suggestions; to encompass all and handle the task at hand. Does anyone need a 12 hour Halloween playlist? Probably not but it’s here and growing longer each year. I hope to one day have 24 hours worth so your Halloween couldn’t possibly fit anymore music.

You only need to fill 4 hours? We’ll hook you up 3 times over again. Only want a party filled with Monster Raps? No problem. Here’s 2 hours worth.

Is Love Is A Lie very Halloweeny? Not at all but it’s in Friday 4 when Crispin Glover dances like an idiot and that’s the kinda Halloween party some people are throwing. Not your Shindig? There’s 230 other songs to pick from but it should be represented, just like The fucking Monster Mash should be represented.

To hell with your non-festive, non-referential garbage pop. Play that shit at your wedding. Tonight is Halloween and you should be playing the goddamn Monster Mash.

 

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The Monster Squad

TRACK #116:

The Monster Squad by The Monster Squad

Since we all know and have just addressed with whom you’d contact over telephone wires should it become apparent that you in fact have harmful apparitions approaching, let’s task listeners with a similar question:

Yeah, but who do you call when you have Monsters?

That’s right. And at last we come to The Monster Squad. From the very first CD in 2002, The Monster Squad has been a permanent fixture of Halloween Shindig and remains one of my favorite selections on the playlist.

Granted, I may be a bit biased but this song is representing hard. Let’s check the stats:

  1. Is it about a horror movie?
    Check, it’s about the goddamn Monster Squad.
  2. Ah, yes, but is it in the movie?  
    In it? Motherfucker, it’s the Title Track. Triple check that shit.
  3. We talkin’ bout Monsters? 
    Fuck yeah we are. It’s like a goddamn monster mash up in this motherfucker. Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolfman, the Mummy, the Creature from the Black Lagoon. That’s the big five, son. Throw in some sexy vampire chicks, a grotesque bat transformation and a werewolf exploding out of the sky and you’ve got some real monster shit on lock. Check + to Monster Song.

What more could you ask for? Well, they even mention Halloween too. Sure, it’s to illustrate how this ain’t Halloween (or some phony deal) but we’ll just look that other way on that one. They say Halloween and damn it if that ain’t all that matters sometimes.

Now all of that sounds like a Referentially Inclusive Monster Halloween Title Track to me, gang.

That’s Great Pumpkin status right there.

And it’s a Monster Rap to boot? Holy shit, is there anything this song can’t do?

One of the most ridiculous tracks you can imagine, The Monster Squad was suspiciously recorded by some anonymous collective of Hip-Hop Demigods that chose to remain nameless. What?!

Why the hell anyone would elect to do this is so far beyond the scope of my imagination it boarders on madness. If I was responsible for this song I’d put it on every job application I ever filled out.

  • 2 years as an Assistant Hanger Inspector for Sears and Roebuck.
  • 4 months as a Substitute Wigsmith at The Downtown Clownery.
  • Oh yeah and I wrote the motherfucking Monster Squad Rap. What’s up?

From a time when everyone thought something like this was a really great idea,  The Monster Squad (for anyone thinking otherwise) is a really great idea.

It’s is pretty whack? Yeah, I guess so. If you wanna be a jerk about it.

Is it poorly conceived and equally executed? Yeah, I suppose I’d have to concede that fact too, if you really want this to be a frank discussion about musical integrity.

But fuck that discussion and fuck you for wanting it pal, cause this song fucking rules. It’s a rap song about a group of kids fighting The Universal Monsters. Oh, did you not catch that? It’s a rap song about a group of kids fighting The Universal Monsters. Whomever is responsible for this song should be a cultural icon. They should have a fucking Grammy and an Academy Award.

Instead,  (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing took the honor that year. All right, fair enough. Maybe that’s a better song, but it lacks the lyric:

“We don’t wanna hang with the walking dead, so we gotta kick some monster butt instead.”

What’s up now, Academy of Arts and Sciences?

Looking into this travesty further, I discovered the competition that year was actually pretty stiff. Check this shit out:

Damn, that’s a solid 80’s line-up right there. Maybe I spoke too soon. Still, it should have been nominated at the absolute least. Who the hell is still talking about Cry Freedom 26 years later?

No one, that’s who.

But I digress.

An interesting side note to this song: the original version I had on the 2002 CD was pulled from my old VHS copy of Monster Squad. Incidentally, this was later signed by Tom “The Gillman” Woodruff Jr. Coincidence? I like to think not.

This version of the song contained the line:

“First came Dracula, now the Wolfman too, The Mummy and the Gillman swimming in the pool.”

What? Why did that roll call just fall the fuck apart?

Hear that sample below:

I always thought this was a pretty strange and horrendous line, particularly when they could have just as simply said “and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.”

But I guess they couldn’t say “and the Creature from the Black Lagoon,” for the home video release. Damn copyrights.

All things considered, that’s not a bad save. Syllabically sound, it even sort of rhymes, at least no more or less than the original false rhyme.  But damn is it silly. Who the fuck is the Gillman? Why are they calling The Creature from the Black Lagoon “The Gillman?” And why is he in the pool? Did I miss a scene where he climbs out of a pool? Why did he just say that?

Upon upgrading the tune for better quality many years later when The Monster Squad finally saw a DVD release, I noticed the line was suddenly changed to “and the Creature From The Black Lagoon” and I thought “Shit, that must have been the original lyric. How about that.” Now, I just feel sort of nostalgic for the old, butchered scab.

But I’ve spoken too verbosely about all of this as is, so let’s just make with the goods, huh?

One of my favorite songs on the playlist from one of my favorite movies of all time. Here it is….The Monster Squad.

 

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It’s Alive

TRACK #78:

It’s Alive by Bobby “Boris” Pickett

Cause you can’t not follow that sample with anything else.

Right on the heels of one Frankenstein song comes this lesser known effort from Bobby “Boris” Pickett.

As stated previously, Bobby tried to recreate his Monster Mash success several times over the course of his career. File this one under the “Heavy Metal” attempt, though there’s little metal going on here.

Finding information on this track is a bit tricky but it seems to have originated off the Dr. Demento show.

Bobby has brought his (actual?) son along for the ride, who takes his own stab dear old dad’s monster making.

He creates a monster that’s the right shade of green and ready for some rocking. And even though he was implanted with a brain labeled, as Fritz claims, “Musician: heavy metal, not blues,” the song is a certainly a far cry from anything resembling metal.

It’s a Shindigger all the same, and how could it not be? Anytime Bobby Pickett decides to sing about monsters rocking out, we gotta represent.